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How do you approach a woman...

S

SavedByGrace559

New Member
I'm trying to cover all of my basis and gather as much information and this site seems ideal for helping us along our journey for finding a 2nd wife to share our lives with. One question I have is regarding how complicated it must be to approach a woman that you have an interest in who most likely has never been exposed to a culture of multiple marriages. I have discussed this with my wife and it seems like this will be a huge hurddle to overcome. I don't want to be misleading in anyway about my intentions or beliefs but I can't imagine walking up to a woman whether I know her personally or not and telling her something like, "I would like to get to know you better. You see, I am a married man and my wife and I decided to seek out a second wife." - how do you drop a bombshell like that on a woman of interest and when is the right time to tell her? I want a relationship strongly founded on trust and I would not feel very forthcoming if I did not open up about the situation on the first date - But could not begin to envision a positive outcome if a woman hears that on a first date. I really would appreciate any insight or suggestions with this from the gentlemen who have been down this road or those who are on the journey now and have found a good way to approach this.

P.S. I will be posting this in a non-men only forum to seek out the women's thoughts on this too - I hope it does not get confused for a double post.
 
Well, here is what I have done in the past. From my experience so to speak. I would find a lady that I liked and who I thought liked me :lol: and I would start a relationship. After about two weeks of dating/courting where there was some rapport and trust built up I just plainly came out and told her that I believed in plural marriage and that it wasn't wrong for a man to have more than one wife. I built the relationship, somewhat, so that she wouldn't think I was mormon/islamic, didn't wait too long so as to not waste her time or mine, and then would just be very blunt. From the experiences I had, these ladies didn't run away screaming. Most even asked further questions into my belief of plural marriage. Eventually though most of them ended up ending after a year or so with plural marriage being one of the factors. With my lovely wife it was a little bit different. I went through the same formula and after two weeks when I told her she said "I know". See, in my post on Craigslist, I just went ahead and put in there that I believed in plural marriage. She had been looking through the scriptures and everything even before I told her face to face. So she knew it wasn't wrong and she was at peace with it being righteous, but what really sealed it was when she went to her first retreat with me and found out that those who believe in plural marriage and those who are practicing it aren't the monstrous, controlling, abusive people that the world makes us out to be. But all in all it was a prayer answered. I even had a list about the wife I was praying for and lo and behold, Yahuweh sent her to me. Funny thing though: the town that I grew up in was very small. I'm talking we didn't get our first stop light until I was in High School. I lived on one end of town and she lived on the other end of town and we never knew about each other until we met on Craigslist.

Hope that helps.

PS - You could just wait a couple of years. They should have the robots finished and on the market by then. :D
 
Wow, Duke - that was very inspiring and insightful, my wife and I read your reply together and both thought it helped a lot. Thank you for sharing that with us.
 
Not a problem I am always happy to help.

One advantage that you may have over my experience is that you are married and the lady that you/y'all are interested in would have the benefit of getting a woman's perspective as well as yours.
 
Me and my wife are straight up from the get!We let people know what we believe pretty much from the first time we hang out. We always tell them we are not wife hunting, cause we believe G*d will do that for us. Just us telling people that lets them know right off the bat what we believe. Most are really cool with it. A few have asked about me courting them. Due to their walk with G*d I have had to turn them down (IE, athiest, they do not believe in the man being the head, or many pegan beliefs). Although we have courted a few women we have found this works best to be upfront. It's one thing if you are single and you tell some one what your views are on PM. Cause they can either agree or disagree. When you are married how ever it is best to be upfront. I know many married men who don't tell the women at first date them for a while then tell them and the women get really angry and feel decieved. I have also seen where the men catch feelings hard feelings and the woman is ok with it, but then the 1st wife doesn't like her. Then cause the husband has such strong feelings he doesn't want to end it and it causes problems with the 1st wife. (I had this happen with Becky about two years after we were married. She didn't like the woman and I had a lot of feelings for the girl. It almost caused the end of us. I had to take a step back and analise the situation. Luckily the girl showed her true colors before I really messed up)

Since then Becky has been a part of any thing I do with Plural Marriage. We have found it a lot better and most times she gets a long with the other women. It's me who doesn't. Becky is a woman sold out to G*d Proverbs 31 to the T. I would want my second wife to be the same.

So my advice just be open and keep your wife involved brother! In the end it will save you and your family a lot of heart ache and heart break! I'll be pray'n for ya brother! ;)
 
Stand outside Walmart wearing a sign (sandwich boards, on both sides of you):

Free to a good home!

Hubby/Daddy!

* Gainfully employed
* Does not smoke, drink, do drugs, smack around women, children, parents or dogs, nor fart or belch in church
* Does read, exercise, camp, shop, listen and, sometimes, talks.
* Requires simple food and water, but lots and lots of hugs, kisses, and other forms of petting.
* Mostly housebroken
* Faithful for life and better than a dog -- less hair and opposable thumbs
* REFERENCES!!!

Inquire within!
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Wait, is it not cool to just carry my BC-comic-strip club and wear my leopard-skin shorts (and nothing else) any more? And just bop whoever isn't wearing a ring: "Me like you!" (And then stuff my Biblical Families tract in their hand: "You read now! Me wait!")

Seriously, I would love to hear the results of Cecil's sandwich board experiment. It might get some thoughtful conversations, mixed in with some scorn. If you have the guts to try it, please share.

I'll throw in my 2 cents again that "service" (of any kind - be creative, I've shared mine elsewhere here before) can be a great way to meet ladies, and be able to present as a quality man (or family) before you drop the bomb of plural marriage.
 
DocInMO said:
CW, You sure about the less hair? Doc
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On the back anyway. A bit more under the snout and chin just now. :lol:
 
CecilW said:
Stand outside Walmart wearing a sign (sandwich boards, on both sides of you):
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You don't know how much I want to do that now that you gave me the idea. Just gotta get someone to video tape the whole thing. I'll put that on my list right below "crucify myself".

(It would be even greater to walk through Bob Jones University wearing that sign. lol, They'd really burn you at the stake.)
 
Doc wrote

if we would have a godly mate we must wait for God’s time. How often I have witnessed men and women marrying hastily, fearing that the time for marriage was quickly passing them by. They married those who were unbelievers or uncommitted because they concluded that anyone was better than no one. Isaac was 40 years old when he married. By some standards that was about 10 years late (cf. Genesis 11:14,18,22). It is well worth waiting for the mate of God’s choice.
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This is one of the major problems/tensions for any marriage or covenant union. People who are monogamous and polygynous so often lack patience and thus in haste they damage their lives and stability of their family.

But, for a polygynous union, there is an added strength that could be used to help one exercise patience. In a polygynous worldview/belief system a man is already in a union and thus the sexual drive can be fully satisfied while the other incoming lady is being courted.

If the first covenant union is in order it can be an aid to help the second union develop incrementally and progressively. If all spheres are working correctly then a man does not need to rush a union simply to fulfill the sexual drive because of the already existing covenant union.

Regardless, time can be one of the greatest aids to establishing a solid biblical union that honors Christ.
 
The Duke Of Marshall said:
You don't know how much I want to do that now that you gave me the idea. Just gotta get someone to video tape the whole thing. I'll put that on my list right below "crucify myself".

(It would be even greater to walk through Bob Jones University wearing that sign. lol, They'd really burn you at the stake.)
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Hoo, boy! Now we GOTTA do it, and post it on YouTube!

As for BJU and crucifying yourself ... well ... you could carry a cross. Likely get two events for one!
 
Well you could officiate a plural wedding for a show on lifetime then forget your mic is on and say the producer is a babe! Oh wait that didn't work although she was red faced and very flattered! ;) :D
 
FYI For you fellas with the signs, I make signs and vinyl lettering. If you ever get the plan into action. :lol:
 
Revgill87123 said:
Well you could officiate a plural wedding for a show on lifetime then forget your mic is on and say the producer is a babe! Oh wait that didn't work although she was red faced and very flattered! ;) :D
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you dawg :lol: :D :o ;)
 
My dear friend, I think you are making a mistake right there, in the first place that you are writing about it here and trying to accumulate as much information as possible on this subject, rather than just by going for it. The more you think about it, the more insecure you get. But that is up to you of course. If you are looking for good source of info on how to approach a woman, check out these articles.
 
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