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Polygyny and Adoption
- Thread starter DaPastor
- Start date
Tlaloc
Member
Do you mean for the man to legally adopt a second wifes kids or do you mean to adopt a child from outside the family?
I've been humming and hawing about the first question, one of our girlfriends is a widow with two kids and while we can give her the protections of a wife either by marrying her directly or by common law depending on how a new legal battle is going, I know that kids don't automatically count as being adopted by their moms new husband. If we married her I'm not sure exactly the best way to adopt her older two kids.
I've been humming and hawing about the first question, one of our girlfriends is a widow with two kids and while we can give her the protections of a wife either by marrying her directly or by common law depending on how a new legal battle is going, I know that kids don't automatically count as being adopted by their moms new husband. If we married her I'm not sure exactly the best way to adopt her older two kids.
We have often discussed the possibility of adopting a child that is not related to any of us. Mostly it is because I have a strong desire to have children but have never had any. At my age, 45, the possibility of this happening gets slimmer every year. Three years ago I was told I had about a 10% chance of ever having a child.
If it were to happen, I would want to adopt older children, because they are often the ones that are left out. Many older children are considered unadoptable. I would also strongly consider a group of siblings, because again, they are less likely to be adopted, together anyway.
But, I am not legal wife. It would be difficult to explain why I am adopting with a man who is legally married to someone else. Because we would have to go through background checks and such stuff like that.
Tlaloc, a private adoption is much simpler. At least in the US you go to an attorney, he draws up papers, which the mom signs. He sends them to a judge to be signed and voila! a child is adopted. I think you would be surprised how easy it is to adopt the children of your wife.
SweetLissa
If it were to happen, I would want to adopt older children, because they are often the ones that are left out. Many older children are considered unadoptable. I would also strongly consider a group of siblings, because again, they are less likely to be adopted, together anyway.
But, I am not legal wife. It would be difficult to explain why I am adopting with a man who is legally married to someone else. Because we would have to go through background checks and such stuff like that.
Tlaloc, a private adoption is much simpler. At least in the US you go to an attorney, he draws up papers, which the mom signs. He sends them to a judge to be signed and voila! a child is adopted. I think you would be surprised how easy it is to adopt the children of your wife.
SweetLissa
Tlaloc
Member
I hope you're right, and I suspect you are. This thread just reminded me that for all the research I've done making sure a second wife would be protected I haven't read anything or consulted any lawyers about adopting the kids of a second wife. Of course it has been a non-issue until last month. Anyway, thanks, it probably is just that simple here as well.
A
Anonymous
Guest
No adoption agency will place a child with a polygynous family.
Adopting a child from abroad is complicated, expensive and you still have to complete a home study with the D.S.S.
I was a licensed foster care provider for six years and I have a foster daughter. If the D.S.S. had gotten wind about my belief in polygyny, then I would have lost my license and my foster daughter would have been removed. I'm not married but my beliefs alone would have made me "suspect". That's all they would have needed for C.P.S. to come calling.
Even in a private adoption, the D.S.S. and the C.P.S. can get involved if they feel the family meets the criteria for "intervention".
I wish the outlook was rosier but I'm afraid poly families will find adoption an uphill battle.
Blessings,
Fairlight
Adopting a child from abroad is complicated, expensive and you still have to complete a home study with the D.S.S.
I was a licensed foster care provider for six years and I have a foster daughter. If the D.S.S. had gotten wind about my belief in polygyny, then I would have lost my license and my foster daughter would have been removed. I'm not married but my beliefs alone would have made me "suspect". That's all they would have needed for C.P.S. to come calling.
Even in a private adoption, the D.S.S. and the C.P.S. can get involved if they feel the family meets the criteria for "intervention".
I wish the outlook was rosier but I'm afraid poly families will find adoption an uphill battle.
Blessings,
Fairlight
Fairlight,
I just noticed where you are from. What a beautiful area you live in. I envy you the bay and all that water. I have distant relatives in Paso Robles and have passed through Cambria on the way to Morro Bay a few years ago.
SweetLissa
I just noticed where you are from. What a beautiful area you live in. I envy you the bay and all that water. I have distant relatives in Paso Robles and have passed through Cambria on the way to Morro Bay a few years ago.
SweetLissa
A
Anonymous
Guest
LOL...I was just in Paso Robles today !!
It's very beautiful right now due to all the rain. Everything is green and I even have roses blooming in my backyard.
Blessings,
Fairlight
It's very beautiful right now due to all the rain. Everything is green and I even have roses blooming in my backyard.
Blessings,
Fairlight
Even adopting a second wife's children is likely to not happen. In many states, mine included, in order for even a biological child of one parent to be adopted by the other parent, a full home study must be done including background checks and they will ensure a legal marriage license in the process. Everyone including all children in the home will be interviewed. If you are living polygamously they will find out and you will be disqualified and the adoption won't happen. AND, just hope they don't remove the children from your home in the process for it. In another state where we used to live, a friend of mine had her legal husband adopt her daughter after the bio dad relinquished rights. They did not have to do a home study but they did have to submit lists of joint assets and a copy of their legal marriage license in order for the judge to place the child.
Short answer, it is a huge Pandora's box and the likelihood of the adoption going through is slim to none. Even if you divorced your first wife and legally married the second wife and then tried, chances are it would be unsuccessful since they would want to interview the "ex" and make sure you are paying (the man) child support and spousal support and see the financial records of such. She could have no evidence of living in the home during the home study and they would ask any children with first wife about their mom or custody or who sleeps where. Ultimately, it is a huge risk and for what, to have you name on a birth certificate of a child? Now a child born to the couple, nobody really glances twice, hospital figures the guy had an affair and got her pregnant and is claiming his child. Adoption though, very sticky and messy in a poly household and it would risk all of the children, not just the ones attempting to be adopted.
Just my two cents. Before poly mindset we wanted me to adopt my step-son and the hoops we would have to jump through ultimately were so many we chose not to do it... and we are legally married and not living polygamously.
Becca
Short answer, it is a huge Pandora's box and the likelihood of the adoption going through is slim to none. Even if you divorced your first wife and legally married the second wife and then tried, chances are it would be unsuccessful since they would want to interview the "ex" and make sure you are paying (the man) child support and spousal support and see the financial records of such. She could have no evidence of living in the home during the home study and they would ask any children with first wife about their mom or custody or who sleeps where. Ultimately, it is a huge risk and for what, to have you name on a birth certificate of a child? Now a child born to the couple, nobody really glances twice, hospital figures the guy had an affair and got her pregnant and is claiming his child. Adoption though, very sticky and messy in a poly household and it would risk all of the children, not just the ones attempting to be adopted.
Just my two cents. Before poly mindset we wanted me to adopt my step-son and the hoops we would have to jump through ultimately were so many we chose not to do it... and we are legally married and not living polygamously.
Becca
All I can says is WOW. A lot has changed.
SweetLissa
SweetLissa
Sounds like "covenant adoption" is our alternative, just as "covenant marriages" are, at least for a spouse's children. Sit the children down and explain that we consider them our children before God, and will act in such a way. Doesn't help with things like insurance and medical decisions though. (Same issues as "covenant marriage" there, yes?)
For other adoptions, is an overseas adoption where you are subject to less scrutiny an option? Do you have to sit down with CPS once you return with your paperwork and children? Are you subject to their whims at that point and afterwards? We have a family down the street that adopted 4 Russian children from the same family (their own 6-year-old daughter went overnight from an only child to the youngest of 5!), I'm going to ask them what their experience with that was.
Actually moving to a country that doesn't care may be the only realistic option, beyond some seriously deceptive "hiding" at the point of adoption, and even afterwards, that most of us wouldn't be willing to take on.
international adoption is worse... you still have to do a homestudy and submit it before your dossier is approved to adopt. *sigh* However, with an international adoption you CAN hire a private individual to do the home study and you would possibly have an easier time hiding other wives, but you would still have to legally marry the spouse you were attempting to adopt with.
Ultimately, you are probably right though, move to a country that doesn't care, though not an option for most of us I imagine.
Now, does not help with insurance and stuff while a minor, but once the child reaches the age of majority for the state you reside in, then you can do an adult adoption and in that case only the adopting parent and the "child" themselves has to agree to it and the requirements usually have to do with the adopting parent has to be at least 10 years older, stuff like that. This is a provision that allows step-parents to adopt per the child's wishes (or other adults with an interest and bond the child wishes to preserve) without a home study or clearance of a biological parent, etc. This is the option we have chosen for my step-son and myself and we have a year to go.
Becca
Ultimately, you are probably right though, move to a country that doesn't care, though not an option for most of us I imagine.
Now, does not help with insurance and stuff while a minor, but once the child reaches the age of majority for the state you reside in, then you can do an adult adoption and in that case only the adopting parent and the "child" themselves has to agree to it and the requirements usually have to do with the adopting parent has to be at least 10 years older, stuff like that. This is a provision that allows step-parents to adopt per the child's wishes (or other adults with an interest and bond the child wishes to preserve) without a home study or clearance of a biological parent, etc. This is the option we have chosen for my step-son and myself and we have a year to go.
Becca
I am assuming that if I were a single woman I could adopt but that I would have to pass a home inspection etc. That would mean removing hubby from my life and telling all sorts of lies in the process then wondering for the rest of our lives if we would get caught. Not very Christian, fun or happy.
SweetLissa
SweetLissa
They say there are all of these un-wanted children but then they make adoption almost impossible. It is crazy.
I took in my nephew, but have not adopted him. I claim him on my taxes as a dependent and did not have any trouble putting him on my family medical insurance since he lived with me and was my dependent. Getting your child medical insurance may depend on the policy of your workplace.
For all of the hoopala and cost with the new U.S. medical system overhaul we are still not going to have universal health care. I wish they would either get out of it totally or give it to everyone.
I took in my nephew, but have not adopted him. I claim him on my taxes as a dependent and did not have any trouble putting him on my family medical insurance since he lived with me and was my dependent. Getting your child medical insurance may depend on the policy of your workplace.
For all of the hoopala and cost with the new U.S. medical system overhaul we are still not going to have universal health care. I wish they would either get out of it totally or give it to everyone.
Not gonna happen, cnystrom, because it's ultimately all about control.
Most folks who have been through the (very nasty and intrusive) "adoption" process nowadays can tell you that it has FAR more to do with control over Caesar's Children than it does about finding them good homes. Genuine "believers" will find they face FAR greater hurdles than most other participants.
Most folks who have been through the (very nasty and intrusive) "adoption" process nowadays can tell you that it has FAR more to do with control over Caesar's Children than it does about finding them good homes. Genuine "believers" will find they face FAR greater hurdles than most other participants.
Not an adoption scenario, but if insurance/wills/estate/benefits were the issue then certainly the one holding the insurance policy could be given a legal guardianship by the biological mother and this does NOT require a homestudy, just file some papers in court with a lawyer (and they could be revoked later if necessary) and the person listed now has legal guardianship (different from custody and easier to skate around) and can use that form to claim the child on insurance, enroll in school legally, have access to legal documents, get medical care and have a say in medical decisions, make legal decisions pertaining to the child, and claim the child on taxes (you can anyway as Christopher did but this makes sure you have priority if an absent parent tried to claim the child too).
We could adopt the child in our hearts and just get some sort of legal guardianship until the child turns 18, and then do an adult adoption.
Just thinking out loud I suppose.
Becca
We could adopt the child in our hearts and just get some sort of legal guardianship until the child turns 18, and then do an adult adoption.
Just thinking out loud I suppose.
Becca
We actually looked into this with our last potential, as my husband wanted to legally adopt her son if they were to marry. Unfortunately we found out in Indiana the only way to legally adopt a child is to be legally married to the child's mother. A man who is legally married to someone else can not adopt another woman's children, at least in this state. Very dissapointing!