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Serious Question: Should a wife write a personal for her Husband?

notforevil

notforevil

Member
Male
(Any families ever been faced with this challenge?)

I sincerely pray for your experience led wisdom with this two part question:

If your husband entrusted you to write a personal, because you strongly thought his heart (and your family) needed another SW...

1) What would yours say about him?

2) and Where would you share it?

I've got something that I'm praying about, but before committing I wanted to hear what you all have to offer from possible experiences, especially if you were successful!

I really need Godly counsel on how to do this for my family;
I hope everybody stays focused on these two questions.
 
It's just me, but:
1). I believe in prayer and the leading of YHWH, not personal ads.
2). I just don't buy the whole "Wife finds the SW" thing.

Just my opinion.
 
notforevil said:
I sincerely pray for your experience led wisdom with this two part question:

If your husband entrusted you to write a personal, because you strongly thought his heart (and your family) needed another SW...

1) What would yours say about him?

2) and Where would you share it?

I've got something that I'm praying about, but before committing I wanted to hear what you all have to offer from possible experiences, especially if you were successful!

I really need Godly counsel on how to do this for my family;
I hope everybody stays focused on these two questions.
Click to expand...

Thank you for your input...

The reason why I even started this thread was that I was reading through a couple of older threads concerning people having some success with online poly dating...

Just wondering if anybody had more up to date success stories or tips on effective profiles.

Again, thank you everybody for your opinions. No disrespect intended, but I'm really hoping somebody with experience might be able to help.

God bless you all as you serve Him.
 
Just a disclaimer: we have not looked or even been open for a new wife since I have been a part of my family, so everything that I'm contributing is my own opinion.

1) I would write about his strengths as a husband and leader. I would also write about the wives and their strengths as sister wives. If you're trying to sell something, you have to sell the whole package.

2) I'm not sure here. I would probably stay on the sites for polygamy. I met my family on a site for poly, and a couple of my friends met their families on poly groups as well.

Just remember that if someone is meant for your family, she will find you.
 
Hi @notforevil. You ask; Should a wife write a personal for her Husband? As far as I can determine it is a personal choice in that, it is not a sin issue but rather one where the wife has to determine if doing such a thing would violate her conscience before God. If her conscience is clear then there is no reason not to write it apart from perhaps wanting to avoid any adverse circumstances that might arise.

Having said that, to answer your following questions:
1. Be open and honest about who he is and you all are.
2. Anywhere where those who might be interested would see it. But God can and often does use ways and means other than what you or I might expect. To use myself as an example; three years ago I met my new wife through a Christian forum by answering a question she posted about marriage in general. It was only one of many answers, nothing to do with polygamy, but it was the door God opened for the seed of our relationship to spring into life.

Blessings
 
My husband wants me to take the lead on getting a sister wife. I've balked, been stubborn, ignored him, and prayed... in the end, his reasons are legit. He wants to be sure that she and I are compatible. He wants us to be friends as much as he wants a second wife. I get that - we're expanding our family, after all, and we all need to be able to get along lol!
 
@kansascpl , please accept this in the kind loving manner that it is intended. Please look at your statement again. "Ive balked, been stubborn, ignored him and prayed ....". Often times we are not privy to the plans that God has for us, just the instruction. I do realize that your husband is not God but he should be your steward. It could be that this is just a test of willingness to obey. Hopefully, you have already noticed and been aware of the heart that you revealed and are taking steps by faith to remedy this. Trust God! Trust your husband! If it is His plan, the doors will open. If not, (provided you are both sensitive to His leading and don't try to kick the door in) the door will remain closed. Either way, you will be changed more into the image of His Son by being obedient and exercising faith in a very faithful God.

Praying for Peace, Peace and more Peace for you all with a side dish of Peace!
 
Verifyveritas76 said:
@kansascpl , please accept this in the kind loving manner that it is intended. Please look at your statement again. "Ive balked, been stubborn, ignored him and prayed ....". Often times we are not privy to the plans that God has for us, just the instruction. I do realize that your husband is not God but he should be your steward. It could be that this is just a test of willingness to obey. Hopefully, you have already noticed and been aware of the heart that you revealed and are taking steps by faith to remedy this. Trust God! Trust your husband! If it is His plan, the doors will open. If not, (provided you are both sensitive to His leading and don't try to kick the door in) the door will remain closed. Either way, you will be changed more into the image of His Son by being obedient and exercising faith in a very faithful God.

Praying for Peace, Peace and more Peace for you all with a side dish of Peace!
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@Verifyveritas76 ... please accept this also in the kind loving manner that it is intended sir...

I personally think that the mere fact that @kansascpl has a profile and has begun to engage on here with the BF family is a step in the direction you encourage her to go (i.e. Submitted to her hubby). Also, it appears to me that her comment was to, in a way, admit to her negative attitude concerning adding a sister wife... thus slightly humbling herself and has stated her intention to change her future outlook on the matter.

However; your words of encouragement to her I do fully agree with brother... just wanted to moderate a moderator and feel the power for a moment! Lol :p

@kansascpl ... I applaud your post ma'am and also encourage you to continue trusting the Lord's and your husband's leadership. I actually did a double take reading who had posted the comment, because my wife could probably relate to every word. :rolleyes:
 
My own opinion is that there isn't any right or wrong way to do anything.
Maybe a wife posting a personal for her husband will lead to the person who likes that.

I know I met my family on the Sac Poly yahoo group when I was curious. I actually met a lot of people on the group and went to a meeting in Davis. I visited two couples and the one was just weird and sort of scary and the other was a nice couple but they were like too desperate if that makes sense? Like they had some sort of problem they wanted me to fix.

Then I met Christie and she was the 2nd in the family at the time. We met for coffee a couple times and then I felt comfy enough to visit. Then I stayed over to babysit a couple times and then Steve started courting me. I moved in with the family and when the choice to stay or leave came up I chose to stay.

But a couple things always stand out for me:

1. I didn't marry Steve, I married my family.
2. Steve didn't start this with me and where I was at the time I don't think I would have been open to that so God sent Christie to me. I loved her before I loved my husband.

Like I said, there is no right or wrong way that fits everyone. God will let you know what's right.

Megan
 
I'm sorry, I don't get the drift... but thank you for your ideas on how to make potatoes... I think I'll try some for lunch today.

Part of the benefit of living so far up north, here in Maine, is that we're right next to potato country and I have an abundant supply!

( Isn't it sad what happened in Ireland's potato crops in 1845? The fungus officially caused a society crushing famine all the way until 1848 and it devastated those poor people and the economy almost beyond repair. Even though from 1849-1852 Queen Victoria declared the famine was over the fungus still devastated potato crops. This famine had such a long lasting impact on the Irish people that from 1848-1950 more than 6 million people left Ireland, and the poverty that famine created forever changed their history... )

Well, potatoes au gratin for lunch it is.. Great Idea! :)
 
MeganC said:
Maybe a wife posting a personal for her husband will lead to the person who likes that.

Then I met Christie and she was the 2nd in the family at the time. We met for coffee a couple times and then I felt comfy enough to visit. Then I stayed over to babysit a couple times and then Steve started courting me. I moved in with the family and when the choice to stay or leave came up I chose to stay.

But a couple things always stand out for me:

1. I didn't marry Steve, I married my family.
2. Steve didn't start this with me and where I was at the time I don't think I would have been open to that so God sent Christie to me. I loved her before I loved my husband.
Click to expand...

I can definitely see your logic and wisdom... if you want SWs to have a connected, bonding relationship they have to be a substantial part of the processes or it'll just be the husband getting "another woman"!!! One thing for sure is that this world could do without the jealousies that come from the "other woman syndrome"... In fact, by looking at other PM families and my sister (who has left our family) this self centered separatism (right from the very beginning of poly relationships), is the biggest disease that we face.

We shared with a friend that we were praying one morning about how "God's love is inclusive, not exclusive"... He put this on our heart before these scriptures came up... We try to mimic everything He does in life simply because we know that if He does it, its not wrong... "God can never be wrong"!

Two scriptures came into our prayer time that matched God's nature of being inclusive not exclusive, and since He is the Bridegroom and we all are His bride I thought these best described marriage as He designed it to be... Committed together for one purpose as one flesh... (Look up Ruth 1:16 & Ephesians 4:25 and you will understand how He's leading us)

Thank God I can't be excluded from Him in some sort of serial relationship while He's busy with someone else. That would be a sad life and I don't want a sad life for anyone. Sooooo.... I think I should do things His way... Including everyone in the family growing process and thanking God I don't have an exclusive husband!

"I have", "I want" and "Mine" are seeds that grow the (exclusive) jealousy satan wants in each of our poly-family lives, but we don't have to honor satan's exclusiveness!


We are all members of one another in Speaking the Truth:
The Truth... <3 Love is inclusive, Not exclusive<3


Thank You Megan for bringing up this very valuable point. If we want poly families that live life according to God we need to be inclusive like Him, not exclusive like us; in order to attract the God centered hearts that truly want to be a family and save our selves from the sin of jealousy from within!!!

I was really hoping somebody with experience might be able to help, and you did so beautifully! Thank You Dear Sister In Christ! :)
 
steve said:
It's just me, but:
1). I believe in prayer and the leading of YHWH, not personal ads.
2). I just don't buy the whole "Wife finds the SW" thing.

Just my opinion.
Click to expand...
We tried searching by posting personals. Heartache & waste of time. When he wasn't searching the Holy Spirit lead him. We have a "candidate" for lack of a better word. And we're all learning every day as the Spirit leads.
 
Hey everybody... Happy Labor Day, I hope you're all having a great weekend!

Thank you all for your support...

We went ahead and posted on a site called sisterwifewanted.com under OneFleshForever ...

For anybody following this thread, who has had experience with online poly dating, "especially those who have had any kind of success", we sure would love your constructive tips!

Thank you everybody for your helpful hints and especially your prayers for our success :)

God bless you all as you serve Him

PS I thought I should share something other than our sister wife search so, I did have this too... In our prayers, that kind of match our search, we were looking at how "God's love is inclusive, not exclusive"! Ruth 1:16 and Ephesians 4:25 are two scriptures that we hadn't noticed before that popped up and we thought matched God's inclusive nature. Since He is the bridegroom and we are all His bride it gave a little insight to marriage as He designed it. . I thank God I can't be excluded from Him while He's busy with someone else. That would be a sad life and I don't wish a sad life for anyone.
Well I can't just post something here without a scripture reference and heartfelt prayers...
We pray your holiday is filled with family, friends and lots of love!
 
Something that worked on me was my family didn't need me. That sounds weird, just stay with me. :P They were happy to know me and eventually loved me and wanted me in their group, but the family was complete from the day my husband married 1st Wife. That sealed the deal for me because I was getting so much attention from people who were trying to solve a problem in their marriage. If I was going to be a part of a family, it was going to be a happy one.
 
Lili said:
Something that worked on me was my family didn't need me. That sounds weird, just stay with me. :p They were happy to know me and eventually loved me and wanted me in their group, but the family was complete from the day my husband married 1st Wife. That sealed the deal for me because I was getting so much attention from people who were trying to solve a problem in their marriage. If I was going to be a part of a family, it was going to be a happy one.
Click to expand...

Amen!! My advice to couples out there is that a new wife isn't going to solve the problems in the marriage you already have! I can say this because when I was added to my family there were problems between my husband and his first wife and I truly believe my joining the family made those problems WORSE. At the very least my joining the family made it harder to deal with those problems.

The ONLY problem a 2nd can deal with is infertility and even that is loaded with potential heartache.

What happens when the 2nd wife has the baby that the first wife can't have? What happens when the husband lavishes love on the baby and mother...like he should...and the first wife feels neglected because she'll never have that experience?

A new wife can add to your joy or add to your misery. But you have to have joy before she can add to it.

Trust me on this.
 
I agree wholeheartedly with both @Lili and @MeganC. Why anyone would want to be an addition to an obviously troubled marriage I cannot understand. The only reason I can come up with would be to replace the first wife and someone who would join for that reason has serious issues of their own.

On the other hand, who doesnt want to be a part of a good, functioning happy family? I've remarked to my @Well loved wife many times that if I could find someone who was just like her, what kind of fool would I have to be to reject her?

Along the same lines, I would probably not be very interested in someone with personality issues, or major financial or health issues, or major differences in theology, or major cultural differences or family backgrounds. There would just be too many differences to be able to assimilate into the family without major disruptions and growing pains. Not to say that it couldn't be done, just that it would take a pretty incredible candidate to make me think that the potential was worth the effort.
 
But when they heard it, they went away one by one, beginning with the older ones, and Jesus was left alone with the woman standing before him.
Straightening up, Jesus said to her, "Woman, where are they? Did no one condemn you?"
She said, "No one, Lord." And Jesus said, "I do not condemn you, either. Go. From now on sin no more."

That selfless, nonjudgmental love of Jesus is so beautiful, and a true testimony to honoring the Father.

God bless you all and your biblical families :bible:
 
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