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how and where to look for a a 2nd wife

L

Loveforlife09

New Member
The only question i have is where and how to look for a 2nd wife.. how do u talk to one and how should my 1st wife talk to her also
 
I don't know how much of a help to you this will be, but I spent (should really say "wasted") a lot of time, effort, and energy looking for wife number one. When I finally lifted the matter up to the Lord, as I should have done from the beginning, He provided the kind of godly woman I wanted to share life with. It was mostly His doing; all I had to do was recognize the blessing that He had set before me. So I am content that "T-C's Rebekah" and I accept polygyny as a biblically acceptable form of marriage union and we are both content to "be still and know that He is Lord" and wait on Him to deliver another wife to us, if it is His will to do so. And we're okay with the idea that it might NOT be his will to do so.

Trust in Him. If He has called you and your spouse into plural marriage, I am confident that He will provide. Trust in Him, and lean not on your own understanding.

T-C
 
. . . . Now THAT is an attitude every man, woman and couple on the board need to take!


Blessings


Doc
 
Couldn't have said it better.

And while you wait, ask God to work within you, turning you into the sort of Man whom He can SAFELY entrust with the hearts of not one, but TWO or more of His Daughters. Then, whether He chooses to do so or not can be safely left with Him.
 
I may get flamed for this reply, but with that in mind I will tell you that I experimented to find a personal answer to that very question some time ago.

My first thought on my quest was where should I look for women? I decided to go to places where women were looking for men...to dating sites (go fish where the fish are biting). ok...ok...ok...I know everybody is throwing up red flags now...but hear me out. I found that I was able to list my marital status as married, yet also indicate that I was looking. Most who observed this "dual status" initially thought I was unhappy in my marriage and shopping around. As I received emails or contact of any kind I would first begin a dialog with the woman in an attempt to ascertain if she was Christian. I avoided any initial questions about my current relationship(s) because they were irrelevant to my purposes of establishing the qualifications of the woman contacting me. If the woman was not Christian and indicated she had no interest in becoming one I would dismiss her interest. Once I had determined she was Christian, or was open to becoming one, I would then further qualify her to find out if we were compatible; if we had common interests (I work in offices and provide my services to a number of attorneys. One attorney once made the statement that "The only thing that opposites attract is divorce" - there is a lot of truth in that.) Once I felt that there was a high probability that I was compatible with the woman I would ask her if she had any objection to a man having more than one wife. I received a unique answer from every woman that replied. Here are a few examples:

I want a man to be in a relationship with me alone. (I still to this day communicate with her and we have become good friends. She is still in amazement that I have multiple wives. I am hopeful that eventually her objection to Biblical Marriage will be overcome, but if not it was not meant to be)

I had not thought about that, what would it be like. I think it would feel strange sharing my husband with another woman. (I don't even remember this ones name any more because she moved on and discontinued communicating with me)

I think a man should be the King of his own little kingdom, and if he chooses to have more than one wife he should do so very carefully. (She was agnostic, is now Christian, and is now one of my wives)

Solomon had 700 wives, why not? (That was actually the most blunt answer I ever received, and she too is now one of my wives.)

I was surprised to find that there were very few that were offended. One individual was very offended and reported my profile to the dating site who suspended my account for a week but then reestablished it upon further review deciding that I had not misrepresented my intentions. Interestingly enough a year later she began to communicate with me "Remember me? Let's chat again" which was impossible because she had blocked communication with me. I notified the dating site and asked them to pass a message on to her for me. I have not heard from her since and I think she was very embarrassed when the site administrators informed her that she was soliciting communication from someone she had blocked. There were many that were curious, and a few that were interested. I have stayed in contact with every one of them that wanted to continue communications, and I handle each of them individually based on their frame of mind.

When I first became aware of the possibility of a man having more than one wife I was like a child learning to walk. I stumbled and fell...a lot. I made many mistakes but learned from them. What I have learned is that if you are honest, open, and sincere...you will be surprised by the results you get (women also appreciate a good sense of humor...have fun with them). There are a lot of women out there looking for a good man, and what they want is a man that can not only support himself (physically and financially healthy) and his current commitments, but also her and the family you will build together. Be yourself, a godly woman who will make an exceptional Biblical Wife will sniff out a fake very quickly.

Of my wives I met this way; one is a High School English Teacher, one is an attorney, one is operating a business we set up to help support her as she finishes her degree in Business Accounting (upon completion we will expand our business), one is in the process of becoming a Registered Nurse (teases about taking care of me in my old age), and one is in the process of earning her degree in Business Management and will go on to work on her MBA to operate a business we intend to establish. You may have noticed that as I interviewed women one of my requirements was the ability and desire to obtain a College Degree (with my help). I consider myself an intelligent man, and seek intelligent women with which to build my family.

OK...put my fire suit on...let's have it... : )
 
I use OkCupid. I've been to other dating sites, but none really work. This one is more ground for talking to all sorts, where people actually talk back, and it's free. My profile there does not talk about polygamy, but I do have a journal post there that introduces the topic; how I came to believe as I do. I use that to break the ground to get into the topic if I see that I should. I'm still single though, but I have found many potentials there.

The main issue is always my location. Polygamy is the second issue. After that there are minor issues. But I have found it a good "witnessing" ground as far as Biblical family is concerned... as well as witnessing for all manner of other topics. I let the conversations flow, and provide what is needed at the time. If salvation, start there... if lack of trust in the Bible, start there.

Guys do, of course, have to be the initiators of conversation. I stopped sending messages mostly (too few conversations started by messages), and tend to only browse for people that are online at the time, with their IM on (the site has its own Instant Messaging system, which many girls turn off because of male "jerks", but there are still plenty on). About 1 in 4 will respond... though a simple "hi" doesn't always work.

I don't look around where I am. The culture and religion prevent that. Even looking around at this country's only protestant church is highly problematic.
 
I have never herad of anyone being so succesful with the dating sites!! Amazing. Whenever me or any friends (ladies) did any of that we just met duds. My only small flame is that I don't hear about your christian babies(birthed or adopted-although the adopted part would be another legal can of worms!) and who takes care of the household? Just curious.
 
Well the question didn't have anything to do with that...and quite frankly, I am a bit cautious about sharing too much information of that nature in a public forum. There is a considerable amount of information I intentionally left out of my answer because it did not directly pertain to the question at hand. I simply wanted to convey to those interested that there are women out there looking for a good husband, and if asked the right questions and presented with correct Biblical teaching will consider questioning the doctrine that has been drilled into them since childhood through their churches and our Romanized society.

I had lunch today with a fellow member of this site and was even hesitant to provide personal information about my wives and children. I did answer a few questions vaguely, but I think it is wise at this point in time to keep most of that information private and would suggest the same to others posting personal information on public sites of any sort.

I have no problem posting my experiences using generalities; I will also share my opinions, and attempt to base them on my understanding of the scriptures.

But just to tease you a little...I love babies and will have as many as the Lord will bless me with. So my fervent prayer has been that the Lord will grant me the abilities and opportunities to provide for the abundant blessings he has bestowed upon me, and all the blessings he intends to bestow upon me.
 
Yes having additional children is a major part of my motivation to pursue biblical marriage.

But back to the original question of how to find number 2, I have no idea. I still think it will be extremely difficult to find a willing Christian woman anywhere. I anticipate rejection from potentials, and if I actually succeed, rejection from family and friends. Something to look forward to!
 
I don't find the finding of willing brides a problem in the USA. I've found many that would be willing if I were only over there. But one has to be adaptable, caring, loving, and extremely honest to get through to them. Most girls these days have been really messed up by the current dating system. Their hearts are scarred, closing off that nature that makes a good wife. It takes real love (chosen and applied) to get passed the defenses.

Even girls that seem hopeless very well may not be. We live in a world that really messes girls up. As a man, be the solution, not part of the problem. Really, when you show a girl real care, even if they think you are crazy (the polygamy subject can get that reaction), they can completely change on you. Just don't give up. Most have never been around a real man, and have been tossed around by "boys". Keep that in mind.

Also, most things people look for in relationships are superficial. One need not ask themselves the question "do I love her?, but rather "would she be a good wife and mother?" To love is the job of the husband, and it must be something in your hands to GIVE as you CHOOSE. As for what to look for, there are main qualities. Know what you are looking for. As husband, what do you want for your family? Will she fight you in those things, or agree to them? The only stipulation put on us by God is that the girl be in the Lord, so only put your own qualifications as needed.
 
All sound advice thanks sadanyagci.

My problem is that biblical marriage is so alien to my culture that it will almost certainly be condemned by all and sundry. Including the parents of the second bride, the parents of the first bride, the friends of both, the clients of my business, almost all church associates, the list goes on.
 
ylop said:
All sound advice thanks sadanyagci.

My problem is that biblical marriage is so alien to my culture that it will almost certainly be condemned by all and sundry. Including the parents of the second bride, the parents of the first bride, the friends of both, the clients of my business, almost all church associates, the list goes on.
Click to expand...
I did notice this in an Australian girl I was talking to a while ago. She was so torn, because this is the one thing she couldn't be flexible with. Heart went one way, culture went another. Culture seems to always win out in those cases.

My advice... you're in a western country. Find a bride in another country, and import her. I'm in the Middle East. You should have a lot less problems with that than me, as Australia is a more trusted pace to live.

You could also choose to live somewhere else. That, too, would make things a lot easier for me, in the marriage department, if it were an option. That could also solve the problem of friends, family, businesses, church... depending on the country/area you go to.
 
Yes that can be a big problem! Start getting used to it now! I am a second wife and my family and close friends were already aware of my accepting plural marriage and being open to it before I even met my husband. That doesn't eliminate all the problems I have with everything outside the circle of my home but it makes it easier for me because I don't have to "hide" anything from my family and friends at least-just from anyone I work with in the future. That doesn't eliminate the potential problems with first wife's family (we're working on it!) and his family as well as all church/work/other contacts. I think the family is what is most important to me. Once the family knows and all that entails then telling others won't be such a stress because the important people in all our lives will know!! In the way of advice I think in most cases it's good that your family/important people knows your beliefs first and have a chance to discuss them with you while it is all still a hypothetical in your life that way the emotioanl feelings that come when it turns personal won't cloud their first introduction to the whole thing. You see what I mean? Anyhow I don't know anything, I'm just in the thick of it myself. I have another theory about the "finding 2nd wife" thing. I believe it is the guy's job but I really love the old jewish matchmaker idea where an old wise lady did it or else both sets of parents cause who knows how crazy emotional these women can be and wether the guy is compassionate enough to understand (like mine) ;) Who knows better than the parents or an old lady who's been there. Know that many more women who are sick of this feminist "he's mine" thing and know that all it does is hurt other women (by keeping them with lowlives!) are really showing themsleves and willing to fight the battle with you. Ok now I'm really off topic(?). A fine alternative to an old lady is ((((drum roll)))) Biblical Families Introduction Service. See link in home page. :)
 
Why not preach in the streets? Show people that they can have their sins forgiven if they call upon the name of Jesus, Jesus can forgive them. Then you can invite them to church, and from there explain that in that church there is the option, if they so choose for that kind of marriage. But I think the search for a wife should be subordinated to the preaching of the Gospel of God's love.

You want, also, to marry a Christian.

Since I see polygamy as a help for women who are orphans of society, I think... why not marry "call girls"?
Maybe you can take half of them off the market :)

There are many lovely ladies who are orphans of society, who are being used and abused by human-traffickers. And sometimes have problems with addictions, etc.
Giving them money won't help, they would probably use it for drugs. Also you can't spill your children's inheritance so easily for strangers.

A home is what they need. I have this idea, if someone is willing to do it: To witness to "call girls" and show them they have an option, maybe they need rehab or something. If a girl has gone through so much pain that she is humble enough to consider the idea of plural marriage, would you forgive her past? There are plenty of good looking "call girls" who need a home.

When Jesus came, it was not the religious people who were most keen on accepting Him. It was the harlots and tax collectors.

If there is one group of women in danger, it is them, "call girls". I see polygamy as a way to help women find a home, more than a way to help men have sexual variety. (For that, you better abandon Christianity and become a normal fornicator... there are cheaper ways to have sexual variety than polygamy).

Yes, I think you would do a favour to a woman, by snatching her from a "pimp" and placing her in your family. Of course, if she accepts Christ, if she confesses and forsakes her sins, if she is washed in the blood.

Now, this may seem like an extreme idea, but I have a thought that may show it's not so extreme:

Most women of today's society, by age 20, qualify as guilty of "harlotry" by Deuteronomy 20:21 standards.
Girls who have had sex before marriage are condemned to death, in the Bible.

Not so harlots. Solomon judged between the two harlots who were disputing a child's motherhood. And they were not put to death for being harlots.
Rahab was a harlot, but when she was washed in the blood, she even became an ancestor of David, and of the Saviour.
 
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