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Support Injustice
- Thread starter WhoCanFind31
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It was never consensual. He would tell me if I agree to spanking he won't take away things from me as punishment but I wouldn't consider that consensual. He ended up just applying both to my life anyway. In my mind at the time being isolated and practically immobile at home most of the time getting spanked sounded better than having my music that I like to listen to when I clean or relax taken from me because I felt like I had no other healthy outlet for my life. Even more so now that I've detoxed from all of that I see clearer that there was alot of mind games and manipulation going on. I give him the benefit of the doubt that maybe he didn't realize I was isolated and in desperate need of some healthy outlets but it's still something that happened. I know this isnt the point of my original post but I wanted to reply as best I can.
I'd agree this is not poly related but nothing wrong in looking for advice. Many say see an attorneys help. Being very experienced in legal and law matters and cases, this is not your best bet unless the loan is for a very large amount of money which I assume it is not. In this case your more likely to spend more in legal fees than to pay the silly loan. However if you don't and it defaults you can dispute it on your credit, the burdon of proof is then on the debt collector not you. I've experienced similar as to you but I didn't sign or agree anything. Don't stress about it, God is good, trust God and the man will follow him and pay his debits.
In regards to your comments about your husband, it does sound like your bashing and I don't think that is Godly or necessary. There's nothing wrong with a husband having rules like spankings for things he's said weren't good for you but you did anyways. We trust God even if we don't like how things are or turn out, a wife can find the same peace with doing this with her husband as well. God put your husband as the head, that's not a bad thing, no more than it's a bad thing Christ is our head.
In regards to your comments about your husband, it does sound like your bashing and I don't think that is Godly or necessary. There's nothing wrong with a husband having rules like spankings for things he's said weren't good for you but you did anyways. We trust God even if we don't like how things are or turn out, a wife can find the same peace with doing this with her husband as well. God put your husband as the head, that's not a bad thing, no more than it's a bad thing Christ is our head.
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My intent in responding to people and answering questions isn't to bash anyone. Clearly I disagree with spousal discipline and believe personally that it is abusive but that's not even the point in the original post. The point is that at the time he was in control of everything and forced me to do various things. I had no say if he was going to take out a loan in both our names or not because as he put it he was my "master" and again this is not to bash him it's simply me trying to explain the situation in order to best help you understand why I shouldn't be responsible for this loan. I felt the information was necessary to understand the situation more fully. If not then I apologize.
Many great points all around have been made in this thread, but if besmirching one's husband isn't the point, @cnystrom has already pointed to the proper venues for addressing your situation (as have others), @WhoCanFind31. We can be supportive, and we can even share some wisdom, but it does sound like your legitimate concerns are all legal ones, so the proper avenue would be to seek legal advice from a legal expert, aka an attorney.
I believe she came here for help and advise because her ex was /is active here and has received council from some of the men on how to "handle her" with advise good or bad it is never known how someone will use it. In her case it was not a good situation. She would just like guidance is all.
@WhoCanFind31
Call me. We will talk.
One small correction. I would be shocked if any man on this forum advised another man to do this:
"My ex husband told me that if I I disobeyed him ever he would punish me with a whip on the behind 20+ times or remove things I enjoy from my life."
Patriarchy is not equvalent to and is in fact the opposite of abuse, just as strong parenting is the opposite of child abuse.
I am happy that she has reached out for advice and I hope she has found some. I am also glad that you have reached out to support her personally.
Oh no I am sorry for the misunderstanding. I didn't mean to imply someone on here advised him to do this particular thing but in other instances someone was giving him council. And I am not going to even imply it was bad council however from my understanding he may not have understood what he was being told and took the advise to a whole new level.
I am glad she is away and safe and yes I will do my best to continue being there for her. She is a great gal and does need healing from what he did. I don't want to speak for her but I do believe she appreciates solid advise on this situation.
Sorry again for the misunderstanding
Companies often get a verbal agreement over the phone, recorded, and I can nearly guarantee that you have one on file. You are responsible because you agreed, but now, the issue. Your ex has a loan with your name on it. You can sue him, you can ask him to agree to take your name off the loan (probably not happen without refinancing and the credit companies' agreement) and you can approach the courts to ask to be removed from the loan. Most cities have a lawyer or ten who do free consultations, seek advice for your city/state and you'll know. Just call and ask local lawyers, and they will make you an appointment for a consultation.
There's a lot of criminal actions being described here and you should start by contacting your state attorney general if you're in the United States. The falsified signature for the loan could be a Federal crime if the mortgage is through a bank and not a state mortgage company.
At the least you would be legally viewed as a victim of identity theft and a victim of a financial crime and you'd be relieved of any obligations.
At the most your ex and his accomplices would be looking at prison time and justifiably so.
The original post on this thread was made in May last year. This couple and their situation has changed since then.
Not to be nosy, but "changed" how?