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southernphotini

southernphotini

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Female
I have been talking to another potential second wife and we’re both in limbo because the very good hearted men we have been considering marrying aren’t communicating well or handling the situation well with their first wife.

What recommendations do you have for mentoring or support for men interested in polygyny? Beyond this forum?
 
They need to be reaching out to a community of older more experienced men. I have several who are mentoring me. And I am in turn mentoring several myself.
 
I know you said other than this forum but really this forum is the only source of help for men in this area. If they don’t want to participate on the forum then maybe we could hook them up with some individual men they could trust to talk to privately?

It’s simply infuriating to me that with all the families here that have plowed this ground already and are looking for willing women, there are two willing women dealing with families that aren’t ready. I know irony doesn’t really exist but someone should at least check and see if Alanis Morressette is planning a part two.
 
The Revolting Man said:
I know you said other than this forum but really this forum is the only source of help for men in this area. If they don’t want to participate on the forum then maybe we could hook them up with some individual men they could trust to talk to privately?

It’s simply infuriating to me that with all the families here that have plowed this ground already and are looking for willing women, there are two willing women dealing with families that aren’t ready. I know irony doesn’t really exist but someone should at least check and see if Alanis Morressette is planning a part two.
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I’m becoming suspicious that women are drawn to drama and are averse to logic. If you have done the work to prepare your first wife, built up to be financially stable, and have a drama free/happy home, then you are just not interesting or appealing. They need the uncertainty lol
 
The Revolting Man said:
It’s simply infuriating to me that with all the families here that have plowed this ground already and are looking for willing women, there are two willing women dealing with families that aren’t ready.
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I hear you! For so many years here, I'd see people show up "accidently poly" and complaining about what I was wishing for!

Many times I'd think of this song. Not my favorite artist...or a biblical concept....but kind of cute. I'd wonder who was wishing amiss?

 
The Revolting Man said:
I know you said other than this forum but really this forum is the only source of help for men in this area.
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Exactly. I know of nothing other than this ministry, and a few individuals who aren't on here but are connected in some way (e.g. used to be on here). We have an extremely niche ministry, there really isn't much choice in this area. I wish there were as many resources for polygamists as there are for monogamists, but there aren't. We try our best to fill the gap.
 
Asforme&myhouse said:
I’m becoming suspicious that women are drawn to drama and are averse to logic. If you have done the work to prepare your first wife, built up to be financially stable, and have a drama free/happy home, then you are just not interesting or appealing. They need the uncertainty lol
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Not true. I wasn’t seeking this. I wasn’t seeking polygyny at all. Men aren’t interchangeable cogs. It’s not like I’m looking for a poly relationship and considering resumes.

Drama is the number one drawback to polygyny and my number one concern. I work for a tax firm and it’s the middle of tax season. Drama is the last thing I need.

I’m considering this because of someone I know in real life. I would never consider someone online for something like this.
 
FollowingHim said:
Exactly. I know of nothing other than this ministry, and a few individuals who aren't on here but are connected in some way (e.g. used to be on here). We have an extremely niche ministry, there really isn't much choice in this area. I wish there were as many resources for polygamists as there are for monogamists, but there aren't. We try our best to fill the gap.
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He’s just now t a web forum kind of guy, but I will mention it.

I don’t even see any books that look useful for men. It’s just amazing that there’s a complete lack of resources. A million books on kink and nothing on how to wholesomely have a dedicated marriage to more than one woman.
 
The guys that are doing it are too busy to write the books.
@andrew
 
southernphotini said:
He’s just now t a web forum kind of guy, but I will mention it.

I don’t even see any books that look useful for men. It’s just amazing that there’s a complete lack of resources. A million books on kink and nothing on how to wholesomely have a dedicated marriage to more than one woman.
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The web forum is just how we meet each other. Most real man-to-man real-life discussion happens in private. Suggest he comes on here just to meet people and see what's going on, so he can have discussions elsewhere. Do your best to get him to an in-person retreat.
 
southernphotini said:
Not true. I wasn’t seeking this. I wasn’t seeking polygyny at all. Men aren’t interchangeable cogs. It’s not like I’m looking for a poly relationship and considering resumes.
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My sisterwife wasn't looking for this either. She just realized after a while our hubby was the standard she was measuring other men against....and they weren't measuring up!
She also knew I was very positive about someone joining our family.....so why keep looking?
southernphotini said:
Drama is the number one drawback to polygyny and my number one concern. I work for a tax firm and it’s the middle of tax season. Drama is the last thing I need.
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I can't say there wasn't any. There is a lot of changes and adjusting that goes with the territory.
southernphotini said:
I’m considering this because of someone I know in real life. I would never consider someone online for something like this.
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She was the same....not interested in comparing poly prospects....just liked THIS man. ;)
southernphotini said:
He’s just not a web forum kind of guy, but I will mention it.
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My hubby is not a writer (or rather typer). I usually was asked to help qhen he wanted to post here.
southernphotini said:
I don’t even see any books that look useful for men. It’s just amazing that there’s a complete lack of resources. A million books on kink and nothing on how to wholesomely have a dedicated marriage to more than one woman.
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It is just more of what he's already doing....sort of. Andrew and Nathan liked to say that if the first marriage was on the proper foundation it was "scalable", meaning you could add to it withoutvit crumbling. Doug Wilson would say "don't be a pliable goober" as women need a leader....you cant then follow all her wishes witgout her feeling like you are NOT what she needs on a subconscious or instinctive level.

His first wife just needs to KNOW that his love for her is not going anywhere, that he won't sacrifice her for you. Then he needs to continue to care for both of you while the two of you (ideally) figure out how to be friends and support each other in your relationships with him.
 
Joleneakamama said:
His first wife just needs to KNOW that his love for her is not going anywhere, that he won't sacrifice her for you. Then he needs to continue to care for both of you while the two of you (ideally) figure out how to be friends and support each other in your relationships with him.
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I think those conversations are happening now. I have communicated that I want her to have a strong relationship with him and her happiness is important to me, but it’s between them right now.

I’m hoping that this works out. He is the man I judge every other man against. He could just be a better communicator and could probably use some male support.
 
southernphotini said:
I’m hoping that this works out. He is the man I judge every other man against. He could just be a better communicator and could probably use some male support.
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I think that your first point could probably be said of most men, and your second point probably applies to most brave enough to contemplate commitment to two women.

Sounds like you found a good one! :-)
 
Reading between the lines, it sounds like he still has issues to resolve with his wife and that she is still going through the grieving process. You didn't say that, that's just what I gather. Suggest he work through those issues with her before proceeding further. My wife and I are still in the communication phase and have been for several months. Neither of us is likely ready to add a sw at this time. May never happen and that's fine with us. I know this man has the ability to add to his family at anytime, but is it a good idea yet? This is not something you want to ram through. Too many potential problems all the way around by doing that.
 
southernphotini said:
He’s just now t a web forum kind of guy, but I will mention it.

I don’t even see any books that look useful for men. It’s just amazing that there’s a complete lack of resources. A million books on kink and nothing on how to wholesomely have a dedicated marriage to more than one woman.
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Start with The Polygamist Papers by Hondo Solomon. Short book, great resource for men.

Then Authority, Headship, and Family Structure by Pete Rambo. Longer book, very detailed.

Dr. Gina Murray has a book series on Biblical Family Structure that deals with polygyny.

I'd also recommend Pete Rambo on YouTube, any videos you can find with Hondo Solomon, and Pastor Dowell's videos on polygyny. All excellent to help a man with polygyny.
 
southernphotini said:
Not true. I wasn’t seeking this. I wasn’t seeking polygyny at all. Men aren’t interchangeable cogs. It’s not like I’m looking for a poly relationship and considering resumes.

Drama is the number one drawback to polygyny and my number one concern. I work for a tax firm and it’s the middle of tax season. Drama is the last thing I need.

I’m considering this because of someone I know in real life. I would never consider someone online for something like this.
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You can research this over and over. It ultimately cones down to God directing you. A word of advise to not force it. If you have to over think it or put to much energy into it thing it is more than
 
Likely not of God. Ultimately another question to ask have you prepared yourself to be the best future wife possible. I can definitely tell your intelligent and well verse in many subjects but if you where standing out side looking in are you fully prepared and worked on all your weaknesses to be the best wife in the future. I suggest spending more time with God praying and reading his word. Turn all external noises off the TV the computer the phone and spend high guailitie time with God
 
southernphotini said:
Not true. I wasn’t seeking this. I wasn’t seeking polygyny at all. Men aren’t interchangeable cogs. It’s not like I’m looking for a poly relationship and considering resumes.

Drama is the number one drawback to polygyny and my number one concern. I work for a tax firm and it’s the middle of tax season. Drama is the last thing I need.

I’m considering this because of someone I know in real life. I would never consider someone online for something like this.
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Maybe you already have, but if you haven't gone to a retreat, some of the online couples could become viable options if the man you are interested in does not work out. My family and I are looking forward to our first retreat this weekend. Btw, I don't blame you for not wanting to look for a husband online even though God did give me a forever lady online. The online dating scene is scary to say the least.
 
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