She doesn't want more children...

[Dione]

I'm not sure if this has been discussed elsewhere, so I figured I'd start this thread and see what you lovely ladies thought.

I am the second wife to our husband and I came into this relationship without children. I have always wanted children and it has been a deal breaker in my previous relationships. That being said, after much discussion (with first wife included) , we decided to get pregnant and I had my first child 8 months ago . We (myself and our DH) knew we would want at least one more rather quickly and I suppose there was the assumption of first wife's blessing to continue. Now she says that she does not want us to have any more children.

I came to this knowledge (not through her or our DH) and it broke my heart and made me angry. At the time I didn't know, but she had already spoken to our DH about it. I only found out her feelings in truth during a discussion about something completely different...and I'm still reeling from it.

I know everyone is entitled to have an opinion on things, but does she get a say in how many children I have? Has anyone else been through something like this? And how did you handle it? I'm continuing to ask God for guidance...that's actually what brought me back to the forums.

 

[FollowingHim2]

Well, it's not her decision at all. It's up to hubby.
Why doesn't she want you to have more children? That's what's worth delving into. Has it been hard for her seeing you with a child, her husband's child. More real? Is she feeling jealous, lonely, perhaps not needed since you're the one having children and she might not be? She won't have decided this on a whim, there will be something down in there that she's struggling with and somehow she feels that this is the solution.
If you're able to have a calm and open discussion with her then try to find out what's really going on. It may be that that is a job for hubby though.

 

[Robeld]

Woah...
Yeah not her decision. Definitely got to get to the bottom of this. Reminding me of Leah and Rachel...

 

[Dione]

Thank you for your thoughts. I tried having a discussion with her, but it didn't amount to much. I will keep praying about it and Lord willing, there will be peace on the issue.

 

[Sonshine]

I know everyone is entitled to have an opinion on things, but does she get a say in how many children I have?

Does she get a say? Well, sure if husband wants her to. If he doesn’t, then no... It’s really up to him what/whom he considers in his decision-making.

But, my husband always says (paraphrasing 1 Cor.), “What’s always permissible, may not always be wise.”

The person you REALLY want to be discussing this with, would be your husband. Has he said anything in regards to what his decision is?

As for your sister wife, just because it’s beneficial to have the best relationship possible with her, I’d open dialogue with her just to get to the root Of her issues, as @FollowingHim2 suggested.

 

[Joleneakamama]

I'm a first and only wife. I know of women who wanted more children then the hubby. That would be tough, but having a sisterwife opposing more "blessings" would be harder.

I have nine and have long wished for a sisterwife to help raise our family.....and also to have more children. The big family is WORK....and can make me crazy at times. Little ones make us smile.....and when they grow up into neat young adults they are an encouragement, but as Michael Pearl once said (as I recall) "A teenager is the worst half of a leftover kid and the worst half of an unfinished adult put together." They eat a lot...and require a lot of direction twixt twelve and twenty. I hope the three of you can find a common direction and vision for the future of your family. Many things in life are easier then raising a family, large or small, but few are as rewarding.
Ben Franklin said "He who raises a large family does while he yet lives to observe them stand a broader mark for sorrow, but then he stands a broader mark for pleasure too."

Whether you ultimately have more children to raise and nurture or one, your attitude and family will either build the kingdom and bring God glory, or be another sad statistic.
Debbie Pearl once said that a woman with a 10% hubby that treated him like a 100% might raise 100% kids. (The Pearls are not poly minded but the concept is good.) Build your house! If you ever start doubting your decision to become part of that family and marry that man, it will only be a matter of time before that seed of doubt will undermine you.
Be a good and supportive wife. Stay close to your family.....babies sometimes happen against all odds.

I know of a woman who conceived three times while using three forms of contraception simultaneously! In other words trust your hubby.....and God... and you may get your heart's desire in spite of your sister wife's wishes....or even your hubby's intentions. A sweet motherly woman is attractive.....a willful one unhappy about life.....not so much.

Do what gets ya loved on. Life's better that's way.

And a picture out of this book to illustrate my point.




When we get asked if we know how babies happen......we say "YES! Can't you tell?"

 

[Mrs.HisPossession]

I would think it's not up to the first wife, but between you and your husband. But I also believe that the amount of children you have should be dependent upon Yah. I want as many children as He blesses me with. Which, reminds me of a spin off question I'm going to start a new thread on shortly.....