Have you ever found someone that you were interested in, and you were able to get her phone or email, but you're not sure where she stands on this whole thing?
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Making Progress on the church acceptance front
- Thread starter Daniel DeLuca
- Start date
Invite her over for dinner with you and your wife
Exactly. And don't raise the topic. Just make a friendship. There's a good chance you'll find that the three of you don't really get on well together anyway, and you can abandon the idea before even suggesting anything that could cause embarassment. In the less likely event that you do all end up naturally forming a strong friendship, you can eventually decide whether to risk that by suggesting polygamy.
You got her email because she was worried you would abuse her phone number? Did I read that right? That sounds like a caution sign. I would observe it.
She has had bad experiences in the past. Sheesh!
Any advice for what I should say if she gets curious?
Which to me, if she gave you her email and not her phone number, says so far you’re fitting the mold of those bad experiences. Might want to try a different, non-creeper approach.
Oh come on! I'm not doing anything creepy!
Do you have a lot of experience being a wingman? The guy tells you he's nervous, and you tell him, "you don't have much of a shot." Way to boost his confidence!
Have you been in this situation before? Has anyone here who has responded so far, been in this situation, or am I in unchartered waters?
What good is a wingman that isn’t honest?
Your approach makes it different and therefore uncharted for me. My ladies came into the family in an organic way. Friendships and relationships were formed and then the rest just happened. You appear to desire this a great deal and are very actively seeking it out. If that is indeed the case, I would advise caution, go slowly, and don’t force anything. In your present opportunity, I’d roll with @FollowingHim ‘s advise/suggestion. It’s solid.
I love your enthusiasm, optimism and initiative sir. It’s manly and it’s refreshing. But this woman didn’t see you as an exception to those previous experiences. That’s a caution sign, not a stop sign but a caution sign.
No. She won't get curious if she's just having a meal with you and your wife.
If you want smoke blown up your rump, it’s not a wingman that you need.
While none of my experiences have been an exact parallel to yours, they all involve the dream that I am exactly what and who she needs. If she could only see it. Just like your dreams.
You obviously become very emotionally invested in possibilities. I do also, but experience has shown me that the higher the hopes, the greater the letdown (which is guaranteed in the vast majority of opportunities). Temper your dreams with realism, or you will just act like another love-struck teenager. That’s not something that your wife should have to deal with.
Oh believe me...I am being very, very cautious at this point. Thus the reason for requesting advice. Matter of fact, this week is pretty booked for us. So much to do...so little time. My thought is that it will have to be some time next week. I know though that at some point during this week, I ought to send her a quick intro email, so that she can have mine and my wife's email addresses. I do find your words somewhat reassuring, Samuel. Of course I would feel very awkward asking her to have dinner with me, without my wife being there.
Each of us is in a unique personal situation and we are interacting with other people as we go about our daily tasks. If we wish to, we can form friendships with some of those we meet and those friendships can possibly grow into fully fledged romantic relationships. None of us will have identical experiences however, there may well be similarities in the circumstances simply because we are men and women forming relationships. If we are forming relationships with others who hold very similar biblical beliefs, there may be even more similarities. It would be rather naïve for anyone to suggest theirs was the right, best or only way to build relationships that grow into marriage. Just read the various accounts in the Bible of how people ended up married! None is presented as right, best, or the only way to get a spouse.
I built a relationship with my first wife after she told me she wanted to marry me. We had been in the same Bible study group and she wanted a husband so she asked me to marry her. I met my second wife after answering her questions in an online Christian forum. God blessed me with the privilege of teaching her the gospel and He saved her. She wanted a husband and I married her. A common denominator for Christian women would seem to be a want for a spouse, so be excellent spouse material and it pretty much works. Shalom
That is, she won't be curious, unless at that first meeting you make it really clear that you're looking at her as potentially more than a friend. Which would most likely result in her concluding she was right to not give you her phone number and in the best case avoiding talking to you ever again, worst case complaining to the pastor and restarting this whole mess for you again. You don't want that outcome, so I am not suggesting you prepare for it, rather avoid it.
A wingman is a guy who helps you pick up chicks in a bar for casual sex. He boosts your confidence because over-confidence has no downside - the sorts of women who are in the bar are expecting to be hit on by men and the worst consequence will be a slap on the face.
We are not trying to boost your confidence, because you already seem to have more than enough. And because in this case the consequences of over-confidence are much more serious. We want to help you find the right woman at the right time. Not give you the over-confidence to hit on church ladies until you and your wife are kicked out of all fellowship.
I realize that it’s a big church, but it’s not impossible for her to have heard rumors about a guy that believes in having more than one wife, that he has been removed from ministry because of his beliefs.
Or she might mention the invitation to someone that has heard about him.
After all, how many invites has she received for dinner with a married couple in the last year?
Good point. And that could be one reason why she refused to give her phone number in the first place.
Yeah...that is where I am thinking that I want to let her think about it a while, before I give her an opportunity to respond. My thought is that I won't send her anything until towards the end of the week, and when I do, it will be more of an apology for not sending her anything sooner. Giving her time to think about it, will allow her to pray about it and see what Scripture has to say about it, instead of responding with a knee jerk reaction. Then of course, I can hold off and apologize to her on Sunday, if and when we cross paths.