Hello everyone.
TL;DR
I grew up a Christian and my family attended church regularly. I married my high school girlfriend right after graduation. A short while into our marriage there became a struggle for the headship of the family. I was shocked that she wouldn't recognize me as the head of the family and she was insistent that I must submit to her. This caused a lot of conflict between us. I suggested counseling and she replied that we didn't need it, all we needed was for me to do as I was told. Once she started to get physical in our fights I ended up divorcing her. It was 18 months after our wedding.
I then turned to partying and met a girl at a party. Our relationship progressed quickly and we got married in a courthouse. Less than a year into our marriage she got bored of me, "felt we had grown apart," and ended up getting pregnant by another guy, so we got divorced.
I realized that this was not the direction I wanted my life to go. Over the following 18 months, I did a lot of self-reflection, I started going to church regularly again, I prayed daily, I talked with my pastor about everything that I had gone through, and most importantly I asked God for His forgiveness. I emerged from those 18 months a much wiser man.
It was during these talks with my pastor that I wondered how God viewed my marriages. While the second had committed adultery and God allowed me to end that marriage, did God still considered me married to the first? My pastor told me that the church views abuse as abandonment so ecclesiastically I was no longer married to her. In my mind though that raised a question: that may be the church's teaching, but what is God's teaching? Does He still see me as married to her? Now that God has given me the wisdom to know how to be a godly man and what to look for in a godly wife, was I not able to attempt a third marriage because God would see me as a bigamist? My pastor told me that even if God still considered me married to the first that taking another wife wouldn't be sinful. My pastor also told me that in fact, Martin Luther said that since there was no direct condemnation of a man having more than one wife, then God is leaving it to each Christian man to decide whether he can do it without a burden to his conscience. He also recognized that this is not the official teaching of the church, but counseled me privately.
That was over 13 years ago. Since then I went to a Christian college and met a wonderful godly woman who I married after 1 year of courting. We have been married for almost 12 years now, have 4 children together, and are thinking we would like more. I have shared with her the biblical understanding of marriage that was shared with me by my pastor, and I have also shared with her my deep desire to have two wives and 9-12 children. She and I have been working on a logical defense of plural marriage together. We also agree that if God offers me a second wife that I should bring her into our family.
Over the past couple of years, I have been studying plural marriage pretty in-depth. "The Great Omission" by Tom Shipley has a chapter that got me teary-eyed to read because it talks about this deep desire not being sinful but rather a gift from God. It was amazing and freeing, and now that I have stumbled upon this forum I am glad to find others with similar views on plural marriage.
TL;DR
- I have a bit of a prodigal son background - God used the mistakes and pain in my background to bring me closer to Him, and (I believe) also grant me some wisdom from my experiences.
- I am married to a beautiful godly woman @KatyBeth, we have 4 kids so far, and we agree that if God brings a second wife into our lives that I should marry her.
I grew up a Christian and my family attended church regularly. I married my high school girlfriend right after graduation. A short while into our marriage there became a struggle for the headship of the family. I was shocked that she wouldn't recognize me as the head of the family and she was insistent that I must submit to her. This caused a lot of conflict between us. I suggested counseling and she replied that we didn't need it, all we needed was for me to do as I was told. Once she started to get physical in our fights I ended up divorcing her. It was 18 months after our wedding.
I then turned to partying and met a girl at a party. Our relationship progressed quickly and we got married in a courthouse. Less than a year into our marriage she got bored of me, "felt we had grown apart," and ended up getting pregnant by another guy, so we got divorced.
I realized that this was not the direction I wanted my life to go. Over the following 18 months, I did a lot of self-reflection, I started going to church regularly again, I prayed daily, I talked with my pastor about everything that I had gone through, and most importantly I asked God for His forgiveness. I emerged from those 18 months a much wiser man.
It was during these talks with my pastor that I wondered how God viewed my marriages. While the second had committed adultery and God allowed me to end that marriage, did God still considered me married to the first? My pastor told me that the church views abuse as abandonment so ecclesiastically I was no longer married to her. In my mind though that raised a question: that may be the church's teaching, but what is God's teaching? Does He still see me as married to her? Now that God has given me the wisdom to know how to be a godly man and what to look for in a godly wife, was I not able to attempt a third marriage because God would see me as a bigamist? My pastor told me that even if God still considered me married to the first that taking another wife wouldn't be sinful. My pastor also told me that in fact, Martin Luther said that since there was no direct condemnation of a man having more than one wife, then God is leaving it to each Christian man to decide whether he can do it without a burden to his conscience. He also recognized that this is not the official teaching of the church, but counseled me privately.
That was over 13 years ago. Since then I went to a Christian college and met a wonderful godly woman who I married after 1 year of courting. We have been married for almost 12 years now, have 4 children together, and are thinking we would like more. I have shared with her the biblical understanding of marriage that was shared with me by my pastor, and I have also shared with her my deep desire to have two wives and 9-12 children. She and I have been working on a logical defense of plural marriage together. We also agree that if God offers me a second wife that I should bring her into our family.
Over the past couple of years, I have been studying plural marriage pretty in-depth. "The Great Omission" by Tom Shipley has a chapter that got me teary-eyed to read because it talks about this deep desire not being sinful but rather a gift from God. It was amazing and freeing, and now that I have stumbled upon this forum I am glad to find others with similar views on plural marriage.
:cross: