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Hey Y'all! We are a couple from N.Tx

L

LMRoss

New Member
Hey Y'all!

We were so relieved to find this site! So many of our answers & then some have been answered through y'alls posts. So, thank you!

About us: We live in a suburb out side of Dallas. We're 31 & have been married for nearly 11 years & have three children that we just started homeschooling. We are super involved in our church & community. Lance has an established career & coaches the children's basketball teams. I am a homemaker, "teacher", & wife.

I, Mona, have always supported plural marriage simply from a "common sense" stand point (having NO idea that is is Biblical). If more Americans would open their minds to the idea we would have a much better society over all...no need to go into all of that here, you get the point. So, I have jokingly said for years "I wish we could have another wife!" Then last week something drew me to look up just WHAT it is...in the Bible...Socially...I WAS SHOCKED & somewhat disappointed in myself for not catching how this is so very biblically based before! So, my next step was to present all that I found in scripture & this site to Hubby. He agreed that a plural marriage was not a sin but that it just wasn't an option for us. He could not wrap his head around loving another woman. Now, most women would be thrilled to hear that & leave it alone, but I cannot stress enough that I feel an urging. I asked him to pray about & get back to me - after that discussion I dropped it & assumed he had too. We heard a saying years ago at a marriage retreat & live by it to this day "What if marriage isn't just to make you happy? What if marriage is to make you more holy?" To my surprise he came to me yesterday & said that we could begin looking into this! YAY! We will be praying daily for His will to be done in our family & for the woman who is to join us. We are excited at the thought of growing our family!

So, here we sit...now what?
Really, can anyone tell us exactly how to begin looking? I did an internet search this morning & I'm terrified to get involved in any of those SW dating sites! Moreover we want a woman who is willing to commit for life! Where to we begin? We know our church will not be supportive and because of that we discussed that we need to start looking for a new church. Any comments or wisdom is greatly appreciated!

~Lance & Mona
 
Hello,

I'm glad to hear you found us. Speaking from experience, I don't think you are quite ready to begin the looking phase just yet. There is so much you have to prepare for mentally, spiritually, logistically, and emotionally. The #1 biggest mistake I've seen that affects the success of an additional marriage is lack of preparation in all phases of your life. I think its great to start praying for this now. In my journey in this, I even named my future wife Ruth, and prayed for Ruth by name. You can see my family's journey at http://www.3rsfor1.Blogspot.com. It tells the story from the perspective of me and both wives.This is just the beginning of the journey, I have not finished updating it, so you are not able to read about the tons of mistakes I made.

I am in the small minority on the subject of wife 1's involvement in the searching and courting stage with any potential #2. I think the more involvement wife 1 has, the more pressures both externally and internally on the marriage between your husband and wife 2's relationship. Too much emphasis on the relationship between Wife 1 and Wife 2 makes that relationship determine the success of either of the marriages. All I will say here is that you keep them with what you won them with, and when that's gone, they are gone. In fact, I feel so strongly about this that I'm going to start a new thread on this subject.

I will also say there is a huge difference in living this out in theory and reality. As for the dating site, I'm not saying to not use them, but I wouldn't. There are a lot people out there that prey on the fact that a lot in this group will marry the next warm body that walks by that will say yes. They scam and string along in hopes of financial gain or to be a character in a virtual relationship.

If you would like to discuss this further. I'm offering my experience in this matter to you. Feel free to pm me and I will give you my contact info for your husband to contact me or you to contract one if my wives.

Robert
Psalm 128
 
Welcome to biblical families. I am the first and only wife to my dear husband, but everyday we pray for wife number two. I take it one day at a time and wait upon the L-rd to bring that special lady to our family to fill our hearts with more joy. I don't use those dating sites as I too am a little nervous about them, but G-d is a lot better picker of relationships anyway so my best advice is to just give it to Him and let him take care of it. I am surely blessed though that you and your husband have decided to submit to G-d's will. May G-d bless you in all your endeavors.

~Asia
 
Just got home and was able to read my earlier post on a computer, instead of on my smart phone. Please forgive me for the lack of clarity in the earlier post. I've edited it now, and it should make more sense.
 
Welcome to you from the great Northwest! I look forward to reading your posts and hearing about your journey.

Best Regards,
Steven
 
Welcome!

Definitely read, study and communicate with each other, which it sounds like you are already doing. For you (the wife) I would suggest Tuesday night ladies chat, there's a post out there somewhere and I believe the next night is January 8th. For the husband, drop into the men's area, check out the posts and ask questions.

For Robert, would be very interested in hearing your thoughts on the separate thread. I found it interesting that you recommend de-emphasizing the relationship between the two women, and would like to hear more since I know that some encourage a good relationship between both women as well.
Thanks!
 
chris said:
For Robert, would be very interested in hearing your thoughts on the separate thread. I found it interesting that you recommend de-emphasizing the relationship between the two women, and would like to hear more since I know that some encourage a good relationship between both women as well.
Thanks!
Click to expand...
Chris
Just started new thread under marriage issue, titled You keep them with what you won them with. I hope you enjoy it.
 
I agree with Robert that you shouldn't jump into this. Pray about it.

Did you immediately start looking for a spouse the moment you learnt monogamous marriage was acceptable to God? I doubt it! The same goes for polygyny. There's no rush, your lives are in God's hands.

I prayed for my first wife for at least 6 years before I even met her. I have now been praying for my second for nearly a year, and as far as I know I haven't met her yet. Just pray for her, and God will drop her in front of you in His time. Keep your eyes open of course so you see her when he does, follow up any potentials you know of in real life, but don't put too much effort into hunting.

Disasters occur when people jump into this, it's far more complicated than monogamy so far more dangerous to jump into without thinking carefully about. This needs even more careful consideration than your first marriage.
 
I completely disagree with Robert regarding the relationship between women. If you like, trust and care for the other woman it is much much easier. I believe that since most of the women spend more time together than the man does with any of us, it is far more important for us to get along and care for each other.

SweetLissa
 
But I agree that men need to do the same things to keep their wives happy that they did to win them in the first place.

SweetLissa
 
Robert, would love to discuss your opinion regarding wife #1's involvement with wife #2. Can you do a post or a PM that goes into more detail?

SweetLissa
 
I started a thread that's touches on it but plan on going into it a little further. That thread is more for those starting out in the looking stage. The name of the new thread is " you keep them with what you won them with"
 
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