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Sister Wives

Doc

Member
Real Person
If any of you have been following the first few weeks of TLC's new reality show, "Sister Wives", then you will probably agree with me that it has been surprisingly even handed in its portrayal of a modern day plural family dealing with real life, day-to-day issues.

Setting aside the religious component (the Browns are fundamentalist Mormons), what things have you learned or discovered in watching the broadcast? Are there ideas or suggestions that you see in the Brown's family situation that may be a positive or a negative as you pursue your own plural family?

The topic is wide open to discuss anything related to the program EXCEPT those dealing with the Brown's faith. I want this thread to focus more on the practical aspects of plural marriage.
 
I will kick things off with a first question:

What do you think of Kody's practice of rotating between the separate living areas of the wives? Would there ever be a time where it would be better for the husband to have his own bedroom/living area?
 
Hummm, I certainly think it might be useful for him to have one large closet with all of his clothes in it, instead of having to move from one closet in one part of the house to another because he has his clothes in different places. As for him having his own bed? I rather the way they do it than the practise some people have of women going to the place where the man sleeps.
 
No man cave?

DocInFL said:
What do you think of Kody's practice of rotating between the separate living areas of the wives? Would there ever be a time where it would be better for the husband to have his own bedroom/living area?

I was surprised that he did not have a home office or some other place he could go and be by himself. Of course let's be real, we have not seen much of the life. Most of it is commenting on life.
 
Yeah you would think he has a place he can go to get some time for himself.. A camper out back for instance ;) jk. I think that separate living spaces are fine, and esp separate sleeping quarters..They need something sacred between the two of them, no matter what two of them it maybe :)
 
If a man chooses to have 4 wives, who says he has the right to any time for himself. He has a family to care for. I don't get time to myself. I bet not one of those women gets any time to herself.
 
but a guy needs to at least have a dog house :D
 
Oh how far we get from the origin of things...

Consider this definition:

master bedroom  –noun
-a principal bedroom in a house or apartment, usually the largest, typically occupied by the person or persons who head the household.

-Dictionary .com
 
All hail the great dictionary definition has spoken! I don't like the idea of a 'Master' bedroom any more than I like the idea of a bedroom poly families just use for sex, I have a close relationship with my bed, it is a place that is comforting, moving around to me would feel cheapening but it might not be the same for men. Most of the happier Poly families I know do it the way of the Browns so there must be something in it, even if it is only due to lack of space.

Bels
 
I am not saying that all of the wives would have to go to their husbands room if they decide to alternate nights with him. The point is that, as the head of the home....at least give the guy his own space. How would us women feel if our belongings were scattered aborad in different parts of the house...or even in different houses? As mom (who has to keep track of children), I love to be organized and have my belongings assessible. How much more so, should the head of house be able to have the same type of mental and practical organization for his life?
 
After 16 years with 3 wives I would think that he'd have the clothing thing down by now! Or at least one of the wives could coordinate it for him.
 
sweetlissa said:
If a man chooses to have 4 wives, who says he has the right to any time for himself. He has a family to care for. I don't get time to myself. I bet not one of those women gets any time to herself.

I totally agree!
 
wifeone said:
How much more so, should the head of house be able to have the same type of mental and practical organization for his life?

How much does he need it? We have no evidence that he takes on any more than is seen. For all we know, even the administrative duties in the house could be done by any of the wives, he works long hours he probably doesn't want to deal with sorting out bills and other financial things also. Besides, his quiet time might be out in the garden or perhaps he goes for a drive somewhere, we don't know, all we do know is that he has lived like this for 16+ years I am sure if he wanted his own little room he would have it by now.

Bels
 
Dear Wifeone,
Thank you for your insight to an issue that I believe plagues polyworld. That problem is the issue of Biblical relationship in the family, regardless of size. Headship is essential to successful family living whether there is one or more wives. Kody Brown may be a nice guy, but he is not a good example of a husband. He is one player in a democratic family society. The husband ought to have some place, or space to himself to enable him to be alone with God, to commune with his own soul that he may be the MAN for his family. God holds the husband responsible for the family, not the wives. He is the one that will answer to God for how he leads his family. I encourage all the folks on BF to not get too caught up in this TV show. There may be some benefit to observing but please do not forget that their whole foundation is "THE PRINCIPLE". This is not the same foundation for non-Mormon folks. Things will not be the same. It is essential for a husband to be a godly man of God, a strong leader and rock for his family. I see Kody as being less than that. Headship and leadership in the husband are necessary for wives to be able to function comfortably and safely.
 
Regarding this new series, I truly am enjoying all the insights into the plural family life. As each of our individual families have our own specific callings on them. God as we all know never creates any two individuals, nor any two families exactally alike. What works for one family, may not work for all families, as we all have our own struggles & victories. For the most part, we all have our own "issues or time issues, schedules," to work with on a daily basis. As our needs/issues can change daily or monthly, etc. We have yet to see all of this particular families daily living issues they may have & struggle with at any given time. For the most part, outside of what may be expected issues in a pm family, they all do seem to have a good, loving & respectful family unity among them all. Nothing in life is ever easy or without problems,or issues that need to be dealt with. Life is a learning journey and struggle at times. It seems as though that Kody and his family Keep on Keeping on with God and eachother to the best of their abilities with God's leading.

Btw, I like Kody's choice of clothing and his wives. But that's just my humble simple perspective, lol! I do get an overall healthy, joyous and positive perspective from Kody's family. Not a perfect family, as none of us are, but a humble loving one just struggling at times along the path that God has them on. As far as wondering about having a good/as equal as possible amount of time with his wives, I guess thats for them to figure out, as to what works best for them. They seem to do a fairly good job of balancing their time with one another, as Kody's second wife Janelle has shared that he is good with spending time with each of his wives, and meeting their personal needs, etc.

And as many of us mothers when having more than one child knows, we all learn to balance our love & time with our kiddos, so pm families should strive to learn to balance their time as well. Kody's family does seem to be working on this, especially with the adding of Robyn to the family. Look at the Duggar family, one mom/wife with 19 kiddos! They all pull together with the work load, daily shedules, etc to help one another out & for the parents to give love & attention to each of their kids to the best of their abilities. Are any of us, weather mono or poly ever really able to always balance our time & love equally? Of course not, but it should be a constant striving with God's help, mercy, grace & love to do so. All of us do deserve a " a little free time here & there," as long as it's in Godly balance & moderation without neglecting our husbands & families needs first & foremost. It's a fine line, a balancing act to seek out God's will in this through prayer & His leading of course. But none the less, we all can manage to have some alone time to study, pray, praise our heavenly father, coffee & fellowship with family & friends, etc, without hurting our families or taking too much time away from them. Again it's a matter of Godly balance & moderation in life, with our dh's and Lord's approval and leading of course. Besides if Michelle Duggar having 19 awesome kiddos on her own can manage a little time to her self every now & then, I feel confident that Kody & his family can work these issues out on their own, with God's leading for whats best for their own family. ;)

I'm so looking forward to the rest of this series, and hope that TLC decides with the familie's permission of course to continue with it. I especially hope that this show will encourage other "Christian pm families," to step out in faith, if God so leads them to do so, and share their familie's testimony & daily living. It would be nice to have other Christian families "come out if you will," and show the world that pm is not just among the FLDS or a break off of the Mormon religion only. To show the true/Godly truth of Biblical pm, and the history of the patriarchs of the bible and One True God. Ahhh, maybe just wishful thinking! ;) But then again, we can pray and see where God leads in all of this.

F.S. :)
 
Btw, as John mentioned I do Not agree with their Mormon view of pm, according to their view of "The Principal." We don't know all of the insights/details of their daily living, issues, etc. Kody may very well have time to himself or a special/private place to be in prayer, we don't know as nothing regarding this issue has been shared, so we can't just assume anything. I did see him lead his family in prayer before bedtime, as he mentioned that they do so before turning in for the night. However, it is sad that this family who seems to be truly in love with one another and God, aren't truly walking with the One True God in the real faith of Jesus the Messiah. Rather they are following a false prophet Joseph Smith instead of the One True Savior, with twisted concepts on the Holy Scriptures themselves. I do not follow after their way of pm or their false religon. However they are still God's Children, though they are lost. I appreciate their hearts of love for one another and for God, and respect them for being brave enough to share their pm family, while others do not or are not able to do so. We don't truly know whats in their hearts, as only God does. We should try to learn what we can from them, and disregard any false teachings they may present. And along the way, pray for their hearts & lives to be turned to the One True God & faith. :)

F.S. :)
 
John Whitten said:
Dear Wifeone,
Thank you for your insight to an issue that I believe plagues polyworld. That problem is the issue of Biblical relationship in the family, regardless of size. Headship is essential to successful family living whether there is one or more wives.

Hummmm, Kody Brown married for 16 years to three women. Children and wives pretty happy, still together despite addition of 4th wife.
I would call that successful, don't know about your criteria but compared to some............
 
John Whitten said:
Kody Brown may be a nice guy, but he is not a good example of a husband. He is one player in a democratic family society.

This would be my opinion as well.

John Whitten said:
I encourage all the folks on BF to not get too caught up in this TV show. There may be some benefit to observing but please do not forget that their whole foundation is "THE PRINCIPLE". This is not the same foundation for non-Mormon folks.

This was a concern of mine from the beginning. I'm personally tired of polygyny almost always being associated with Mormons.

Another concern of mine is the reality show format. Reality shows seem to thrive on drama. I've been watching this show with my mom, in hopes of getting her exposed to the lifestyle so it won't be such a gigantic shock when I reveal my plans. I realize that we're only two episodes into it but my mom watched the last episode where the women were crying and talking about jealousy. It seemed to show the women alternating between smiles and tears. My mom looked at me and said..."see, you can tell they're not really happy"....It would appear that the show is having a negative effect on her, so far. If there is too much drama on this show, then I'm not sure it will help our cause.

Blessings,
Fairlight
 
Greetings Fairlight,

I do understand both your and John's concern with the show, truly I do. But I as many I believe, would be wise as serpants and gentle as doves, when watching this series or before judging this family as only God truly knows their heart motives. As I also stated earlier, I don't agree with nor do I endorse the Mormon's false teachings in general, as they follow a false prophet rather than following the one true God. And I surely don't agree with the Mormon view of the principal, as it isn't scriptural or of God's plan for a truly biblical pm. However with that being said, they do seem to be a compassionate, caring and respectful family. No abuses going on from what we can see so far. They do have issues, as all families do rather mono or poly. And of course some jealousy issues will arise in any pm family at any given time, along with some drama. What in life is easy, or care free of some sort of jealousy & drama at some point in peoples lives? To view pm or any marriage with "Rose colored glasses on, professing a care free easy marriage," again weather mono or poly is just plain deceptive and not true. Which if the family was just all smiles and laughter would give a false testimony of what any marriage is really about, and not very helpful or encouraging.

I would rather see and learn all the "in's & out's, joys & struggles of any marriage," as there are no perfect marriages or families out there without any issues or drama in their life at any given season. I appreciate seeing all of a person's/familie's path in this life, that includes both the struggles and victories, giving God all the Glory for it, and looking to Yeshua alone to guide and deliver them when need be. Which is the main issue/concern if any for me, is the fact that they so whole heartily seem to love and want to follow God, but are sadly following a false religion/prophet. But praise God that we can go to prayer for this family, as there is Power in Prayer! Prayers that their eyes will be open to the one True God & Faith. As they seem to genuially love one another and God, there is always hope for all God's children - both the lost & found. We can pray for what God wants us to get from their testimony if anything. Leaving the rest of any false teachings that they may represent alone for God to deal with. ;)

God's Peace,
F.S.
 
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