Froggie Family Chronicles

[Froggie]

Access Comments on the Froggie Family Chronicles.

(Original Thread: New Seeker.)

I've been in a monogamous marriage for nearly 20 years. "Mr. Froggie" and I have two wonderful (nearly perfect) teenage sons. Parents could not ask for better sons.

Recently a co-worker of ours (we all work at the same place, in different departments, and on different shifts) offered to have me babysit her children on my evenings off, while she works the night shift, to help us out a little bit financially. She's also our neighbor, and a single mother of five children. (The children's father is in prison, for a felony assault charge) This poor woman is so overwhelmed and exhausted from the task of raising these children on her own. They range in age from 15, 10, 9, 6, and 5. The older four are all girls, and the "baby" is a boy. At least two of the girls have some hyperactivity/learning dysfunction/and developmental delays. They all require 100% eyeball supervision, 100% of the time, because they get into mischief if you take your eyes off of even one of them for just a minute! Seriously! But their mother works the night shift, and absolutely must sleep occasionally, lol!

So I have been babysitting the four younger children on the weekend nights while their mother works. I help them get ready for bed, and then treat them to a game at the kitchen table, and a bedtime story. They absolutely love it. Their poor mother simply does not have the time, energy, or patience to do any of this with them. I'm not judging her poorly, but rather, I have been touched with great empathy and compassion for her. I know she is tired and overwhelmed. Her children NEED another parent in their lives, even TWO more parents! And this neighbor NEEDS a helpmate, a best friend/confidant, and a partner(s).

And sooo.... I have had this nagging little idea forming in my head that maybe it would benefit all of us to consider a plural marriage, and have this neighbor/co-worker/friend merge her family with ours. The children would have an extra set of parents, and constant supervision. And she would get help with housework too, since she would have more time to herself (or with her children while I did the housework). And the monetary/material asset sharing would only be an extra side benefit to all the spiritual/emotional perks. (She makes more through her tips alone than my husband and I do by our combined hourly wages!)

But.... when I think about "sharing" my husband with another woman in the marital sense, I'm not sure I can handle it.

And... when I broach the idea with him, my husband has three responses: 1) Asks if marrying our friend would mean he had to sleep with her sometimes. 2) Insists he is not attracted to her in "that way." 3) Says her children would be way too much work, being as hyperactive as they are, and he does not want five more kids.

But this niggling idea just.... will..... not..... go away! I've been reading through this forum, and found it fascinating! I read and read for hours without end. I found the topics explaining how we must "visit the widows and orphans," and the Biblical definition of such ("husbandless and fatherless"), and I am struck by how much that description fits my neighbor, and it really strikes a chord with me.

Then this evening, I had a brief word with my husband--- not necessarily about the idea of plural marriage-- he merely related to me a recent conversation he had had with our friend at work (he works nights too, and I work days), and she had told him that her children absolutely LOVE me, and that I am the BEST babysitter they have EVER had. And then she went on to say that she herself loves us--- our whole family--- and that if she has to pay our power bill for us to keep us here, she would do so! :shock:

Needless to say, that little tidbit of conversation did nothing to help this "idea" go away! HELP! Advice? Counsel? I'm really stuck here!

Oh and one more question: Supposing Mr. Froggie and I decided this is indeed what the Lord wants us to do, and that it is right, how do we go about "courting" this other family? Just how does that kind of "courtship" work? :?:

Thanks.

 

[Froggie]

Here is the situation vis-a-vis the children's fathers, and their "rights" (for those who asked) ...

They are divorced. The firstborn daughter does have a different father, who abandoned them shortly after her birth, "because he did not want children." The mother later remarried, but the husband was abusive to the family, so they divorced. He was supposed to have a visitation with the children recently, but instead sent a letter explaining he would not be able to make it because he was in prison for assault. So there's that.

Just my humble opinion, but if my children's father was serving time in prison for assault--- especially after a divorce due to abuse--- I would be petitioning to get his parental rights severed, and deny him any further access to the children, ever. But maybe that's just me. :?:

 

[Froggie]

Most of the folks on here suggest taking things slowly. If you really want to help her, than do what you are already doing. That is part of courting her, I think. Showing that you really do love her is what it is about, I think.

If your husband doesn't want to take her as a wife, then I wouldn't bring it up with her. Then you might be setting her up to be hurt if he does something like that and can't give her the love she needs. She might end up feeling like Leah from the Bible. That would end up being worse than just helping her as she is now.

Now, if your husband, over time, decides that he likes her enough to take her as a wife, then it might be worth bringing up with her. But remember that being in a PM might be just as hard on her as you (and perhaps even harder on her). She has had men treat her badly all her life and had them not love her, use her and then leave her. Don't set up your husband to be the next one to make her feel that way. He really has to be totally on board with loving her like a wife. But, that will make it harder for you. So, take it slow. Let the Lord lead the hearts involved and for now, just help her and love her like you are doing.

No hurry. You've planted a seed in your husband. You may water it at some point by telling him that it was a serious suggestion, not a probing insinuation. And you may pray about it a lot, of course. God knows what is best, and can heckle all involved with the idea better than you can! *grin*

Also, nothing I can think of to prohibit you from going over and doing some housecleaning or laundry while she's at work, even now, right? Or have a casserole in her oven when she gets home from work?

Thank you so much, everyone! You folks really helped me put it all in perspective, and keep a clear head about things. I think I may drop by after school and "kidnap" the children for a walk with my dogs today--- provided the weather doesn't turn nasty--- I wouldn't want the children out in the hills with me if it's blizzarding! :!:

And yes, a "seed" has been planted indeed. Only time can tell now. Thank you again, y'all.

 

[Froggie]

Honestly, my new friend has shown far more Christian love to me and my family than we can fathom, and she was the first to reach out to us! She recently mentioned how much she loves me, my husband, and our children, yet we can't figure out what we've done to make her love us so much! :lol:

BTW, they are Christians; I saw the four younger children off on the church bus this morning, after taking care of them all night while their mother worked. (They sure tried my patience this morning; little girls can cause sooo much drama, and from such a young age, lol!)

The other day I happened to have the same day off as my friend, so I decided to have some "girlfriend time" with her while the kids were at school. She was trying to get some housecleaning done so she could pay some quality time with the children after school, so she didn't want to come dog walking with me. After my walk, I went over to just visit with her awhile. While there, one of the local churches came by with a large grocery order for her family. While my friend was putting the groceries away, she began loading empty grocery bags with things for me, claiming she had plenty. When I tried to graciously refuse, she countered in her fake mean tone, "Are you arguing with me?" (LOL, "No Ma'am!") She then told me I'd better not, or she'd have to beat me, lol.

So here my husband and I are shaking our heads at this woman's overwhelming kindness to us, when she is the one who seems to have so little to give in the first place. Every time we try to repay her kindness, she just keeps blessing us all the more. :shock:

Again, only time will tell how our relationship evolves. Step one is cultivating a deep and lasting friendship.

 

[Froggie]

Hello again, Everyone! As of the last post, I have a brand new update! Mr. Froggie and I had some time to really talk about "this and that" today before he went to bed, and one of the topics up for discussion was our new friend. He mentioned that our new friend--- let's give her a name; how about "Ruth?"--- has become one of his closest friends; indeed, his "best friend" that is a woman, other than myself! And that although he is not in the least bit sexually attracted to her, he can honestly say he "loves" her, with a genuine Christian love. And he would not mind fulfilling the role of a father figure to her children! And he totally agrees with the Biblical premise of "visiting the widows and orphans," and fully understands the connotations of that directive. And.... he came up with idea of inviting "Ruth" to join our family for Thanksgiving, and combine our menus, and our families together for mutual fellowship and celebration, since we all just happen to have that day off. And he said that last night at work, he and "Ruth" got to visit a few minutes, and he told her that she has shown us such overwhelming kindness, if there is ANYTHING we can do to help her, or reciprocate, to please let us know.

So... after our talk today, it has been agreed that we will both make a more concentrated effort to show "Ruth" and her children true Christian friendship, to welcome them into our family activities whenever practical, and just see where the Lord takes us, with no set "destination" or time line in mind.

I'm so happy and excited about this new adventure!

 

[Froggie]

May I recommend that at sometime in the not too distant future, that you and Mr. Froggie give some indication to Ruth of your intentions. If you don't, the very real possibility exists that she will revel in the warm security of a fraternal friendship and be shocked when your interests of a unified family include marital status with the husband. It is quite possible that she will feel deceived and used if she is not brought into the idea early on. The result then would likely be heartache and estrangement for all of you. Avoid the pain, gently suggest to her the possibility you all are considering and let her become a part of the process.

Agreed. Next time "Ruth" and I have time to just visit, I will ask her what she thinks about plural marriage-- from a conversational stance, and perhaps even reveal what my heart has been leading me to consider--- By the same token, I don't want to "lead her on," in hopes of gaining a new marriage and family combination, if it does not work out--- I don't want to break HER heart either, know what I mean? I do know she is lonely, and is looking for a helpmate. But what man in his "right mind" wants to take on a woman with five hyperactive children? :shock:

For now, we are just cultivating a friendship between our two families, and see where it goes.

 

[Froggie]

(Original Thread: The Children I'm Falling In Love With (Update)

That is, from a purely maternal-Christian-friend-neighbor type of love, not a "creepy-perverted-child-stealer" kind of un-love.

So anyway.... I watched them again this weekend. Sadly, they were really on "naughty spree," which only got worse come Sunday morning. We're talking screaming, crying, saying hurtful things to each other, pinching, hitting, making each other cry.... Remember, there are four of them ages 10, 9, 6, and 5. (the fifth one is 15, and not my responsibility). The drama starts when I take my eyes off of two to help or referee the other two. :roll: But I digress.... The church bus came, I went home and took a nap, and started over that same evening.

Actually, this is a two part post. Part 1 is wondering if anyone has any fabulous ideas for helping four young, difficult children to become more courteous, loving, and respectful to each other, and their mother, who is working herself nearly to death for them, and feeling severely under-appreciated. I had a meeting with the children last night, and involved them in brainstorming for some ideas. They were quite responsive, actually. We've decided to try a points system for some desirable behaviors, such as sharing, being courteous, using good manners, etc.... and likewise they can lose points for the behaviors we are trying to eliminate, such as mean/hurtful words, mean touching, screaming, interrupting, tattling, etc. Their mother has said they have tried these systems, and they did not work....

On the other hand, I can't help but think that part of the reason these systems are ineffective is due to the fact the mother is indeed only one person, and not capable of being fully consistent. :?: The other problem I see, is that I also cannot be there to help enforce the new system reliably and consistently either. I only take care of them two nights a week, at this current time. So I'm wondering if anyone else has some experience in this sort of thing, and can offer any ideas. :?: I do happen to have Stephen Covey's "7 Habits of Highly Effective Families," and have begun reading it again--- it is an excellent book, and a wonderful read, full of insight and ideas, by the way.

ON A HAPPIER NOTE... Last night, for the bedtime story, I had packed along my Bible, intending to tell the children a story from it. They requested the Creation Story, including the Original Sin. Naturally, three of the children fell asleep before I could finish, but the ten year old remained awake just long enough to ask a whole bunch of questions about the concept of original sin, redemption, Jesus, Heaven, when Jesus comes back, and all kinds of great stuff. We talked, and I answered her questions until she could no longer stay awake. :lol: Anyway, I just wanted to share that, since it was a particularly pleasant time to bond and mentor the children. (Their mother was impressed too, when we talked and I told her all about my evening with her children.) :mrgreen:

 

[Froggie]

Hey All,

Well I'm excited to announce that the children and I had a bit of a "Pow-Wow" and came up with a new Behavior Modification System, complete with positive behavior goals and negative behaviors to avoid. They get points for exhibiting positive behaviors, and lose points for the problem behaviors we are trying to eliminate, and then a total daily score. "Ruth" (the children's mother) even came up with a daily/weekly chores chart to go along with it! This is huge, because up until now, the children have not had chores-- Ruth is a bit OCD in her standards, and lacked the patience to properly train the children to her standards. But she has amended her thinking--- and it is working AWESOMELY! And best of all, the children are LOVING it! :mrgreen: The kids are happier, Ruth is happier, I'm happier.... WOW. As Ruth stated the other day, "They are so busy being good, they don't have time to be naughty!" :lol: Granted, since this is new, and Ruth is still in training every bit as much as the children are, Ruth is finding this whole thing to be exhausting and a lot of hard work--- because her own past behavior has been to just make idle threats, and never follow through, not be consistent, etc., etc. Now she is paying more attention, even writing down what she tells the children (so she doesn't forget), and is keeping her word-- whether that words was promise of a reward or a consequence--- and it is not only helping the children's behavior, but it is even strengthening their relationship!

On the humorous side of things, the children do have another babysitter that watches them on nights I'm not available. It turns out the children would rather be with me, than with her. On one hand, I'm flattered, and on the other hand, I see a problem. Our next goal is to get the other babysitter trained to the new system. It will be hard because she is not a naturally "positive" person.

We are also working on the teenager. I had a nice talk with said teen the other night, after she had had a particularly heartwrenching fight with her mother. She is willing to get on board with this new system, and set some behavior goals for herself to work on. :mrgreen: So tonight, Ruth is going to be noodling some ideas on her breaks at work, and then we will both sit down with the teenager and have a meeting with her, to help her and get her input.

Now, on the "adult" side of things: I had the opportunity to ask Ruth what she thinks/feels about plural marriages. She asserts that she is open to the idea, and certainly not against it, but that she does not understand how such a relationship would work, and why any couple as in love as Mr. Froggie and I are-- and for as long as we have been--- would even want to consider such a thing. I explained that I don't understand it either, but that I feel this is something the Lord may be working in my heart. Mr. Froggie and I both told her this is not a proposal, and it doesn't need to happen right away, or this year, or even ever--- but to just know that we are committed to being a friend to her and her children, and to see where the Lord takes us. She agreed, and expressed much love and gratitude for us coming into her life. So there's that. Nothing for certain, just open possibilities. A truly God-led adventure!

 

[Froggie]

We are all very excited about all the wonderful developments in this family. (I get to print out a bunch of charts today, since Ruth doesn't have a computer at her house.)

 

[Froggie]

(Original thread: "Sealing the Deal" (a question about details) )

Just wondering how some of you who have experience with PM went about bringing all of you together: how did you propose, how did you make the union "official" (that is, did you exchange vows, hold a ceremony, or just simply start living together?). Just curious, and noodling around with some ideas, thanks.

 

[Froggie]

So many positive changes are evolving here. However, I must make it very clear that it was Ruth and her children who first loved me and my family, and this is the best way I could think of to return her love. It is she who has been a blessing to me and Mr. Froggie. The way I see it, I haven't done enough, and I want to do more. (we need a beating heart emoticon)

 

[Froggie]

Mr. Froggie and Ruth are officially engaged!!!! We (all three of us) went into "town" today to go grocery shopping and run some other errands together, and while we were out, it just so happened that a jewelers store in the strip mall was having a going out of business clearance sale.... so just for "kicks and giggles" we peeked inside to browse the rings.... And we all walked out with brand new pinky rings; mine and Ruth's match. We got "pinky rings" only because we did not want to wait four whole days to get them resized, as we were just so darned excited. :lol:

They haven't set a date to exchange their/our solemn promises yet, but I have asked them to please not consummate their commitment until we have had our "ceremony" and sipped some sparkling wine, and they have agreed to "be good" until then. (school girl giggles) I am just over the moon; this is so exciting, and I have all kinds of great ideas for fun activities we can all do together as a family.

We do have to be careful because we live in an extremely small, close knit community, and we cannot have people finding out about this relationship and talking about it at work. :shock:

We do have one teensy little technicality regarding the children: We have combined between us, three teenagers whom we think are going to have some difficulties accepting this "strange friendship" their parents have--- we have not actually sat down and told them what we are doing-- only that we have become "bestest forever friends," and are going to be spending A LOT more time together as one big family.

The small children, on the other hand, are overjoyed, although they don't know any more than the teenagers do--- only that they think Mr. Froggie and I are the best things that ever happened to their mom, and to them, and they have commented that they want us to all be one family: the other evening, we all went over to Ruth's house to just visit and hang out together. The children asked me and Mr. Froggie to tuck them in at bedtime, and as we did so, they asked if they could call us "aunt and uncle," lol. They of course wanted five hugs and kisses a piece, too. :lol:

The thing is, we worry about actually telling the children what is going on, because they cannot possibly keep it to themselves--- they will talk about it to their school mates-- whose parents just happen to work with us also-- and that could cost us our employment. Has anyone else out there had to worry about keeping a plural covenant union a secret? Or explaining to children why "Mommy's best friend"s husband" is spending the night? :shock:

Yesterday morning, when Mr. Froggie got off work (and I had gone to work the day shift), he went over to Ruth's house to just sit with her and try to watch a movie together--- they ended up talking and missing the movie, but they cuddled on the couch together, and it was nice, they said, and I am happy for them.

Last night we all met at a big pizza parlour to celebrate my son's 16th birthday, and the birthday of the teen daughter's boyfriend. We had such an awesome time together, just visiting and enjoying each other's company. Later, another large family came in to celebrate a child's birthday at a nearby table. We couldn't help but notice there were two moms, a grandma, only one dad, and a gazillion kids. :lol: Of course, it's possible they were aunts and uncle and cousins, but you never know.

Anyway... on a deeper level, we could not help but be awed at the wonder of how all the pieces of this whole plan are fitting together: The three of us have so much in common, then Mr. Froggie and Ruth have so much in common that I don't have in common, and of course things Mr. Froggie and I have in common that Ruth does not, and so forth.... it is like Ruth completes our relationship. And then we were looking at rings at Walmart, but we were disappointed in both the selection and the prices, so we decided to wait until after the first of the year, but it was so important to me that we get Ruth a ring asap, and then when we stopped so she could pay a bill, there was the jeweler's having a clearance sale....

Then we went to lunch at the Chinese buffet, and they have these fun "Chinese Zodiac" placemats, and we were reading them and discovered that all of our "signs" are compatible with each other... :lol: No, we don't really place any stock in that kind of stuff, but it did make the whole experience seem surreal.

And then I have been able to sit back and just enjoy watching Ruth and Mr. Froggie interact with each other as a courting couple, and sharing a certain amount of affection, and not only am I "okay" with it, I am actually excited about it! It just feels so right! All three of us are simply astounded at how quickly this has come together.

Now if we can just figure out what to tell the children, and then work out technical logistics, such as bedrooms and scheduling and childcare, and quality time, and family time, and work time, and sleep time, etc....

 

[Froggie]

(Original thread: "Sealing the Deal" (a question about details) )

\IT'S OFFICIAL!!! Mr. Froggie and Ruth are engaged! The whole thing is just surreal--- in a fantastically supernaturally inspired way, of course. We have had family time, combined couples dates, and Ruth and Mr. Froggie have had some time for just the two of them, talking and growing the love they already had for each other from just a "siblings in Christ" love to a romantic love. Today we bought rings. Mr. Froggie and I were intending to just get one for Ruth, but she wanted to get one for Mr. Froggie, so she picked one out, and I "helped." Then she insisted that she get one for me that matches hers, so that's special. Then, when Mr. Froggie finished paying for Ruth's ring, he turned to her and said, "Okay, give me your finger;" and he put it on her. We all exchanged hugs in the jewelery store, and I was so excited I actually got a bit teary-eyed.

So then the rest of the trip in town, I pointed out to them, "Okay, remember this day: it's the day you got engaged. Did you catch that? You're engaged!" Then at one point when we were alone, I asked Mr. Froggie, "So how does it feel to be engaged?" And he laughed and said, "Weird!" Then I got to throw the words "fiance/fiancee" around too. :lol:

We haven't set a date for the "big day" yet, but we have some planning to do. Right now they just want a day or two to comprehend the fact they are engaged. :lol: But we did talk briefly about the honeymoon, and Ruth insists she wants me to come with them at least for the first night.... I don't think so. I think they really just need that time all to themselves, and I will stay home and take care of the children. :shock:

I also asked them about what they want to do for a "ceremony," and they were completely blank. I suggested exchanging vows... they didn't seem to think it was all that necessary, but I helped them a little bit with the traditional "to love, honor, and cherish..." speel. They just nodded and looked at me like that was a no-brainer. :lol: And we will sip sparkling wine and eat cake.

Meanwhile, however.... I have asked them to "be good" and not go any further than hugging, kissing, cuddling, and holding hands until we've had our little ceremony. They promised to behave themselves. (Boy, I sure hope we can get it done soon--- this romance is budding super fast!)

 

[Froggie]

Re: The Children I'm Falling In Love With (Update)

Just got back from Ruth's. She has to get ready for work, and the children are going to another sitter's house for the night. We talked and talked and talked, about what is happening lately. Although she agreed that this has been happening shockingly fast, she also believes that perhaps she and Mr. Froggie needed that little push from me (and she also said I am pushy! :shock: ), so they could finally see what I see. And now they do. Yesterday and today they have finally seen what I see. They still think I'm bonkers, but that is why they love me. :lol:

This morning we all had to drop into our workplace to pick up our Christmas turkeys. But we have nowhere to put FOUR frozen whole turkeys! (Our 18 year old son also works at the same place we do). But another team mate/friend has FOUR freezers, and said we could store our turkeys at her place. (yes, this story is relevant) So anyway, I had to go to work, so Ruth and Mr. Froggie took dear son home, then drove up to our friend's house with the turkeys, just the two of them. Ruth told me this evening that today in the car, the whole situation finally dawned on her with the realization that this is really for real, and not some crazy, flakey idea that I was going to back out on.... she said she realized at that point that she is also every bit as commited, and there is no turning back; we are really going to go through with this, it is not temporary, but life long, even after the kids are all grown.

Ruth went on to explain that she has never had a relationship like this before-- not talking about a poly relationship, but a relationship born out of sincere love and friendship. This is a totally new experience for her, and she had no idea that there are people who have this kind of love and closeness in their marriages. (My heart breaks for her) I keep telling her that I know this, and that is why I'm doing this: because she deserves nothing less than what I have--- I want her to have everything that I have-- I want her kids to have everything that my kids have had. These statements make her head spin, and she cannot fathom it. It is the closest thing I can finally compare to what Christ has done for me. And Christ did it, so I could have everything He has!

So last night she came over and told me she had had a talk with her children. She sat them all down and explained that She and Mr. Froggie and I have made a solemn promise to be their parents-- TOGETHER--- they now have two moms, and one dad. They are welcome to call us "Mom and Dad" if they like, or they can call us by our first names; it is up to them. Oh my word, are they excited!!! They started calling us "Mom and Dad" immediately. Ruth explained to them that if anything were to happen to her, that Mr. Froggie and I will raise them and love them and take care of them, and that is our promise we all made together. We showed them the rings we got to remind us of that promise. We are not telling them anything about the term "plural marriage," since they will not understand it. But we have simply explained that we are now one family, and will be doing a lot more things together as a family, such as taking a vacation together and going camping this summer. It all went VERY well. We are just blown away at how well it went! Even my own younger son (the one that just turned 16) immediately started calling Ruth "New Mom," and gave her a hug and kiss before going home to his own bed last night, and before going back to school after lunch this afternoon. :shock: Our older son is not quite so comfortable with the idea, but he has very maturely understood that he really has no choice in it, as it is already happening, so therefore he has made the decision to "be okay" with it.

The teenage daughter is somewhere in between the two teen boys: She loves all of us, and wants us all to be happy, and is happy for her mother, but she does not understand how this kind of relationship would even work, and how I would be willing to do something like this. Ruth explained to her that her "picker" is broken, and has probably never worked-- every relationship she has ever been in has been a bad one-- but she didn't pick this time; we picked her! She also stated that she was attracted to Mr. Froggie at first sight, but that when she saw his wedding ring, she was disappointed, because here was a good man, and he was unavailable. She explained that when it came to choosing a partner, she never considered Mr. Froggie, because she did not realize he was an option. Truth is, until recently, he was NOT an option! :lol: She explained to her teen daughter that this is really happening, that there is no turning back; this is for real. Teen daughter doesn't understand, but she will be okay with it. She is having a doubly hard time because she is having some drama with her boyfriend that I won't go into at this time.

So anyway.... although things have been happening rather fast, Ruth says she believes she needed it to, and thanks me for that little push. :lol: However, they are going to try to take things just a wee bit more slowly now, since she really wants to plan a special weekend/honeymoon/getaway to "seal" her relationship with Mr. Froggie, and she really thinks it should be AFTER Christmas. However... I have to say, things are really heating up between them, and I am not so sure they can wait that long! :lol: I told her that if it turns out they can't wait, then this is what I want: 1) I want it to be "on purpose," and not because they got caught up in the heat of the moment. 2) That day is their official anniversary date 3) We have to have cake and celebrate, and all they have to say is, "we're having cake!" :shock: Of course, the ideal is to plan a special date and getaway, but life doesn't always go according to the ideals we have in our heads, and I'm okay with that--- I just want it to be a very special and sacred event for them. :lol:

As for Mr. Froggie: I have not yet seen him since we parted ways at work this morning. He is still sleeping, as he works the night shift. But I do want to hear his feelings on all this, and make sure he is okay with how fast things are moving.

As for your question, Diener, about what changed his mind: Well, I have kind of an idea, but I think I will ask him, to be sure before I answer that. Then I will most certainly get back to you.

Oh, and PS: We are also VERY excited about Christmas this year. We are all going to spend it together, and sharing new traditions from each household, and also coming up with some new ones, unique to our new family. This is going to be the best Christmas ever, because this year, Ruth's children are getting a new daddy for Christmas! (And I get five new children!) :mrgreen:

 

[Froggie]

Re: The Children I'm Falling In Love With (Update)

Thank you, well-wishers, and Thanks be to God, the Father of us all.

Today I got to spend some more time pondering over all these events, as my job is manual, so I have lots of time to think... I realized what I'm feeling a few weeks ago, but I could not put it into words, since it was so new to me. But I have come to understand a love that transcends anything else I've ever experienced before. I could not fathom living in a plural marriage, because my heart was not yet big enough! And now God has opened my heart to the point that I can finally take my love just that much further. I am beginning to understand a love I had no ability to comprehend before now. It is absolutely profound! (We need a heart emoticon!) :geek:

 

[Froggie]

(Original thread: "Sealing the Deal" (a question about details) )

Yesterday, Mr. Froggie's new pinky ring slipped off his finger while he was in the shower! Don't worry, he rescued it just in time, and discovered it does indeed fit over his left ring finger afterall, right next to his first wedding band, though it is just a wee bit tight.

Last night at work, one person with a sharp eye asked him why he is wearing two wedding rings. He simply answered, "My wife gave it to me," and left it at that. Then another person who was present at the conversation quipped, "It's because he has TWO wives!" :shock: Oh, if they only knew.... :lol:

 

[Froggie]

(Original thread: Dinosaur Therapy (for difficult teens) )

Ruth's eldest daughter is a hormonal, headstrong, difficult fifteen year old. One night last week, she thought she would go to bed early, along with the younger children. But she soon came back out to the living room where Ruth and I were visiting, and said she couldn't sleep. I told her to stay out here and "bond with us." She teased that she didn't want to "bond with us," because "You're old-- you're dinosaurs!" Oh, it was ON for that little girl, let me tell you! :lol: I went over and picked her up out of her chair, then plopped her onto the sofa right between myself and Ruth, and we just loved the stuffing right out of her, until she couldn't take it anymore. :lol:

She wouldn't admit it for several days, but I knew that deep inside she really liked that treatment, and needed it. She finally did admit it several days later. Her mother and I have determined that "Dinosaur Therapy" is necessary to this teen daughter's healthy development, and she is going to be receiving it on a very frequent, if not nightly, basis, from now on.

Last night, as I was leaving the children with said daughter for the night--- they were all asleep, and she is grounded--- a moment came up in which I determined some Dinosaur Therapy was in order. So I sat and held her for a few minutes. She then told me that she could really have used some "Dinosaur Therapy" the previous evening, when she was all alone in the house, and ended up crying herself to sleep. Poor dear. I told her that in the future, if that ever happens, she can come over to my house and ask for Dinosaur Therapy any time, and get all she needs. She responded very favorably to that. :mrgreen:

 

[Froggie]

Re: The Children I'm Falling In Love With (Update)

I am so amazed at how wonderfully it has all gone - especially how deeply you love and care for Ruth! This love is indeed the biggest reason to bring in another wife! What you feel now and the mind-blowing change it brings about as time goes on. I loved what you said especially about wanting Ruth to have all you have and for her children to have all your's have - just a Christ died for you so you could have all He has! That is beautiful and exactly the point of sister-wife love, I think. That is one of the ways God grows us women!
Praise God!

Diener, it is all true; every word. I too am just shaking my head in amazement and wonder. Just the other day Ruth was telling me, "This all just feels so right!" And then this morning Mr. Froggie said, "It's funny, but this all just feels so right!" :lol: A month ago, Mr. Froggie was completely against the entire idea of plural marriage. Now he is loving it. :lol:

 

[Froggie]

I don't think I joined this site even a month ago, and yet already we are easing comfortably into a Plural Family lifestyle. One month ago, Mr. Froggie was not even remotely open to the idea of plural marriage, and this morning he was remarking about how right it all feels. :shock: A transition such as this only happens by the Hand of God, to be sure. (awed emoticon)

This thread is to help those who are new to the idea of plural marriage, seeking plural marriage, and those just wanting to hear about the personal journey of another novice plural marriage family. I have started a couple of other threads regarding separate aspects of this journey, but as our family combines into one, the two threads are beginning to merge as well. So I've started a new one, with a more appropriate title. I hope everyone is okay with this, and that someone will find my experience helpful and inspiring.

Mr. Froggie and i have been in a monogamous marriage for 20 years-- our anniversary is in two months. We have two teenage sons together. I have been fascinated by the idea of plural marriage for some time, thinking it might be nice to have a sister wife-- the friendship and teamwork aspect of it really appealed to me-- but when I thought of "sharing" my husband sexually, I could not cope, and would immediately dismiss the very idea.

Only a few short weeks ago that all changed. All of a sudden I was okay with the idea of my husband being intimate with another woman, with making love to another woman whom he loved as deeply as I know he loves me. What caused the sudden change? The only Thing I can think of is the Hand of God. Prior to just a few short weeks ago, I can only guess my heart and my capacity to love was not quite big enough. But God is the Maker and Changer of Hearts. God has grown my heart and given me a capacity to love that I have never experienced before, a love I never even thought was possible, a love I certainly was never capable of prior to this point. And He has done the same for Mr. Froggie.

Our new partner in marriage and parenthood is a woman I have named "Ruth," after the woman who married Boaz and loved her mother in law so much. She met Mr. Froggie at work-- we all work at the same place, in the hospitality industry-- they developed a sincere friendship, in which they talked about all kinds of stuff. They both developed a sincere Christian love for each other, residing deeply in their hearts. They stifled any possibility of physical attraction, as they both knew that Mr. Froggie was not available to any other kind of relationship other than friendship. But Ruth is a "giver." That is, she has the true Gift of Giving, and a huge heart with a lot of love for others. When Ruth heard we were struggling a bit financially (my hours were reduced when the tourist season declined), she offered to pay me to watch her children for her on my evenings off, since she works the night shift. She does earn a higher income than Mr. Froggie and I do, based upon her position, and the tips she receives. However, as a single parent of FIVE children, her resources are also limited, bless her heart. So I began watching Ruth's children and fell in love with them. Ruth's appreciation for what I was doing for her is huge. She told Mr. Froggie that she truly loved us, and would do anything to keep us in town, even if it meant paying our electricity bill. :shock: We were both dumbfounded: what had we done to make this woman love us so much? She was the one doing all the blessing and giving and loving in this friendship, and as far as we could see, we had done nothing to warrant it. We began searching our hearts to fathom this kind of love, so we could return it.

When Mr. Froggie began telling me how much he truly loved Ruth in his heart, after getting to know her over the past several months, I realized I had some growing to do. Then a little seed started to form in my heart. :idea: I had fallen in love with Ruth's children. I could see they needed more parents in their lives: a dad for sure, and another mom wouldn't hurt either. I broached the idea of plural marriage to Mr. Froggie. At first, he would not even consider the idea. "No way," he said, "I can barely handle one wife, I certainly don't need two!" I waited a couple of days and broached it again. Same response. I kept at it for several days until one day, Mr. Froggie began telling me how much he loved Ruth, and how she is his best friend other than me, even a closer friend than the two guy friends he works with! We talked about this for two hours; the first time Mr. Froggie would even discuss the idea, much less consider it. But he still shook his head and thought I was crazy. However, he agreed that we needed to put more effort into helping Ruth and finding ways to return her love, and bless her as much as she had blessed us.

Then Thanksgiving Day came. We had plans to combine with Ruth's family for dinner. She also had invited a couple of other people who had no one to spend the day with, and sent plates out to some neighbors who were housebound. (See how special she is?) I knew she would be under plenty of stress, as she was really going all-out for this dinner. I decided to go and get her children out from under foot by taking them with me when I walked my two dogs. Ruth was showing the two middle girls (ages 9 and 10) how to do dinner, so I took the "babies" (boy and girl, ages 5 and 6). After our walk, I took the "babies" over to my house, where Mr. Froggie was roasting a turkey for Ruth, and preparing some other dishes we would be sharing. To keep the children entertained, he involved them in the kitchen "helping" him with things like basting the turkey and measuring ingredients. (He was so cute with them, too)

It was Thanksgiving Day when Mr. Froggie fell in love with Ruth's children. The babies especially had just wrapped themselves around his heart, and he found himself wanting to be their new daddy. At dinner he met the rest of the girls, and was charmed. He was willing to be a dad to them as well.

A couple of days later we were talking about Ruth and dinner, and her children, and just basking again in the wonderfulness of it. I brought up again the idea of plural marriage, and this time Mr. Froggie did not shake his head and dismiss the idea. Instead he was shaking his head because he was actually considering it, and finding himself agreeing with the idea! :lol:

So when he went to work, he set up a "date" with Ruth, for the three of us to go out together on a morning we all had off, and the children would be in school. It was awesome. We had such a great time, and Ruth was wondering why she never did anything like that before-- meaning go out with adults while the kids were in school! :shock: It was in the ladies room I brought up the idea of plural marriage to Ruth (on the advisement of the good folks on this forum). She was open to the idea, and not opposed, though she thought I was nuts, going through some sort of "mid-life crisis" or empty nest syndrome or some such thing. She was sure I would abandon the idea in a day or two, that I wasn't serious.

As days went by, I talked to Ruth more about the idea I had brought up, and managed to assure her I was serious. She started to believe me, but a big part of her held an understandable fear that I would change my mind after she allowed herself to become emotionally invested, and she and her children would be heartbroken. I visited her and talked to her every day after my work, and before hers. As the days went by, Ruth decided to take a leap of faith (literally!) and allow us to "court" her with our serious intentions. She allowed herself to experience the romantic feelings for Mr. Froggie that she had been suppressing. And he for her. And I began to fall even more in love with my husband, at realizing his own capacity to expand his heart and love an entire second family!

Okay, so Thanksgiving Day was November 24th. December 7th Mr. Froggie and Ruth had a private "date" together while I was at work, during which they snuggled on the couch and watched a movie together. They had a "very nice" day, in which they became "very close." This was also our son's birthday. We had plans to meet at a pizza parlour for a huge family dinner. And it was wonderful, and we were one family, and it was clear that Ruth had finally committed to this relationship. She was in love, and so were Mr. Froggie and I.

December 8th we went back into town for grocery shopping and errands. We ended up buying rings, to signify our commitment to each other. Mr. Froggie and Ruth were officially engaged. :mrgreen: December 9th Ruth sat her children down and explained as simply as she could that we were combining our families into one big family. The children would now have a daddy and two moms. They had the choice to call us "Mom and Dad" or by our first names. The children were excited, and started calling us "Mom and Dad" right away. (Even the teen daughter is calling us "Mom and Dad" half the time!)

So now we get to the "good stuff!" :mrgreen: Since Mr. Froggie and Ruth both work the night shift, and I work days, they are able to spend some quality time together in the mornings after work/after the kids go to school, before going to their beds and getting their day's sleep. Almost every evening after I get off work, I go to Ruth's to get some "girl time," just visiting with her. Then if she has to work that night, I take over childcare. Once the children are asleep, and the teen daughter has met her curfew, I get to go home to connect with Mr. Froggie while he is waking up and getting ready for work (this was Ruth's idea, as I had been staying the night with her children, and missing time with Mr. Froggie).

Ruth and I each get a whole day with Mr. Froggie all to ourselves, twice a week, as it fits in with our work schedules and childcare arrangements. And we now have plans to have dinner together as one family two nights a week as well, again centered around work schedules, which helps to determine who cooks. Actually, tonight will be our third dinner together this week! :mrgreen:

Yesterday was Mr. Froggie's and Ruth's days off. I had to work, so they had a "date" in the morning. They went up to a local bar to shoot some pool, as that is something they have in common and like to do together (I don't play pool). I did not expect to see Mr. Froggie at all yesterday, as he usually sleeps late on his nights off, past my own bedtime. Ruth also called me yesterday asking if the boys and I wanted to come over after she go home from shopping, and play Monopoly or something. Then Mr. Froggie surprised me by waking up early. Ruth was equally surprised when I brought Mr. Froggie over! Bummer, the teenagers all abandoned us, and the little ones were all asleep. But when teen daughter met her curfew, we all three went back over to "my" house to snuggle on the couch together and watch a couple of movies. It was so awesome! Mr. Froggie sat in the middle, and he had his "two best girls" both loving on him from either side. He thought that was just a dream come true, lol. :lol: Neither Ruth nor I could make it through the second movie, though. We both fell asleep, so I went to my bed and she went home (after Mr. Froggie woke us up, of course.) Mr. Froggie stayed up all night, as is his custom, and this morning was my own special time with him, which was absolutely wonderful, of course. He is napping now, and wants me to wake him early so he can start cooking. (see next paragraph)

Tonight we are going to the children's school Christmas concert together, so we are having dinner early. Mr. Froggie and Ruth are doing the cooking, and have a special meal planned. Ruth also said she might go with me to walk the dogs today, so we can have our "girl time" then. And this is a great way for Ruth to start getting some exercise into her life, and feel better about herself. Sunday evening we are all going to the children's Christmas play at the church, so yet again some more family time.

Ruth and Mr. Froggie have set their date to consummate their commitment to each other with a weekend getaway on January 4th. This date is significant because My wedding anniversary is February 14. Their date is 1/4--- so it will be easy to remember. There is a slight possibility that date won't be good, however (women's cycles and all), so in that case the date will be pushed back to January 11: 1/11/12-- for every five years, Mr. Froggie had just one wife, then all of a sudden he has two. :lol:

Last night I happened to use the term "marriage" in front of my younger son, who is actually pretty cool with this whole thing (he has started calling Ruth "New Mom"). He said, "I would rather we not have any ties to polygamy." So I amended my term to "covenant-promise." He nodded his head and said, "That's better." :lol:

So that's our journey so far. I will continue to share our experiences, both the good and the difficult, as this new God-led adventure progresses.

 

[Froggie]

I appreciate the concerns of those who warn of going too fast, and I will keep your warnings in mind. However... in my personal experience, when God decides to act on one of His great plan in my behalf, He usually does it suddenly and swiftly, and makes my head spin with the grand awesomeness of His mighty power. (God knows I love surprises)