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My Fantasy Holiday Gift...
- Thread starter ADHERE
- Start date
Maybe the wrong place for this, but here goes. Do any other men..... or maybe even women, that think storys of arranged marriages that work wonderfully have a romantic side? Kind of like Isaac and Rebekah. Or some other story where the son yields to the wisdom and insight of his father on a woman who is suitable and will not work against him. Fine if that's just me. I see all of scripture as one big love story anyway. Lol
I think arranged marriages are the way to go. At least the attitude of arranged marriages; the idea that feelings are secondary to a clear headed determination to make the best match possible be the best marriage possible. There is no one less qualified to pick a mate than a young person.
Yeah! I agree. It wasn't until after I posted that that I realized something. If you are taking the stance of letting God bring her or him to you. You are in fact yielding to our fathers selection / suggestion (depending how you view that) of a suitable partner. Indeed the older we get the more we see through the foolishness of youth. So how much more so can he for us. How exciting!
I think it's one of the many, many things in life that can work really well but is dependent on a lot of factors. Torah's point about yielding to God's arrangement is well made, but I hesitate to entrust my future to my earthly parent's sole discretion. It's a bit of a sliding scale I think. Like if someone wants to marry very young, and they have good, wise, and well intentioned parents, then an arranged marriage might not be a bad way to go. However as a person matures in wisdom and personality, especially if they have moved out on their own, then an arranged marriage makes less and less sense, at least in my opinion. My mom introduced my wife and I when I was 19, and did a great job with that, however at 36 I feel that at this point I would make far better choices about any future spouses than my mom would for me! 
Absolutely UG.Good and wise parents were kind of the implied, though I agree it needs to be said outright and clear. I also agree that I can make decisions for myself. Which brings me to another topic I'd like us to comment on too. Bringing my first wife to friends and family for approval will not be that hard but does anybody have stories to tell on the 2nd? Sometimes I ponder if it's even worth it. Seeing as how they've already approved the first and as stated before, I can for myself. That being on my own or at that point with the Council of my first wife in which case we are then are our own family. I'm thinking it might be better just to do what we would want on our own without their input as they would probably be trying to interfere anyway. It really goes on a matter of respect versus holding your own in many ways regardless of age. Advise or other views on this?
I would submit that a man doesn't need his parents permission to marry. The whole idea of leaving your father and mother to cleave to your wife implies a break. Also I have a slavish devotion to the idea of a man being the only authority in his home (up to a point) so that he wouldn't need anyone's permission to bring on a second wife.
However, wisdom and maturity would lead any son to include his parents in these kind of decisions, especially a first born son with his first wife since she will likey bear the heir and so have a gigantic effect on the success or failure of her father in law's line.
However, wisdom and maturity would lead any son to include his parents in these kind of decisions, especially a first born son with his first wife since she will likey bear the heir and so have a gigantic effect on the success or failure of her father in law's line.
I can see just grounds for that view. Especially since most parents hardly are able to keep there own marriage together in there efforts to keep one foot in the world and the other set apart for the kingdom. ( an impossibly )
Well, our friends and family already know our views and hopes for the future. It caused a lot of relationship breaks where we live now, but our long term friends in Omaha were very supportive. Thankfully we're moving back there soon. Our parents have also been quite supportive. My mom was probably the most concerned (I expected GloryGirl's parents to be more leery), but she has come around to where she is ready to welcome a new "daughter in love". My dad was very positive, and since then is actually closer to to pm than GG and I are, lol. He and his wife have a potential that things are going really well with.
Lol, go dad!
That's awesome.
I'd say that's a pretty good reaction from the parents, UG! I would love it if any of our parents had been as open in their thinking. We just had the inlaws over for Christmas, and it was a mixed reaction at best. Although they took the really big step of getting presents for "Nelle's" kids as well as their daughter's (which I was very impressed with), they ignored me and Nelle the entire time, even when we directly spoke to them.
My parents would be a good example of elders that would not have made wise choices for me. Each of them have had multiple (serial) marriages, and I will always vividly remember my dad pulling me aside on the night of my wedding rehearsal, 12 years ago, and telling me what a bad decision I was making. He thinks even less of my second wife and hasn't really spoken much to any of us in over a year. And while my mom finally came around to the idea of my first wife, she is currently not speaking to us either since not being able to convince my first wife to divorce me.
So I don't hold their advice in too high of esteem. But we're also a little off topic
What I wanted for Christmas, I got: both of the ladies got to see their families, and we'll be doing a little more of that in the next couple of weeks. I really wanted to see that happen for them, since this year has been so hard, and it did.
My parents would be a good example of elders that would not have made wise choices for me. Each of them have had multiple (serial) marriages, and I will always vividly remember my dad pulling me aside on the night of my wedding rehearsal, 12 years ago, and telling me what a bad decision I was making. He thinks even less of my second wife and hasn't really spoken much to any of us in over a year. And while my mom finally came around to the idea of my first wife, she is currently not speaking to us either since not being able to convince my first wife to divorce me.
So I don't hold their advice in too high of esteem. But we're also a little off topic
What I wanted for Christmas, I got: both of the ladies got to see their families, and we'll be doing a little more of that in the next couple of weeks. I really wanted to see that happen for them, since this year has been so hard, and it did.
I'm pretty sure I introduced him to the idea of Biblical plural marriage, but I don't think they're too overly concerned about the Biblical aspects of it. My dad is... only sort of Christian. He's in the "believes in God and Jesus" grouping, but doesn't have what you'd call a doctrine or anything.
Man Jason, glad that you've made progress, but yeah, we've had much better reactions. Of course, I haven't actually taken a second wife or anything so there is the potential of subject to change, but I don't think so. There was a "strong potential" that just couldn't accept the Biblical basis of PM (or go against her family's wishes) that was in our lives for quite a while, and my mom (who was the closest to "against pm" from our parents) really did great getting to know her and hanging out with us all and including her in stuff. Even like buying her a Christmas gift and picking her up candy for Valentines day, so I'm sure my mom would continue to be loving and accepting if I am ever able to add another wife.
Man Jason, glad that you've made progress, but yeah, we've had much better reactions. Of course, I haven't actually taken a second wife or anything so there is the potential of subject to change, but I don't think so. There was a "strong potential" that just couldn't accept the Biblical basis of PM (or go against her family's wishes) that was in our lives for quite a while, and my mom (who was the closest to "against pm" from our parents) really did great getting to know her and hanging out with us all and including her in stuff. Even like buying her a Christmas gift and picking her up candy for Valentines day, so I'm sure my mom would continue to be loving and accepting if I am ever able to add another wife.
Were we in a culture using arranged marriages, I am sure my parents would have found me a good wife - but it would not have been Sarah (long story in the distant past that I'm not getting in to). So it's funny to consider. I'm sure it would have worked well for me, but less well for Sarah. In a monogamous situation anyway.
Arranged marriages are in theory an excellent idea for the first wife, in a polygamous context. Parents can choose wisely and allow a couple to marry relatively young, removing the youthful temptation to sexual immorality. Then, if the husband feels YHWH's calling to bring in a different woman of his own choice, he can do that also once he is mature enough to make a sensible decision for himself, he is not limited by his parents choice (obviously his first wife is stuck with hers though). I see this sort of arrangement behind Exodus 21:9.
Arranged marriages are in theory an excellent idea for the first wife, in a polygamous context. Parents can choose wisely and allow a couple to marry relatively young, removing the youthful temptation to sexual immorality. Then, if the husband feels YHWH's calling to bring in a different woman of his own choice, he can do that also once he is mature enough to make a sensible decision for himself, he is not limited by his parents choice (obviously his first wife is stuck with hers though). I see this sort of arrangement behind Exodus 21:9.
Interesting website. I've been hunting for their position on polygamy, they seem to deliberately refrain from discussing it, they certainly don't oppose it except in quotes from others. And the "about us" list has two men listed as "husband of one" and one listed as "married", which is an interesting discrepancy.
They're looking to arrange get-togethers to let families match up their kids, which is an awesome idea - but they probably need to state a clear position on this beforehand, as that could cause some rather awkward moments - "My son would be great for your daughter, he treats his current wife really well, and your daughter's qualities seem to complement hers perfectly"... "HELP, I'M AT A RETREAT FOR EVIL HERETICS, I WAS TRICKED!"
And statistically, they're likely to end up with 20 young girls to be matched with 3 lucky young men if they don't suggest this as a possibility.
They're looking to arrange get-togethers to let families match up their kids, which is an awesome idea - but they probably need to state a clear position on this beforehand, as that could cause some rather awkward moments - "My son would be great for your daughter, he treats his current wife really well, and your daughter's qualities seem to complement hers perfectly"... "HELP, I'M AT A RETREAT FOR EVIL HERETICS, I WAS TRICKED!"
And statistically, they're likely to end up with 20 young girls to be matched with 3 lucky young men if they don't suggest this as a possibility.
Yeah I noticed the "husband of one" thing too. I'd be curious to know their stance too, because you're right, that's not the kind of miscommunication you want in the midst of a gathering!
ADHERE
Member
Arranged marriages still seems to work for some people. There is a lady on my job, she is 28yrs old. She had spoke to some of our other christian co-worker and asked them to pray for her because she desired to get married. Now, this was just a few months ago! She was not dating or seeing anyone at all..... A few days ago she told us that she's getting married in September of this year. So, she was asked how long was she dating the guy, and her response was.... We grew up together, so we knew each other through church for a long time. Her Father is a Pastor and we do believe that her Father recently arranged this marriage for his daughter. She never spoke of love for the guy she's marrying... She has never spoken of him whatsoever, her younger sister was married about two years ago, which didn't sit well with the Father or this Lady.... So it all points to her Father arranging this marriage for his daughter.