A wise man in my past, a long time ago in a state far, far away, told me this...
I don't know for certain if that's true or not but if it is then I must be doing something right. I've got a lot to be thankful for but it isn't for lack of effort by Satan to discourage me. I just got my first paycheck from my new job and I've been reflecting on the long hard road that led me to this place.
In June of 2008 I decided that it was time to stop living my life in neutral and get my butt in gear. I still had both of my kids living at home at that point. I was working a lot of hours trying to make ends meet and just barely scraping by as a single dad.
But I've got two kids to be proud of. My kids are 20 and 23 (now, they were younger then) and...
So in spite of all of the troubles I had had up to that point, which I won't bore you with, God had blessed me with two wonderful kids which were the only thing I had asked him for up to that point.
That month, June 2008, I enrolled in ITT Technical Institute in an associate program. Expected graduation date was June 2010.
In May 2009 Satan struck at me, not for the first time. He didn't hit me with homework, or job stress, or any of the regular things although those were there in abundance.
I was in a car wreck that almost killed me. A woman drove across forty feet of grassy median and pulled out into my Southbound lane (apparently she wanted to turn around on the interstate) right on the South side of the crest of a hill where she couldn't see oncoming traffic and I couldn't see her. When I topped the crest of the hill she was right there and there was no time to do anything. By the time my foot hit the brake I was hitting her. I broadsided her at seventy miles per hour.
I was left with so many broken bones that I couldn't even move my own wheelchair let alone walk. My right ankle was crushed so badly that it took nine pins to hold it together. The doctors told me that I would probably never walk again without at least a limp and probably a cane.
I took a full quarter off from school because of my injuries. I didn't give up though. God had led me this far and I refused to believe that He would abandon me. I was going to walk again and I was going to graduate on time.
I tested out of a full quarter's worth of classes so that I could graduate on time. Thirteen months later, in June 2010, the first steps I had taken in thirteen months without an assistive device of any type (no crutches, no cane, no walker, nothing but my own two feet) were across the stage to accept my Associate of Applied Science degree in Computer Networking Systems. The best part was that I walked absolutely straight across that stage without a limp of any type.
God did NOT let me down no matter how hard Satan tried to hammer me. Satan literally hit me with a Chevy Tahoe at 70 mph and God put me back together and gave me the strength to stay on the track that He wanted me to walk. Still to this day I walk without a cane or a limp of any type.
Sometimes I have to laugh. Why in the world would God be interested in me? I've let Him down more times in my life than I can count no matter how many people agreed to let me use their fingers and toes to count on. He's never let me down though. He's always been by my side. I can totally relate to that poem about footprints in the sand because Christ has been carrying me most of my life. What is so worthwhile about me that He's interested in taking care of me this way?
The problems didn't stop there. Satan was just warming up. He didn't stop with just one attack on Job nor did he stop with one attack on me.
My marriage was next. I thought I had finally found till-death-do-us-part. I thought the fact that she stuck by me during my injury meant something. I believed. I trusted. I was a fool.
The money from the accident settlement ran out. Now I was just another college student working full time and going to school full time and struggling to make ends meet...
...AGAIN.
I don't know for certain if the money running out was what made her change her mind about me but the timing is certainly suspicious. As my therapist pointed out, the red flags were there all along. I just ignored them. I trusted too blindly.
I had started my bachelor's degree program in June 2010 immediately after my associates program was finished. Expected graduation was June of 2012.
My wife kicked me out of our house and in so doing she dealt me a kick in the gut that made that Chevy Tahoe look like a love-tap by comparison. I was an emotional wreck. I had no friends except Dr. Allen who let me live in a trailer of his for a rent that was absurdly low in my opinion. I was lonely and alone and felt lost. My PTSD started hitting harder and harder. I thought physical injuries were bad. Depression is a double whammy in that it hits just as hard as physical injuries but nobody can see it so they are insensitive. When people saw me in a wheelchair or on crutches with my foot in a boot it was obvious that I was injured. Nobody can see the wounds and scars between my ears though.
Even Dr. Allen didn't seem to have time for me. He had a trailer I could live in and if I had needed monetary help I'm sure he would have given it. I didn't and the help that I needed, a friend to spend time with, just wasn't in his schedule. I can't fault him. He's a busy man. He's got family to take care of. He's working to spread the gospel of Christ. He worked full time just like I did. Those are important obligations. He didn't do anything wrong. He just didn't have what I needed. He's just as human as I am so I can't expect him to be perfect.
Through it all I prayed to God and counted on Him for my needs. I knew that He wouldn't let me down.
He didn't.
He introduced me to my current wife and gave me the opportunity to start over with a new opportunity to make new friends here in Colorado. I graduated with a Bachelor of Science in Information Systems Security right on schedule. I started my masters degree and moved to Colorado to be with my new wife.
I can't believe my good fortune. I've got a wife that actually talks with me now instead of talking at me. She cares what I think and what I feel. She listens without criticism and supports me when I'm struggling. She helps me better myself for the future instead of dragging me down with my past. God has blessed me beyond my wildest imaginings of only a few years ago.
Last night I finished the course work for my Masters Degree in Information Systems Management. The only thing left is the capstone. It's an eight week long test where I show them that I've learned the lessons that they've been trying to teach me over the past two and a half years. Everything is coming together for me to graduate on time yet again in June of 2015.
Better yet, I have a job. I have a job that I didn't believe was possible only a few years ago. Who would hire a veteran who is messed up in the head for a job that paid more than $50,000 a year?
Time Warner did.
God led me to the right place at the right time and granted me favor with humans in ways that I couldn't even have imagined only a few years ago.
I still don't know what God sees in me that He would choose to bless me this abundantly. I'm still a sinner who has let Him down repeatedly in spite of my best efforts. I'm still a wounded bird struggling with a broken wing but God is lifting me to heights that I never dreamed possible.
I'm sitting here in tears as I type this wondering if I'll have the courage to hit the button to post it and marveling at the fact that God sees fit to bless somebody as messed up as I am as richly as he's blessed me.
I don't know for certain if that's true or not but if it is then I must be doing something right. I've got a lot to be thankful for but it isn't for lack of effort by Satan to discourage me. I just got my first paycheck from my new job and I've been reflecting on the long hard road that led me to this place.
In June of 2008 I decided that it was time to stop living my life in neutral and get my butt in gear. I still had both of my kids living at home at that point. I was working a lot of hours trying to make ends meet and just barely scraping by as a single dad.
But I've got two kids to be proud of. My kids are 20 and 23 (now, they were younger then) and...
- have never tried drugs, not even once
- both have high school diplomas
- both have jobs
- both have already moved out on their own
- are both polite and well mannered
- both are generally respectful of their elders
- both have clean police records
- etc.
So in spite of all of the troubles I had had up to that point, which I won't bore you with, God had blessed me with two wonderful kids which were the only thing I had asked him for up to that point.
That month, June 2008, I enrolled in ITT Technical Institute in an associate program. Expected graduation date was June 2010.
In May 2009 Satan struck at me, not for the first time. He didn't hit me with homework, or job stress, or any of the regular things although those were there in abundance.
I was in a car wreck that almost killed me. A woman drove across forty feet of grassy median and pulled out into my Southbound lane (apparently she wanted to turn around on the interstate) right on the South side of the crest of a hill where she couldn't see oncoming traffic and I couldn't see her. When I topped the crest of the hill she was right there and there was no time to do anything. By the time my foot hit the brake I was hitting her. I broadsided her at seventy miles per hour.
I was left with so many broken bones that I couldn't even move my own wheelchair let alone walk. My right ankle was crushed so badly that it took nine pins to hold it together. The doctors told me that I would probably never walk again without at least a limp and probably a cane.
I took a full quarter off from school because of my injuries. I didn't give up though. God had led me this far and I refused to believe that He would abandon me. I was going to walk again and I was going to graduate on time.
I tested out of a full quarter's worth of classes so that I could graduate on time. Thirteen months later, in June 2010, the first steps I had taken in thirteen months without an assistive device of any type (no crutches, no cane, no walker, nothing but my own two feet) were across the stage to accept my Associate of Applied Science degree in Computer Networking Systems. The best part was that I walked absolutely straight across that stage without a limp of any type.
God did NOT let me down no matter how hard Satan tried to hammer me. Satan literally hit me with a Chevy Tahoe at 70 mph and God put me back together and gave me the strength to stay on the track that He wanted me to walk. Still to this day I walk without a cane or a limp of any type.
Sometimes I have to laugh. Why in the world would God be interested in me? I've let Him down more times in my life than I can count no matter how many people agreed to let me use their fingers and toes to count on. He's never let me down though. He's always been by my side. I can totally relate to that poem about footprints in the sand because Christ has been carrying me most of my life. What is so worthwhile about me that He's interested in taking care of me this way?
The problems didn't stop there. Satan was just warming up. He didn't stop with just one attack on Job nor did he stop with one attack on me.
My marriage was next. I thought I had finally found till-death-do-us-part. I thought the fact that she stuck by me during my injury meant something. I believed. I trusted. I was a fool.
The money from the accident settlement ran out. Now I was just another college student working full time and going to school full time and struggling to make ends meet...
...AGAIN.
I don't know for certain if the money running out was what made her change her mind about me but the timing is certainly suspicious. As my therapist pointed out, the red flags were there all along. I just ignored them. I trusted too blindly.
I had started my bachelor's degree program in June 2010 immediately after my associates program was finished. Expected graduation was June of 2012.
My wife kicked me out of our house and in so doing she dealt me a kick in the gut that made that Chevy Tahoe look like a love-tap by comparison. I was an emotional wreck. I had no friends except Dr. Allen who let me live in a trailer of his for a rent that was absurdly low in my opinion. I was lonely and alone and felt lost. My PTSD started hitting harder and harder. I thought physical injuries were bad. Depression is a double whammy in that it hits just as hard as physical injuries but nobody can see it so they are insensitive. When people saw me in a wheelchair or on crutches with my foot in a boot it was obvious that I was injured. Nobody can see the wounds and scars between my ears though.
Even Dr. Allen didn't seem to have time for me. He had a trailer I could live in and if I had needed monetary help I'm sure he would have given it. I didn't and the help that I needed, a friend to spend time with, just wasn't in his schedule. I can't fault him. He's a busy man. He's got family to take care of. He's working to spread the gospel of Christ. He worked full time just like I did. Those are important obligations. He didn't do anything wrong. He just didn't have what I needed. He's just as human as I am so I can't expect him to be perfect.
Through it all I prayed to God and counted on Him for my needs. I knew that He wouldn't let me down.
He didn't.
He introduced me to my current wife and gave me the opportunity to start over with a new opportunity to make new friends here in Colorado. I graduated with a Bachelor of Science in Information Systems Security right on schedule. I started my masters degree and moved to Colorado to be with my new wife.
I can't believe my good fortune. I've got a wife that actually talks with me now instead of talking at me. She cares what I think and what I feel. She listens without criticism and supports me when I'm struggling. She helps me better myself for the future instead of dragging me down with my past. God has blessed me beyond my wildest imaginings of only a few years ago.
Last night I finished the course work for my Masters Degree in Information Systems Management. The only thing left is the capstone. It's an eight week long test where I show them that I've learned the lessons that they've been trying to teach me over the past two and a half years. Everything is coming together for me to graduate on time yet again in June of 2015.
Better yet, I have a job. I have a job that I didn't believe was possible only a few years ago. Who would hire a veteran who is messed up in the head for a job that paid more than $50,000 a year?
Time Warner did.
God led me to the right place at the right time and granted me favor with humans in ways that I couldn't even have imagined only a few years ago.
I still don't know what God sees in me that He would choose to bless me this abundantly. I'm still a sinner who has let Him down repeatedly in spite of my best efforts. I'm still a wounded bird struggling with a broken wing but God is lifting me to heights that I never dreamed possible.
I'm sitting here in tears as I type this wondering if I'll have the courage to hit the button to post it and marveling at the fact that God sees fit to bless somebody as messed up as I am as richly as he's blessed me.
