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Where are the Old Timers

Seeking Great Pearl

Seeking Great Pearl

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cwcsmc said:
I have been noticing lately that a lot of the interaction here is between new comers who are in monogamous relationships trying to find out about polygamous ones. But, there doesn't seem to be too much PM information shared here in a mentor-ship kinda way. There are a couple who I think are PM and share, and one or two moderators that jump in, but for the most part it seems that most of the conversation is between wannabe PM'ers. Is it just a phase? Is that the way it is suppose to be? Am I missing something? There seemed to be a lot of 'old hats' activity after the Dallas retreat, mostly about playing instruments, but I was just wandering is that just the way these things go?
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Hi CWCSMC,

I'm an old timer all the way back to 2000. I read most of the active posts, but I don't post a lot. My life has changed a lot though since the old days. I was a first wife for 15 years in a PM that ultimately failed. Now, however, after being in the back side of the wilderness for 10 years after that failure while God worked on me (or should I say worked me over), He divinely orchestrated my entering into a covenant relationship with my current husband and family in which I am the second wife. We had our betrothal anniversary of two years on December 29, 2013, and our second wedding anniversary is on August 12, 2014. A lot has happened. A lot of life. Life is busy so often when you are on the potter's wheel and everything new, exciting, and difficult can take so much of your time that sometimes I have found that those who are in PM are busy doing just that and don't often share for spaces of time. I know, for me, it is way past time for me to start posting on our families adventures in the stories of those with two or more wives. Ours is called, "Steve's Familial Adventures." But alas, the enemy has his way of bringing distractions in our lives too, and again, for me this time has been dealing with some physical issues. I took a fall at a local grocery store and am busy getting myself put back together so to speak. I feel a bit like Humpty Dumpty! But..."This too shall pass," and eventually I will write in our story and post more often. It is necessary, too, for me to say that although I read much of the active posts, I do try to be led by the Spirit in what I am and am not to respond to. Sometimes, I have things I "could" say, but I don't think I am the one to post and that there are others who would be more appropriate for the job.

So, if that helps answer your questions in at least part, then I hope that helps at least some.

In Him,
Deborah
 
Curtis, I can't speak for anyone else, but I can tell you what's going on with me. I'm a new/oldtimer (or an old/newtimer). Nathan and I have known each other in cyberspace for many years, and I've been a member of this board from about three weeks after it went up. I didn't really engage until a few months ago, though, and even now my time for board discussions is pretty limited. And like Deborah, I try to maintain a sense of whether I need to jump in on everything or save it for when I really feel drawn to a particular thread (like this one!). Otherwise I'll lurk, review some but not all of the new posts that go up, and jump in when I think I have something unique or at least specific to contribute.

I may have missed something in a way that's going to require a self-forehead-slap when you point it out to me, but is there a specific thread (or are there threads) where someone's asking for some particular advice or sharing of experience where you feel some of the oldtimers should have weighed in? I'll be happy to look again and see if I've got something to say if you can point me in the right direction.
 
cwcsmc said:
Thanks so much for your response Andrew, and in no way is my thread here (the one I started) meant to imply any lack on any ones part. I do hope I didn't come across that way.
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It's all good. I didn't take it that way.

cwcsmc said:
And I know perfectly well that everyone's time is short. Mine too, I was just trying to find the ducks and put them all in a row. This plural marriage stuff is very important to my wife and I and some how we have been living under a rock and so we are trying to gain as much information about that subject as we can and as they say, sometimes it is best to get it straight from the horses mouth. (How's that for a bunch of cliches?) :)
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Nice run! 8-)

cwcsmc said:
Anyway, I was just trying to see who was all out there. It would be so much nicer if everyone lived in the same place so we didn't have to depend so much on this stupid computer. :)
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Have you ever been to a retreat? The Dallas event was my family's first, and we are officially hooked. We may not make all of them, but we'll make any we can. Looks like we have Tennessee in July and Nevada in October coming up, and if you could make one of those I'd heartily recommend it. And if you're in Texas or pass through at some point, give me a shout and let's get together! ;)
 
Outstanding! See you there!
 
grrrrr.....typed a long response and the computer ate it before I hit the send button

double grrrrr....the smileys are still not working
 
It is hard to believe that we are coming up on 5 years being on Bib Fam, the first three as theorists, the last (almost) two" livin' the life." I am glad, C, that you and your family are coming to the retreats. They make all the difference in the world, because you get to talk to people in a relaxed setting, with hopefully neither party feeling like they are under a microscope. I know at first I had a ton of questions, wanted to know how people made it work, what was equitable, what was best, and being able to hear from people who had been at it for awhile was so helpful.

But then, when it comes down to it, and the "wannabe days" are over, every family has to find their style and their stride. Sometimes it's three steps forward, two steps back, and sometimes you "fall forward."

I think the most important thing to remember is that the plural lifestyle is one where the gospel must be lived out with an intensity that is not present in other venues, at least in the States where Self is King, (or Queen!) Lots of grace is necessary all the way around, and it is worth it for so many reasons, personal growth being one of the biggies.

Am looking forward to meeting you and your tribe this summer.
 
Hey Mississippi...This is Louisiana calling ........I am one of the old timers here and have been all the way back to Feb. 2008. Was at the first Dallas retreat, made a tenn retreat a couple yrs ago and will make this one in July. Believe I was the 5th person to join BF........did a lot of posting back then, asking questions and giving out thoughts on what the Lord was showing me. Courted a lady friend around that time and felt like she was close to accepting but alas she did not and then the hell broke loose between her, myself and my wife. she did things that really ripped out my heat and I took a beating from her over some personal issues. We finaly parted way for a time and it seems that the spark is still there between us but nothing is happeneing. Have met a couple of ladies since then but are only friends due to thingss beyond both our controls though for sure one of them is intrested but alas it is not meant to be so we are just friends until god says otherwise. Have been dealing with some personal issues between me and God concerning plural marriage and we still have some issues but then again that is a whole different story. ..........sorta drifted away from the message board due to various reasons but still drop by from time to time to see what is going on but mostly visit with folks on the Facebook page for BF.

Thats about it in a nut shell.
 
Mississippi, this is Alabama calling!
So glad you are coming to the retreat, and I would encourage you to glean from the womenfolk as well as "the brahs" when you get there. Of course, each family has their own comfort level as to the format for discussion, but I believe I can speak for all the families that are livin' the life when I say we all want to do what we can to help others succeed. The attrition rate for plural relationships is off the hook, and a lot of it seems to be that people pitch their common sense and working knowledge of what makes relationships successful out the proverbial window with alacrity, and then wonder why it crashed, burned, and lit up the sky.

I mentioned "living out the gospel with intensity," and in current parlance, that can be a proactive determination to increase one's "EQ," or emotional quotient. (And of course, in this day of 10-easy-steps-to-fill-in-the-blank, there are internet links to the topic that surprisingly are actually pretty good!) By increasing one's EQ I do not mean that guys get squishy. Rather, I mean that the bible is full of "one anothers," and, in my mind, getting back to the basics of discipleship is a great way to prepare for what God is bringing our way, whether it's preparing to add a wife or a well in one's backyard. In terms of analogy, both can be a deep source of refreshment and need to be handled with great consideration, and folks need to learn the "care and feeding" necessary for all to flourish. See ya soon! : )
 
Well said, cwcsmc.

Same for alit53. Where's the "like" button on this thing?... ;)
 
Looking over this topic again, saw the comments re smilies on page one. A tip on smilies:

When you are posting, if you want to insert a smiley and can't remember the code, right click on the smiley you want over there to the right and select "Inspect Element" (should be at the bottom of the menu that comes up). This will pop up a developer dashboard at the bottom of your screen, and you'll be looking at the actual html code that your web browser is using to display this website. One line will be highlighted, and that's the line that calls up the image to display for that smiley you selected.

What you're looking for is the "alt" code for the smiley. Somewhere in that line (different order for different browsers) is a field that says "alt=xxxx", where "xxxx" is the code you're looking for. Examples include:

:)
;)
:lol:
:shock:

Whatever comes after "alt=", that's the code you put in for the smiley you selected. When you are finished, you can close the developer window by clicking the x in the upper right hand corner. This seems complicated all written out, but once you've done it a couple of times and get how it works, it's pretty quick and easy.
 
Been here since 2009. I have been married for 30+ years, but have never had a second wife, so do not really consider myself mentor material, but I try to help out where I can. I am excellent at hypothetical scenarios.
 
I've been here for a little while... I certainly wouldn't call myself an old-timer, but I have noticed some trend towards the majority of posts to be written by people filled with the fresh realization that plural marriage isn't insane, and the energetic joy the accompanies discovering one of God's Biblical truths for the first time... in other words, newcomers. Even so, there are a number of stalwarts haunting this site whom I have found very helpful over the years
 
Well I just realized I have been here for just over 2 years now. So I should probably stop considering myself a newcomer, though I haven't been here for anywhere near as long as some!
 
cwcsmc said:
I guess that does raise the question, what is the expiration date for a newcomer to be an old timer?
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Very rare that you can talk about the expiration date in relation to old timers and it be a positive...
8^)
 
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