Access Comments on Steve's Familial Adventures
if i started my story at the beginning it would start 01/06/53, but you do not want to read all of that, and i do not want to write it.
where my poly understanding started was back in 2001 when a friend introduced us to Is. 4:1 with their view of how it would be lived out in the end times. i had known the verse was there, but i had never studied it. the first thing that i realized was that if polygyny was fine with the Almighty during Old Testament times and also part of the plan for the end times, how could it possibly be wrong to live the lifestyle today? in fact, were not the reasons for participating in the lifestyle just as valid today?
the second thing that i realized was that the offer that the women made to the man about supporting themselves was contrary to the pattern that we see in scripture. unto adam alone is given the curse that he would not eat but by the sweat of his brow. it was not a partnership curse. there were separate curses for the men and the women. so why did the women in Is. 4 volunteer to take on the man's job of supporting themselves? scratching my head on that for awhile, i felt that the Lord showed me the reason was that the man could not support them. why would they choose a man that was not able to support a family, and why would all seven descend upon one man, and why all of a sudden should they feel the need to be attached to a man?
i felt that the Lord showed me the only thing that makes sense; that, first of all, the whole context of the verse is that the kingdom of YHWH is being restored upon the earth, and just as our Creator said that it was not good for adam to be alone, even less was it acceptable that the ones created from what was removed from his body be alone. as they realize the truth that their status is a reproach (was it a women's bible study?), they choose, en masse, to remedy the situation. do they choose an unmarried man? nope, unproven. choose a man in monogamy? unproven in his ability to handle more than one relationship. how about one with two wives? probably not, and still no proof that the three of them could merge with a larger group. very few first and second wives seem to want to complicate their lives further.
so, the understanding i came to is that they chose the best man (and his family) that they could identify; probably one with three or four wives and who had a great reputation that was well known in their area. they chose to support themselves because they could see that he already had his hands full, and they would rather do it that way than split up and go with lesser men. they knew that they could help each other as a team alongside the team that already existed in the marriage.
looking at all of this, i realized what a clan could look like. not that i have a goal in numbers. not at all. my goal is to live out the fantasy that YHWH has for my life be it one wife or more. (ponder that just a bit. our fantasies are never reality, but His are. isn't it much more inviting to contemplate living out His fantasies rather than the potential heaviness of "doing His will"? are they not the same?)
i am sure that it will not come as a surprise to hear that my bible college graduate wife was not quite as on board with the idea as i was. yep, it took about three years for her to get comfortable with the idea. no threats, no hollering, just discussing it off and on and answering her questions to the best of my ability. thank you ali for considering and embracing the concept.
what followed was years of contemplating the idea, reading sites on the internet, joining bib-fam, going to retreats, talking to a couple of ladies, but nothing substantive. we took the phrase from Field of Dreams "if you build it, they will come" and set out to become the best family that we could become. one of ali's prayers was that we would be joined by someone that had been in the same move of the Spirit that we had experienced back in seattle. imagine her surprise when someone that she had known 25 years ago surfaced on the women's chat the week before christmas, 2011.
i had been heading for california with one last load (i am a truck driver) and knew that i was going to miss christmas, but i had asked my wife to get me a round-trip ticket from ontario, ca. i had missed out on the last new year's retreat and was not going to miss out on this one! when my wife told me about meeting up with someone that she had known and what her experience had been, i knew that we needed to bring her to alabama and take her to the retreat with us. she flew down on christmas day and my flight was coming in on wed. afternoon. i never talked to her until monday night, and then, it was only for a "good night" blessing. on tuesday night, we talked a little longer, but, as you can tell, ali had been doing most of the communicating. one thing that is very important to me is that the girls be good friends, and it was such a blessing to see it happening. one of the things that is important to both of us is that our Lord lead in all that we do, and for us to watch it happening was such a thrill. i really did nothing except to facilitate the relationship.
i got home wed. afternoon, and we spent some time chatting that evening while ali was out taking care of some business. it was very pleasant and low-key with neither of us seeing any contraindications.
yes, she does have a name. deborah, the bee that creates sweet honey and pollinates the plants so that they can produce life-sustaining food.
deborah rode down to florida with us, and we all chatted up a storm. at some point in that first 24 hrs, we hit our first speed bump. i was being very open about a friendship that i was in and had quoted something that had been said when deborah called bull-pucky on it. well, as a second child, i tend to be a little gullible. i want to believe what people that i care about tell me. it threw me a little in the midst of all of the "clear sailing" that we had been having. i was a little concerned that she might be having jealousy problems with the other relationship. deborah reacted perfectly to my reluctance, and, having given her opinion, just let it go. we both knew by this time that the Lord was leading us in our relationship, and she chose to trust him and me to get it worked out. meanwhile, being as i said, a little concerned, i was thinking that maybe i was going to have to slow way down. i knew that she was meant for our family, but maybe later as a third wife?
i decided to just put it on the shelf and trust that the Lord would lead us through it. boy was that a good move that saved me from a lot of angst! the Lord provided, at the retreat, confirmation and additional information (without me seeking it) from a friend who is connected to my heart. what a relief that deborah did not press me on it and that i could trust my Lord in getting it sorted out w/out any help from me! those two things went really deep in showing me how this was going to be lived out.
at the retreat, it was low key, but the relationship was building rapidly. we did not spend all of our time together. she reunited with an old friend and spent some time with him. but on friday, she told ali that she was ready for me to take her by the hand and be her husband. she asked me if we could go for a walk that night after the evening get together. during the last part of that meeting, i whispered into ali's ear that it looked as if we might be heading toward a commitment that night and was she cool with it? she confirmed that she was fully behind it.
deborah and i took that walk, and she told me what she had said to ali; that she was ready for me to take her hand. i do not even remember what i said, but i took her in my arms for our first kiss and that became the beginning of our betrothal.
if i started my story at the beginning it would start 01/06/53, but you do not want to read all of that, and i do not want to write it.
where my poly understanding started was back in 2001 when a friend introduced us to Is. 4:1 with their view of how it would be lived out in the end times. i had known the verse was there, but i had never studied it. the first thing that i realized was that if polygyny was fine with the Almighty during Old Testament times and also part of the plan for the end times, how could it possibly be wrong to live the lifestyle today? in fact, were not the reasons for participating in the lifestyle just as valid today?
the second thing that i realized was that the offer that the women made to the man about supporting themselves was contrary to the pattern that we see in scripture. unto adam alone is given the curse that he would not eat but by the sweat of his brow. it was not a partnership curse. there were separate curses for the men and the women. so why did the women in Is. 4 volunteer to take on the man's job of supporting themselves? scratching my head on that for awhile, i felt that the Lord showed me the reason was that the man could not support them. why would they choose a man that was not able to support a family, and why would all seven descend upon one man, and why all of a sudden should they feel the need to be attached to a man?
i felt that the Lord showed me the only thing that makes sense; that, first of all, the whole context of the verse is that the kingdom of YHWH is being restored upon the earth, and just as our Creator said that it was not good for adam to be alone, even less was it acceptable that the ones created from what was removed from his body be alone. as they realize the truth that their status is a reproach (was it a women's bible study?), they choose, en masse, to remedy the situation. do they choose an unmarried man? nope, unproven. choose a man in monogamy? unproven in his ability to handle more than one relationship. how about one with two wives? probably not, and still no proof that the three of them could merge with a larger group. very few first and second wives seem to want to complicate their lives further.
so, the understanding i came to is that they chose the best man (and his family) that they could identify; probably one with three or four wives and who had a great reputation that was well known in their area. they chose to support themselves because they could see that he already had his hands full, and they would rather do it that way than split up and go with lesser men. they knew that they could help each other as a team alongside the team that already existed in the marriage.
looking at all of this, i realized what a clan could look like. not that i have a goal in numbers. not at all. my goal is to live out the fantasy that YHWH has for my life be it one wife or more. (ponder that just a bit. our fantasies are never reality, but His are. isn't it much more inviting to contemplate living out His fantasies rather than the potential heaviness of "doing His will"? are they not the same?)
i am sure that it will not come as a surprise to hear that my bible college graduate wife was not quite as on board with the idea as i was. yep, it took about three years for her to get comfortable with the idea. no threats, no hollering, just discussing it off and on and answering her questions to the best of my ability. thank you ali for considering and embracing the concept.
what followed was years of contemplating the idea, reading sites on the internet, joining bib-fam, going to retreats, talking to a couple of ladies, but nothing substantive. we took the phrase from Field of Dreams "if you build it, they will come" and set out to become the best family that we could become. one of ali's prayers was that we would be joined by someone that had been in the same move of the Spirit that we had experienced back in seattle. imagine her surprise when someone that she had known 25 years ago surfaced on the women's chat the week before christmas, 2011.
i had been heading for california with one last load (i am a truck driver) and knew that i was going to miss christmas, but i had asked my wife to get me a round-trip ticket from ontario, ca. i had missed out on the last new year's retreat and was not going to miss out on this one! when my wife told me about meeting up with someone that she had known and what her experience had been, i knew that we needed to bring her to alabama and take her to the retreat with us. she flew down on christmas day and my flight was coming in on wed. afternoon. i never talked to her until monday night, and then, it was only for a "good night" blessing. on tuesday night, we talked a little longer, but, as you can tell, ali had been doing most of the communicating. one thing that is very important to me is that the girls be good friends, and it was such a blessing to see it happening. one of the things that is important to both of us is that our Lord lead in all that we do, and for us to watch it happening was such a thrill. i really did nothing except to facilitate the relationship.
i got home wed. afternoon, and we spent some time chatting that evening while ali was out taking care of some business. it was very pleasant and low-key with neither of us seeing any contraindications.
yes, she does have a name. deborah, the bee that creates sweet honey and pollinates the plants so that they can produce life-sustaining food.
deborah rode down to florida with us, and we all chatted up a storm. at some point in that first 24 hrs, we hit our first speed bump. i was being very open about a friendship that i was in and had quoted something that had been said when deborah called bull-pucky on it. well, as a second child, i tend to be a little gullible. i want to believe what people that i care about tell me. it threw me a little in the midst of all of the "clear sailing" that we had been having. i was a little concerned that she might be having jealousy problems with the other relationship. deborah reacted perfectly to my reluctance, and, having given her opinion, just let it go. we both knew by this time that the Lord was leading us in our relationship, and she chose to trust him and me to get it worked out. meanwhile, being as i said, a little concerned, i was thinking that maybe i was going to have to slow way down. i knew that she was meant for our family, but maybe later as a third wife?
i decided to just put it on the shelf and trust that the Lord would lead us through it. boy was that a good move that saved me from a lot of angst! the Lord provided, at the retreat, confirmation and additional information (without me seeking it) from a friend who is connected to my heart. what a relief that deborah did not press me on it and that i could trust my Lord in getting it sorted out w/out any help from me! those two things went really deep in showing me how this was going to be lived out.
at the retreat, it was low key, but the relationship was building rapidly. we did not spend all of our time together. she reunited with an old friend and spent some time with him. but on friday, she told ali that she was ready for me to take her by the hand and be her husband. she asked me if we could go for a walk that night after the evening get together. during the last part of that meeting, i whispered into ali's ear that it looked as if we might be heading toward a commitment that night and was she cool with it? she confirmed that she was fully behind it.
deborah and i took that walk, and she told me what she had said to ali; that she was ready for me to take her hand. i do not even remember what i said, but i took her in my arms for our first kiss and that became the beginning of our betrothal.
