When DH and I started this journey many years ago we told my parents, our adult kids, close friends. Everyone was cool with it, pretty much telling us "whatever makes y'all happy." I guess in theory and in reality really are two different things. My best friend of 30+ years hasn't spoken to me in over a month. My father and one of my aunts have spread lots of ugly gossip. SW's mother and daughter are calling or texting her every few days telling her that she's throwing her life away, that she deserves better than another woman's husband. Thank the Lord our kids are still in our corner. So far DH and I have taken the high road, not acknowledging the ugliness. SW is heart broken because at the beginning of her and DH starting to date her family was okay with it. How do you handle this when it happens? Yes, we're praying for everyone who's being ugly. We're praying for strength and patience for ourselves. Any adivce?
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Support How do you deal with the nay-sayers?
- Thread starter melmacrhon
- Start date
Stay the course. They’ll come around. Most of the naysaying won’t stop till the SW very strongly and actively stands up for herself and tells them to butt out.
Just my .02
Just my .02
As above; stay the course, hang in there, don't give any ground to those opposing the truth. The saddest thing has been the totally ungodly way those who call themselves Christians have responded. And in spite of having their fallacious arguments refuted and rejected, the Christians tenaciously hang on to their error. We've had better from the Bible-rejectors when we've explained our position biblically.
You will get this reaction with anything that you do that is different or especially following God. I've had rumours spread about me because I had so many children. I've had a lot of people make some weird assumptions about me, or tell other people false things that they truly believed were real.
Nearly everybody disagrees with me and my husband about something. Sometimes they make those things huge, rather than understanding we're all different and God asks us all to live differently. There's a lot of judgement.
Here's what you need to know about judgement, it has nothing to do with you. It comes from their own fears or jealousy or guilt.
For example, I had a woman come around with her children for a play date. I didn't know her very well but I invited her around. We had just finished school for the day, and I was explaining how we had been unschooling that day, and she became very quiet and asked if I judged those that didn't homeschool. I was surprised but glad she asked the question. Of course I don't judge those that don't homeschool. Everyone should do what's best for them and/or their children, I truly believe that. I'd never said anything that had made her think I felt that way, I'd just talked in passing about our day etc, because it's a big part of what I do each day, but she'd been sitting there thinking it. Where she was coming from, was that she had wanted to homeschool her children. She had thought about it, and her and her husband had decided against it. She was feeling guilty about that decision.
For some bizarre reason, people seem to think that because I live a certain way, and feel God has told me to live a certain way, that I think that everyone has to do it this way or I'm sitting home stewing and judging them for their 'poor' decisions. Nothing could be further from the truth.
Now, this comes into play in a big way in PM. because the moment it's known about you, or you bring it up, they start questioning. If it's not a sin, then their husband could just take another wife, couldn't he? And that would be the end of the world. So it's fear. And because you're happy and showing it can be done, it makes that fear worse, so they judge you, and one of the ways they do that is by spreading rumours, and by saying that you're actually judging them because every time you talk you are trying to prove it's right (because you're defending yourself...).
Make sense?
So, how do you deal with this? First of all, you acknowledge that it has nothing to do with you or your actions. Then you pray for the Holy Spirit to work on their hearts and break through the fear. Know that you're not alone, others have been through this too, and are going through it right now. Stay strong in the truth, support each other as a family, and keep close to God, always.
Nearly everybody disagrees with me and my husband about something. Sometimes they make those things huge, rather than understanding we're all different and God asks us all to live differently. There's a lot of judgement.
Here's what you need to know about judgement, it has nothing to do with you. It comes from their own fears or jealousy or guilt.
For example, I had a woman come around with her children for a play date. I didn't know her very well but I invited her around. We had just finished school for the day, and I was explaining how we had been unschooling that day, and she became very quiet and asked if I judged those that didn't homeschool. I was surprised but glad she asked the question. Of course I don't judge those that don't homeschool. Everyone should do what's best for them and/or their children, I truly believe that. I'd never said anything that had made her think I felt that way, I'd just talked in passing about our day etc, because it's a big part of what I do each day, but she'd been sitting there thinking it. Where she was coming from, was that she had wanted to homeschool her children. She had thought about it, and her and her husband had decided against it. She was feeling guilty about that decision.
For some bizarre reason, people seem to think that because I live a certain way, and feel God has told me to live a certain way, that I think that everyone has to do it this way or I'm sitting home stewing and judging them for their 'poor' decisions. Nothing could be further from the truth.
Now, this comes into play in a big way in PM. because the moment it's known about you, or you bring it up, they start questioning. If it's not a sin, then their husband could just take another wife, couldn't he? And that would be the end of the world. So it's fear. And because you're happy and showing it can be done, it makes that fear worse, so they judge you, and one of the ways they do that is by spreading rumours, and by saying that you're actually judging them because every time you talk you are trying to prove it's right (because you're defending yourself...).
Make sense?
So, how do you deal with this? First of all, you acknowledge that it has nothing to do with you or your actions. Then you pray for the Holy Spirit to work on their hearts and break through the fear. Know that you're not alone, others have been through this too, and are going through it right now. Stay strong in the truth, support each other as a family, and keep close to God, always.
Thank you all. We realize that their issues are their problem and we're not going to make them ours. SW is much nicer than I am and worries about losing her adult kids and gr'kids. Which is completely understandable. I worry more about how she's handling all this than myself.
When We Know We Are Moving In Accordance With (The Will Of Our Creator) We Do Not "Owe" Anyone An Explanation ! I Teach "Leaders" Always ... When You Begin To Explain Yourself To Those Who Disagree With Your (Yah/God Given Right To Live Polygynous) Then You Are "Second Guessing Yah And Second Guessing Yourself" !!!
It Is Written : (I Will Teach Thee In The Path That Thou Shalt Go ... I Will Guide Thee With Mine Eye) ! You Can Make No Mistake About It !
(When You Wear Yourself Out Explaining To Those Who Oppose You) ... *You Lose Your Identity" !!! And This
Is How The Enemy Uses Spouses And Family And So-Called Brothers And Sisters In Christ To Alter Your Future) ...
It Is Written :
+The Steps Of A Righteous Man Are Ordered By The Lord* ... So Then Yah Recodnizes The Righteousness Of (Christ) In Someone And In Turm Leads Him Accordingly Even To (A Polygynous Experience). And All (The Gainsayers) Can Only Watch From A Distance In Awe !