This is continuing a discussion from a thread by @FollowingHim2 titled "I'm Not Enough". First off, Sarah, thank you for this thread. I want to piggyback on this and add my (male) perspective. To be fair, I cannot speak for all men, but I can tell you this from my point of view.
Is my first wife not enough? ARE YOU MAD‽ I love her, and I have always loved her, and I will always love her! In my case we have shared most of a lifetime together. She is not only the wife of my youth, but she was the first woman I ever dated. I fell head over heels for her, and I still think I am a most blessed man. She is dedicated to God, dedicated to me, and has stuck with me through the bad and the good. Before we go there, I am not going to entertain a debate on her obligation to do so. The truth of the matter is that we did not understand then what we do now, and for her to stick with me through the bad times is a testimony to her.
Simply put, I would be crushed if something ever happened to her. If there were never another woman, she would be the wife of my youth and a most lovely beauty I seek more of the rest of my life. In the presence of another wife nothing changes, she is still the wife of my youth and a lovely beauty that I seek more of the rest of my life.
Is our marriage all bliss? Nope. We still get into dumb arguments, and even today we have misunderstandings. But it isn't uncommon for us to hear comments regarding our example. Funny thing is, we aren't special, and anyone complimenting our "perfect" marriage just isn't able to see clearly into it to understand how unperfect it is. Even so, I wouldn't trade this for the world.
With such a love for this most lovely woman, how could I find a place in my heart for another? Though the bulk of this answer lies further on in this post, I would be remiss if I didn't plainly state that each wife can provide joy to her husband and can find joy in him. While the wife #1 might bring a delightful playfulness and childlike fun to the marriage, wife #2 might bring fascinating intellectual stimulation and an deep appreciation for arts and music. The list could go on and on.
The question has been asked elsewhere if this long love places newer wives at a disadvantage? I don't think so. Sure, a long tenured wife likely has a strong bond that cannot be mimicked, but a newer wife is also going to build her own bond that also cannot be mimicked.
All that said, if a man has such a bond with his first wife, why seek another? Though it is not the whole reason, it was exactly her beauty as a wife that encouraged me and made polygyny so desirable. I think @FollowingHim2 has given the best way to illustrate this in our human minds - children. One doesn't have a child to replace the first or because the first isn't enough, one has another child because one loves children.
The question, "Am I not enough?" is a dangerous question though. We should never seek a human to complete us:
Colossians 2:10 (WEB) and in Him you are made full, who is the Head of all principality and power;
We are only full in Christ and Christ alone; however, there is another spiritual principle at work here in my opinion: headship:
1 Corinthians 11:3 (WEB) But I would have you know that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is the man, and the head of Christ is God.
Man has been created with the ability to be the head of a family, and with that I think he has a desire to do so. I also believe women desire a man who is a good head. I am not a woman, so my experience cannot say this with certainty, but I can tell you this from my own life: a man desires to be the head (a leader), and I can tell you this from the Bible: the woman's desire is for her husband.
Genesis 3:15 (WEB) Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you.
Another topic for another thread is the rebellion of women and the attempt to prove God through this verse to be a liar.
Back on topic - I desire to be the head. Is there a "power" component to that? Sure. But as I mature in Christ, that is not what I think of. Instead, I think of how I might bless one or more other women through Godly headship. The scenarios that this could include are almost innumerable.
Let me say end with this. God has blessed me abundantly in my life - in ways I could never have dreamed of. Part of my desire for a polygynous family is not because my first wife is not enough, but it is instead my desire to bless others because God has blessed me. Is that my only reason? Of course not! But it is a powerful component to be built upon.
Is my first wife not enough? ARE YOU MAD‽ I love her, and I have always loved her, and I will always love her! In my case we have shared most of a lifetime together. She is not only the wife of my youth, but she was the first woman I ever dated. I fell head over heels for her, and I still think I am a most blessed man. She is dedicated to God, dedicated to me, and has stuck with me through the bad and the good. Before we go there, I am not going to entertain a debate on her obligation to do so. The truth of the matter is that we did not understand then what we do now, and for her to stick with me through the bad times is a testimony to her.
Simply put, I would be crushed if something ever happened to her. If there were never another woman, she would be the wife of my youth and a most lovely beauty I seek more of the rest of my life. In the presence of another wife nothing changes, she is still the wife of my youth and a lovely beauty that I seek more of the rest of my life.
Is our marriage all bliss? Nope. We still get into dumb arguments, and even today we have misunderstandings. But it isn't uncommon for us to hear comments regarding our example. Funny thing is, we aren't special, and anyone complimenting our "perfect" marriage just isn't able to see clearly into it to understand how unperfect it is. Even so, I wouldn't trade this for the world.
With such a love for this most lovely woman, how could I find a place in my heart for another? Though the bulk of this answer lies further on in this post, I would be remiss if I didn't plainly state that each wife can provide joy to her husband and can find joy in him. While the wife #1 might bring a delightful playfulness and childlike fun to the marriage, wife #2 might bring fascinating intellectual stimulation and an deep appreciation for arts and music. The list could go on and on.
The question has been asked elsewhere if this long love places newer wives at a disadvantage? I don't think so. Sure, a long tenured wife likely has a strong bond that cannot be mimicked, but a newer wife is also going to build her own bond that also cannot be mimicked.
All that said, if a man has such a bond with his first wife, why seek another? Though it is not the whole reason, it was exactly her beauty as a wife that encouraged me and made polygyny so desirable. I think @FollowingHim2 has given the best way to illustrate this in our human minds - children. One doesn't have a child to replace the first or because the first isn't enough, one has another child because one loves children.
The question, "Am I not enough?" is a dangerous question though. We should never seek a human to complete us:
Colossians 2:10 (WEB) and in Him you are made full, who is the Head of all principality and power;
We are only full in Christ and Christ alone; however, there is another spiritual principle at work here in my opinion: headship:
1 Corinthians 11:3 (WEB) But I would have you know that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is the man, and the head of Christ is God.
Man has been created with the ability to be the head of a family, and with that I think he has a desire to do so. I also believe women desire a man who is a good head. I am not a woman, so my experience cannot say this with certainty, but I can tell you this from my own life: a man desires to be the head (a leader), and I can tell you this from the Bible: the woman's desire is for her husband.
Genesis 3:15 (WEB) Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you.
Another topic for another thread is the rebellion of women and the attempt to prove God through this verse to be a liar.
Back on topic - I desire to be the head. Is there a "power" component to that? Sure. But as I mature in Christ, that is not what I think of. Instead, I think of how I might bless one or more other women through Godly headship. The scenarios that this could include are almost innumerable.
Let me say end with this. God has blessed me abundantly in my life - in ways I could never have dreamed of. Part of my desire for a polygynous family is not because my first wife is not enough, but it is instead my desire to bless others because God has blessed me. Is that my only reason? Of course not! But it is a powerful component to be built upon.
