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Support Help with a girl I've been talking to

robbkowalski

robbkowalski

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I’ve been talking with a girl in the UK for over some time now and she has professed her love for me several times. She wants to be with me, but she’s unsure about whether she could handle being in a polygynous marriage. I’ve told her that I’m sure this is the path that God is leading me down, and it would be a dealbreaker. She’s open to learning though so I would love for her to be able to speak with some women that have done this. She has questions that I can’t answer. How can I go about connecting her with some ladies who have already traveled down this road before? I’m not looking for anyone to be biased just to give her honest answers about your experiences.
 
Here at biblical families there are ladies who have been living this life for many years. There is a chat weekly for just the ladies, and that may be a good place to ask questions.

One first wife shared her experience on a thread here called "peeling the onion". She did an amazing thing in being so open about her feelings and struggles...and breakthroughs in processing the expectation of sharing her husband.

I've had a sisterwife a bit over a year, but I have been told my positivity was/is not typical and so may be less relatable to someone with doubts and misgivings.
 
She is most welcome on the ladies chat, however it is not at a good time, as it will be about midnight or 1am ish for her. That is the best place to discuss things with a bunch of other women if she is able to make it though.
She can make an account and ask questions in the ladies only section, or she is most welcome to contact @julieb or I via private conversation.
 
Joleneakamama said:
Here at biblical families there are ladies who have been living this life for many years. There is a chat weekly for just the ladies, and that may be a good place to ask questions.

One first wife shared her experience on a thread here called "peeling the onion". She did an amazing thing in being so open about her feelings and struggles...and breakthroughs in processing the expectation of sharing her husband.

I've had a sisterwife a bit over a year, but I have been told my positivity was/is not typical and so may be less relatable to someone with doubts and misgivings.
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You may be atypical, but my experiences with me tell me that you're selling yourself short, Jolene. You have the ability to empathize, even with people who see things differently.
 
I am going to offer a different bit of perspective thst i suppose will not be considered help as such.... perspective I suppose, but it is relevant.

Several years ago I had a fiance from N Ireland and there is a big backstorey but it ended in her coming over to stay. We filled out all the paperwork and followed the process which according to the letter of the policies from immigration for her to be legal. A few months later immigration showed up and arrested her. She spent four months in jail and was eventually deported.

In jail there were women from all over the world, all sorts of non visa waiver countries who were illegal immigrants and who were in largest part there for crimes over and above immigration status, generally violent. They were not slated for deportation. The only other person she met in there who was only there purely for immigration status was an older woman from Australia who had been in the country for 20 years.

I do not wish to rain on your parade in the slightest. It is my hope as a big advocate for plural marriage for you to succeed in your quest.
It is import to understand that visa waiver countries ie most of Europe and the European diaspora countries are overtly and explicitly discriminated against by the immigration policies and personnel. I have it directly from the section head of immigration in Dallas that they will actively pursue deportation of Europeans and those of European extraction. Apparently "they should know better".
Got a lot of opinions on this topic but it is not really relevent to your difficult road you are trying to walk.

So, if you do walk this road, you need to be able to either ensure that your lady has legal status in advance or that she come here with the expectation of not ever having legal status. That she should not come here via a flight straight to the states, but instead via another means. Perhaps Canadian vacations and meet you on the American side of the street at a Starbucks for coffee in one of the towns that straddles the border. This was a potential option for a Canadian woman I knew at one point that we considered before we found incompatibilities.

Good luck and hope I am not being too much of a buzzkill. These are important factors to consider I your courting equation.
 
paterfamilias said:
I am going to offer a different bit of perspective thst i suppose will not be considered help as such.... perspective I suppose, but it is relevant.

Several years ago I had a fiance from N Ireland and there is a big backstorey but it ended in her coming over to stay. We filled out all the paperwork and followed the process which according to the letter of the policies from immigration for her to be legal. A few months later immigration showed up and arrested her. She spent four months in jail and was eventually deported.

In jail there were women from all over the world, all sorts of non visa waiver countries who were illegal immigrants and who were in largest part there for crimes over and above immigration status, generally violent. They were not slated for deportation. The only other person she met in there who was only there purely for immigration status was an older woman from Australia who had been in the country for 20 years.

I do not wish to rain on your parade in the slightest. It is my hope as a big advocate for plural marriage for you to succeed in your quest.
It is import to understand that visa waiver countries ie most of Europe and the European diaspora countries are overtly and explicitly discriminated against by the immigration policies and personnel. I have it directly from the section head of immigration in Dallas that they will actively pursue deportation of Europeans and those of European extraction. Apparently "they should know better".
Got a lot of opinions on this topic but it is not really relevent to your difficult road you are trying to walk.

So, if you do walk this road, you need to be able to either ensure that your lady has legal status in advance or that she come here with the expectation of not ever having legal status. That she should not come here via a flight straight to the states, but instead via another means. Perhaps Canadian vacations and meet you on the American side of the street at a Starbucks for coffee in one of the towns that straddles the border. This was a potential option for a Canadian woman I knew at one point that we considered before we found incompatibilities.

Good luck and hope I am not being too much of a buzzkill. These are important factors to consider I your courting equation.
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Paterfamilias raises a good point about immigration status. My wife is from Japan (came here for college and fell in love with me 😉), and we had to go through all the proper immigration paperwork. That requires "legal state sanctioned marriage paperwork". At the time (late 1990s), I didn't know enough to be concerned about state marriage licenses.

Polygyny might complicate all that. You should be able to do her immigration paperwork if she is your first wife and you get a state marriage certificate. You won't be able to if you want to avoid the "marriage license" aspect, or if she is a second wife.
 
Bartato said:
Paterfamilias raises a good point about immigration status. My wife is from Japan (came here for college and fell in love with me 😉), and we had to go through all the proper immigration paperwork. That requires "legal state sanctioned marriage paperwork". At the time (late 1990s), I didn't know enough to be concerned about state marriage licenses.

Polygyny might complicate all that. You should be able to do her immigration paperwork if she is your first wife and you get a state marriage certificate. You won't be able to if you want to avoid the "marriage license" aspect, or if she is a second wife.
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I believe you can obtain a state-sanctioned divorce-on-paper from one emigrated wife after 5 years and start the process all over again.

Or so I've been told by someone who brings in women for temporary marriages to American men.
 
Keith Martin said:
I believe you can obtain a state-sanctioned divorce-on-paper from one emigrated wife after 5 years and start the process all over again.

Or so I've been told by someone who brings in women for temporary marriages to American men.
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That probably is an option, but would seem to involve some dishonesty. 🤔
 
Keith Martin said:
I believe you can obtain a state-sanctioned divorce-on-paper from one emigrated wife after 5 years and start the process all over again.

Or so I've been told by someone who brings in women for temporary marriages to American men.
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I can confirm that's the letter of the law. The 5 year stipulation on marriage visas was implemented to plug the sham marriage gap in immigration policy without destroying the legitimate marriage bridge. I'm sure they still keep an eye on policy abuse and will notice if you make a habit of cycling through foreign brides. Coincidentally or by design, the process to become naturalized also usually takes about 5 years. It's a nice fit.
 
Bartato said:
That probably is an option, but would seem to involve some dishonesty. 🤔
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Well, yeah, but only dishonesty with the State, which really has no business interfering in our personal relationships.
 
Keith Martin said:
I believe you can obtain a state-sanctioned divorce-on-paper from one emigrated wife after 5 years and start the process all over again.

Or so I've been told by someone who brings in women for temporary marriages to American men.
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More to it

Let's say your wife is on board and the paper divorce is done.
Well, our diligent immigration officials are going to wsnt a copy of your internet messaging history. They want to read the burgeoning internet romance. They are also going to want to see multiple visits be it him to her or her to him. There will be interviews and loads of trying to ferrit out any potential chinks in the armor. Any excuse to deny status.
Really don't wish to be a buzzkill. The simple fact is that European or European Diaspora countries are treated with iron fists as opposed to the kid gloves of those from 3rd world countries.
Yaaah government, woohoo!
 
Bartato said:
That probably is an option, but would seem to involve some dishonesty. 🤔
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I would worry more about your current union.
Do you have a duty to give honesty to institutions that overly do not have your best interests in mind?

Guess my answer
 
MemeFan said:
Do you have duty to help evil men do evil by providing them with correct information?
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I don't know the guy. You know something I don't?

Plus, the commentary is partially for the original poster but it in the long term for the general group consumption.
I have very little to contribute on the topic of religion but I have Mountains to contribute with respect to practical and practicable aspects of plural marriage. So I do what I can with the area where I have a good amount to contribute
 
paterfamilias said:
I don't know the guy. You know something I don't?

Plus, the commentary is partially for the original poster but it in the long term for the general group consumption.
I have very little to contribute on the topic of religion but I have Mountains to contribute with respect to practical and practicable aspects of plural marriage. So I do what I can with the area where I have a good amount to contribute
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Do you have to tell Nazi officials in Naziland where is hiding pace of Jew which you know?

Same principle. If they will use info for evil and you know it, isn't your duty not to help them?
 
We are speaking at Very different purposes.
You seem to be heavily implying that the guy has bad intentions. Worse that I apparently am aware of it. And as I mentioned, I don't know him. So, I ask again more explicitly...what do you know to motivate the otherwise from my point of view nonsense questions.

No context = no valid commentary from my point of view
 
I suspect robbkowalski is not already married, so this would be his first wife. I married Fiona38 on a fiance visa, and the only issue I ever had, was showing proof of financial responsibility. The issue robbkowalski seems to be having here, is the willingness of the UK lady to accept polygyny at the outset.
 
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