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Patriarch Baseball

The Revolting Man

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While amusing myself in another thread I invented a statistic with which to assert dominance over a young man. Since he is currently husbanding attractive sisters I’m sure the attempt will not destroy his self-confidence.

That being said, it occurred to me in the middle of it all that there actually is value in the statistic.

The statistic is PWA, or per woman average, it tracks the average number of children a man has with the women who bear him children. It separates those men who have small amounts of children with large amounts of women, ala Nelly, with men who husband fruitful women, ala Jim Bob Duggar.

Like all such stats it’s utility is limited. It doesn’t account for men whose fecundity is limited by factors other than their character or priorities for instance. Also, it doesn’t identify men who have had a large number of sexual partners but only fathered children with a few. It would also need to be modified for certain scenarios, for instance fPWA might account for significant stepchildren. My PWA is 4, my fPWA is 5.

The esteemed and inestimable @Keith Martin pioneered the use of baseball as a major source of analogy here but I propose to deepen the practice.

What other statistics should we be tracking to evaluate ourselves and our potential husbands for our daughters. For instance TNC, total number of children, would be an important stat to help give context to PWA. KOF, known one flesh failures, might be an interesting if somewhat unreliable statistic.

Help me out. What else can we track?
 
Thinking of baseball and houses you could rephrase the house size question to "How big is your stadium?" ;)
Yes but it has to have a basebally acronym. Stadium statistics would be something like THS total house square footage, and THF, total housing facilities to denote multiple domiciles.

What we’re doing here is compiling types of stats to track to measure give meaningful information about a man’s patriarchal performance in a sports type way.
 
I love this so much. I really like the THS total housing square footage, or perhaps instead, a TRA "total rooms available" would denote the tent peg expansion capacity at a given moment. Maybe TPEC?

To show leadership and patriarchal capacity, maybe a stat like Months to Acceptance. My wife's MTA is somewhere around 3.5. Although that statistic doesn't shed much light on the leadership capabilities of a man with a harridan who came up with the idea of polygny first... Might need some fleshing out...
 
I love this so much. I really like the THS total housing square footage, or perhaps instead, a TRA "total rooms available" would denote the tent peg expansion capacity at a given moment. Maybe TPEC?

To show leadership and patriarchal capacity, maybe a stat like Months to Acceptance. My wife's MTA is somewhere around 3.5. Although that statistic doesn't shed much light on the leadership capabilities of a man with a harridan who came up with the idea of polygny first... Might need some fleshing out...
That’s what I’m talking about! Average months per woman! AMW would indicate how many months in average, a man has spent with each one flesh relationship.
 
I loke your first suggestion of PWA, as mine is 7, so I win (until someone else posts their score). Let's just stick with that one, for that reason alone. :)

Unfortunately the moment any of us father a child with a second wife, PWA will reduce. But that should be a positive scoremaking event, not a negative. A stat that discourages polygamy might not be quite what you were looking for.

I propose YOUM - Years Of Undivorced Marriage. Total number of years spent married to women whom you have managed to retain until the present or until death (sum of all relevant marriage lengths). I know others will beat my score of 16, but I am happy to be fairly beaten by them. And this score rewards polygamy, doesn't penalise it.
 
I think what would pique my interest would be to glean the correlation between ABS and PWA.
 
Total number of years spent married to women whom you have managed to retain until the present or until death (sum of all relevant marriage lengths). I know others will beat my score of 16, but I am happy to be fairly beaten by them. And this score rewards polygamy, doesn't penalise it.
Ohh I like this one. Total years. Wife 1, 10 years, wife 2 - 4 years makes (14 YOUM) although the acronym is clunky. Years of Undivorced Marriage would be YUM. I like that one better. Yum sounds better.

TWM -Total Woman Months
ACM - Aggregate Coverage Months
AYM - Aggregate Years Marriage
AMM - Aggregate Months Marriage
 
I love the idea, even though I’m gonna be sucking hind teat on some of these.
My PWA is 0 divided by 2 or 3, depending on whether or not the mail-in ballot gets tabulated.
 
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I do have 2 with LGP, Left the Game Prematurely.
 
[Baseball? This reminds me more of board game night at the nursing home. Everyone shows up and plays whatever game s/he wants to play by hirself -- and everyone wins! Here's mine: LFM, because I'm relatively confident I'm #1 in that category for the entire U.S.!]
 
Should we add a - 'dug the biggest hole' - calculation? It seems relevant if we have land availability in there. Land + hole/cellar/shelter. The bigger the hole the more manly the guy right?

And if your guy just happened to buy an excavator to dig big holes that would make him super duper manly :cool:
 
To show leadership and patriarchal capacity, maybe a stat like Months to Acceptance. My wife's MTA is somewhere around 3.5. Although that statistic doesn't shed much light on the leadership capabilities of a man with a harridan who came up with the idea of polygny first... Might need some fleshing out...
That's really hard to calculate as it's hard to know what the starting baseline is. From talking about it seriously - about 2 weeks. But from having the idea floated as something that existed in the abstract in Africa - several years. I can't give a number on MTA.
Ohh I like this one. Total years. Wife 1, 10 years, wife 2 - 4 years makes (14 YOUM) although the acronym is clunky. Years of Undivorced Marriage would be YUM. I like that one better. Yum sounds better.
I thoroughly agree with YUM. :yum:
I think what would pique my interest would be to glean the correlation between ABS and PWA.
[Baseball? This reminds me more of board game night at the nursing home. Everyone shows up and plays whatever game s/he wants to play by hirself -- and everyone wins! Here's mine: LFM, because I'm relatively confident I'm #1 in that category for the entire U.S.!]
We've only just started and already @Keith Martin is sounding like the geek who knows far more acronyms than anybody else and everyone else is just quietly nodding and pretending to understand the conversation, but secretly planning to look up the rulebook as soon as they get home. While the apparent geek is just making up undefined acronyms and laughing at everyone else pretending to understand.
The bigger the hole the more manly the guy right?
I'm going outside for the rest of the day dear, see you in bed.
 
I love the holes dug thing. My profession is one of digging thousands of feet of hole. I've dug tens of thousands of holes to plant trees. In cubic feet soil displaced, I've gotta be in the millions. CFD ~10,000,000-40,000,000

I dig swales, glorified holes for catching water and soaking it underground. Also ponds. A single 5 acre pond is around 8-9 million cubic feet... Is this the measure of my manliness? I suppose I don't need this beard anymore....
 
I'm going outside for the rest of the day dear, see you in bed.
Why am I suddenly remembering the guy that spent all of his extra time digging his tunnel?
 
We lived for a while in an unimproved building that had no sewer system. Each day I had to bury the waste.

I will not be submitting those holes in the competition.
 
I loke your first suggestion of PWA, as mine is 7, so I win (until someone else posts their score). Let's just stick with that one, for that reason alone. :)

Unfortunately the moment any of us father a child with a second wife, PWA will reduce. But that should be a positive scoremaking event, not a negative. A stat that discourages polygamy might not be quite what you were looking for.

I propose YOUM - Years Of Undivorced Marriage. Total number of years spent married to women whom you have managed to retain until the present or until death (sum of all relevant marriage lengths). I know others will beat my score of 16, but I am happy to be fairly beaten by them. And this score rewards polygamy, doesn't penalise it.
Sigh, followed by a heavy sigh, followed by an even heavier sigh. Baseball statistics are only three letter acronyms. If there is ever a fourth letter then it is a variation on another three letter stat and the fourth letter is lower case. Years of Undivorced Marriage would be YUM. Eye roll, folllwed by an even bigger eye roll followed by a 15 year old girl sized eye roll.
 
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