Hey there. Net here.
I am a non-denominational Christian and an amateur polygynist (i.e. currently monogamist) with 3 kids. My wife and I have been married for almost 13 years and I have failed in my responsibilities as the spiritual leader and patriarch of the family for the first 12 of that. I have repented before God and asked my wife’s forgiveness for not being who I was supposed to be. I am learning and we both a have a lot of work ahead of us. We've had our issues, but I refuse to imagine my life without her. I used to, but I now refuse to. I repent and thank God for the time we have together. All things according to His will.
Although saved since I was a kid, I have recently rededicated my life to the Lord. This came after a realization, or revelation, that a lot of what was holding me back was guilt over things that I thought made me dirty and bad, which turned out to be all made up by The Church. I think many here may understand what I mean but have butchered trying to state.
Questions went unanswered and reasons for doctrine were doctrine itself. One thing I remember in English class as a kid was that you cannot use the word you are defining when defining a word. I think the same thing goes with doctrine. You cannot use doctrine to support said doctrine (circular logic).
10 CLS
20 PRINT "It is wrong because it is a sin."
30 PRINT "It is a sin because it is wrong."
40 GOTO 10
It’s funny, and perhaps a little scary, how it started. I got tired of feeling bad, naughty, and dirty, etc. So, I began searching for any material that proved what I wanted to believe was right. Even right or wrong, the answers had to be out there. Someone had to have asks these questions before I. In the last 2000 years, I can’t be the first one to raise a hand and say, “Uh, excuse me. Where does it say….?” The answers had to be out there. It sounds a little like 2 Tim 4:3. And, in reality, maybe it was. I didn't just want answers; I didn’t want to be wrong.
That led me to my first book, Divine Sex: Liberating Sex from Religious Tradition. It sounded exactly like the ear tickle I was looking for. Be warned, this book is rife with Heresy. However, I "knew" (Spirit led?) that a lot of what it said didn't sound right, but there was some truth hidden in the lies. I shared with my dad what I had found and he showed me some scriptures and prayed for me. (He says he prays for me every day - and I believe him). I have to praise God for my dad because I really put him on the spot talking about stuff that I would have NEVER even thought of talking with him about. He’s the guy who spanked me when I just tried going without underwear one day as a kid. This was before I knew anything about “going commando”. I was a curious kid, always worn underwear, just wanted to see what it would be like. When I was caught, I was told it was depraved, sensuous and a whole bunch of other words that a 9 year kid has no clue what you’re talking about. All I got out of it was “no underwear” = “sore bottom and yelling”. Now, here I am, 26 years later talking to the same guy (who has calmed down since then) about masturbation, polygamy, polyamory, pre-Fall nudity vs post-Fall shame, the possibility that special wording in the NT makes being gay ok (the same author had another book entitled God is not a Homophobe), etc. He didn't raise his voice once, showed me scriptures in the Bible and I KNOW he prayed for me that night like he never prayed for me before. Praise be to God for my dad.
Oh, and actually I learned another reason why we wear underwear. To protect ourselves when we zip up. Yes. The first time I went without, I learned that lesson. Not Cool!
From there I found Tom Shipley's book Resurrecting the Biblical Family and The Marriage Covenant by Joseph Herrin. These books, based on title alone, seemed to be what I really needed: Truth. What was the Truth? These opened my eyes into so many things. To really understand the Covenant aspect of marriage and how it relates to everything that God is and does, was amazing. To see the near countless examples of Polygyny throughout the Bible, with NO hint at all of a shadow of a possibility of a Thou Shall Not… It wasn't until I read these that I found out that Polygyny wasn't just a "Mormon" thing nor is it even a sin. I even enjoyed the Darger's semi-autobiographical glimpse into their life in Love Times Three. It kind of gave a practical template of how one could facilitate the actual logistics. I would even use it as an example of how we should spirituality lead in our own homes. I wish more Christians would behave this way. Mormon or not, I read how they interact together, how they play together, how they pray together and study together and said, “I want that in my house.”
When I found BF.org, I was blown away that there were actual real-life Christians who believed that polygyny was legit. And it was by learned choice, not family / social upbringing. And it was actually practiced, not some detached, theological acknowledgement that it could be done, but no one in their right mind would actually take it beyond the rhetorical… :shock:
Well, anyway. This is much longer than I had anticipated, so I will end it here. I am glad to be here. I am glad to see that there is a community for support. Although my wife is currently on the "Heck No, Are You Crazy" side of polygyny, I no longer feel dirty for thinking it. I no longer feel wrong for desiring it. I no longer feel shame in praying for God to bless me in such a way. If God wills it, it will be and I will be blessed that He has answered my prayers. If He does not will it, then it not be and I will still be blessed that He answered my prayers (remember, “No” is still an answer
). And it will happen on His timing, not mine. I have read enough of your stories just in the past week to understand that any attempt to force or rush the situation will only lead to sorrow, heartache, and perhaps even solitude.
I'm even going to talk to my dad about being baptized. Something that I was never sure on the first time round. Now, I have no doubt.
Praise be to God. All things according to His will. All things in His time.
I am a non-denominational Christian and an amateur polygynist (i.e. currently monogamist) with 3 kids. My wife and I have been married for almost 13 years and I have failed in my responsibilities as the spiritual leader and patriarch of the family for the first 12 of that. I have repented before God and asked my wife’s forgiveness for not being who I was supposed to be. I am learning and we both a have a lot of work ahead of us. We've had our issues, but I refuse to imagine my life without her. I used to, but I now refuse to. I repent and thank God for the time we have together. All things according to His will.
Although saved since I was a kid, I have recently rededicated my life to the Lord. This came after a realization, or revelation, that a lot of what was holding me back was guilt over things that I thought made me dirty and bad, which turned out to be all made up by The Church. I think many here may understand what I mean but have butchered trying to state.
Questions went unanswered and reasons for doctrine were doctrine itself. One thing I remember in English class as a kid was that you cannot use the word you are defining when defining a word. I think the same thing goes with doctrine. You cannot use doctrine to support said doctrine (circular logic).
10 CLS
20 PRINT "It is wrong because it is a sin."
30 PRINT "It is a sin because it is wrong."
40 GOTO 10
It’s funny, and perhaps a little scary, how it started. I got tired of feeling bad, naughty, and dirty, etc. So, I began searching for any material that proved what I wanted to believe was right. Even right or wrong, the answers had to be out there. Someone had to have asks these questions before I. In the last 2000 years, I can’t be the first one to raise a hand and say, “Uh, excuse me. Where does it say….?” The answers had to be out there. It sounds a little like 2 Tim 4:3. And, in reality, maybe it was. I didn't just want answers; I didn’t want to be wrong.
That led me to my first book, Divine Sex: Liberating Sex from Religious Tradition. It sounded exactly like the ear tickle I was looking for. Be warned, this book is rife with Heresy. However, I "knew" (Spirit led?) that a lot of what it said didn't sound right, but there was some truth hidden in the lies. I shared with my dad what I had found and he showed me some scriptures and prayed for me. (He says he prays for me every day - and I believe him). I have to praise God for my dad because I really put him on the spot talking about stuff that I would have NEVER even thought of talking with him about. He’s the guy who spanked me when I just tried going without underwear one day as a kid. This was before I knew anything about “going commando”. I was a curious kid, always worn underwear, just wanted to see what it would be like. When I was caught, I was told it was depraved, sensuous and a whole bunch of other words that a 9 year kid has no clue what you’re talking about. All I got out of it was “no underwear” = “sore bottom and yelling”. Now, here I am, 26 years later talking to the same guy (who has calmed down since then) about masturbation, polygamy, polyamory, pre-Fall nudity vs post-Fall shame, the possibility that special wording in the NT makes being gay ok (the same author had another book entitled God is not a Homophobe), etc. He didn't raise his voice once, showed me scriptures in the Bible and I KNOW he prayed for me that night like he never prayed for me before. Praise be to God for my dad.
Oh, and actually I learned another reason why we wear underwear. To protect ourselves when we zip up. Yes. The first time I went without, I learned that lesson. Not Cool!
From there I found Tom Shipley's book Resurrecting the Biblical Family and The Marriage Covenant by Joseph Herrin. These books, based on title alone, seemed to be what I really needed: Truth. What was the Truth? These opened my eyes into so many things. To really understand the Covenant aspect of marriage and how it relates to everything that God is and does, was amazing. To see the near countless examples of Polygyny throughout the Bible, with NO hint at all of a shadow of a possibility of a Thou Shall Not… It wasn't until I read these that I found out that Polygyny wasn't just a "Mormon" thing nor is it even a sin. I even enjoyed the Darger's semi-autobiographical glimpse into their life in Love Times Three. It kind of gave a practical template of how one could facilitate the actual logistics. I would even use it as an example of how we should spirituality lead in our own homes. I wish more Christians would behave this way. Mormon or not, I read how they interact together, how they play together, how they pray together and study together and said, “I want that in my house.”
When I found BF.org, I was blown away that there were actual real-life Christians who believed that polygyny was legit. And it was by learned choice, not family / social upbringing. And it was actually practiced, not some detached, theological acknowledgement that it could be done, but no one in their right mind would actually take it beyond the rhetorical… :shock:
Well, anyway. This is much longer than I had anticipated, so I will end it here. I am glad to be here. I am glad to see that there is a community for support. Although my wife is currently on the "Heck No, Are You Crazy" side of polygyny, I no longer feel dirty for thinking it. I no longer feel wrong for desiring it. I no longer feel shame in praying for God to bless me in such a way. If God wills it, it will be and I will be blessed that He has answered my prayers. If He does not will it, then it not be and I will still be blessed that He answered my prayers (remember, “No” is still an answer
). And it will happen on His timing, not mine. I have read enough of your stories just in the past week to understand that any attempt to force or rush the situation will only lead to sorrow, heartache, and perhaps even solitude.I'm even going to talk to my dad about being baptized. Something that I was never sure on the first time round. Now, I have no doubt.
Praise be to God. All things according to His will. All things in His time.
Good for you.