Letting go of the ones who have hurt me

[Revgill87123]

Today my biological father wrote me a letter on myspace. He was explaining how in some ways I was a dissapointment to him cause of my refusial to live what he calls a normal life. Wandering how I was a dissapointment to a man whom I had never met beyond myspace and the phone? I started asking my self what I am doing wrong? Then I thought there is nothing I could have done wrong by him. From the day I was born untill I was 28 he has never been around. I mean really not even as much as a christmas card. Last Christmas he sent me an IOU,lol. I was thinking you sure do owe me! Now how ever I see that he owes me nothing as I do not owe him any thing! I would talk to him and call out of obligation. Now how ever I think it is time too let him go on his own way! So I wrote him this letter. I copied out of my myspace. Tell me what you all think, please.

Honestly I have been considering things between me and you any ways for a while. I kept thinking that if I tried maybe one day we could be close maybe I could have a father. I realise how ever that maybe we are too different, or maybe just to much time has passed. Either way from this point on I personally relinquish you of any responsibility that you think you may have twords me. Please do not attempt to contact me. I hope you have a truely blessed life as I will have with my family. Maybe if things were different it would have been some thing, but reality is every time I talk to you I feel a lot of hostility and not love. I am not that person I would rather walk away now while I have control of my feelings and emotions. You are not my father nor have you ever been. I am not expecting you to be one now. I should never had expected you to be one. I do apologise for putting a burden on your life as well as mine. Have a good life with the children who do call you father. I am 31 and doubt my mind will change on this subject. So please respect my wishes and pretend as if you do not have me as a son. Cause in reality I am not your son. It's time to let go of people who hold me back in life cause I am taking my life back from all those who have hurt me. Be it intentional or not. I am blessed to have my own family who I can take care of. You are not my family and the more I try I realise it is only causing me pain. Not any more ! I am now free of this burden. Go on with your life. I am going on with mine. Lastly I don't know how you could say you love some one you don't know.

Honestly what does every one think? :?:

 

[Anonymous]

Today my biological father wrote me a letter on myspace. He was explaining how in some ways I was a dissapointment to him cause of my refusial to live what he calls a normal life. Wandering how I was a dissapointment to a man whom I had never met beyond myspace and the phone? I started asking my self what I am doing wrong? Then I thought there is nothing I could have done wrong by him. From the day I was born untill I was 28 he has never been around. I mean really not even as much as a christmas card. Last Christmas he sent me an IOU,lol. I was thinking you sure do owe me! Now how ever I see that he owes me nothing as I do not owe him any thing! I would talk to him and call out of obligation. Now how ever I think it is time too let him go on his own way! So I wrote him this letter. I copied out of my myspace. Tell me what you all think, please.

Honestly I have been considering things between me and you any ways for a while. I kept thinking that if I tried maybe one day we could be close maybe I could have a father. I realise how ever that maybe we are too different, or maybe just to much time has passed. Either way from this point on I personally relinquish you of any responsibility that you think you may have twords me. Please do not attempt to contact me. I hope you have a truely blessed life as I will have with my family. Maybe if things were different it would have been some thing, but reality is every time I talk to you I feel a lot of hostility and not love. I am not that person I would rather walk away now while I have control of my feelings and emotions. You are not my father nor have you ever been. I am not expecting you to be one now. I should never had expected you to be one. I do apologise for putting a burden on your life as well as mine. Have a good life with the children who do call you father. I am 31 and doubt my mind will change on this subject. So please respect my wishes and pretend as if you do not have me as a son. Cause in reality I am not your son. It's time to let go of people who hold me back in life cause I am taking my life back from all those who have hurt me. Be it intentional or not. I am blessed to have my own family who I can take care of. You are not my family and the more I try I realise it is only causing me pain. Not any more ! I am now free of this burden. Go on with your life. I am going on with mine. Lastly I don't know how you could say you love some one you don't know.

Honestly what does every one think? :?:

Hi Revgill,

Wow! He has really hurt you! It seems to me that the basic gist of the message is correct, but, as a Christian, you should always leave open the possibility of reconciliation, because he is not just your father, but your "neighbor" in the Biblical sense, and you should love your neighbor as yourself.

If the case were reversed, and you were your father, and your heart changed, you'd want the opportunity to repent and return to your child's life (even if you had never really been a part of it).

For that reason, I'd suggest modifying it to remove the "...in reality I am not your son" part to something like, "...in reality you have not been my father, even though I wanted you to be", because the other is extremely hurtful, and you don't want to do the same to him that he has done to you.

Also, I'd suggest changing "Please do not attempt to contact me" to something like "Please don't contact me anymore, unless your heart has changed" or in some way communicate what has hurt you and why you don't want him to contact you. But give him the opportunity to call IF he straightens up.

These are just suggestions, and you should follow what God places in your heart. But please pray diligently about this before sending it, that you don't make an irreversible mistake. It's a terrible thing when any relationship is broken. God's desire is that we love everyone and are loved by everyone. While that will not likely happen here on Earth in the foreseeable future, we represent Christ and don't want to be part of the problem.

My heart goes out to you over this. May the Lord Himself comfort you!


John for Christ

 

[Revgill87123]

I have been praying about this for three years. I am tired of trying with him. If he changes as unfortunate as it sounds, I forgive him but I probably still wouldn't want a relationship with him. I have a father who while many people put him down for believing the way that he did( Living with three wives) was a great father. I have to do this in my heart in order to have peace. I never really wanted to meet him. He wasn't even looking for me. one of my sisters found me on myspace after our grandmother told her about me. They have found like 5kids he has left. Funny thing is I am the first born, but I am the only one he never spoke of. I think he only tried to meet me to make him self look good. He has never denied it when I asked him. Either way I forgive him, but honestly wish I had never met him. Unfortunately it didn't work out. I am at least glad that my mother backed me up and told me to get to know him before I make my decision.

 

[jay c]

Sometimes life really sucks. Each of us has to figure out who we are and who God says we are. (They're the same, btw. He knows us better than we can ever know ourselves.) Forgive everyone who has wronged you and be true to who God says you are, and you won't owe anyone anything. It sounds like you're headed in the right direction.

Ecclesiastes 12:13 Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter. Fear God, and keep His commandments. For this is the whole duty of man.

 

[The Duke Of Marshall]

Revgill,
Wow, I really hate that for you. My dad and I have issues as well, but not to that degree. I'm glad that you did have a good father figure for when you were growing up though. Here's to the future with peace and happiness!

May Yahuweh bless you and your family.

 

[welltan]

Your should keep contact, without expecting much of him. If for no other reason do it for yourself.

 

[Revgill87123]

Hey thanks every one! I know I am not wrong in my decision. I have had 3years to decide if this was going to work out or not. It's not like it was just one tisk. I am at peace now at least a burden has been lifted.

 

[Edward the Elder]

Hey thanks every one! I know I am not wrong in my decision. I have had 3years to decide if this was going to work out or not. It's not like it was just one tisk. I am at peace now at least a burden has been lifted.

... For now. Let me share a little with you. I practically disowned my natural father from the time I was 25 years of age. He did many things wrong with me and hurt me deeply, many times. One thing you will never be able to change... He is your natural father, your own flesh and blood. With the understanding that there is no good thing in the flesh and that if you are indeed Christ's that you were born of the water and of the Spirit, now you face a great test. Please pray fervently that GOD ensures that there is nothing remaining in your heart against this man, your natural father. Please make absolutely sure that all bitterness, even the slightest speck, all anger, all malice. You see, it doesn't matter who was at fault, who was in the wrong, or what manner of injustice was commited against you. In fact, you may have made the right decision to disassociate from him, at least for now. That said, never underestimate the power of GOD. My father and I are on good terms now. We openly tell one another that we love one another and bless one another in the LORD. I never thought I would see the day. It is a testimony to the mercy and grace of the Everlasting Father. I'm not saying you haven't forgiven him, but your forgiveness must be full and it must be active. It must be permanent because by the same measure of forgiveness that you have forgiven him, so also will your Father in heaven forgive you. Friend, I have no desire to drudge up my past but forgiving my father was no easy feat. GOD knows why. Yet I will testify that when I fully finally let go of all bitterness, sorrow, and all that I had ought against my father, that my own father finally drew nigh to GOD.

We live in a world that has taken little boys and has demasculated them. A boy hardly has a chance anymore of growing and developing to his true potential as a man because the world is telling him what it means to be one and robbing him blind at every turn. The result is bitterness and confusion. So many young men today are lost because they don't know what it means to be a man, let alone a man in the LORD. They grow up to be men like your father. Finished before they even started, hostile, judgmental... Unable to discern the true things of GOD. Pray for him. Pray fervently for him in the knowledge of who the real enemy is, and let the LORD do the rest. Be faithful. Even if nothing good seems to come of it, GOD will reward your grace. I suspect that you are a father also. I remember when I was 31 and did not have much regard for my father. If I could go back in time and change all that I would, knowing what I know now. Can you imagine what could happen if you prayed for your father for years, every day, faithfully, and then one day he called you and told you about how he repented of his sin and became a new creature in Christ? I don't make you any promise of this, but you never know: The fervernt prayers of a righteous man availeth much. At least when you stand before the Father of Lights, with Whom there is no variableness, neither shadow of turning, you will be able to stand with a clean heart and a good consience before Him, knowing that you gave your natural father every chance. I understand your need to disassociate and I respect this. Close the door if you must, but do not lock it. Be on the ready to open it again if your Father in heaven tells you to. This is a great test. For your sake, I beseech you not to give up. I shudder to think what would have happened if I did. And I think I know what I'm talking about.

GOD bless you and your house