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Hello, I am interested in finding out what others think or have done concerning informing immediate family members about my husband and I pursuing a plural relationship. I am particularly interested in how to approach our older adult children with families of their own and elderly parents, to make sure they understand why pursuing a plural relationship is a good and biblical thing to do. Some family members do not have a spiritual based understanding of what God has to offer families.
Often it is easier to defend or present a generic truth than something that has recently become truth due to what some would consider ulterior motives.
If you are presenting poly as a truth that has changed your perspective or bias towards others about a cultural taboo, rather than a truth that has liberated you to do something culturally taboo, it makes the transition easier IMO.
By doing it this way, you have positioned yourself as one of the judges instead of the defendant.
If later on, it just happens to come up that you are considering an addition to the family, that is not quite as big a step once they know you consider it ok for others.
Hi BeingHeld. For those you are wanting to talk with who have a good foundation in the Word of God just start asking a few questions about the various polygamous men in the Bible and that will generate discussion. For those who don't have their foundations for life and faith in the Bible, opening up discussion about some of the poly TV programs might be a place to start(?) But be aware, when it gets personal (involving you or your family) emotions seem to very quickly take over from sound exegesis. As I discovered early on; this subject generates lots of heat but little light, so try to keep that in mind. Having said that; my sincerest congratulation to your husband and yourself for coming to a united understanding on biblical marriage. You've got the hardest battle behind you so I pray God will bless you with wisdom for the challenges ahead.
When my wife andI told family members that we beleived that there was nothing wrong with Polygamy we were direct and packing scripture. We told the mothers first, fathers second, and siblings third. Everybody else with the exception of the kids would find ot when the found out. With the mothers we sat down and talked. Once we got passed are you two not happy and why does he feel he needs another wife line of questions we were able to explain where we were coming from. The fathers handed them print out of scriptural arguement, you can find some good ones from this forum, and said read and if you have questions ask. Siblings we told when we had a potential come into our life but the parents had already talked and so on. The kids, we just started telling them about different families and what types G-d says are ok and not ok. Then when our potential came onto our lives we let them get to know her and then build there own relationships with her before I told them that it was a possibility that she may be their mommy aswell. This broke my 3 year olds heart because he was dead set on Marring her when he grew up. I know that doesn't help with your children being adults but it should actually make it easier. They have their own lives to live.
I personally think that most of the time it should be on a need to know basis. If you have no potential second or third lined up in your life, why bring up the topic at all, other than during family duscussions, bible studies, or such?
Maybe watch some bible movies during a family gathering that includes Abraham, or Jacob and the 12 tribes. During a popcorn break, just bring it up as a "what do you think?".
You also have to respect the future woman you will bring in. Perhaps she won't want to be as open, and you've essentially outed her before she has a chance to get to know you. She may want privacy.
If you have built up enough respect within your circles, it should be easier to explain once everyone is comfortable. If they see you operating as a loving family, it will be harder to judge and throw negativity your way.
Hello, I am interested in finding out what others think or have done concerning informing immediate family members about my husband and I pursuing a plural relationship. I am particularly interested in how to approach our older adult children with families of their own and elderly parents, to make sure they understand why pursuing a plural relationship is a good and biblical thing to do. Some family members do not have a spiritual based understanding of what God has to offer families.
I would speak to one at a time, I would explain the biblical backing, I would explain that its the direction you want to take with your life, I would ask them both for their blessings and what ever their choices I would follow through with it.
As direct and to the point as I could be about it..
I knew that I was ok with PM when I was a young adult. I didnt tell my parents until I was like 23 years old. My mom cried at first. She thought that she had done something wrong in raising me. But after we had talked for a few hours I had reassured her that she did nothing wrong and that this is just sonething that we as individuals see differently. Once everything was said and done she told me as long as I'm happy she is happy. Believe it or not my dad was the easier of the two to tell. Lol I walked up to him and said " so dad I think polygamy is right for me." He kinda gave me a weird look at first and then smiled and said "right on". Lol. My parents have raised me to think for myself and as long as I am happy and know my own truth then they are happy.
I wouldn't stress this too much. Unless you're on the verge of adding a wife then you really don't have anything to tell. It will come out over time I promise you. If you do tell folks just be ready for the rage fits and don't expect to be able to reason with them. I've seen intelligent, logical, dispassionate theologically sound Christians reduced to impotent, gibbering Yosemite Sam caricatures when they hear this.
I've seen intelligent, logical, dispassionate theologically sound Christians reduced to impotent, gibbering Yosemite Sam caricatures when they hear this.
I only have one wife, but I have been "polygamy out" for a long time so it would not, does not surprise anyone close to me. Periodically I will post a snippet of a defense on Facebook or some other place. Usually some giant flame war breaks out. A few relatives are supportive (mostly those that enjoyed the show Sisterwives). Most relatives are against it, but it is no big deal currently as I am not living it.
There is no one right or wrong way to inform friends and relatives, so you will probably see answers all over the place in response to this question. However, if you are really called to live polygamy, be prepared to lose friends and even relatives over this issue. It would be par for the course.
Thank you for your input. We will be adding to our family and this is very important as we all have adult children to be concerned about. We want them to understand and accept this type of relationship for us without loosing them.
Thank you for your input. We will be adding to our family and this is very important as we all have adult children to be concerned about. We want them to understand and accept this type of relationship for us without loosing them.
Thank you Zec. We do keep in contact with one of the admins that we have spent time with his awesome family. Some times others have additional suggestions to ponder. We can glean and choose what serves us best when the time arises.
I knew that I was ok with PM when I was a young adult. I didnt tell my parents until I was like 23 years old. My mom cried at first. She thought that she had done something wrong in raising me. But after we had talked for a few hours I had reassured her that she did nothing wrong and that this is just sonething that we as individuals see differently. Once everything was said and done she told me as long as I'm happy she is happy. Believe it or not my dad was the easier of the two to tell. Lol I walked up to him and said " so dad I think polygamy is right for me." He kinda gave me a weird look at first and then smiled and said "right on". Lol. My parents have raised me to think for myself and as long as I am happy and know my own truth then they are happy.
I had a very similar response from my mom and dad. Years later, when they saw I would not wreck the family, were like ok, that ever, just choose wisely.
I had a very similar response from my mom and dad. Years later, when they saw I would not wreck the family, were like ok, that ever, just choose wisely.
Yeah I just remeber telling my mom that me being ok with PM and wanting to live it doesnt change who I am as a person. I remember saying that I'm still her lottle girl and I still love her. I am who I am and I love her for how she raised me. My mom is a strong woman and I want to be just as strong. Just because I want to be in a plural marriage doesnt make me less of a strong woman. So now that she knows that I am just me and havent changed she is just happy that I am leading a lofe of my own with nothing holding me back
. It is full of wonderful stuff.
