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What will help a broken-hearted husband?

notforevil

notforevil

Member
Male
Hello Ladies,

Amanda here... its been a while since I (or any of my family) have posted on here..... but today I'm just searching for answers....

I came into my family as the 3rd SW to an amazing man. Unfortunately...Number 2 has abandoned our family and my soul mate is completely lost now, and I have no ideas on what to do to help him.

We're all devastated by her abandonment... but him especially, he's suffering with 1/3 of his heart ripped out. He's always been a man with enough love for 3+ and he still loves us two without a doubt, but we can never fill the gaping hole that's in his chest.

Will a man with this much abundance to give ever be content with loss in life, or is God's call to PM so strong that it now has become his purpose... To be limitless in the love of his ladies!

As Andrew wrote in a reply to FH2 (A Letter From The Front Line), "If you're doing it right, it will scale up as you add wives. If you can't add wives, it's because you were doing it wrong in the first place."

Well we know my soul mate was doing it right...or he would have never attracted me (number 3), but what do we do in the absence of number 2? When a man expands his heart to 3, and a piece abandons him, he just implodes :(

I can't help but think that somebody receiving what number 2 threw away is the only way to make him whole again. The irony of this is the three SWs were previously discussing a 4th possibility to strengthen all of our love.

I know many people are going to jump at the fact that no one will ever replace number 2 and I don't dispute that fact, I'm just simply saying "if God's called him to share his deeply devoted heart, will it break him to go backwards?"
 
Seeing our husband's heart break is a difficult thing, as rustysdove said, time and love is about all you can do. Only the Lord knows if a new love will be what is needed. Praying for you all.
 
Thank you Rustysdove and Julie for these precious sips of living water during our time of wandering in the desert. Its a comfort to know that you are both being led by God to share life with us. I agree that only the Lord knows and my only prayer during this time of distress is that He reveals Himself soon. Thank you for meditating on a solution with us, your hearts are in the right place in being your brother and sisters keeper. Thank you for being faithful family.
 
I fully agree with the above comments, it really is a time thing. It sounds like your husband is taking it more as a death (understandable), and so he will need time to grieve the loss before moving on. As for how to help him, well you know him the best. Men are all different and need help and comfort in different ways. Don't be afraid to ask him what he needs, he may say he doesn't know, but at least you tried.
 
I was just sharing this with a dear friend, "Sometimes life sends you for a loop and the one I feel the worst for is my husband. He has known our number 2 SW for almost 18 years and been married for over 5 of them. He said to me today that this abandonment has torn him right down to the very core and he doesn't know what to do... he said that he used to think it was a joke when someone said that a person died from a broken heart, thinking "how could that be physically true", but now we're all worried about this toll its taking on him." To him, this is worse than a death, its more like an abduction from the dark side. Over 30 days and we still know nothing.

I do appreciate though, everybody's good advice and their compassion. Something's got to help him out of these Job trials. None of us know what to do, but we do know that if SW number 2 had even 1/10 of all your compassion we would have an idea of what's going on. I see why the Bible warns us to make sure we're equally yoked; I sure don't want to loose my husband over this.

God Bless you, FollowingHim2. We couldn't survive this with just the three of us.
 
We've lost two wives from the family and Steve had to deal with both losses. Shari was Steve's first (and legal) wife and she left after I joined the family. Her three girls were grown up and they had moved out and I think most of it was that Shari wasn't interested in the life anymore so she moved to Seattle, did the divorce, and started a new life. Steve was somewhat accepting of it because he said that Shari had been hinting about leaving for a long time so it wasn't a surprise. Still, it hurt and you could see it hurt.
Then we lost Macy and her kids and that hurt all of us. I hate to say but Shari was like "The Boss" of the family and she insisted on all sorts of rules and was sometimes unpleasant to be around. After she left it was like we were all freed (even Steve) and it wasn't long before we didn't miss her although we care about her...if that makes sense.
With Macy we love her and we love her kids and having them gone and not wanting any contact with us anymore hurts a lot. She was my best friend in the house and she had this sweetness about her that just made everyone feel loved. When she left Steve really hurt, especially with the kids gone.
It just took time to help make things hurt less.

I wish I had better advice but I'm still trying to figure this out too.

Megan
 
It's really strange when a sister wife leaves because there are so many things she was to everybody. In my opinion, it's way more complex than a monogamous divorce.

All I can really say is you can't fix it for everybody. Honestly, the best thing to do is continue to be a loving and supportive spouse to your husband and sister wife who remains. You'll work through it together, and you'll get stronger for that.
 
Ladies, I know this is off topic a bit but to be honest, I can see it hurting on both sides. As a former SW who was abandoned by the husband, 1st wife and 3rd wife, I know the heartache as well. Even though mine was a bit of a different story. I am hoping that time has started healing the hurt and that you are all doing better. Prayers anyways.

Bobbie
 
notforevil said:
I was just sharing this with a dear friend, "Sometimes life sends you for a loop and the one I feel the worst for is my husband. He has known our number 2 SW for almost 18 years and been married for over 5 of them. He said to me today that this abandonment has torn him right down to the very core and he doesn't know what to do... he said that he used to think it was a joke when someone said that a person died from a broken heart, thinking "how could that be physically true", but now we're all worried about this toll its taking on him." To him, this is worse than a death, its more like an abduction from the dark side. Over 30 days and we still know nothing.

I do appreciate though, everybody's good advice and their compassion. Something's got to help him out of these Job trials. None of us know what to do, but we do know that if SW number 2 had even 1/10 of all your compassion we would have an idea of what's going on. I see why the Bible warns us to make sure we're equally yoked; I sure don't want to loose my husband over this.

God Bless you, FollowingHim2. We couldn't survive this with just the three of us.
Click to expand...

My heart went out to you and your BF as I read your posts on here tonight. Didn't feel like I had anything to say so didn't. Then I went on to look at the "Loneliness...." forum under "Health" posted by Rockfox. I personally needed some of that info, but kept thinking of you and your husband's hurt and that of you and the other sister wife's pain, as I listened to the video and read through the posts on that forum. I hope you will take a few minutes to watch it. I can tell from your posts your husband is highly esteemed in your home and has proven his leadership. The leaving of #2 SW probably is being seen by him as a direct statement against who he is, how he leads, what he stands for, and he's probably beating himself up emotionally with all the "what if's" and "what could I/should I have done to prevent this". Prayer is your mightiest weapon. More ground is gained on our knees than will ever be reclaimed standing! Your steadfast confidence in him and his Godly leadership, seeing your joy as you choose to live the victorious Christian life, keeping on keeping on--will be like dropping bits of warm honey and water into his dry parched desert.
 
Notforevil, My response to your heart cry was the last thing I did Wednesday, actually Thursday because it was already 1:00 a.m. So I went to bed with you on my heart. As I lay there in prayer, I kept hearing, "He needs to know you believe in him because he's quit believing in himself." I just kept hearing this over and over and knew I needed to share it with you but was so tired didn't get up to set the computer back up (I'd already closed down the laptop and put everything in the carrying case ready to leave for work that morning.) Number 2 leaving has "pulled the rug right out from underneath him". He really did think he was doing it right. That's why this whole thing is tearing at the foundation of how he sees himself. Sure do hope to see a good report soon--even if it's just a teeny tiny bit of one. Blessings to you and your Biblical family!
 
Almost a year, and I wonder how things are. As the wife of his youth, j have seen my hubby go thru heartbreak many times, it's not an easy road, but time does help. I would be interested to know how their family is doing. Praying they have been able to heal.
 
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