The Bible. That's generally where He talks. If you think He is telling you something contrary to the Bible, then you are mistaken. If you think He is telling you something that accords with the Bible, then there is a good likelihood that you are correct.
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Meat Living in Marriage/Covenant or Fornication? - Real world situation/problem
- Thread starter HomesteadWife
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They seem pretty married to me. I would like the man to verbally claim her as belonging to him. Basically, I think he should normally refer to her as his wife.
I can guarantee he thinks that way already, even if he doesn't say it. Think of his response if she was with another guy, I bet he'd think that was cheating, and that she belonged to him.
He no doubt does. I just think he should be public about it.
He probably is very public about it in ways other than speaking. Men tend to show how they feel rather than say it.
I agree to me that would solidify it.
This hypothetical reminds me of something that happened in a church we use to attend some years back.
A young woman in the church got pregnant by her non-Christian boyfriend. They loved each other and both wanted to marry. They didn't marry because of the whole "unequally yoked" thing. He was a solid, kind, and caring man who wanted to marry her. He just wasn't a Christian and had enough integrity to not pretend otherwise. She (probably taking advice from church leaders) refused to marry him.
They remained close friends, spent time together, and both participated in raising their son. I doubt that this woman really ever dated anyone else after the son was born.
Anyway, about twelve years later, she ends up pregnant again by the same man! He still wanted to marry her, and she still wouldn't because he wasn't a Christian.
Even at the time, I knew that was absurd. It is better to not be unequally yoked, but dang! They were obviously already yoked.
A young woman in the church got pregnant by her non-Christian boyfriend. They loved each other and both wanted to marry. They didn't marry because of the whole "unequally yoked" thing. He was a solid, kind, and caring man who wanted to marry her. He just wasn't a Christian and had enough integrity to not pretend otherwise. She (probably taking advice from church leaders) refused to marry him.
They remained close friends, spent time together, and both participated in raising their son. I doubt that this woman really ever dated anyone else after the son was born.
Anyway, about twelve years later, she ends up pregnant again by the same man! He still wanted to marry her, and she still wouldn't because he wasn't a Christian.
Even at the time, I knew that was absurd. It is better to not be unequally yoked, but dang! They were obviously already yoked.
She is married.
Exactly. The church might tell her "stop living in sin, repent". If she were actually sinning, that would be the right advice - but she is not sinning. But to leave him would be sin. Many churches would tell her to sin in this situation.
The problem is, what would you expect him to do? Now this becomes an extrabiblical expectation.
Go to him and say "I want you to come to our church on Sunday, stand at the front of church and repeat this written statement where you swear to treat this woman as a wife" - and he'll say no, obviously, he doesn't want any part of that nonsense (from his perspective). That's an extreme example - but what level of "verbal claim" would you consider sufficient? Who are you to decide this is sufficient? Where did you find that in scripture? And why is it your business anyway?
But grab his woman's breast and he'll punch you in the face, because she's his woman.
That is such a ridiculous strawman response! I expect better of you. Your comments are usually well reasoned.
The OP asked for our thoughts and advice. I gave my opinion, clearly stating "I think" and "I would like".
That is totally different than "God requires" or "This saith the LORD".
I did not say that they were "fornicating", or that they were not "one flesh".
I said nothing about any formal religious ceremony or sacred vows. You made up all that up.
I clearly stated my basic social expectation, saying that he "should normally refer to her as his wife".
This is a very reasonable social expectation of a married man.
He claims that the woman belongs to him, and that this union is permanent..
How does he introduce her to a new acquaintance, to coworkers, friends, neighbors, or family? It is more accurate for him to introduce her as his wife rather than his girlfriend.
If you want to play semantic games about the fact that wife=woman in Greek and Hebrew, then fine. It is also perfectly accurate for him to say "she is my woman" instead of "she is my wife". That sounds a bit crude in our culture, but is also Biblically correct. It clearly defines the relationship.
The phrase "she is my girlfriend" is vague and suggests a temporary arrangement of convenience rather than lifelong union.
Why do you apparently think it is acceptable for him to use the confusing terminology of "girlfriend" instead of the clear and accurate terminology of "wife or woman"?
I'd also like to add another piece of advice. I think the woman should take his last name (whether officially/legally, or just informally). Seeing that she belongs to him, she should be called by his name.
A believer in Christ who refers to Jesus as merely "My Heavenly Friend" rather than "my Lord and my Savior" is badly mistaken.
I am not sure why you took that so poorly. I deliberately chose an extreme example for its explanatory value, not because I thought you'd actually expect that extreme.
I agree it would be interesting to ask how this man describes this woman to other people. What does he call her?
He won't say "this is my wife", because that word has been redefined to mean "someone with a government marriage licence", so it's not usually used in its pure sense in wider society. He is also unlikely to say "she is my woman", because that phrase is presently considered insulting for some reason. It would be unreasonable for us to expect someone to use one of those terms before we would consider them married.
He may say "this is my partner". In modern usage, that refers to a committed relationship but without the paperwork. If so, he certainly considers her his wife but is just using a different word for it.
He may alternatively say "this is my girlfriend". In that case you could ask him to clarify what he means, given that "girlfriend" is such a broad term. If he clarified it, he'd likely clarify by saying she was his partner.
I agree it would be interesting to ask how this man describes this woman to other people. What does he call her?
He won't say "this is my wife", because that word has been redefined to mean "someone with a government marriage licence", so it's not usually used in its pure sense in wider society. He is also unlikely to say "she is my woman", because that phrase is presently considered insulting for some reason. It would be unreasonable for us to expect someone to use one of those terms before we would consider them married.
He may say "this is my partner". In modern usage, that refers to a committed relationship but without the paperwork. If so, he certainly considers her his wife but is just using a different word for it.
He may alternatively say "this is my girlfriend". In that case you could ask him to clarify what he means, given that "girlfriend" is such a broad term. If he clarified it, he'd likely clarify by saying she was his partner.
This hypothetical reminds me of something that happened in a church we use to attend some years back.
A young woman in the church got pregnant by her non-Christian boyfriend. They loved each other and both wanted to marry. They didn't marry because of the whole "unequally yoked" thing. He was a solid, kind, and caring man who wanted to marry her. He just wasn't a Christian and had enough integrity to not pretend otherwise. She (probably taking advice from church leaders) refused to marry him.
They remained close friends, spent time together, and both participated in raising their son. I doubt that this woman really ever dated anyone else after the son was born.
Anyway, about twelve years later, she ends up pregnant again by the same man! He still wanted to marry her, and she still wouldn't because he wasn't a Christian.
Even at the time, I knew that was absurd. It is better to not be unequally yoked, but dang! They were obviously already yoked.
And so they bring harm to children's lives and throw people into sin. This is what happens when the Christians don't want to follow the scriptures directing a woman to marry the man she looses her virginity to. But doing that would require them to stop ignoring the rampant fornication their women are involved in.
And this sort of hypocrisy is what keeps men like her husband out of the church.
I can't count how many times I've heard women say God was telling them to do something that was flat unbiblical. They don't know it because they've made their feelings their god.
That’s why there are husbands.
. Good comments as usual 
I can't say that I'd blame him. In at least the hypothetical case, he recognizes hypocrisy, and knows something is wrong. And, whether he REALIZES it or not, they don't follow Scripture.
So what would he "learn" there other than falsehood?
Thank you all for answering, but my question was rhetorical. So many people speak as if the Holy Spirit is talking to them when what they say is blatantly wrong (so obviously not the Holy Spirit speaking) or at least no credible reason is given to think it's the Holy Spirit talking and not just their own desire. By my question, I was trying to induce introspection on the part of those who think such things.
That’s something that even the Holy Spirit has trouble doing.
Just my thoughts here:
If God speaks to you it's usually in words or revealed wisdom.
Jesus is felt as present in your life.
With the Holy Spirit you discover what's being told to you in how events unfold. Like a friend of ours got a burning to replace the dim lights in his church with brighter LED lights. He just had a bug up his tailpipe to do this and not long after he got it done COVID hit and the church had to move to online services...and the lighting in the sanctuary just happened to be perfect for video.
That kind of thing. The Holy Spirit just tends to be much more subtle than God or Jesus tend to be.
The Holy Spirit is how God the Father and God the Son communicate to us. The Holy Spirit "breathed out" all of Scripture, communicating through the human authors of the Text. The Holy Spirit also opens and illuminates our hearts and minds to understand the Biblical text. To the extent that modern day prophecy exists, the Holy Spirit is the One giving these revelations.