What if one wife wants more physical love than sister wife?

[rob in cal]

No two people are alike, and people's sexual desires can be quite different. I'm wondering if any plural wife husband on this board is dealing with wives with greatly differing sexual desires. If for instance one wife is hardly ever interested in sexual activity and the other is very interested? Is it ok to have, say, 90% of sexual intimacy with the one wife, 10% with the other? Seems to me that as long as all three people are happy with this, that that would be find Biblically and morally.
Without getting too detailed about this, how does one handle a situation where the husband is rotating his nights with the two wives equally, and for instance is going to sleep with the non-interested wife (call her wife 1) one night, finds himself desirous of sexual contact with one of his wives. Would it be ok to have sexual relations with the other wife (wife 2) and then go to sleep with the wife 1, as it was his night to be with wife 1?

 

[Dr. K.R. Allen]

Re: What if one wife wants more physical love than sister wi

All of this would boil down to the consciences of each person involved, even to the point if they all slept in the same room together at times. The goal is for the most harmony and unity as possible.

 

[welltan]

Re: What if one wife wants more physical love than sister wi

I am not at all an expert in this subject, but I have heard that ladies are aware of each other's needs and often vary the schedule themselves. (If a lady doesn't have the need than she might not be offended and sleeping alone is still good sleep)

 

[DiscussingTheTopic]

Re: What if one wife wants more physical love than sister wi

Exodus 21:8-10 answers this very clearly in my opinion especially combined with the advice in the beginning of 1 Corinthians 7

I am glad that God is not fair, instead he is merciful and superabundant.

In my opinion fairness is cruelty.

If one wife was 8 feet tall and the other wife was 5 feet tall I would advise that they are not forced to eat equal food portions. Otherwise one will hate you when she eats too much or the other will hate you when she eats to little. Typically at least.

 

[PolyPride]

Re: What if one wife wants more physical love than sister wi

No two people are alike, and people's sexual desires can be quite different. I'm wondering if any plural wife husband on this board is dealing with wives with greatly differing sexual desires. If for instance one wife is hardly ever interested in sexual activity and the other is very interested? Is it ok to have, say, 90% of sexual intimacy with the one wife, 10% with the other? Seems to me that as long as all three people are happy with this, that that would be find Biblically and morally.

I'm not in a poly relationship so I can't speak from personal experience, but I've read about and listen to the experiences of others in polygamy. I see nothing wrong with a poly husband spending more sexual time with one wife if the wives' sex drives are at the differing levels you mentioned and just as long as the husband has the energy. I'm also okay with this assuming that more sexual time does not involve spending an entire night and more nights with the wife who wants more sex. If the wife with the low sex drive finds out that the husband is having much more sex with the other wife then some wives would probably think the husband likes the other wife more. In that scenario, I think the married couple could either discuss their feelings and sexual needs and compromise or the husband would have to have of an equal balance with the amount of sex he has with each wife. I mean besides that, any wife entering polygamy should know in advance that she can't expect to spend drastically much more time with the husband than the other wife since she is 'sharing' and the husband needs the energy for both and BOTH wives need intimacy and attention from their husband. Otherwise, stay out of polygamy.

Without getting too detailed about this, how does one handle a situation where the husband is rotating his nights with the two wives equally, and for instance is going to sleep with the non-interested wife (call her wife 1) one night, finds himself desirous of sexual contact with one of his wives. Would it be ok to have sexual relations with the other wife (wife 2) and then go to sleep with the wife 1, as it was his night to be with wife 1?

Based on how I think some wives would feel, I'd say no. If a wife wanted extra sex, she could've gotten it before the husband's nighttime to spend with the other wife. I believe there needs to be some point of the wives not interrupting the other wife's time with the husband and that should at least be the husband's night with one wife.

 

[KevinV]

Re: What if one wife wants more physical love than sister wi

I would imagine that letting the wives make the schedule would keep from creating an environment of jealousy. This is one of the issues i've sought help on as well. Seems to be a very fine line to walk without hurting someones feelings.

 

[bobthebuilder]

Re: What if one wife wants more physical love than sister wi

I am the husband of 2 wives. What Keith said makes sense even though he is a Cowboys fan. There is no right answer. It can change at any time.