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Getting "married" to a non-US citizen

robbkowalski

robbkowalski

New Member
Real Person
Male
I’m getting married this summer
🙌


The girl who I’ve been courting for the past 6 months has decided that she is ready to marry me and is accepting of my beliefs about polygyny.

She is from the Netherlands and I’m thinking about getting married through the government because I want her to be able to get her citizenship here in the states (where we will in all likelihood live) so she doesn’t have to leave every 90 days. Originally I had only planned to do a commitment or covenant ceremony and marry her in the eyes of God (not the government), but the citizenship is making me reconsider that idea.

BUT...I’m also not wanting to financially incentivize her to divorce me at some point because of the way the marriage laws are set up in this country.

Nor do I want to give the government a say over if and when I see my kids or not If we were ever to get divorced.

What would you suggest in my situation? Again, I’m not opposed to getting married to only her through the government. But she will have a lot of people in her ear, trying to convince her to divorce me if this ever does become a plural marriage and I wouldn’t wanna' make that easy for her to do.

We have also considered getting married over there, (but we're not sure what that would help us accomplish) and I have also thought about finding a second wife now and having the two of them get married (if she is a citizen), I just don't know how likely that is I find a second that fast (although I am keeping my eyes open). I have no issues with exploiting our jacked-up system of laws for my benefit.

What advice would you give for me in this specific case? I would love to hear your thoughts.
 
robbkowalski said:
I’m getting married this summer
🙌


The girl who I’ve been courting for the past 6 months has decided that she is ready to marry me and is accepting of my beliefs about polygyny.

She is from the Netherlands and I’m thinking about getting married through the government because I want her to be able to get her citizenship here in the states (where we will in all likelihood live) so she doesn’t have to leave every 90 days. Originally I had only planned to do a commitment or covenant ceremony and marry her in the eyes of God (not the government), but the citizenship is making me reconsider that idea.

BUT...I’m also not wanting to financially incentivize her to divorce me at some point because of the way the marriage laws are set up in this country.

Nor do I want to give the government a say over if and when I see my kids or not If we were ever to get divorced.

What would you suggest in my situation? Again, I’m not opposed to getting married to only her through the government. But she will have a lot of people in her ear, trying to convince her to divorce me if this ever does become a plural marriage and I wouldn’t wanna' make that easy for her to do.

We have also considered getting married over there, (but we're not sure what that would help us accomplish) and I have also thought about finding a second wife now and having the two of them get married (if she is a citizen), I just don't know how likely that is I find a second that fast (although I am keeping my eyes open). I have no issues with exploiting our jacked-up system of laws for my benefit.

What advice would you give for me in this specific case? I would love to hear your thoughts.
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1. Leave Collapsing USA.
2. Move to somewhere more poly accepting
3.Renounce US citizen
 
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The system is what it is. Use it to your benefit. If marriage paperwork helps you with the immigration paperwork, do the marriage paperwork.

But Sarah is right:
FollowingHim2 said:
You've got bigger problems.
If you're concerned now that she might leave you if you get a second wife, then she's probably not ready to be your first wife.
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You don't sound serious about this marriage. If you were serious you wouldn't even be worrying about divorce, you'd be all caught up in thinking you'd be together forever, even if you were wrong and carried away in the emotion of the moment. If you mentioned the possibility of divorce it would be as a very unlikely matter at the very edge of your thinking. If it's a central worry, you two are not ready for marriage.

You're not ready until you're both committed for life. Such talk is a major red flag.
MemeFan said:
1. Leave Collapsing USA.
2. Move to somewhere movecpoly accepting
3.Renounce US citizen
Click to expand...
That is ridiculous. Sure the USA is bad, but everywhere else is worse - when things go south in the world the rural USA will be one of the better places to live despite its flaws. @robbkowalski, this thinking is a distraction you don't need. Focus on whether you're really serious about marriage.
 
FollowingHim said:
That is ridiculous. Sure the USA is bad, but everywhere else is worse - when things go south in the world the rural USA will be one of the better places to live despite its flaws. @robbkowalski, this thinking is a distraction you don't need. Focus on whether you're really serious about marriage.
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Not true.

If commies succed in US color revolution, US will be among worst possible places.

Why is concern about marriage failure bad? Risk management is prerequisite for success and legal system favors women. He is right to be concerned especially when entering lopsided relationship.

And step 2. is good advice. At least local culture won't work against him.
 
I suggest that you marry legal ways but then divorce in three years on paper only with prenuptial agreement after she is qualified to apply for citizenship. Then if you will be blessed with additional wife from overseas, have your "divorced wife" on paper marry your additional wife from overseas to get her into your household. Basically tell your wife to be that you will intend to divorce her on paper but not before God. What God joined together let no men separate. I have contempt for legal marriage certificate since it should not have been government peregutive anyways. If you wish to provide her with some financial security, give her a CD account belonging only to her and setting aside some money that would be equal to six months of living expenses if she has to leave you because you forgot to feed her or give her marital dues.
 
MemeFan said:
Not true.

If commies succed in US color revolution, US will be among worst possible places.

Why is concern about marriage failure bad? Risk management is prerequisite for success and legal system favors women. He is right to be concerned especially when entering lopsided relationship.

And step 2. is good advice. At least local culture won't work against him.
Click to expand...
Are you from the USA? Rural America is the most conservative place on earth at this time.
 
robbkowalski said:
I’m getting married this summer
🙌


The girl who I’ve been courting for the past 6 months has decided that she is ready to marry me and is accepting of my beliefs about polygyny.

She is from the Netherlands and I’m thinking about getting married through the government because I want her to be able to get her citizenship here in the states (where we will in all likelihood live) so she doesn’t have to leave every 90 days. Originally I had only planned to do a commitment or covenant ceremony and marry her in the eyes of God (not the government), but the citizenship is making me reconsider that idea.

BUT...I’m also not wanting to financially incentivize her to divorce me at some point because of the way the marriage laws are set up in this country.

Nor do I want to give the government a say over if and when I see my kids or not If we were ever to get divorced.

What would you suggest in my situation? Again, I’m not opposed to getting married to only her through the government. But she will have a lot of people in her ear, trying to convince her to divorce me if this ever does become a plural marriage and I wouldn’t wanna' make that easy for her to do.

We have also considered getting married over there, (but we're not sure what that would help us accomplish) and I have also thought about finding a second wife now and having the two of them get married (if she is a citizen), I just don't know how likely that is I find a second that fast (although I am keeping my eyes open). I have no issues with exploiting our jacked-up system of laws for my benefit.

What advice would you give for me in this specific case? I would love to hear your thoughts.
Click to expand...
Congratulations!

Proverbs 18:22 He who finds a wife finds a good thing,
And obtains favor from the Lord.

Divorce (i.e.terminating your commitment to one another) must be ruled out of either of your thinking. Don't begin your future together by planning for your failure! Bad idea. Determine together before God that you will make your relationship work for His honour and glory, and trust Him for the outcome. He is faithful. 1 Cor. 10:13 No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it.

Shalom to you both.
 
Pre-marriage is precisely the time you should be concerned about things such as divorce. I disagree that it necessarily means you're not ready or serious about marriage.

You definitely have valid concerns, though, I do feel you're coming across as a bit selfish. If you're going to consider how to protect yourself in case "she leaves you," you also need to discuss how to protect her if you're the one who decides to end the marriage. Trust goes both ways.

I highly doubt there is a sure-fire way around the court system in the US. If she lives with you in any capacity for an extended period of time, and particularly if you have children together, whether under legal marriage or not, there's always a risk that a judge will see her fit to receive half of any assets and money earned during the "marriage." And that may very well be a fair decision based on how much she contributes to your household.
 
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For the immigration side of I things, I suggest READING EVERYTHING ON THE IMMIGRATION site you can. know every DETAIL in and out otherwise you can really get yourself in a quite a situation that will make things REALLY difficult if you don't. I have heard of people just assuming it will be a easy 1,2,3 process and not worry about but then get into the process of it and really end up in quite a tough stressful process. things may have changed since I saw the info on this bouncing around but if you marry her overseas then apply for the US immigration process they will make her stay in her home country and NOT be able to leave until the paperwork process is complete, and depending how backed up the system is, it could be 9 months plus! and if I recall correctly you wont be able to visit her during that process too. So if you plan on living in the states, I would suggest marrying her on paper here that way she can be in country with you while all the paperwork process is going on.

sorry for the dramatic capitalized letters but I just wanted to stress, DO NOT TAKE THE IMMIGRATION PROCESS LIGHTLY! things may have changed since I saw some of the difficulties of friends and others dealing with that process, but do your due diligence!
 
A woman could sell an egg. A woman could sell surrogacy. A woman could sell nanny services.
Let her be free to interact with the man as she sees fit before God with possible insulation against the extreme pressures to do otherwise, which OP is very wise to consider (I appreciate theleastofthese earlier comment regarding this as well).
I don't know. I really don't. Take care and with a grain of salt.
 
Transformator Reformator said:
I suggest that you marry legal ways but then divorce in three years on paper only with prenuptial agreement after she is qualified to apply for citizenship. Then if you will be blessed with additional wife from overseas, have your "divorced wife" on paper marry your additional wife from overseas to get her into your household. Basically tell your wife to be that you will intend to divorce her on paper but not before God. What God joined together let no men separate. I have contempt for legal marriage certificate since it should not have been government peregutive anyways. If you wish to provide her with some financial security, give her a CD account belonging only to her and setting aside some money that would be equal to six months of living expenses if she has to leave you because you forgot to feed her or give her marital dues.
Click to expand...
Great advice, thank you.
 
FollowingHim said:
The system is what it is. Use it to your benefit. If marriage paperwork helps you with the immigration paperwork, do the marriage paperwork.

But Sarah is right:

You don't sound serious about this marriage. If you were serious you wouldn't even be worrying about divorce, you'd be all caught up in thinking you'd be together forever, even if you were wrong and carried away in the emotion of the moment. If you mentioned the possibility of divorce it would be as a very unlikely matter at the very edge of your thinking. If it's a central worry, you two are not ready for marriage.

You're not ready until you're both committed for life. Such talk is a major red flag.

That is ridiculous. Sure the USA is bad, but everywhere else is worse - when things go south in the world the rural USA will be one of the better places to live despite its flaws. @robbkowalski, this thinking is a distraction you don't need. Focus on whether you're really serious about marriage.
Click to expand...
100% serious and deeply in love. We are both committed to NEVER divorcing. But how many people felt that way when they got married and threw caution to the wind and got wrecked later because of it? I bet a lot. Preparation (risk management) doesn't negate our love for each other. That is foolish sentiment and only something a lazy or naive person would think. Not accusing you of either but hopefully, you get my point.
 
MemeFan said:
Not true.

If commies succed in US color revolution, US will be among worst possible places.

Why is concern about marriage failure bad? Risk management is prerequisite for success and legal system favors women. He is right to be concerned especially when entering lopsided relationship.

And step 2. is good advice. At least local culture won't work against him.
Click to expand...
Smartest comment on here. Thank you.
 
NBTX11 said:
You need to determine if she’s truly committed to you for life, no matter what. We can’t answer that for you.
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Yes, I would like to say 100%, but I don't think anyone can say that. so I'll say 99.9% sure we will never get divorced.
 
theleastofthese said:
Pre-marriage is precisely the time you should be concerned about things such as divorce. I disagree that it necessarily means you're not ready or serious about marriage.

You definitely have valid concerns, though, I do feel you're coming across as a bit selfish. If you're going to consider how to protect yourself in case "she leaves you," you also need to discuss how to protect her if you're the one who decides to end the marriage. Trust goes both ways.

I highly doubt there is a sure-fire way around the court system in the US. If she lives with you in any capacity for an extended period of time, and particularly if you have children together, whether under legal marriage or not, there's always a risk that a judge will see her fit to receive half of any assets and money earned during the "marriage." And that may very well be a fair decision based on how much she contributes to your household.
Click to expand...
Good thoughts, thank you.
 
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