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Hello single woman here

woman

woman

Member
Female
Hi,

I am a single christian woman who wants to read more info on polygyny.
Thanks for making this forum and website! The first time i can contact people who are pro polygyny.
I still have some doubts if it is the marriage form for me. I would like to, but i am also a bit scared of it because i do not know any families who live like this so i do not have an example. It is all new. Hope to find information here and meet people.

Woman
 
LOL! I'm not laughing at you, just at the username. It amuses me.

Welcome! There are some great families to be found here that can give you some great info on what poly life is like, and won't sugar coat it. I'd highly suggest ladies chat on Tuesday nights. It's a ladies only environment and there are usually at least one or two women on there who are currently living poly to talk to.

Bear in mind that this is a public forum. We don't turn people away unless there is good reason. I say this because since you've posted that you're a single woman *potentially* (that's the word some people will miss) interested in poly there is a decent chance you will draw a lot of interest and messages. In my head it's like the seagulls from finding nemo. That doesn't mean the staff here promotes that sort of behavior, and in fact we specifically talk about how this is *not* a dating site. Sorry to sound all doom and gloom, just saying please don't be scared off if you receive a lot of messages, and also don't hesitate to contact myself or FollowingHim if anyone is bothering you, as we are the moderators here and will take care of it.

So! Now that that is out of the way, lets talk about the reason you came eh? Please feel free to look around the forums, there are a lot of different viewpoints presented, and we encourage you to look at the Bible, the interpretations offered, people's experiences, and to decide your beliefs yourself based on those. And please feel free to jump in on a conversation with questions or opinions, even if it is an old thread.

A good place to look for reading is here: http://biblicalfamilies.org/resources

Or if that is too intimidating, I humbly offer my own research notes from when my wife and I were studying poly and came to believe in it as a valid biblical lifestyle here: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1OBHLo6XvTbrosEyZHtV0qday8Zv1eatgzX14-yQnEgw/edit?usp=sharing

Welcome again, and I look forward to getting to know you!
 
Welcome to BF, woman!
woman said:
I still have some doubts if it is the marriage form for me.
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I think it's helpful to remember that outwardly the form (a man and a woman) is the same, it's just the number of marriages your man might have that varies. While this requires inward acceptance of different roles for men and women, our enacting of these roles is exactly what opens us to greater fulfilment in marriage.

I hope you make good connections here. :)
 
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Well, that's true on paper. In reality though there are some big fundamental differences, challenges, and rewards, lol! I think it's great that she's open to exploring the possibility, but not being naive. A cautious, measured, and eyes open approach is commendable, and likely to produce a happier and less rocky life, whether she chooses poly or not.
 
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UntoldGlory said:
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Yes, there are cases where there were interpersonal problems in families with multiple wives, but that is true of families with only one wife as well. In fact, many of the most important people in the Bible are descendants of polygamist fathers, or are polygamists themselves. If we didn't do anything that didn't turn out well for everyone in the Bible, we wouldn't get married at all, or have kids.
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Read your notes. Really good point! I myself used to default to the reasoning that poly is not all roses BUT then again who said mono is with all the interpersonal problems getting in the way at times?! I think this is also a fortress of thinking because one gets so occupied with the thought that poly is not all roses (like anyone said it was) forgetting that serious problems occur in mono relationships as well. It's no win if looking to pin down why poly wouldn't work out as a way to not believe in it.
 
Hi and welcome! You are not the only one with no one to get an example from. There's not a huge amount of people that practice plural marriage and of those that do most stay pretty quiet. I still haven't actually met someone face to face who does it, but I have been here 4 1/2 years and have gotten to see enough to get a fair idea of how it all works.
I think the greatest thing about coming to the understanding of plural marriage is not practising it, but having YHWH show you what it means and how it relates to Him. There is so much more to it than meets the eye. The relationship we have with Christ, for example. It makes so much more sense if you understand PM.
Coming to the understanding of it does not mean you will practise it at all. It is good to have many people understanding it so they can support those that do practise. Communities and churches tend to shut out those that follow YHWH in this way, and the more Christ followers there are that will stand up and say there's nothing wrong with it, the better off they'll be.
Of course perhaps YHWH has brought you to this understanding for a reason, in that this is in your future. If so, then you are a very blessed woman. It comes with it's own set of challenges, but also with a load of personal and spiritual growth, something we should all strive for anyway.
Anyway, good luck with your walk, ask plenty of questions, and read as much as you can on the forum. There's some pretty good old threads if you find the time to do enough digging.
 
Thanks everybody!

If i make mistakes in spelling, i am sorry, i am not a native speaker (writer) of english. but i'll do my best.

Just short response to some things:
Knowing that polygamy is not sin is indeed a different thing than practising it. And there is nothing wrong with mono, just like being single is ok.
The biblical version of poly does seem something for me, but because there are not many families who live that way, the people who do have to find out the right way for themselves, like pioneers. And from what i've seen so far poly in practice can go to many directions (or so it seems).

I agree that mono also has it's negative sides, but we know what that is like, we see more examples. New things can scare people, we do not know what to expect. That is a normal human response. Specially for the first wives who believed their husband would always and only be married to them. Applause for the first wives, who could change their attitude towards poly and are doing a great job accepting their husband is also married to another woman!

I am just going to rread a lot first and get to know people. I think it is already a good thing that there is info on the internet and a forum. Maybe in a while more people/ churches will see that poly is ok and normal, maybe not a way of life for everybody but that is fine too.

oh and about the name: doesn't need more clarification does it? :);)
 
woman said:
..I agree that mono also has it's negative sides, but we know what that is like, we see more examples. New things can scare people, we do not know what to expect. That is a normal human response. ..
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Wow, that explains it, I've never put it in these terms myself and realized how this is liberating my "default" mono mindset - thanks for pointing that out, woman!
 
Welcome Woman! I'm sure there's a lot here to read and I applaud your willingness to dive in and read when English isn't your first language. I've studied 2 other languages, but wouldn't consider myself nearly fluent enough in either to work through a forum in either. Your humor comes through and you seem to have a good handle on English, but if there's anything that doesn't make sense, feel free to ask. English is my first language and I sometimes find its nuances challenging.
 
It is difficult trying to find out about polygyny beyond learning that it is biblically sound and good. People who are practicing polygynists enjoy their privacy and that is completely understandable, I know I would. So it feels, like you say woman, that we are pioneers. That can be a little scary, but also adventurous... I like adventure! I think the way to navigate this new world is to dig into the Word and pray, letting the fruit of the spirit be evident in our lives. Every instance of plural marriage involves different people whom God has made unique. Therefore just like in monogamous marriage, the principals of marriage remain the same, but the fleshing out of what it looks like in real life is based on the personalities of the individuals involved. Being Christ like to one another is what makes any marriage work and it's the same for plural, there are just more individuals involved. I think where a lot of problems arise, in plural, is when people (most of the time, men) learn about it, get excited, and then rush into it. Taking the time to pray, study, and get to know those living this life will go a long way in making it possible to have a beautiful and wonderful experience in plural marriage, living out God's picture of our relationship with Him.
 
Glorygirl, Thank you! Wow, two other languages, may i ask what languages?

UntoldGlory, Thank you! i know i know, i've just asked Glorygirl the languages she studied, and now i do not want to say my native language. I am still in the stage of trying to hide, kind of. I do not want to give away to much personal info. Do not want to get any problems. maybe later when i feel more confortable writing about me on the inernet.
 
Yes there are not many people who speak the language. And i want the freedom to write about personal experiences so any identifiers that are not that important to share, for now, i keep to myself.
I've seen how people can respond to someone being pro poly. And there are of course the creeps who think it means you are in for everything. Just being carefull now.
 
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Asforme: yes exactly, unnecessairy problems can arise when people rush in a marriage too soon, more so when there are more people involved like wife and children who are already there.
It is not wise to rush in to a poly marriage, one can so easily forget the rest of scripture and stare blind on the idea of being allowed to have more than one wife.
 
woman said:
Glorygirl, Thank you! Wow, two other languages, may i ask what languages?
.
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I studied French for 3 years in high school and a year in college. I studied German with my children as part of our homeschooling. Probably a year's worth. I also just remembered that the kids and I spent a couple of years studying American Sign Language.

I've always been interested in learning languages and know a few words and phrases from several other languages, but again I wouldn't say I know enough to communicate well in them.
 
GloryGirl, French is a beautiful language, i've tried to learn it, but it is not easy. With learning a language i think it is important to keep communicating in that language, but at home you would usually speak your own language.
 
That's the challenge. It is very difficult to effectively learn without practice. I've tried learning a couple of languages, and had that same issue.
 
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