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Support My wife is feeling regret

G

GroomOf5Wise

Member
Male
She kissed a girl, and she liked it! Much to my endorsement and audience. That moment will be forever imprinted in my mind, I’m elated, living on cloud 9. 😃 She’s wife has known my position that I’m okay with this for a long time.

However next morning and the days since, she definitely was experiencing the regret, shame, “it felt so wrong, it felt so right”, mental gymnastics, hamster, internal condemnation, legalistic upbringing, and something bad is going to happen to me since I “sinned”. I’ve just been comforting, guiding, and reassuring her.

This has definitely opened up a whole lot more in depth conversations around this topic. This is a turn she’s been shutting down completely the past few months. She feels like I have been bring it up way too often.

Anyway, just wanted to get that off my chest. Any further support, wisdom, advice, encouragement, prayers, would be hugely appreciated. Thanks!
 
The right things have to be done the right way for the right reasons and in the right order. Prioritizing physical intimacy as a way to move towards polygyny might be sabotaging that order.

Obviously you didn’t give us much information so ignore me if I’m making baseless assumptions.
 
Thanks. We’ve had several conversations over the years, albeit not direct like “I’m getting a 2nd wife” but more “isn’t that interesting,” because I’m not sure where God is taking me down this journey. I don’t think this is just a thought experiment. I think this may be something in my lifetime or our kid’s lifetime.

Yea, my goal is to do it the right way, in the right order, for the right reason. However, things came to an impasse a few months ago with several blowouts and ultimatums around this topic.

This kiss (and nothing more) was completely unplanned and unexpected. Yes, I did leave several details out for now.
 
If I am reading this correctly, I don't think this is right. Admittedly, I may be missing something.

Romans 1

24 Therefore God also gave them up to uncleanness, in the lusts of their hearts, to dishonor their bodies among themselves, 25 who exchanged the truth of God for the lie, and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed forever. Amen.

26 For this reason God gave them up to vile passions. For even their [i]women exchanged the natural use for what is against nature. 27 Likewise also the [j]men, leaving the natural use of the [k]woman, burned in their lust for one another, men with men committing what is shameful, and receiving in themselves the penalty of their error which was due.
 
@NBTX11 there's a strong contingent of people on this forum that feel that the verse that you've provided is not sufficient for your claim. I'll direct you to this old thread so you can catch up with the argument that has been made. I have no opinion yet on the matter, partly due to it being irrelevant to me, and not within my desire.

Can a man in a poly marriage have sex with both women at the same time?

Since Paul recognizes that the woman was created “for the man’s sake” (1 Cor. 11:8-9; cf. Gen. 2:18, 21-22), it necessarily follows that “the natural function” of the woman refers solely to male-female sexual relations. Therefore, any male-male or female-female sexual relations are “unnatural”...
www.biblicalfamilies.org www.biblicalfamilies.org
 
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GroomOf5Wise said:
Thanks. We’ve had several conversations over the years, albeit not direct like “I’m getting a 2nd wife” but more “isn’t that interesting,” because I’m not sure where God is taking me down this journey. I don’t think this is just a thought experiment. I think this may be something in my lifetime or our kid’s lifetime.

Yea, my goal is to do it the right way, in the right order, for the right reason. However, things came to an impasse a few months ago with several blowouts and ultimatums around this topic.

This kiss (and nothing more) was completely unplanned and unexpected. Yes, I did leave several details out for now.
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I had a similar situation arise in my first marriage. I thought the kiss, which I had done a lot to orchestrate, would lead to “breakthroughs” of some kind I couldn’t have defined for you. This was at the very beginning of my journey into polygyny, before I had found this forum and while my desires were still greatly clouded with young man foolishness.

And I was able to orchestrate one further disordered foray towards what I thought was my goal. It was the last happy memory I have of that marriage. The whole thing imploded like a hobbyist’s submarine visiting the Titanic. It was a bitter, ugly break up that still reverberates in my children’s lives to this day.

Now that marriage had probably been doomed from its inception for reasons I wouldn’t understand for a few years after it ended but I am convinced that by pursuing my disordered priorities I hastened the demise and helped preclude any chance of healing.

I’m going to add that I am by no means against the idea of physical intimacy between wives, as you’ll discover if you follow that link that was provided in the other comment, but like anything involving sexual desire, it can quickly get out of control.
 
raulus said:
@NBTX11 there's a strong contingent on this forum that feel that the verse that you've provided is not sufficient for your claim. I'll direct you to this old thread so you can catch up with the argument that has been made. I have no opinion yet on the matter, partly due to it being irrelevant to me, and not within my desire.

Can a man in a poly marriage have sex with both women at the same time?

Since Paul recognizes that the woman was created “for the man’s sake” (1 Cor. 11:8-9; cf. Gen. 2:18, 21-22), it necessarily follows that “the natural function” of the woman refers solely to male-female sexual relations. Therefore, any male-male or female-female sexual relations are “unnatural”...
www.biblicalfamilies.org www.biblicalfamilies.org
Click to expand...
That was extremely well put!
 
NBTX11 said:
If I am reading this correctly, I don't think this is right. Admittedly, I may be missing something.

Romans 1

24 Therefore God also gave them up to uncleanness, in the lusts of their hearts, to dishonor their bodies among themselves, 25 who exchanged the truth of God for the lie, and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed forever. Amen.

26 For this reason God gave them up to vile passions. For even their [i]women exchanged the natural use for what is against nature. 27 Likewise also the [j]men, leaving the natural use of the [k]woman, burned in their lust for one another, men with men committing what is shameful, and receiving in themselves the penalty of their error which was due.
Click to expand...
So you’re about to peel back another layer of the onion! Enjoy!
 
raulus said:
@NBTX11 there's a strong contingent of people on this forum that feel that the verse that you've provided is not sufficient for your claim. I'll direct you to this old thread so you can catch up with the argument that has been made. I have no opinion yet on the matter, partly due to it being irrelevant to me, and not within my desire.

Can a man in a poly marriage have sex with both women at the same time?

Since Paul recognizes that the woman was created “for the man’s sake” (1 Cor. 11:8-9; cf. Gen. 2:18, 21-22), it necessarily follows that “the natural function” of the woman refers solely to male-female sexual relations. Therefore, any male-male or female-female sexual relations are “unnatural”...
www.biblicalfamilies.org www.biblicalfamilies.org
Click to expand...
I’ve read that thread and still believe Romans says it’s not allowed. If others feel otherwise, they answer to God, not me. I will go back and re-read the thread to see if I’ve missed anything.
 
NBTX11 said:
I’ve read that thread and still believe Romans says it’s not allowed. If others feel otherwise, they answer to God, not me. I will go back and re-read the thread to see if I’ve missed anything.
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Great man. I say follow the Word of God no matter what anyone else says. If you believe that it is clear to you on this matter, then stick with it. The original poster is of a different persuasion, and I don't want to take anymore from the support he is looking for in this thread.
 
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raulus said:
Great man. I say follow the Word of God no matter what anyone else says. If you believe that it is clear to you on this matter, then stick with it. The original poster is of a different persuasion, and I don't want to take anymore from the support he is looking for in this thread.
Click to expand...
My only additional comment would be to warn against condemning someone who holds the opposing view.
NBTX11 said:
I’ve read that thread and still believe Romans says it’s not allowed.
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It's important to note Romans 1:26 is a statement, not a command. It's not saying what is or is not allowed but what God did. We need to be careful when building our understanding on any matter in the Bible to ensure we correctly interpret what God has said. Shalom
 
I don’t condemn anyone that’s just my personal belief. I’m open to studying the issue further though. I don’t think you’ll find too many churches that approve of this behavior so it’s possible I’ve been influenced by current church teaching on this issue.
 
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NBTX11 said:
I don’t think you’ll find too many churches that approve of this behavior so it’s possibly I’ve been influenced by current church teaching on this issue.
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Yes indeed. There are many things I used to teach that I've had to reconsider. Starting with a blank piece of paper and writing down what is actually written can be quite an eye-opener. The popular position of "current church teaching" traditions can be a challenge to extricate oneself from.
 
When I first examined that topic myself I was attempting to prove what I already "knew" to be true that it was completely out of bounds and off limits. I later had to eat my own position like a leather shoe and have since accepted it as a gray area the Bible seems to be silent on. @NBTX11 if you're curious on the where and why feel free to send me a private message and I'll attempt to explain it as best I can.
 
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NBTX11 said:
I don’t think you’ll find too many churches that approve of this behavior so it’s possibly I’ve been influenced by current church teaching on this issue.
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Churches are a completely mixed bag. Some are "open and affirming" welcoming homosexuals into their congregations.

I think Christianity after abandoning polygyny as a normal relationship structure lost that there can be supportive and close relationships between women, in families, and made relationships a choice....gay or straight....and both sexual.
I think women are wired differently and thrive with the support of other women. That can happen in a family situation with polygyny. For a woman not prone to jealousy who enjoys the company and friendship of other women, this life is ideal.
I refuse to condemn wives for activities God did not prohibit, but really feel there would be far LESS bisexuality among women if polygyny was common.... because the men are manly, and they could have a man lover and a woman best friend.

My two cents worth
 
MemeFan said:
I expect more female bisexuality, not less.

Women being bisexual provides another "glue" in family.
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You may be right. Maybe I should have said less homosexual women? I do believe though that the world pushes women toward being sexual with the same sex, and combined with monogamy that makes them choose. A capable woman that cannot find a more capable MAN, will sometimes settle for a girly girl (my best friend did) as there is more contrast there (opposites attract) and the urban men aren't manly, especially those (mormons) who have been raised in a church.
 
Joleneakamama said:
You may be right. Maybe I should have said less homosexual women? I do believe though that the world pushes women toward being sexual with the same sex, and combined with monogamy that makes them choose. A capable woman that cannot find a more capable MAN, will sometimes settle for a girly girl (my best friend did) as there is more contrast there (opposites attract) and the urban men aren't manly, especially those (mormons) who have been raised in a church.
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If you search in right places, you will find even lesbians practicing man-sharing.

I remember reading account of British girl whose potential husbands have died in WW1. Only 10% of girls were able to get married. Some of rest did practice woman-woman love.
 
Joleneakamama said:
Churches are a completely mixed bag. Some are "open and affirming" welcoming homosexuals into their congregations.
Click to expand...
I was thinking mainly of conservative Christian churches. The kind I am most familiar with. I’ve never attended an open an affirming church.
 
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