Practical Questions on Polygyny

[Daniel DeLuca]

Praise God! This is awesome! I can only speak to my own experience. If your wife has resumed physical contact, make the most of it! I am happy to hear this!

 

[steve]

I'd say agree to the three months, then wait for her to bring it up. When she does, tell her you're still not discussing it as she's not ready for that discussion yet, you'll bring it up when you think that she is. Give her even longer than she expected without having to discuss it. Become the one holding back the discussion, not pushing it.
Become the one in charge of the whole conversation.

Quadruple Like

 

[The Revolting Man]

I’m not great at remembering details but it seems like @windblown ’s breakthrough after a period when I finally quit bringing it up and so she did. Maybe she can chime in and refresh my memory.

 

[Maverick]

I have really appreciated everything you all have had to say, and your prayers. God is moving in powerful ways.


Everything changed last night. My wife said "I love you" again, she initiated and resumed physical contact again.

Praise The Lord!!! Rejoicing in HIM for you brother

 

[cnystrom]

What I am picking up here is that my best way forward is prayer, love, and speaking truth to her. I have really been emboldened and taught by Numbers 30. That I can't uphold any false remark, minor slight, or half-truth by my silence, I have to be ready to speak into everything. I have to trust God to use this man of unclean lips for his purposes.

I am really just in a state of painful peace right now. It hurts, but God is sovereign, but it hurts, but God is sovereign.

Bingo! I think you got it, sir!

 

[cnystrom]

Last night was pretty exhausting. A lot of "well what about this" questions from our friends without wrestling with the answer I gave to the one before.

They do not care about the truth.

Helpful in that my wife and I were able to have a conversation afterwards though. But no visible fruit to speak of for now.

Par for the course. The Spirit works in mysterious ways. You may think nothing is happening and then all of a sudden there is a breakthrough. But there is no way to determine when, or if that will happen.

Telling my wife that I will never do PM without her was not received well, because as long as she knows I believe what I believe she will not be happy and will continue to seperate herself. She wants nothing less than a full recantation.

It is a pure power struggle for your family.

She does not accept any compromise or concession less than me sincerely saying that everything I believe was wrong.

She wants and needs unconditional surrender by you. Anything less means that you might be right about what the Bible says.

To me this is tantamount to saying I don't believe scripture. There have been a number of things I believed wrongly in scripture in the past, but these are typically things which have worthy points from both sides or arise from at least perceived unclarity in a passage. When something is so black and white as marriage, it's different. There are finer points to discuss but to recant is to call in to question the character of God. So right now, it's a stalemate between us.

True. You can not unlearn what you have learned.

I am starting to realize this situation is a divinely engineered test. It all boils down to me choosing God and His Word, or the best thing he has created for me - My wife, my only wife, whom I love. There is no way to weasel out of this, no amount of strategy or emotional tactic or relationship advice will circumvent His will. I am entirely dependent on His grace to come through for me; His Spirit to work in the heart of my wife. This is Abraham told to sacrifice Isaac all over again; it is a choice, a test. This is Adam and Eve all over again.

This is Jacob wrestling with God - and I will not let him go until he blesses me!
I pray that this is not Job. That is a fearful test. I fear God. He is so beautifully powerful, and I am so wretchedly helpless.

I think you have it exactly. This is a spiritual test for you.

It is also a blessing for you. He is calling you (and your family) to a higher purpose.

When I was single, I made an idol of marriage. When I got married, it was still an idol. Now He is asking me to choose between my marriage and Him.

Hebrews 12:6

I don't want another marriage, I want Him! I want His purpose for me to be fulfilled, whatever that may be. I am clay in His hands. But I know this, He put us together, it was God that made us one. He is not done with me yet, and she is in me, so He is not done with us.
There are women in need of a husband: here am I, send me. But not my will, but yours be done.

I believe your attitude is spot on.

God bless you and your family. I will keep you all in my prayers.

I have to love her through this, and not be begrudging towards her. This test is from God and I trust him to love her, through me, through this. I won't be on here too much from now, because it hurts her to think of me dwelling on this topic. Right now I don't want to push her away, but draw her close, so whatever things I can do to show love and sacrifice, I will do of my own choosing. I know what I need to know about plural marriage for now. I still have the Word and the Spirit and I am in good hands. I am grateful for the knowledge I gleaned here and I look forward to fellowshiping with you at a retreat someday when we make it to the other side of this.

I will be looking forward to the day.