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Support Wife doesn't want a sisterwife

Everyone has made extremely good points and I know I have personal work to do. Personal improvements are life long and I appreciate the constructive criticism. I intend read through this as soon as I have a chance to sit down and focus so I can take some notes while doing some self reflection.
I know I can handle things better than I do and do a better job of "steering the ship" and learn to use situations that come up to be lessons, not just for myself but my house.
I really wish I was taught all this at a younger age. How much better could we be as men if we were taught real life skills including everything you guys (and gals) have mentioned if we learned them earlier? Then again maturity has something to do with these skills as well.
 
JPR said:
Everyone has made extremely good points and I know I have personal work to do. Personal improvements are life long and I appreciate the constructive criticism. I intend read through this as soon as I have a chance to sit down and focus so I can take some notes while doing some self reflection.
I know I can handle things better than I do and do a better job of "steering the ship" and learn to use situations that come up to be lessons, not just for myself but my house.
I really wish I was taught all this at a younger age. How much better could we be as men if we were taught real life skills including everything you guys (and gals) have mentioned if we learned them earlier? Then again maturity has something to do with these skills as well.
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That's a good mature response. Congratulations.
 
JPR said:
yea, I try to make it a point to be calm but sometimes I just want to go boxing! It's like a day of bad weather and the constant fight on the specific topic is exhausting. In some ways I hope no one comes along and we don't take a second, life is just simpler that way, but I understand, calm and smooth, let God know the rest.
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And inexorable, a river flows calmly but unrelentingly. Many times you don’t even realize you’re moving until you notice where you are in relation to where you were. Rivers don’t force you to go with them, they just assume you are and act accordingly. If you fight the river you’re just going to get exhausted and the river will keep flowing. Be the river.
 
...I know I can handle things better than I do and do a better job of "steering the ship" and learn to use situations that come up to be lessons, not just for myself but my house....
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JPR said:
...the bottom line is I don't feel comfortable discussing the poly stuff with her anymore because we always come back to the same thing, "This is not the life style I saw for myself", "I feel like I have to break who I am to live this life style", "I feel like in the bible women are a little better than slaves".
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Just wait until she wakes up and see what Big Brother and His Satanic Master have planned:

Not just a masks, lockdowns, poison mRNA injections, and economic destruction. The dollar is dead already, anyway.

Not just WW III. Not just the well-orchestrated intended Civil War 2.0.

And not just the Mark of the Beast.

I bet those aren't the "lifestyle she saw for herself," either.

Welcome to the real world.

You won't survive it - she won't survive it - your children won't survive it - your house won't survive it - without Him, and walking in obedience to His Word. As Written. It's past time to try to understand what that means for "you and your house."

Sorry: but we have been warned. And what is coming is here. "Itching ears" aren't gonna cut it.
 
I realize after re-reading some of the replies I missed a couple and I think I missed some points.

@bfoster I don't know that I'm eager, and as I have said, I don't have any potential candidates thus far. I think it is more that I don't like being on the same page. Though over the years she has gotten closer. When I first brought it up she was dead set against it. Using the animal analogy, it was like trying to lead a horse through a new area and the horse bucking and pulling. Gladually over time she has come at accept it's not a sin and has in recient days said, "If God sends someone then will go from there and make the best of it." and she has said, "If we end up with a 2nd I want to be the best SW I can be". But we end up in little spats here and there where she doesn't understand why anyone would even want another and I have explained that if we ever found anyone that I believe we could be a blessing to her and her to us. Obviously and periodically we go over various scenarios.

I guess the day I made the post I was feeling really worn down. Maybe it was a attack on me spiritually, maybe I was just exhausted, I'm not totally sure. I and we are doing better and feel better today and I think the last few months or so with the "other lady" has had it's toll on us, but we learn, we talk, and we move forward.

Maybe this is another exercise God has for me in patience, communications, self reflection to further improve leadership skills.

@steve I have read your post multiple times. Positive reinforcement is a skill I need to improve for sure and I see the points you made and frankly I am still chewing on them in the sense that I am trying to make sense of how to apply positive reinforcement into my situations. Using a animal or child training anology, in general, they do something wrong you would then give them negative feedback. They do something right you would give positive feedback and I guess I have always stuggled with controlling the narative and turning something negative into something positive in order to get a positive outcome.
Regating...
But you sound ready to give up, you already stated what your choice will be if the the marriage fails.
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I've never been ready to give up on my marriage. I fight and keep on fighting. One thing I can do pretty easily is hold stead to what I believe in and persavere, though I won't say it is super easy, but I can be very persistent and I would continue to fight until I thought there was no reason to continue to fight or rather let go but as I said, I don't really ever see that happening. We're both pretty stubborn and in the right ways, at least I think so.

Everyone has given me a lot to think about. Stuff I'll likely be re-reading a multiple times.

@MemeFan It is how she was brought up. We were both taught it is a sin and as she has stated, she has had to re-wire her brain to accept that it is not. It is a difficult thing to go against something you've been trained all your life. Progress is being made, I guess I get frustrated that while I accepted it so quickly it is taking her so long and if I'm the leader then why will she not follow and after reading over all these posts everyone has made I realize that while I am the leader I have some leadership skills that need to be improved, refined and some new skills to learn, but that is life. Skills are always being improved and refined. As soon as we think we have nothing left to learn we're either lying to ourselves or we're dead.

@Mark C Yea I try to keep up with what is going on in politics, but too a degree, I found myself getting bitter and agry when I checked in every day, but her and I do discuss it periodically.
We don't agree with masks, they just don't work and even the ones that do work are not healthy to keep on all the time. Our house did not get vaccinated. We did have covid go through the house but Ivermectin helped it not get out of hand and amazingly our daughter with disabilities didn't get sick at all!
But yea, you make good points. We don't always get to do what we invisioned for ourselves, we have to be willing to move, go with the flow to a degree unless that flow is in the wrong direction.
But regarding all you wrote, we agree completely!
 
I can only imagine that your wife thinks 15 years is a long time as well. 15 years of listening to her husband go on and on about how he wants to sleep with other women...

This is what our female brain will interpret, regardless of whether this is what you're really saying. Women by nature are monogamous; feelings of insecurity, jealousy, and selfishness come naturally with this mindset. It's a battle that nearly every woman on this earth faces.

There are very few places where the grass will be greener. It is off-putting on so many levels for a man to speak of leaving his wife, especially for experiencing emotions that are normal for women, and it emphasizes one of the reasons why your wife could be struggling to overcome these feelings so much.
 
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theleastofthese said:
Women by nature are monogamous; feelings of insecurity, jealousy, and selfishness come naturally with this mindset. It's a battle that nearly every woman on this earth faces.
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Are they inherently monogamous? Or have they been deluded by modern monogamous teaching, particularly in western culture, as being the standard for every woman? I feel that plays a very large role.
 
NBTX11 said:
Are they inherently monogamous? Or have they been deluded by modern monogamous teaching, particularly in western culture, as being the standard for every woman? I feel that plays a very large role.
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Yes they are. They were created to be the helper for A man. Not to have many masters.
 
NBTX11 said:
Are they inherently monogamous?
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You don't believe that women are inherently monogamous? If not, that sucks for most men, then. Scripture speaks of polygany, not polygamy, for a reason.
NBTX11 said:
Or have they been deluded by modern monogamous teaching, particularly in western culture, as being the standard for every woman? I feel that plays a very large ro
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It's easy to blame western culture, but I think you'd be hard-pressed to find any woman in any culture that doesn't or hasn't experienced these very same emotions.

Many of these so-called traditional/submissive cultures are run by matriarchy from the inside out. Many of these cultures that western men are led to believe are superior to those of the west are actually matriarchy-centered in their own ways and polygany would be completely off the table in those cultures as well.
 
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NBTX11 said:
Are they inherently monogamous? Or have they been deluded by modern monogamous teaching, particularly in western culture, as being the standard for every woman? I feel that plays a very large role.
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NickF said:
Yes they are. They were created to be the helper for A man. Not to have many masters.
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There are two points here. The women have been taught that their husbands should be monogamous. This appeals to their own sensibilities because as Nick points out their own nature is to want one husband.
If they can get past that, women (at least some) are wired for a larger community in family and can thrive with a sisterwife.
 
theleastofthese said:
There are very few places where the grass will be greener. It is off-putting on so many levels for a man to speak of leaving his wife, especially for experiencing emotions that are normal for women, and it emphasizes one of the reasons why your wife could be struggling to overcome these feelings so much.
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JPR said:
I've never been ready to give up on my marriage. I fight and keep on fighting. One thing I can do pretty easily is hold stead to what I believe in and persavere, though I won't say it is super easy, but I can be very persistent and I would continue to fight until I thought there was no reason to continue to fight or rather let go but as I said, I don't really ever see that happening. We're both pretty stubborn and in the right ways, at least I think so.
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@theleastofthese I think you might have jumped to a negative assumption about @JPR's desire to make his marriage work in a moment of weariness. I waited 15 years for my sister to be willing to visit me in my home and meet my sister wife for the first time. It was very hard for her to accept my life choice. I thought many times of just distancing myself from any relationship with her, it wouldn't have been all that hard because we lived in different states, since she tended to make me feel like I was a weak woman and Christian almost every time I did see her because I chose to stay with my husband. Thankfully, God and my husband helped me show unconditional love to her through those years, and moments of weariness, and now she is able to converse about my "whole" family and has spent time in my home on several occasions. I am sure you have something in your own life that is taking a lot longer than you thought it would at the beginning to be resolved or be in a better place. Thankfully, God is not on our timeline and he knows the perfect time for all things to "work together for His purposes."

theleastofthese said:
This is what our female brain will interpret, regardless of whether this is what you're really saying. Women by nature are monogamous; feelings of insecurity, jealousy, and selfishness come naturally with this mindset. It's a battle that nearly every woman on this earth faces.
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I have to agree with @NBTX11 that it is more about our cultural upbringing deceiving us than what is "natural' to us. It would seem odd to me that God would allow and even say it to be a blessing to be given to a man (King David) but make our natures have a predisposition against it? The Enemy is very happy to convince us otherwise and leave us wading in the muck of entitlement, control and fear. It is definitely a long journey of "renewing of our minds" and "taking captive our wrong thoughts" as we learn and mature in what God stays is truth. Yet, in the 27 years of being in the plural marriage community, I have met quite a few women who just didn't want to do the work to mature and grow. I can only pray that @JPR 's wife will continue to grow and mature, with the help of her husband, as they both walk in the things God has put before them. It certainly sounds like that is what you are doing from your other posts, which is a wonderful thing.
 
julieb said:
I think you might have jumped to a negative assumption about @JPR's desire to make his marriage work in a moment of weariness.
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I understand, I considered this as well before making my comment but decided on making it anyway because it wasn't intended to be a jab at someone in a moment of weakness (I have my own struggles, as you pointed out). I meant it more as an observation from an outside-female perspective; I pray it's only taken as such.
 
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theleastofthese said:
You don't believe that women are inherently monogamous? If not, that sucks for most men, then. Scripture speaks of polygany, not polygamy, for a reason.

It's easy to blame western culture, but I think you'd be hard-pressed to find any woman in any culture that doesn't or hasn't experienced these very same emotions.

Many of these so-called traditional/submissive cultures are run by matriarchy from the inside out. Many of these cultures that western men are led to believe are superior to those of the west are actually matriarchy-centered. This paradise—where truly submissive women exist—is actually led by women, women who share similar emotions to every other woman on earth, and I believe they would exhibit these very same behaviors if polygany was on the table, especially if you added job opportunities to the mix such as western women have.
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You’re misunderstanding me. I meant that women mistakenly believe their husband was to be monogamous based on being deluded by modern teaching. I thought this was clear in my post but I guess I wasn’t.
 
Joleneakamama said:
There are two points here. The women have been taught that their husbands should be monogamous. This appeals to their own sensibilities because as Nick points out their own nature is to want one husband.
If they can get past that, women (at least some) are wired for a larger community in family and can thrive with a sisterwife.
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Exactly what I was getting at, Jolene.
 
NBTX11 said:
You’re misunderstanding me. I meant that women mistakenly believe their husband was to be monogamous based on being deluded by modern teaching. I thought this was clear in my post but I guess I wasn’t.
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There are many pastors that are also deluded.
 
@theleastofthese I would agree with that regarding most women being monogamous by nature. We have discussed it many times and most the time that seems to be the only thing she thinks about is how she would feel while I'm sleeping in the other bedroom if that is what ends up happening.
As for the "off-putting", I'm not even sure what you mean by that and I never meant to imply that I intended on leaving. I see her heart, she is a really good woman, huge heart, full of love but she was raised like the rest of us and told that anything outside of one-man one-woman is adultery. It has taken me this long to get through to her and it has been a rough road!!!! I have no intentions of leaving or letting her go. I see her value and her worth and I appreciate her value and worth and IF someone came along that liked our family dynamics (which let's be honest is a minuscule minority) I could see her blessing the second and I would hope the second would bless her and if they weren't I would either have to figure out how to get them to work together or it couldn't work, but I have no intentions of letting her go. My thought was more of her not being able to handle the whole idea of polygyny and seeking government assistance to attempt to dissolve our union, but I really don't see that happening.
In the past few days we've had some pretty good talks about it all. I don't see anyone coming along or finding anyone but she has the mindset of if anyone does come along that she will make the best of it.

Women have been lied to and brain washed in western culture for sure. They watch movies and see a man that is crazy in love with and only has eyes for one woman. Look at the marriage vows, "... Forsake all others". Makes sense for the women, not so much for the men and doesn't do either any justice.
Flip that coin around and imagine a culture where women are raised knowing that it is normal for men to seek a or many additional wives, where movies are made that portray a man having 2 or 3 wives, then women wouldn't have this mindset that they do today.
Look at what is happening in TV shows and movies now days. Most the time the man is made to look like a complete idiot, unable to manage his family, the woman having a stronger mind set, more emotionally stable, the women don't act like idiots. They are indirectly teaching women that men are stupid childish morons.

@julieb yes, when I made the first post that day I was feeling completely run over, run down, worn out, you name in, I was just spent.
However after that day and my venting the conversations have opened back up and scripture is being dug into and biblical definitions are being defined and I don't feel so worn down anymore, though with all the interruptions we have not as of yet been able to sit down and discuss everything, but in time we will. Today we discussed submissiveness, each other's expectations and what is written regarding submissiveness.
It really got to her when she found out Pete Rambo was having his wives call him Lord and Sir. I don't really expect that, I believe it is a title that is earned, but even then I don't expect that. I'm not sure why Sarah called Abraham Lord but I suspect that she had that much respect for him and as such showed it by calling him Lord, but that is my interpretation.
Again @julieb I have no idea what God has in store for us, I hope one day to figure it out. The only thing I know for sure is polygyny has been on my mind and heart for 15+ years, the only message my wife received from God was, "Work on yourself" and thus far that is about it but I believe we are making progress, slowly, but progress. In the beginning she was dead set against the polygyny life style because she believed it was a sin. Now she sees that it isn't and is at a point where she is willing to make the best of having a SW, but I think she still has some "renewing" to do, but frankly we are all constantly trying to improve ourselves when we see where work needs to be done. Such is life.

There are many pastors that are also deluded.
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I think this is a understatement. It AMAZES me that these people studied the bible and can call having more than one wife a sin. Is it ignorance or deliberate? I could actually see it being deliberate so as to go along with the societal narrative, to appease their wives and to appease the population just to get people through the door and to avoid answering to multiple women and other citizens why polygyny is acceptable when society says it is not.
Not to mention those single women without a man are more defenseless, easier to control and manipulate just by simple telling them, "You don't need a man, you can do xyz all on your own", "You can get money from the government and child support for your children" which weakens the family unit and leaves not just the women but the children open to further manipulation.
I think part of it is they don't want to have to put up a fight. By ignoring the fact that responsible polygyny is not a sin they are avoiding a pretty serious battle that would show up at their door step.
However, with that said, if they did put up a fight and won (which how could they not) and managed to keep the doors open I think their congregation, while it would shrink at first would gradually get VERY large. Then again people don't like hearing the truth, so that could very well be it for them too. That would be in God's court I think, though it would be a major trial.

Ecclesiastes 1:18
For with much wisdom comes much sorrow; the more knowledge, the more grief.

Anyhow, just know that my wife and I are very committed and stubborn. We don't just give up, we love each other and we've stuck it out all these years and plan to stick it out the rest of our lives and while some of what I post may unintentionally portray that she's a pain in the back side, she is not, she just holds VERY strongly to what she believes is truth and has a difficult time accepting a differing truth from what she knows but she is coming around and we have a open line of communication now.
I will not however say that there will not be bumps or hurtles in the road but I do know we will make it through.

As a side note, I did buy Pete's two books, I haven't read them yet but they are sitting on my desk. My wife read a chapter, it made her quite mad that it is not considered adultery if a man sleeps around but is if a woman does. I had to break that down for her a bit, but if there are other resources you guys have in mind feel free to let me know.
As for the women's group, I have brought it up but she is not ready yet. She is afraid that if she joins the group that everyone will try to brainwash, manipulate or belittle her, so with enough time I might be able to get her to at least give it a try.
 
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