ADHERE
Member
I read today from the biblical families newsletter the article that Nathan wrote and it was food for thought. Here is what he wrote.
Getting to' a place to be thankful for
When my family grew with the addition of my 2nd wife 19 years ago – I quite literally had no idea what I was getting into. Oh, I had read enough to understand the Biblical, and societal, ‘case’ to be made for plural marriage – and to use those to justify what we did – and I knew I was going ‘off road’, but I didn’t fully grasp any of these: the backlash, and ongoing price to be paid, from family and friends and church; the societal roadblocks that are an ever present issue for plural families; and certainly not the extent of personal growth and sacrifice that would be necessary to deal with the new relationship dynamics that we found ourselves confronted with. My purpose in sharing this is not to scare folks considering plural marriage – although truth be told, I have found myself trying to talk more people out of it thru the years, than encouraging to proceed - I don't want to see any end up at heartache and devastation, as opposed to blessing and fulfillment. My purpose instead, and a major goal for Biblical Families, is to instill an understanding of the above issues into men – so that they will find themselves on their knees, or even their faces, before God, and seek the growth needed before they risk the potential pain that plural marriage can bring – for them and their wives.
You should be sure of your ‘calling’ regarding taking a 2nd wife (as you should for taking ANY wife of course – but I’d submit that’s it even more important for a 2nd or 3rd wife). You should also be sure of your ‘ability’ to handle everything that is necessary for successfully leading a plural family. Or at least to grow into that ability – very few raised in our society will find that comes naturally. As for ‘calling’, there are many ways to seek God for this answer, and I will not do a long piece on ‘hearing from God’ – but I believe it should always involve much prayer, and time, and humility. Regarding ‘ability’ – the best judge of that will not be yourself, it will be your existing wife. Potential 2nd wives, I would strongly encourage you to spend some serious quality time with her, and really find out how he has led, and treated, her – especially now that you are in the picture; how loved and secure does she feel? If you think you will get something from him that she didn’t, most likely, in the long run, you’ll be wrong.
Of course, the hurdles on this road are so high, that all of us will stumble a fair bit along the way – and that’s what we hope to be of help with, for those that want it – to help when you stumble, and hopefully point out some pitfalls before you trip on them. Though independence is always in large supply with those who dare to consider plural marriage, it can be their downfall as well – we were not meant to forsake the support and involvement of relationships with brothers and sisters in Christ, any more than the early Church was - they received explicit instructions in the Word to rely on, and support, each other. I feel that strongly: the most gifted Christian polygamist I’ve ever known, made an awful decision because he kept only his own counsel, and is spending decades in prison in California – thus destroying his family and his future. Guys (and ladies) reach out for help - there are people you can trust, and talk to, on the phone, or online, if you don't have any in your life currently.
If that was more sobering than I originally intended, I’m OK with that. But it’s not the entire story: God’s grace is abundant, if we cry out for it, and despite the road being tougher than I could ever handle by myself, He has blessed beyond my wildest hopes. He is indeed good, and He gets all the credit for His mercy and love towards my family and I. I am humbled and awed, and thankful beyond words, by His goodness towards us – something none of us deserve. And we are not the only ones with a such a story. With the Psalmist let us unceasingly praise Him: Thank you indeed, Lord - now and forever! But let us follow Proverbs first, and exercise wisdom, thereby placing ourselves in a place to be blessed by Him, and truly thankful.
Nathan Bender
Here is my take on this excellent writing.
1). We really don't know what we are asking for, praying for, when we are so excited about getting into plural marriage.
I personally have been praying a long time about receiving a second wife, but, The emotional trauma, the arguments, the lack of trust, (because of this new found revelation of plural marriage) can be quite overwhelming for both husband and wife. For me, it has been a tremendous learning lesson, as well as it was for my wife. It caused me to re-evaluate my belief system of what I was taught in my local church growing up. So, I had to pluck up all traditional teachings and learn the truth of scripture.
2). I didn't realized how feminist my wife really is, which she admitted she is. (This totally shocked me). You never know what is in you or your spouse until you are challenged with the subject of plural marriage.
She says she is fine with it, but, when you have been married for as long as we have been, you really do know how to read between the lines... Lol.
3). The backlash and the horror stories I have read and heard about that have literally destroyed families, caused me to pause and take a Selah!
(I paused and calmly thought about it). I do believe that biblical plural marriage is godly and worth entering into, but not at the expense of destroying the marriage with the wife of your youth.
I could go on, and on, but, I just want to say this. Nathan is soooo right in his article. We must be very aware of our decisions concerning plural marriage. Trying to gain a second wife without much prayer, more prayer and a whole lot more prayer, could prove Fatal if not entered into with the wisdom and leading of God.
So please....
Be anxious for nothing. If plural marriage is for you, all involved will join together in agreement, and your family will learn to walk and live in harmony with the Lord and each other.
I am grateful for Nathan's article.
Thank you.
I guess I'm saying a lot without saying much....
Just my thoughts...
Getting to' a place to be thankful for
When my family grew with the addition of my 2nd wife 19 years ago – I quite literally had no idea what I was getting into. Oh, I had read enough to understand the Biblical, and societal, ‘case’ to be made for plural marriage – and to use those to justify what we did – and I knew I was going ‘off road’, but I didn’t fully grasp any of these: the backlash, and ongoing price to be paid, from family and friends and church; the societal roadblocks that are an ever present issue for plural families; and certainly not the extent of personal growth and sacrifice that would be necessary to deal with the new relationship dynamics that we found ourselves confronted with. My purpose in sharing this is not to scare folks considering plural marriage – although truth be told, I have found myself trying to talk more people out of it thru the years, than encouraging to proceed - I don't want to see any end up at heartache and devastation, as opposed to blessing and fulfillment. My purpose instead, and a major goal for Biblical Families, is to instill an understanding of the above issues into men – so that they will find themselves on their knees, or even their faces, before God, and seek the growth needed before they risk the potential pain that plural marriage can bring – for them and their wives.
You should be sure of your ‘calling’ regarding taking a 2nd wife (as you should for taking ANY wife of course – but I’d submit that’s it even more important for a 2nd or 3rd wife). You should also be sure of your ‘ability’ to handle everything that is necessary for successfully leading a plural family. Or at least to grow into that ability – very few raised in our society will find that comes naturally. As for ‘calling’, there are many ways to seek God for this answer, and I will not do a long piece on ‘hearing from God’ – but I believe it should always involve much prayer, and time, and humility. Regarding ‘ability’ – the best judge of that will not be yourself, it will be your existing wife. Potential 2nd wives, I would strongly encourage you to spend some serious quality time with her, and really find out how he has led, and treated, her – especially now that you are in the picture; how loved and secure does she feel? If you think you will get something from him that she didn’t, most likely, in the long run, you’ll be wrong.
Of course, the hurdles on this road are so high, that all of us will stumble a fair bit along the way – and that’s what we hope to be of help with, for those that want it – to help when you stumble, and hopefully point out some pitfalls before you trip on them. Though independence is always in large supply with those who dare to consider plural marriage, it can be their downfall as well – we were not meant to forsake the support and involvement of relationships with brothers and sisters in Christ, any more than the early Church was - they received explicit instructions in the Word to rely on, and support, each other. I feel that strongly: the most gifted Christian polygamist I’ve ever known, made an awful decision because he kept only his own counsel, and is spending decades in prison in California – thus destroying his family and his future. Guys (and ladies) reach out for help - there are people you can trust, and talk to, on the phone, or online, if you don't have any in your life currently.
If that was more sobering than I originally intended, I’m OK with that. But it’s not the entire story: God’s grace is abundant, if we cry out for it, and despite the road being tougher than I could ever handle by myself, He has blessed beyond my wildest hopes. He is indeed good, and He gets all the credit for His mercy and love towards my family and I. I am humbled and awed, and thankful beyond words, by His goodness towards us – something none of us deserve. And we are not the only ones with a such a story. With the Psalmist let us unceasingly praise Him: Thank you indeed, Lord - now and forever! But let us follow Proverbs first, and exercise wisdom, thereby placing ourselves in a place to be blessed by Him, and truly thankful.
Nathan Bender
Here is my take on this excellent writing.
1). We really don't know what we are asking for, praying for, when we are so excited about getting into plural marriage.
I personally have been praying a long time about receiving a second wife, but, The emotional trauma, the arguments, the lack of trust, (because of this new found revelation of plural marriage) can be quite overwhelming for both husband and wife. For me, it has been a tremendous learning lesson, as well as it was for my wife. It caused me to re-evaluate my belief system of what I was taught in my local church growing up. So, I had to pluck up all traditional teachings and learn the truth of scripture.
2). I didn't realized how feminist my wife really is, which she admitted she is. (This totally shocked me). You never know what is in you or your spouse until you are challenged with the subject of plural marriage.
She says she is fine with it, but, when you have been married for as long as we have been, you really do know how to read between the lines... Lol.
3). The backlash and the horror stories I have read and heard about that have literally destroyed families, caused me to pause and take a Selah!
(I paused and calmly thought about it). I do believe that biblical plural marriage is godly and worth entering into, but not at the expense of destroying the marriage with the wife of your youth.
I could go on, and on, but, I just want to say this. Nathan is soooo right in his article. We must be very aware of our decisions concerning plural marriage. Trying to gain a second wife without much prayer, more prayer and a whole lot more prayer, could prove Fatal if not entered into with the wisdom and leading of God.
So please....
Be anxious for nothing. If plural marriage is for you, all involved will join together in agreement, and your family will learn to walk and live in harmony with the Lord and each other.
I am grateful for Nathan's article.
Thank you.
I guess I'm saying a lot without saying much....
Just my thoughts...
