Practicing on someone you are not really interested in

[NVIII]

Also, look at this from the woman's perspective:
You are proposing encouraging a woman who is already taken (has a boyfriend) to flirt with other men. You are in other words proposing teaching a woman to cheat, or at least desensitising her to the idea.

Point of order: a "boyfriend" is nothing. Truthfully, speaking, a boyfriend is a sham concept grown out of the abominations of Rome. Boyfriends do not own their girlfriends, and girlfriends are not taken. That is an illusion, just as monogamy-only is. The shriekers (not you, Samuel) should therefore calm down.

However, perception is reality, and so long as we assume she has the perception that she is "taken", your point is valid that she is practicing now to actually practice adultery later if she openly entertains additional relationships while "in a relationship". That said, I also think an honest look will reveal that most people's perception of the unwritten rules of dating is fluid at best, and unable to coalesce into a clear standard because at its foundation is a shifting pile of lies.

So, this discussion is in a gray area and probably can't find common ground.

 

[NBTX11]

I strongly believe you are over-focussed on acquiring another wife, and by the sound of it trying to do this through your own logic and effort is only going to get you in trouble.

Yes, let it happen as it happens. By all means, look for a wife. Even look hard, but not to the detriment of everything else in your life. Worry more about your first wife. Don't be hyper-focused on a second wife 24/7.

 

[Daniel DeLuca]

I should have been more clear. I have not had ANY romantic conversations with her. The only thing I meant by "practice" was the flirtatious looks, and that was only before I discovered some things that God, through the Holy Spirit needs to do to work on her. If God allows, I will bring up polygamy to her father, because he looks like a receptive target, and he can consider whether she might be someone who would consider it. I definitely don't think she is a good fit for our family, but I don't want to go into too much detail on that. She is a new believer, but I have been able to observe how God brought her from last year's family Fall Festival, to where she came to our church's Revival meetings back in May of this year and got saved, and has now become active in the church.

She told us last week about breaking up with a boyfriend, but didn't tell us whether this was the same one she had previously been trying to get to come to church. She said that this boyfriend told her he loved her, but didn't want to marry her, but she saw him with another woman. So even I don't have all the details, but even when she told us this, I didn't press too much or let her know where we stand on polygamy.

The hardest part now, is continuing to be friendly towards her without crossing that "flirtatious looks" threshhold. Of course the other lady's father is the one whom I most want to impress, and I know he wouldn't want to think that I am a player. I actually spoke to his wife about how we can get her into another Bible Study with people her own age, and she mentioned another lady in the church, but it is not someone whom I am familiar with, but we also spoke with her about finding friends in the church that are her age. That effort didn't go anywhere.

It's almost as if God dropped her in our lap, but I have major reservations on taking her on as a second wife, and I don't want to say "no" to God, but the red flags, or at least yellow flags sort of compel me to do so. Also, due to the monogamy mind-set in the environment I am working in, it would in a sense be forsaking all others, even though it really isn't, and as I alluded to earlier, there is definitely someone whom I do not want to forsake, at least in her mind or her father's mind.

 

[Daniel DeLuca]

You might as well go after a woman who has an unbelieving husband who after all HE, "could be a bad influence on her."

Uh! NO!!!!

 

[MemeFan]

This thread shows one reason why relationships between sexes are soo bad.

So, @Daniel DeLuca talks with girl, she mentions she has boyfriend and you all go crazy.

Even before his detailed response what has actually happened, it was visible from his posts nothing serious had happened, only there was some potential. And this is reason for screaming "SIN, SIN run away". So time to run away for just talking to someone?

I would understand if genitals were touched or private meeting in hotel room was on table. Sorry, @Daniel DeLuca situation is way overreacting and hyperventilating.

C'mon, with such altitude how it is possible to understand other sex and how they are thinking? Let's use formula for success: Avoid personal experience and use (very bad) online advice from ignorant. Genius. No wonder teens and young peopme are so confused and loneliness is spreading. Normal human interactions are SIN, say Christians, or way to get COVID, or get unwanted pregnancy or some other bad.

It's interesting comment by @PeteR how he had found second wife. My impression is that first move is looking throught sniper's scope to first check another human. Why? What you will get? STD, sin spell? Being bitten?

Why need for so much safety? @Keith Martin is wrong. It's balls primarly missing in action, not hierarchy.

@Daniel DeLuca, you did well with girl. If she wasn't at least slighly attracted to you, she wouldn't mentioned boyfriend.

 

[Daniel DeLuca]

This thread shows one reason why relationships between sexes are soo bad.

So, @Daniel DeLuca talks with girl, she mentions she has boyfriend and you all go crazy.

Even before his detailed response what has actually happened, it was visible from his posts nothing serious had happened, only there was some potential. And this is reason for screaming "SIN, SIN run away". So time to run away for just talking to someone?

I would understand if genitals were touched or private meeting in hotel room was on table. Sorry, @Daniel DeLuca situation is way overreacting and hyperventilating.

C'mon, with such altitude how it is possible to understand other sex and how they are thinking? Let's use formula for success: Avoid personal experience and use (very bad) online advice from ignorant. Genius. No wonder teens and young peopme are so confused and loneliness is spreading. Normal human interactions are SIN, say Christians, or way to get COVID, or get unwanted pregnancy or some other bad.

It's interesting comment by @PeteR how he had found second wife. My impression is that first move is looking throught sniper's scope to first check another human. Why? What you will get? STD, sin spell? Being bitten?

Why need for so much safety? @Keith Martin is wrong. It's balls primarly missing in action, not hierarchy.

@Daniel DeLuca, you did well with girl. If she wasn't at least slighly attracted to you, she wouldn't mentioned boyfriend.

Thank you! Much appreciated! I know I have left a bad impression here at Biblical Families, from some of my past mistakes, but yeah, @Edward went way overboard! I would NEVER go after a married or divorced woman! The whole "make sure things are right with your own wife" sort of remark, is also a bit presumptive. Fiona and I are doing well. We have our ups and downs, but as far as second wife possibility, it is just a matter of having time to talk to potential wife's father, and that has not been happening, other than chance conversations at church, where I don't feel comfortable about bringing it up again.

EDIT: At my former church, I believe I mentioned this elsewhere, I had a friend whose wife one time told Fiona and I about how she was not happy that her daughter had a boyfriend who was agnostic. I spoke with him about it and asked him if he would rather have her date a man who loved the Lord and had a wife, or an agnostic. He dodged the question and wouldn't answer. His preference wasa man who loved the Lord AND did not have a wife. Last time I heard, she was still with the agnostic.

 

[Keith Martin]

EDIT: At my former church, I believe I mentioned this elsewhere, I had a friend whose wife one time told Fiona and I about how she was not happy that her daughter had a boyfriend who was agnostic. I spoke with him about it and asked him if he would rather have her date a man who loved the Lord and had a wife, or an agnostic. He dodged the question and wouldn't answer. His preference wasa man who loved the Lord AND did not have a wife. Last time I heard, she was still with the agnostic.

Great exemplary story, Daniel.

Most folks would rather their daughters end up being the baby mama for multiple agnostic baby daddies than be in a committed, biblically-congruent plural marriage. An, the SHAME of a man being committed to more than one woman!