Support Having trouble meeting ladies...

[enlargeourtent]

Yeah, I have to agree with Dahlia. I prayed for a friend OR husband (what I really preferred) to come into my life who was further along on the path to holiness than I was, to be a good example for me, to show me what it means to walk with Yah, to walk like Him, what I should and shouldn't be doing, because I grew up in a secular/pagan home, and knew my walk as a single person had led me down the wrong path, and doing more of the same with the same people was not taking me where I wanted to go. I can't remember now if it was days, weeks, or 2 months later after I prayed that prayer, but it was pretty instantaneous, and there was my prince with his Bible in hand on his way to church, and so I invited myself along, and...next thing I knew we were best friends, inseparable, engaged just months after meeting, married 2 weeks after engagement! 15 years (next month) and 2 children later, we're still in love! While all that's true, and my husband moved fast once he had peace about it, which didn't take long, I had to be the one to stick my neck and pride out there and suggest we date. He totally freaked out and withdrew when I told him I believed he was the one, but he said my lack of drama about his rejection very quickly gave him peace that I was right. When he first backed off, again, I prayed, and that peace came, and he got a dose of it, too. Before he knew it, he couldn't wait to propose. SO, while I prayed and waited for Yah's will, at the same time, I had to let it be known to this guy I wanted to marry that I was interested and ready to move forward. Hint, hint These days, guys are beat down for expressing interest in a young lady, and really appreciate a woman letting him know when it's welcome and safe.

 

[steve]

Yeah, I have to agree with Dahlia. I prayed for a friend OR husband (what I really preferred) to come into my life who was further along on the path to holiness than I was, to be a good example for me, to show me what it means to walk with Yah, to walk like Him, what I should and shouldn't be doing, because I grew up in a secular/pagan home, and knew my walk as a single person had led me down the wrong path, and doing more of the same with the same people was not taking me where I wanted to go. I can't remember now if it was days, weeks, or 2 months later after I prayed that prayer, but it was pretty instantaneous, and there was my prince with his Bible in hand on his way to church, and so I invited myself along, and...next thing I knew we were best friends, inseparable, engaged just months after meeting, married 2 weeks after engagement! 15 years (next month) and 2 children later, we're still in love! While all that's true, and my husband moved fast once he had peace about it, which didn't take long, I had to be the one to stick my neck and pride out there and suggest we date. He totally freaked out and withdrew when I told him I believed he was the one, but he said my lack of drama about his rejection very quickly gave him peace that I was right. When he first backed off, again, I prayed, and that peace came, and he got a dose of it, too. Before he knew it, he couldn't wait to propose. SO, while I prayed and waited for Yah's will, at the same time, I had to let it be known to this guy I wanted to marry that I was interested and ready to move forward. Hint, hint These days, guys are beat down for expressing interest in a young lady, and really appreciate a woman letting him know when it's welcome and safe.

Beautiful example of polygyny giving women choices/options that didn’t exist previously.

 

[a virtuous woman]

From my personal experience as a second wife out of three, each one of us was sent to my husband because it was Gods will. I only knew my husband and soon to be sister wife for 1.5 months before they asked me to join their family. I looked to God for the answer and heard a loud yes. Now God has sent a third wife and it happened according to his will. God gave King David his wives and would have given him more. I believe that if it is his will for your family it will happen. Put your trust in him and he will supply your need according to his riches and purpose.

 

[MeganC]

As a single woman looking for a family to join, I think it’s hard to find the right match in general, regardless of the side you’re on! Prayerfully asking God for a sisterwife/ second wife to join your family is the first and most important step. If you are meant to have one, she will make her way into your life whether you’re searching actively or not!

I've been there! When I was looking around I met a few people in person and visited with two relatively nice couples. It's hard to find the right match for you but if you're patient you will. And then it still isn't easy!

Just hang in there!

 

[Daniel DeLuca]

I think it is great that you desire to help your husband find a second wife! I guess my questions would be, how often do you meet godly unmarried women, and what approaches have you tried, to introduce them to your family?

 

[retour]

As a single woman looking for a family to join, I think it’s hard to find the right match in general, regardless of the side you’re on! Prayerfully asking God for a sisterwife/ second wife to join your family is the first and most important step. If you are meant to have one, she will make her way into your life whether you’re searching actively or not!

I wish you well in your search for a family. God bless you.

 

[USDutchkitty]

I'm more gunshy about how the wife would receive me than anything.

 

[Edward]

I'm more gunshy about how the wife would receive me than anything.

I would agree, I don't expect them to click on every thing but I do expect them to click on the important stuff. That will differ in each home. I hope that makes sense.

 

[USDutchkitty]

I would agree, I don't expect them to click on every thing but I do expect them to click on the important stuff. That will differ in each home. I hope that makes sense.

Exactly but now I’m on my guard of “Are they just being nice or not telling me how they really feel.” I get more sad that people aren’t honest with me.

 

[WifeOfHisYouth]

Exactly but now I’m on my guard of “Are they just being nice or not telling me how they really feel.” I get more sad that people aren’t honest with me.

I’m sorry it didn’t work out as you had hoped with that family, but it is a blessing no commitment took place binding you to the husband to discover that it wasn’t a good fit.

 

[USDutchkitty]

I’m sorry it didn’t work out as you had hoped with that family, but it is a blessing no commitment took place binding you to the husband to discover that it wasn’t a good fit.

True, it is just feel bad for the family, children included, because they all knew the wife needed help but she was living in denial. She thought she could be happy with being materialistic and not working on her mental health, even though she knew she needed it.

 

[WifeOfHisYouth]

True, it is just feel bad for the family, children included, because they all knew the wife needed help but she was living in denial. She thought she could be happy with being materialistic and not working on her mental health, even though she knew she needed it.

Sounds like she has some major things that need to be addressed and worked through before they bring anyone into the family. Adding a sisterwife in that mix sounds like a recipe for chaos and heartache. Emotional ups and downs naturally take place even with the healthiest women when it comes to plural- so, in an unhealthy environment, with someone in denial and not willing to work on things internally, yikes.

 

[USDutchkitty]

Sounds like she has some major things that need to be addressed and worked through before they bring anyone into the family. Adding a sisterwife in that mix sounds like a recipe for chaos and heartache. Emotional ups and downs naturally take place even with the healthiest women when it comes to plural- so, in an unhealthy environment, with someone in denial and not willing to work on things internally, yikes.

Yes and it is sad because I felt like I could've helped because I had major anxiety issues, PTSD issues, before I had therapy (all due to medical issues). Sorry for this but nowhere to talk about this and feel comfortable.

 

[WifeOfHisYouth]

Sorry for this but nowhere to talk about this and feel comfortable.

The forum is a great place to talk about your experiences We all have unique perspectives and experiences to share and help each other. I’ve learned a lot from others over the years.

 

[Keith Martin]

I’m sorry it didn’t work out as you had hoped with that family, but it is a blessing no commitment took place binding you to the husband to discover that it wasn’t a good fit.

@USDutchkitty, in addition to nothing binding you to the husband, there is also gratitude in order for freeing you up to be available to the future family with whom you will be a more perfect union.

 

[USDutchkitty]

@USDutchkitty, in addition to nothing binding you to the husband, there is also gratitude in order for freeing you up to be available to the future family with whom you will be a more perfect union.

I know, just part of me that saw someone who admitted of needing help, especially with high anxiety… Just thought I could help.

 

[Keith Martin]

I know, just part of me that saw someone who admitted of needing help, especially with high anxiety… Just thought I could help.

You are awesome, my friend. And I know. It sucked what happened to you. But it's not going to define your future. I believe in you, and I believe you came to the right place when you signed up for Biblical Families.

 

[Edward]

Exactly but now I’m on my guard of “Are they just being nice or not telling me how they really feel.” I get more sad that people aren’t honest with me.

I am happily married for 29 years and I mean HAPPILY married. I know there will be growing pains just in general, so to be quite honest I don't want me, my wife or a potential lady to beat around the bush. For instance, we are a Torah observant home and I would expect the potential lady to be Torah observant also, otherwise, there will be division in the home. And the same applies to those who are not Torah observant, why would that man want to bring a Torah observant woman into his home? I could give you many more examples but I am sure you understand where I am coming from.

 

[USDutchkitty]

I am happily married for 29 years and I mean HAPPILY married. I know there will be growing pains just in general, so to be quite honest I don't want me, my wife or a potential lady to beat around the bush. For instance, we are a Torah observant home and I would expect the potential lady to be Torah observant also, otherwise, there will be division in the home. And the same applies to those who are not Torah observant, why would that man want to bring a Torah observant woman into his home? I could give you many more examples but I am sure you understand where I am coming from.

Oh, absolutely and the last thing I would want to do is cause division. That is why I am baffled and confused on what did "I do" to cause whatever it was for the wife to change her mind. I bent over backwards to show her that I wasn't going to steal her husband or anything. She legitimately told me that was one of her problems, being honest, "I want a family and of course that includes you". So... It just hurts. I really did think of her as a family.

 

[Keith Martin]

Oh, absolutely and the last thing I would want to do is cause division. That is why I am baffled and confused on what did "I do" to cause whatever it was for the wife to change her mind. I bent over backwards to show her that I wasn't going to steal her husband or anything. She legitimately told me that was one of her problems, being honest, "I want a family and of course that includes you". So... It just hurts. I really did think of her as a family.

And, in the end, you'll eventually just have to let go of believing that it was your fault. Doing so can make us feel powerful, as if everything is about us, but it's way too paralyzing. Eventually, it becomes time to recognize that it never was about you; the problem is on the other end. You were willing to process things, and they weren't, so that's all on them.