• Biblical Families is not a dating website. It is a forum to discuss issues relating to marriage and the Bible, and to offer guidance and support, not to find a wife. Click here for more information.

What are culturally acceptable things to talk to women about

D

DiscussingTheTopic

Member
Male
So......

I realize that all people will inevitably die. Therefor what people call entertainment is boring to me. I am not a "stick in the mud" or "killjoy."

I just find "entertainment" excruciatingly boring. However when I do things that will matter after I die, I do not find it boring but extremely joyful, but other people consider it boring.

The disturbing thing is...... People at the Church should not find secular NON-educational T.V. shows, the latest fashions, fads and trends more interesting than reading the Bible.

I am a very simple person, even though I choose to think about things more deeply than most people I have met face to face, none the less I consider my level of thinking very shallow compared with what it would have been if I were to have lived a more moral life. So I am shocked that people do not usually think more deeply than me. I do not say this out of pride, but humility as counting myself low compared with what God has offered me and expecting that someone else must have done more with what God offered them than I have.

I try to limit my pursuits to religion and academics (trying to develop a proper worldview and then live according to that worldview) and exercise/nutrition (trying to make sure other people will not have to take care of me when I am old, so that I am capable of helping others) and trying to store treasure in heaven by how I interact with people (trying to live a moral life, marry wives and have children (so that I can lead the to the good eternal life) and teach others to live a moral life(so that I can lead the to the good eternal life.)) I could break down living a moral life into more details like ways to help others and things to do and not do, but that is unnecessary.

That is essentially all I am interested in everything other than living a moral life is useless to me when I die.

So essentially all I can think about talking to women about is there views on how to raise a family/marriage life and religion and asking them what is important to them. But neither of these are considered culturally acceptable to talk to women about.

How can I communicate with women who I am interested in potentially marrying if I want to know more about the women without scaring them away by talking about religion and marriage? And don't say be your real self...., because that is my real self. How do I open an opportunity for the women to know whatever they want to know about me in order to feel they know enough about me to be confident to marry me?

Why do so many women seem to want to talk about everything except for whatever topic is most important to them? I have seen it over and over again where a woman expects a man to read her mind and then accuses him of poor communication skills, bad manners, not caring for others or some other fault when it is her who failed to say what she wanted! It seems like talking to some women is being expected to cook exactly the type of soup someone wants, when the person wants to talk about everything but how they like soup prepared, because if you ask them what they want in the soup they will never respect you again!

I do not mean any stereotype against all women, that is simply common trends I have noticed, perhaps I just run into the wrong people. Furthermore this may not apply to all women I know but after enough nonsense, I just start expecting from women that if I say the wrong thing (such as anything I consider important).... So please do not get angry at me for asking such a thing, because I am not talking about all women, but you never know if a women behaves like I described until it is too late (if you ever do know and they have not put you on a blacklist without telling you!)
 
Re: What are culturally acceptable things to talk to women a

aphesis paraptoma said:
God gave us men two ears and one mouth for a reason and He only gave the girls two ears and one mouth for harmony among the species (I used to remember the Scripture passage which proved this but I can’t find it right now). Our mouths are for building up and prayer and our ears are for nurturing.
Click to expand...

My schedule changed so I can answer today

Thank you for the answer.

So how do you get her to start talking to you to show her you can listen?

I do not think it works to say I really like what I know about you so far so please tell me more about yourself, so I can show that I can listen to you. :lol:
 
Re: What are culturally acceptable things to talk to women a


So you've figured us out, of sorts... what else is new in the world of men and women :!:

I like this thread, so far so good. Real points made. Although I have issue with this line:
Married men should never meet and build a rapport with other women without their wives' knowledge, consent and even co-operation.
Click to expand...

Sweet, but pure supposition. I see no basis for it in scripture whatsoever. I believe it's another case of 'we can take PM this much, but we can't handle the pure version. It's too much of a cultural change for us.'

But the fact is that the purpose of the Lord bringing us back to the original is that it remakes the watered down version of a woman-led man into the free and independent king he was meant to be before woman was even created. Look at King David... when does it say he had a meeting with his wives to discuss taking another wife? Look at Queen Esther. She did not become queen by any sort of consultation of the King with any other woman. She just plain pleased him.

The other thing is that the only reason Esther became Queen was because she treated him as the King he was. I have come to believe that this is a truth for all men and women. There are no queens out there because there are no kings. There are no kings out there because there are no queens. We have to bring it back! How we treat one another directly affects how we are treated. How we please the other directly affects how well we are pleased. It may not work out perfectly, depending on who we're dealing with, but we are to give our best anyway for our Lord's sake.

So scrap the 'culturally acceptable', and scrap the 'women'... do the spiritually acceptable and go for a queen who will treat you like a king rather than expect to be treated like a diva... who is down to earth and humble, worthy of being raised up. What the Lord looks for.... the heart. Look past the words to the heart, I'd say.

I think a wife ought to trust her husband, and the Lord, enough that he will find the right sister wife. I think a husband ought to always, and will always, keep the good of his household in mind, and not bring trouble into the household. Any two women can get along if they are of good hearts and minds.

So back to the question, what you do should bring out her heart and mind, as what you tell her should bring out yours. But I think you already got good advice. Find common ground which is comfortable for her and not too uncomfortable for you, even if you have to stretch a little. That's what love is for... stretching. You won't find a mirror of yourself usually.
 
Re: What are culturally acceptable things to talk to women a

Am I the only one noticing how much consulting of women is done or discussed on the forum here? I mean... this thread is about a man needing tips to consult women about marrying him. Other discussions are about consulting wives about finding or choosing another wife.

I just do not see a biblical basis for this anywhere...

The men would have much less problem if the real biblical principles were followed. But of course we don't live in a world or culture where they are followed. Hence these tips are needed to 'convince' a woman to 'choose' a man... please help me with the book, chapter, verse where this is found... as far as I am aware, it is the man's job to choose.
You did not choose me, but I chose you... John 15:16
Click to expand...

I think it applies...

Maybe I'll start another thread about the wrong taking of a woman... which follows this argument but is it's own subject.
 
Re: What are culturally acceptable things to talk to women a

Beta,
I like the way you think!!! I for one, am extremely weary of the "influence" our culture has upon the minds of men. We were created in the image and likeness of God. It is high time we stand on our hind feet and act like we are His image. What the world and particularly our families see and know of God, is reflected in our behavior, which in turn is determined by our self image. Beta, I appreciate your insights and they are particulary encouraging since they come from a godly woman. Bless you.
 
Re: What are culturally acceptable things to talk to women a

as far as I am aware, it is the man's job to choose.
Click to expand...

You're right as far as it goes. Unfortunately, in out world, fallen into sin as it is, choosing is not enough. The chosen (or her father) must agree and ours is not yet a lifestyle accepted by many as yet. The man chooses, the chosen says, "I don't think so!" and the whole idea is down the tubes. Here in the USA if the man persists with phone calls, emails, letters, or other attempts to further the relationship, he is quickly labeled as a stalker and hit with a restraining order or even jail time. Therefore, we must find a way to open communication and reach a point in the relationship where a potential wife might be willing to learn the truth about polygyny.
 
Re: What are culturally acceptable things to talk to women a

I'm with you John... extremely weary with the influence of our culture upon our minds for both sexes actually, when it is the Bible which is supposed to be our major and even sole influence!

I understand what you're saying Shimon... and it is a real dilemma which I do sympathize with. I've been witness to it. However, I feel the best way to find the balance of living in this world and it's cultural system, is to take the pendulum back the full opposite direction with as strong an opposition to what is now acceptable, that we can make a real impact and difference. Historically it seems to take that. How can it be worked out practically?... I don't know. But the Holy Spirit may have the answer if we ask Him.
 
Re: What are culturally acceptable things to talk to women a

Beta said:

So you've figured us out, of sorts... what else is new in the world of men and women :!:

I like this thread, so far so good. Real points made. Although I have issue with this line:
Married men should never meet and build a rapport with other women without their wives' knowledge, consent and even co-operation.
Click to expand...

Sweet, but pure supposition. I see no basis for it in scripture whatsoever. I believe it's another case of 'we can take PM this much, but we can't handle the pure version. It's too much of a cultural change for us.'
Click to expand...

..... In America..... If you have a marriage license and she does not like that you are marrying a second wife she will take your money and possibly worse..... Even if you do not have a marriage license she can run away with your children and make you pay child support, even though she ran away and should pay her own way if she refuses to live with you (unlike the situation where the man runs away and should be forced to pay for child support or possibly a one time large dowry (and in some circumstances forced to live with the women if her father wills it.))

Although there is no restriction on a man marrying a second wife without the first wife's permission and it is morally acceptable. To me one of the primary reasons I want multiple wives, has to do with building a community, I want my wives to feel like they are best friends with their co-wives. If the two or more women are unwilling to talk to each other or work with each others' children or stay in the same house, then a polygamous marriage would not work the way I want. So although I have a right to take as many women as I can responsibly take care of as wives (without the permission of the earlier wive(s)), I would ideally if possible want the wives to know each other before the marriage to make sure they get along.
 
Re: What are culturally acceptable things to talk to women a

Now in America and virtually every European country the woman is required to consent to the marriage (or the living married to you without a marriage certificate), else the husband is thrown in jail, or simply shot with a gun if he resists arrest, etc.

True story someone from another culture living in America tried to kidnap a woman he wanted to marry, because that is normal in that culture (which this woman was also from ancestrally), and the woman called 911.

So essentially you have to convince a woman to marry you.

I am looking for practical advice in this case, not what I could morally do if I was willing to have to fight violently against a U.S. government that has nuclear weapons and tanks and police with guns, which has had a history of sending in tanks to religious establishments in the U.S.

Furthermore in some circumstances (but not all) the father's consent is (ethically) required so you still have to convince the father under some circumstances, which is a lot easier if the daughter wants to marry you.

So please practical advice
 
Re: What are culturally acceptable things to talk to women a

1Co 6:12 All things are lawful unto me, but all things are not expedient: all things are lawful for me, but I will not be brought under the power of any.
 
Re: What are culturally acceptable things to talk to women a

sweetlissa said:
1Co 6:12 All things are lawful unto me, but all things are not expedient: all things are lawful for me, but I will not be brought under the power of any.
Click to expand...
I... don't see what is meant by this scripture in this context. Could you explain?
 
Re: What are culturally acceptable things to talk to women a

sadanyagci said:
sweetlissa said:
1Co 6:12 All things are lawful unto me, but all things are not expedient: all things are lawful for me, but I will not be brought under the power of any.
Click to expand...
I... don't see what is meant by this scripture in this context. Could you explain?
Click to expand...

It is lawful (under God's law in some circumstances) to force a woman to marry you against her will and also lawful to get a second wife, without the first wife's permission, but it still might not be beneficial, especially if you get thrown in jail for it, etc.

At least that was my point. Yes you could take a second wife without the first wife's permission but then it might have bad results.

Could you please explain what 1 Co 6:12 means in proper context I have wondered about this for a long time, because I do not think it is OK to do all things even sins.
 
Re: What are culturally acceptable things to talk to women a

In case some people misunderstand me. And think that I would just marry other women in a way that shows no consideration, love or respect for the well being of the women I am already married to, this is not my intention.

I would prefer to consult my wife or wives (under most circumstances) before adding (an) additional wife or wives, even though I do not have to.

Ideally I want to marry women who will get along with each other and agree with each other being married to me. Hence under ideal circumstances my wife/wives would have a great deal to say in which women are selected to be my wive(s), however sometimes it is better to do things different in the real world than the way they would be done in ideal circumstances.
 
Re: What are culturally acceptable things to talk to women a

Now in America and virtually every European country the woman is required to consent to the marriage (or the living married to you without a marriage certificate), else the husband is thrown in jail, or simply shot with a gun if he resists arrest, etc.

True story someone from another culture living in America tried to kidnap a woman he wanted to marry, because that is normal in that culture (which this woman was also from ancestrally), and the woman called 911.

So essentially you have to convince a woman to marry you.
Click to expand...

This rubbed me the wrong way, so I posted the scripture to remind people that while it may be lawful to marry a woman who doesn't want to be married to you, it may not be the wisest thing for you to do. This scripture applies to so many things in life.

SweetLissa
 
Re: What are culturally acceptable things to talk to women a

I too appreciate what you have to say Beta. I find it interesting. From this womans point of view, I desire that the man invite me into discussions in regards to "What are you looking for in a Godly man." "As a man, what can I do to help you to help me?" I want to know that he understands I, as a woman, do not know how to fix my insecurities, therefore I rely on his wisdom, knowledge and loving concern to walk with me through them, thereby this in and of itself will make us feel secure. Only God can work His work in me, but I believe women who endeavor to serve God, not only want to, but depend upon the man to give to her strength and strong leadership. I may not get it the first time, but I will get it. I want him to know that when we cry, it is because we women sometimes think "he simply don't get it." Yet because of loving him, we will not disrespect nor dishonor him by questioning his questions. There is a time for a woman to keep silent. I was created to be a help meet and it is a continuous journey of learning and I'm a-lovion' it!!. I am so very Thankful God made me a woman, because He gave us to the man. (I'm thinkin maybe I am not exactly writing this in such a way as to get the reader to understand. I encourage questions. I am the man's #1 cheerleader!!!
 
Re: What are culturally acceptable things to talk to women a

withfresheyes said:
I am the man's #1 cheerleader!!!
Click to expand...

Which man would this be? Any man or someone in particular?
 
Re: What are culturally acceptable things to talk to women a

I am glad you asked that question Isabella. I have been curious if all these single ladies coming through have been meeting families or are both sides expressing their desire to meet someone on the boards and it stops there? Are people meeting or what? Not trying to pry, just curious how it all is working behind the scenes. :?:
 
Re: What are culturally acceptable things to talk to women a

Presumably she meant that as a woman she understands her role and applauds any man that understands his roll and fulfills it...that is the way I took it as I read it.

I agree with her completely. I have frequently been heard stating that a woman may not realize the power she wields while in submission to her husband. Not only does she empower him to be more than he could ever be on his own, but she presents an example for the children to in-turn submit to their father which leads them to also respect and submit to her. God designed it to work one way, and any woman that is teachable and learns this, or manages to learn it on her own somehow will be blessed tremendously as she will be in the will of God.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top