Seeking a sister wife

[Slumberfreeze]

I am just wanting advice .Like how to bring up the subject to another woman? Will it be awkward .And also whem we find someone should he go out with her first or should we take her out together or what is best?also how do we deal with the inevitable judgement from others who dont understand why we want this?

I honestly think the people of this site have a lot of wisdom to offer someone in your circumstances. I also believe that each one of your questions would take a long time to answer appropriately. This is actually good thing because one of the many ways to ruin your life is to get a brief answer to "How do I do this?" and use it as a step by step guide, instead of slowly and prayerfully considering every aspect of it and letting the Lord lead where He wants to take you.

 

[cnystrom]

I am just wanting advice .

Several are giving advice about reconsidering. Even though it can seem very exciting to add another wife to the family pretty much all polygamists agree that it is HARD WORK! Not like additionally hard, but like exponentially hard.

I am not going to tell you not to do it (because you are going to do it anyway ) so here is my advice:

1. Go Slow.
2. Don't be in a hurry.
3. Don't invite a stranger to live with you. People who do this are playing polygamy.
4. Do your homework
5. Get your husband on here
6. Go to a BF retreat and meet real people/families in person. Hear the war stories.

Like how to bring up the subject to another woman?

The more you get to know her before you bring up the subject, perhaps the easier it would be. You can bring up the subject in a general way, like asking her what she thinks of polygamy. Has she seen any of the TV shows, etc.

Will it be awkward .

Probably. But dating often is even for monogamists.

And also whem we find someone should he go out with her first or should we take her out together or what is best?

There is no one right way. Each family is different. There are pros and cons to either way. There will be a lot harder issues that this. Like decorating the kitchen.

also how do we deal with the inevitable judgement from others who dont understand why we want this?

If you care what others think this may not be the lifestyle for you. But in short have a reason for your faith. Know what you believe and why.

 

[cnystrom]

We are very strong in our relationship together, we just want to add and expand .We have so many questions. We just recently decided as a couple to go plural .He is excited about this as am i. Im the one who brought this subject to him .How do tou deal with the judgement .We live jn a small town .

You are right to consider this in advance. There is no magic solution. If you go to church and they find out your family structure you will likely be asked to leave. How will your extended family take it? Now, before you have a prospect in mind, might be a good time to start talking to them about it and how they would feel about it.

Do you have children and how old? Are they old enough to know what you would be doing? If so you might start talking to them about it in general terms.

What about schooling? Do they go to school? Are you prepared to home school if you need to?

We need support .

Most polygamist do, and providing that support is a major mission of Biblical Families.

Where wpuld we even begin looking for another woman to join our lives? I dont even know how to approach the subject with someone .Would a dating site be appropriate? We just really need advice .

Where would your husband look for a wife if he were single? It is not that different. It could be single ladies that you know, perhaps in your church (before you get asked to leave). You could use a dating site. You could use a standard dating site, but then you have the added burden of explaining your alternative relationship/family. Or you can use a polygamy dating site, which in my opinion are not that good (and also in some cases may be shutting down to a bad new law). In my opinion that while the polygamy dating sites are excellent for entertainment value (like for playing "spot the fakes!"), they are poor at finding a new wife. I have only found one person that turned out to be an actual prospect on them.

Like a man looking for a first wife may take many years, many couples go a long time without finding a new wife.

Just as an example, the recent TV show "Seeking Sister Wife" profiled three couples looking for a new wife. There were no successes.

 

[frederick]

We want someone who wr can share our lives with.

When a man wants a woman or a woman wants a man as a spouse, it is usually because he/she sees in the other traits or characteristics that are particularly desirable. In reality it's no different when a man adds another woman to his household except that the household will need to be desirable to the woman he brings in. If your husband is a godly man, a woman looking for a godly man will be attracted to him (I speak from first hand experience twice on this matter!) and he can show her from the scriptures that polygyny is both right and God honouring. Godly women want godly husbands, no question, so be the most attractive godly couple. And just a thought - I suggest your husband take off his wedding ring if he wears one as it symbolises being unavailable. I don't wear one but my wives do and it is seen and noted by people. Shalom

 

[FollowingHim]

Don't do it. Statistically there are more disasters than successes. The successes happen when God puts people together. I see nothing like that in your situation - you have not said where you stand with God, and you are wanting to find someone to get polygamous just because you like the idea of it. It's all backwards, and unlikely to work for the long term (you might get a few months of fun followed by the worst disaster in your life).

If polygamy is the goal, expect disaster. But if Christian ministry is the goal and polygamy is simply a tool to support people working towards that greater goal, that's where the great examples of polygamy occur. Usually not planned by people, but by God.

Excuse my bluntness, but you did ask... Welcome anyway!

 

[Bridgy88]

When a man wants a woman or a woman wants a man as a spouse, it is usually because he/she sees in the other traits or characteristics that are particularly desirable. In reality it's no different when a man adds another woman to his household except that the household will need to be desirable to the woman he brings in. If your husband is a godly man, a woman looking for a godly man will be attracted to him (I speak from first hand experience twice on this matter!) and he can show her from the scriptures that polygyny is both right and God honouring. Godly women want godly husbands, no question, so be the most attractive godly couple. And just a thought - I suggest your husband take off his wedding ring if he wears one as it symbolises being unavailable. I don't wear one but my wives do and it is seen and noted by people. Shalom

We are trying to be a godly couple .We go to church every sunday together .We pray and we do bible study together .He doesnt wear a wedding ring either .

 

[Bridgy88]

You are right to consider this in advance. There is no magic solution. If you go to church and they find out your family structure you will likely be asked to leave. How will your extended family take it? Now, before you have a prospect in mind, might be a good time to start talking to them about it and how they would feel about it.

Do you have children and how old? Are they old enough to know what you would be doing? If so you might start talking to them about it in general terms.

What about schooling? Do they go to school? Are you prepared to home school if you need to?



Most polygamist do, and providing that support is a major mission of Biblical Families.



Where would your husband look for a wife if he were single? It is not that different. It could be single ladies that you know, perhaps in your church (before you get asked to leave). You could use a dating site. You could use a standard dating site, but then you have the added burden of explaining your alternative relationship/family. Or you can use a polygamy dating site, which in my opinion are not that good (and also in some cases may be shutting down to a bad new law). In my opinion that while the polygamy dating sites are excellent for entertainment value (like for playing "spot the fakes!"), they are poor at finding a new wife. I have only found one person that turned out to be an actual prospect on them.

Like a man looking for a first wife may take many years, many couples go a long time without finding a new wife.

Just as an example, the recent TV show "Seeking Sister Wife" profiled three couples looking for a new wife. There were no successes.

We have been looking at dating sites .We havent had any success .When he starts talking to someone and he tells them what he is looking for and wanting they normally dont respond. We are going to continue tp try though .Maybe find a different way other than dating sites

 

[Bridgy88]

We have been looking at dating sites .We havent had any success .When he starts talking to someone and he tells them what he is looking for and wanting they normally dont respond. We are going to continue tp try though .Maybe find a different way other than dating sites

siteswe have also considered homeschooling as well .We have talked about how to break ot down on their levels so they can kind of understand .I want them comfortable as well .Its about having family ties and bonds.

 

[Patricia C]

@Bridgy88 I am pretty new here I have met some really wonderful people and making some great friends all have helped me understand the Biblical views of PM. I felt a calling to PM but didn't understand why. This was so foreign to me but I know it was Jehovah who showed me in the scriptures. I trust Him to guide me on my journey. I share all this with you because this forum truly has helped me not feel so odd. I have spoken to some family and friends and everyone has surprisingly been ok with it. There are some family and friends I haven't felt led to share with yet just lastnight I spoke to a good friend of mine who told me she and her husband were wanting to bring in another wife. I never knew they even thought about it. You will be surprised at how many people actually think about it but fear holds them back.
Pray and I will pray with you to find clarity, understanding and the right people to come into your lives to guide you and your husband.
Shalom

Feel free to msg me if you want to talk