Re: Is it ok for a husband to be present at a friends delive
UPDATE
For those interested in the outcome relating to the original post.
This is being written by one of the wives.
My husband has now divorced me because I asked him to explain why he went into the delivery room with this woman and I held him accountable for not respecting his wives, their feelings and their needs. For putting his own selfish desires before the needs of his family. For claiming that he didn't know that we didn't want him to be present even though I had the text messages to prove to him that I told him at least 9 times that I did not want him present in the delivery room. Not forgetting his other wife who also told him that she didn't want him in the delivery room either. Because I wouldn't let him side track the conversation and charm his way out of the situation and kept holding him accountable, my husband lost his temper, started throwing items and smashed two windows in the house. He maintains that he did this because I "pushed his buttons" So it was my fault and nothing to do with his disregard and disrespect for his family.
I have been the victim of a previous abusive marriage and will not be threatened or intimidated and so for my part I stood up to him and kept handing him things to throw to show him that I was not afraid or intimidated by him. I accept that I was at fault for doing this and it was wrong of me. I don't however believe that this excuses his behavior. It was during this time that he wrote me a 'letter of divorce' stating that "we are incompatible".
Our husband moved himself into the spare bedroom at this point, some 5 - 6 weeks ago without any discussion with either of his wives. I gave him this time for reflection on what had happened and to have a feeling of what it would be like to loose both his wives. He settled into the room very nicely and carried on as if nothing has happened.
About one week ago I gave him a letter asking him for a decision as to if he still wanted to be my husband because he claimed that he wrote the divorce under stress and later asked me to "rip it up" I told him that a divorce was a very serious matter and not to be taken lightly. That you cant keep threatening to divorce someone (which has happened frequently) and then just rip it up when it suits you. That such behavior would be totally unacceptable in a court of law for a "legal" divorce. I told him that I required an answer by the end of the week as this whole situation is making me physically and emotionally ill and I need to move on with my life. On the Wednesday I wrote him a letter outlining what he needed to do if he did want to still be my husband. The details of which are below. On this last Sunday, I sat with him and asked him for his answer. As usual he wanted more time. He always wants more time. He appears to think that time heals all and he can carry on doing what he's always done without any consequence and everything will quietly slip back into 'normal' and he can carry on like nothing has happened.
During a previous discussion about the woman who's delivery he attended I asked my husband if the child was his. He responded without hesitation "no". I asked if he had ever had sex with her. He responded without hesitation "no". I asked if he has had sex with anyone other than his wives since we got married and he hesitated, asked where is all this questioning leading and refused to answer the question and has consistently refused to answer the question ever since. Stating at one point that his reason for this was that he wanted respect for his privacy. I told him that as his wife, I had a right to know if he has had sex with other women. Not least, to establish any health risks to myself. My husband steadfastly refuses to answer my question leaving me with no option but to assume that he has been unfaithful. I believe that he is doing this because I made it quite clear from before we married that I will not accept infidelity and it will lead to divorce. I believe that he is not making the admission because he knows that at that point any chance of reconciliation is permanently gone.
In the intervening time. I have discovered pornographic pictures by the thousand, on a thumb drive and on his cell phone. He has a long standing history of pornographic use which I believe is now an addiction. Whilst trying to transfer some business pictures for him from his cell phone onto the computer (at his request), I accidentally came across more pornographic pictures and a contact page for local prostitutes which he has used in the past. Further cementing my suspicion of infidelity.
I am not able to accept his continuing pornography addiction and recent and ongoing infidelity and use of prostitutes.
The incident in the topic of this original post was the catalyst for the divorce and is only one of many similar events.
I offered to give my husband another chance and to help him work through these issues if he was willing to dispose of all pornography and not seek it in the future and to seek professional help.
I also asked him for total fidelity to me and his other wife. To cease having female friends due to his own admission of "weakness" and past history with other women (see previous posts elsewhere on this site) which leads to inappropriate behavior/infidelity.
I also asked him to get tested for STD's, HIV/AIDS as I have had to do myself. He refused to do so.
I also asked him to seek psychiatric services and counseling, again he would not agree.
I asked him to remember my birthday, anniversary's etc that are important to me. I have never had a card or gift from him except for a wooden 'card' that he made from scrap materials in his shed for my last birthday.
I also asked for a greater presence of God in our lives and he felt that he was doing sufficient. I add that the only prayer in this house is at meal times and there is no bible study.
Despite all of his previous history and indiscretions, I offered to help him through this as his wife and friend if he did the things I asked of him as stated above, but he declined.
To my mind my husband chose his pornography addiction, infidelity, prostitutes and other women such as in the topic of this original post, over me and the sanctity and vows of our marriage.
He will tell you that I am being too demanding and dictating. You will make up your own minds.
I have tried to give a fair representation of events and feelings but of course this is only my side of the story and there are two or in this case three (my sisterwife) sides to this story. My husband believes that he can still salvage his other marriage although he chose to move into his own separate bedroom some 5 - 6 weeks ago and has slept alone since then.
Thank you all for your input in this and previous posts. Love and God bless to you all.
