My Daughter is writing new lyrics for Hallelujah. Any input I can pass on is apprecicated.

[Nikud]

Hallelujah

Now, I've heard there was a secret chord
That David played, and it pleased the Lord
But you don't really care for music, do you?
It goes like this, the fourth, the fifth
The minor fall, the major lift
The baffled king composing hallelujah

Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah

Your faith was strong but you needed proof
You saw her bathing on the roof
Her beauty and the moonlight overthrew ya
She tied you to a kitchen chair
She broke your throne, and she cut your hair
And from your lips she drew the hallelujah

Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah

You say I took the name in vain
I don't even know the name
But if I did, well really, what's it to you?
There's a blaze of light in every word
It doesn't matter which you heard
The holy or the broken hallelujah

Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah

I did my best, it wasn't much
I couldn't feel, so I tried to touch
I've told the truth, I didn't come to fool you
And even though it all went wrong
I'll stand before the lord of song
With nothing on my tongue but hallelujah

Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah

Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah

Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
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Additional lyrics (or replacement Lyrics when she finishes, She wants to make it about Yeshua and Grace)
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There He was upon the tree
pouring blood for you and me
to set us free from ours sins
At His feet Ill humbly bow
For He is great and I am Low
glancing up I cry to Him Hallelujah

Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah

The Messiah is the light of the world
there He stood for all to see
A perfect example for you and me
the price He paid cannot be ignored
There's no way to repay the Lord
All I can do is sing from Joy Hallelujah

Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah

 

[Joleneakamama]

I have long thought that the tone of that song did not match the praise in the word Hallelujah. It is minor and not overly cheery. I do love recycling songs though!

 

[PeteR]

You mean like this?

 

[AmbassadorforChrist]

You mean like this?

That was awesome! I think I like this version better then the original!!

 

[steve]

I love it, @Kevin!

As I listened to the one that @PeteR shared, I realized that it would be so much more powerful/declarative if sung by a male, with the timbre that exists in the male voice. I have never seen that before.
So Kevin, get your singin voice on!

 

[Edward]

@Kevin I actually started to sing this to my wife @Proverbs3.5 I did ok.

@PeteR I like that version also.

 

[Nikud]

Sorry about not responding until now, I be been distracted. My Daughter is now incorporating her lyrics in which the Exodus Road version. She is still planning a complete rewrite and has 4 verses but doesn't want me to see or hear it until she's done. She's planing on using it in her next AGT.

 

[MeganC]

But you don't really care for music, do you?
It goes like this, the fourth, the fifth

It seems to me a little rude to know that someone doesn't like music and then to insist on telling them how it goes.

Not saying to rewrite this just that it stands out to me is all.