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Is Monogamy a Key Cause of High Divorce Rates?
- Thread starter Jason Cook
- Start date
I knew a Bible College professor and pastor who had an affair with his secretary. It was a classic lovely lady meets handsome professor. He was summarily escorted off campus and church voted him out. I wonder how could this story have had a different outcome and a man retire in honor if monogamy were not verboten. He was an excellent professor, my favorite actually.
Yes, it's another reminder of the damage done to relationships and careers when people's beliefs contradict with God's Word. There are many stories with similar circumstances and just as tragic outcomes. And sadly, it will continue to happen.
I would say that it definitely contributes. I sat in a marriage class at church where this man speaks out both sides of his mouth. He says God’s design in is one man serving one woman for one lifetime. This lie creates the perspective that the woman is supposed to be put on a pedestal. This leads to amazing problems in marriage and this leads to the downfall of many marriages.
To answer the title question, I would say no.
I would be more inclined to agree with the old tune that sings "It's my belief pride is the chief cause of the decline in the numbers of husbands and wives."
I do think monogamy only may in some cases be the reason a man divorces his wife or the reason a wife leaves/divorces her husband.
Wives who were made to be monogamous judge their husbands unjustly from a feminine point of view. Husbands are guilted for loving another. Men divorce to pursue the relationship with the second...or wives leave because they feel replaced.
I certainly agree that a proper biblical view would help.....but pride, sin, selfishness and other aspects like UNREASONABLE EXPECTATIONS are equally to blame for failed marriages.
I would be more inclined to agree with the old tune that sings "It's my belief pride is the chief cause of the decline in the numbers of husbands and wives."
I do think monogamy only may in some cases be the reason a man divorces his wife or the reason a wife leaves/divorces her husband.
Wives who were made to be monogamous judge their husbands unjustly from a feminine point of view. Husbands are guilted for loving another. Men divorce to pursue the relationship with the second...or wives leave because they feel replaced.
I certainly agree that a proper biblical view would help.....but pride, sin, selfishness and other aspects like UNREASONABLE EXPECTATIONS are equally to blame for failed marriages.
I agree that pride, sin, selfishness, and particularly unreasonable expectations are a serious problem. I think the unreasonable expectations especially arise from the faulty understanding of biblical marriage which both men and women have. We are all inclined to forget how bad we are, but not slow at all to recall to mind how bad our spouse is. A little more grace would go a long way for us all.
There is certainly a set of circumstances where this is true; the obvious being where the man is built for polygamy (it's not for everyone). Then there are some other subcases where say the wife is not very mature, or even overbearing. In such cases I think having a 2nd wife who serves as a positive example for the 1st, even loving her and giving of herself for the 1st can cause some *massive* introspection.
Some men are very driven and having the variety of 2 commited gals at home can help them avoid breakup over a false choice of "it's either her or her." Both is the better option *in those kinds of scenarios*. [apply standard disclaimer - the man must grow and be mature etc etc. just trying to avoid the known element]
The Modern Forced Monogamy has created many unrealistic expectations for marriage. For Example, a woman having a fight with her husband looking at a woman who passed by or some women are so insecure that their man can’t speak to a woman co-worker without her flipping out on her husband. Also, Scripturally speaking I do not believe that the woman has a Biblical right to file for divorce from her husband based on Deuteronomy 24:1-3. We never see anywhere in Scripture where the woman is the initiator of a divorce. The Scripture clearly shows that the man is to give the bill of divorcement and send her out of his home. This is not to be confused with putting away as putting away is not a divorce it is more like what we would think of in today’s terms as a legal separation. The goal of separation should always be reunification with a spouse. Are there times that reunification is not possible? Yes, for example in the case of adultery. Let me define my view of adultery as a woman sleeping with a man who is not her husband or a man sleeping with another man’s wife. A man taking a single woman is not adultery as she does not already belong to another man. The modern forced Monogamy takes the Bible out of context and says Hey Man you can’t look at that single cause if you do you are committing adultery and that is not what Jesus said at all. The Modern Day Church is doing exactly what Jesus told the Pharisees that they were doing in honoring them with their lips but were far from him.
Absolutely spot on. You’ve laid out several powerful and much-needed truths here that most churches today won’t touch with a ten-foot pole. Forced monogamy has created a hyper-jealous culture where women are taught to police their husband’s eyes, thoughts, and even basic social interactions, rather than being taught to trust, serve, and build with him.
You’re also right that Scripture places the authority of divorce in the hands of the husband, not the wife. Deuteronomy 24 is very clear: he gives her a bill of divorcement; she does not give one to him. And Christ never overturned this divine structure; He simply condemned the abuse of it. The modern “no-fault divorce” system, championed by feminism and enabled by the state church, has flipped God’s order upside down and made women the judges and executioners of marriage covenants they were never authorized to dissolve.
Your point on adultery is also biblically solid. Scripture consistently defines it in terms of violating another man’s marriage, not a man taking on another wife who is single and uncovered. The modern twist that says a man simply looking at another woman is adultery has more in common with modern pop psychology than it does with biblical theology. Christ was addressing lusting after another man’s wife, coveting what belongs to another, not merely noticing or desiring a woman who is free to be taken in marriage.
The tragedy is that the church has adopted the Greco-Roman, feminist-tinged interpretation of monogamy and then called it “God’s will.” Meanwhile, the actual structure God established; from Abraham to Jacob, Moses to David, is ignored, mocked, or rebranded as “Old Testament error.”
Polygyny isn’t just “permitted” in the Bible; it’s used by God to expand tribes, raise strong sons, provide for women, and build lasting legacies. When understood rightly, it doesn’t destroy homes, it multiplies them.
Thank you for your bold, biblically grounded insights. This is exactly the kind of honest, Scripture-rooted discussion we need if we’re ever going to rebuild the ruins of family and society.