Welcome, Wandering Sheep:
I see this is your first post. Glad you spoke up. We all look forward to getting acquainted.
I'll leave the wives to answer about their own feelings, but thought I'd attempt an address a couple of other issues.
wanderingsheep said:
I understand the idea of not being alone but don't you ever feel lonely ...
For what it's worth, there are 9 people in my house -- me, a wife, her 4 children, a child's spouse, a grandbaby, and my adopted son. And
I'm lonely at times. There have been other times while alone working in a strange city where I wasn't lonely in the least. Is it possible that loneliness is more of an internal state than one determined by circumstances? I think so.
- especially at night in your room by yourself knowing your husband is with someone else you "care" about. I understand wanting to be loved and wanting to have someone there for you - but isn't being a number discounting your worth. Is your love for others greater than your love for yourself?
I'm a man, and speaking as such, so take my observation as you will, but ... First, I guess you can look at the cup as 3/4 full or 1/4 empty, right? Having the wholehearted love of your husband, every bit as much as if you WERE the only woman in the world, and yet in a male-healthy way (rather than a dime-store romance novel obsession) should fill up the cup about half way, don't you think?
And is having a great friend in another woman to share life with when hubby has his attention turned outward, as we men do, a bonus to help fill the cup further?
Then again, having private time with your husband some of the time has to be better than being alone all the time doesn't it? Shoot! I know of wives who say it's a great idea because they could USE a bit of alone time themselves.
Some even say that their cup isn't 3/4 full, it overflows!
And finally, the wife of my youth left several years ago. Sometime later God graced me with my current wife, CindyW. I still consider them both to be my wives. I pray for them each daily, etc. I don't think of them or present them to God as #1 and #2, but as my wives, by name, my blessings direct from Him.
I
have known men who seemed to be obsessed with numbers. I'm thinking of one whose wife told me that she felt like a quarter on one of those cards where you're 'posed to collect all 50 states. *sigh* But bedpost-notching is not any more likely or unlikely in a poly man than in a mono man or an uncommitted bachelor. If you court a man and sense that to be his attitude, regardless of his mono/poly thinking, I as another man suggest that you run, not walk, to the nearest exit. If, however, he sees you as a separate adorable individual, interesting and worthy of love and attention and provision and all that good stuff, feel free to join his tribe. (Hint: Look at how he treats his existing wife or wives. Can't do that with a single man!)
I do not ask these questions to disturb or stir up contention, I ask in innocent blatant honesty of wanting to know your true feelings.
Understood, and accepted in that spirit.
Isn't it better for a woman to wait, live righteously, and leave it in the Lord's hands/ ... as nice as it would be to have love and be part of a household with a caring loving husband, a father for my children it may not always be what God wants in our life at the moment.
SOUNDS right. That's what the churches teach. And certainly the desire to live righteous is the right desire. But applying that statement to our lives? That all depends on what righteous living MEANS, does it not? Are we willing to accept a given church's definition thereof, when there are so very many denominations teaching so very many differing doctrines? Or is it better to get God's take on the subject directly from the Bible?
Assuming the latter, here are a few things that God's Word says He wants in your life all the time.
- It is NOT good for man(kind) to be alone. I'm agonna fix dat. NOW. -- Gen 2:18 paraphrased
- I don't mess about. I put the lonely into families. -- Ps 68:5,6 paraphrased
- Younger (than 60) single ladies (the ones that WERE married / in a relationship that shoulda been a marriage, but no longer are)? Get married. -- 1Tim 5:14 paraphrased
With apologies, Paul had some ideas about folks during tough times, but he also wrote that last. God? His will is pretty plain. He desires us to live in familes, of the married variety (not single).
But what of the "wait on Him" idea. Sounds so holy, right? Except ... there are more women than men. Usually are unless someone is doing a social experiment like China, where they kill the baby girls. So then what? Does God make an exception for the "excess" women? Love them less? Who wants to volunteer to be an excess? Did they? You? So what are His options?
- Wash his hands of us? After all He's up there and we're down here?
- Change the natural law so it now IS good to be alone?
- Bump off excess females? Any volunteers?
- Make more men from the dirt? There's lots of that around.
- Control conception so the numbers stay even?
- All humans born male, but take a nap, lose a rib, and gain a mate once they've matured enough? For some of us, that would be a looooooong time!
- All born androgynous and at the appropriate age we eat an apple or a mango and gain differentiation?
- All born hermaphrodite, so two sexes aren't necessary?
- Say "You two, make a family. And you three? Do the same." Oh wait! That one's all through the Bible!
Which leaves me with the idea that whether or not PM is the perfect ideal, it is indeed God's perfect provision for our imperfect world, just as a Step-father in your children's lives may not be as ideal as a biological one, but it is a perfect provision when the original is not available.
Sorry for going on so long. Hope this helps with some of your misgivings.
