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Feeling lost in my faith..

K

kacylynn

Member
Real Person
Hi all,
For those who don't know me well, I became a christian about 6 years ago on my own. I have never attended church services of any type. Years ago I simply began to feel a longing inside for something more and came to the realization it was a relationship with my Heavenly Father that I was missing. I began reading the bible on my own as well as various bible studies to try and come to an understanding of what being a christian meant. In 2005 I accepted Jesus Christ as my savior. Not long after, I came to a belief in plural marriage simply from reading the bible and realizing that it is an accepted type of marriage and the fact that there has never been any scripture to condemn it (and please don't start with Mark 10:7 because it does not speak against polygamy in my opinion! LOL).
I have heard many of your stories about being shut out of fellowship and various churches because of your beliefs, and this has always kept me from even joining a church and attending. Over the years it has never truly bothered me that I don't attend church with others, often my husband and I will have biblical discussions (he has not attended church for years but used to be very involved so he has a lot of knowledge), I read the bible as much as possible and I was doing some home bible study courses for the past few years provided by the world church of God until I ran into some things in one of their studies I did not agree with (surprisingly, the study's topic was marriage and family! LOL). I guess it wasn't until the last couple months that I have started to want something more in my faith. I have been to two BF retreats and my favorite part is the group fellowship and worship, especially the singing and Doc's awesome prayers. It makes me happy to be able to worship with others, and I have been wanting that more and more as of late. So much so that I am considering just walking into a local christian church and going to services so I can get more of the same. I guess my major problem is, why should I do this if I can't truly be myself? I can't share my own beliefs in PM because if I do I will be shown the door so fast my head will spin. This has prevented me from ever wanting to do this before, but for some reason lately I am thirsting for fellowship. I want to learn even more about God and Jesus and it is becoming difficult to do it all on my own. Home fellowship is not really an option for us, the closest family affiliated with BF is in the next state over, a good 4+ hours drive away so meeting up often would be difficult. I am curious about this, because several of you who were at the MO retreat in March did say you attend church services regularly. I hope I am not being offensive by asking this, what do you do in church? Just not share your belief in PM and keep it to yourself I assume? Doesn't that make you feel like you are lying or hiding something? Do you tithe? Involve yourself in many of the church activites, or try to hang back and blend in to avoid attention? Again, I am not trying to offend anyone - just want to understand. I guess my fear would always be that no matter how much I liked the congregation, church, etc.. if and when someone found out about our families' beliefs we would be out of there. I am not sure what is causing me all of a sudden to be unsatisfied with the way things are, but I am. I feel strongly that I need more than what I have now. Any advice or honest wisdom would be appreciated. Thanks so much.
Kacy
 
Kacy,
Thanks for sharing how you came to Christ. It is always a blessing to hear these stories. I am not practicing pm right now, but I am persuaded of its truth. I have been a pastor for over 40 years, in 6 states. During that time, we have never asked anyone to leave a church. Granted, pm is a more flammable issue than many others, but it should not be the most important issue in finding a church fellowship. I have yet to see a church where the members all agree on all the doctrines they hold. I would recommend that you look for and try out some churches that you feel comfortable in and aftera short time, have a private meeting with the pastor, share your beliefs, let him know that you are not subversive but looking for fellowship. Any church that would not accept you on those terms is not worthy of your fellowship in the first place.
 
I second what John said. I goto a local Seventh-day Adventist church. Good choice if you believe the 10 commandments are all binding including the 4th. There is disagreement on this board on that issue. I tithe and get actively involved. Cindy wishes I would keep my mouth shut more often.

My experience is that going to the pastor and elders and making a real point that you are all about Jesus, and unity rather than dissension, and that further you respect their positions in the church, so want them to know who you are and of your unconventional but nonetheless Biblical views, you'll have a fairly positive response, starting with thanks for NOT coming in on the lowdown. They are then free to decide the level of involvement they want with you, and if that is unacceptably low, there's another church nearby. But you will most likely have a reservoir of trust resulting from your openness.

The object of church isn't necessarily to convert anyone to your theological viewpoint anyway, but to worship together and accomplish things together, such as food banks.

I tell pastors I'm not going to go evangelistic and try to divide his church over PM. But neither will I be able to stand idly by listening to someone vilify Abraham over Hagar and Ishmael when God most certainly didn't. That often sparks a good discussion in which I'm allowed to make several very good points that get them thinking. Fun to watch.

So, my advice ... Go for it. Try a church, or two or three. And if one doesn't wrk out, try another. God's stable. It's just folks that get weird.
 
Hi Kacy -

My story is a little different in that I don't remember ever not being a Christian. I was raised Baptist and Baptized at age 11 - my choice, not directed by parents or anything. We later began attending a Disciples of Christ church and did so til I left High School. After that I kind of drifted for many years, trying to find a church, denominational or otherwise, that believed the same as I did. I'd attend on for awhile and then get irritated over the way the pastor tried to put his own twist on the Bible. I was never able to handle those with women pastors, as Paul's direction there seems entirely too clear cut. It may not be a salvation issue, but I feel it's counter to God's plan.

Like you though, I've been one to study the Bible on my own. I've lost count of the number of different versions I own and use. Not to search until I find a translation that I agree with, but as a Berean, to understand the truth of the word. That can be tough when you are among those who accept whatever the Pastor says as if it comes directly from God. Sometimes it does, but sometimes they are just something they've been taught, but that doesn't coincide with scripture. On those things, after briefly stating that I didn't agree, I keep my silence unless someone feels moved to ask why I didn't agree. I don't want to be a source of divisiveness unless I am convinced it IS a salvation issue.

Like you, my wife and I are no longer attending a church, due mainly to what happened when a salvation issue came up and we were among several families who walked away rather than continue under the leadership of that church's leadership. I've not been a believer in PM for long, and currently have but one wife. I don't know when or if that will change. If I am able to get my wife to return to a fellowship, it will likely be a small group setting. I don't think I'll ever get her to attend an organized church again. Of course she would if I insisted, I think, but I'm not into using my spiritual leadership to coerce her. That would not be loving her like Christ.

I guess all that rambling is to say that I understand your position. What I intend is to begin a small fellowship where we live. If my wife and I move our private Bible study into the public, I bet that soon the Spirit will lead others to us out of curiosity. Once that happens we've accomplished two things at once. We're in fellowship with others again and others may came to the word. We'll see what happens.

Dave
 
Hi Kacy. Thank you for sharing your story of salvation and beyond. It is impressive to hear of God saving someone sovereignly without a smooth-talking evangelist leading that individual down the sawdust trail, and without being taken step by step down the Roman road by an enthusiastic youth parroting from a Chick tract.
Although you are feeling lost in your faith, perhaps a better phrase would be "yearning for a spiritual home"? You are not lost, just looking for fellowship and wary of potential rejection? Nothing wrong with that.
How many people are currently not participating in Christian fellowship, but certainly have done in the past. The number must be huge, the scattered more than the gathered, and I am counted amongst them. I have attended many churches in the past, as when I was an employee I used to move from town to town for work. Baptist churches mainly, and non-denominational charismatic fellowships. All pretty reasonable, full of committed people, some more open to change than others.
What are my current excuses for "forsaking the assembly" (Heb 10:25)?
RANT STARTS
1. Recent experiences have led me to the conclusion that non-denominational churches headed by a single pastor are "personality cults whose congregational size is directly proportional to the ego of the pastor". Harsh I know. Untrue in many cases yes. Just a phase I am going through at present, I will get over it.
2. I am not interested in sitting for 45 minutes listening to a sermon on "7 tips to spiritual success", then having a cup of weak coffee and a stale biscuit, shaking hands with 5 people who will forget my name next week, and waving as I drive out of the carpark. I want to see action, things being done. And sermons on personal action that can be taken. In all my years of church I have never heard one sermon even mentioning A. Abortion B. Birth Control C. Political Involvement or even how a Christian should vote (or even the validity of voting at all) D. The role of Government (or even having no government) (1 Sam 8:10-18). E. And a bunch of other important life-affecting issues.
3. "Ministries" - Childrens church - a bunch of busy work and colouring in for Christian kids so the preacher is not disturbed. Youth Group - watch videos and go roller skating and play boyfriends and girlfriends, with virtually zero conversion rate into adulthood. Helping no hopers - give people leading destructive lives a band aid so they dont have to spend their drug cash on food.
RANT ENDS
Dave - I have been thinking of starting a small fellowship too. I have read a few books on home churches and they really got me excited about the possibilities outside the institutional church. Actually I have a theological degree and many years ago wanted to be a pastor but was soon cured of that. Trouble is starting a home church would create a heap of work and commitment for me, and then I would have to make good on all my rants and probably have a new respect for all those struggling to run and hold a church together.
 
Trouble is starting a home church would create a heap of work and commitment for me, and then I would have to make good on all my rants and probably have a new respect for all those struggling to run and hold a church together.
Click to expand...

Amen brother;

I'm not sure it'll work. I have no intention of church-building. If we can't sit in a circle and see each other, or hear each other without a amplifier system, it's too big to be really effective. No hierarchy of deacons and elders or pastors, just a few folks gathering around to support each other and share HIS WORD and support one another. I have no formal education in things religious, just a voracious mind that soaks up everything I read. Although I've never heard him comment one way or the other on PM, I'm a big fan of Chuck Missler's work. He has an excellent mind and has been studying the Word since before I was born - with an open mind no less.

Anyway, I'm counting on His promise - "wherever two or more are gathered in My Name ... " That's good enough for me.
 
This missive is directed to no one in particular, just an opportunity to express. I am sorry for the many brethren that have had such bad experiences in churches. It is regretable, but let's not throw out the baby with the bath water. Churches are the idea of Christ. Though they are made up of imperfect people, working with imperfect people, a large number of churches today are doing yeomans work in teaching and encouraging believers, creating a place of fellowship. If a believer tries five or ten churches and none of them are any good, perhaps it is time to look closer to home for the problem. We have a bad meal or two at restaurants and we quit eating out altogether, I don't think so!
We have some difficulties in churches, compromise, that's what fellowship is like. If the issues are to severe to compromise, find another church, but be warned, you will never find a church where everyone agrees with everyone else, not this side of heaven. I am hearing on BF and several other forums complaints against churches and pastors. Personally, I resent the bad attitude of my brethren against my calling and life work. I and many others are not worthy of the criticisms that are running rampant among pro-polygyny people. Don't forget some of us are here, among you, one of you. It is God's work, let's not forsake His design. If things are not as they should be, fix it, change it, become part of the remedy.
 
Hunh! What John said!

For every pastor who has given me a bad time over PM (and one lost his church over it, and his elders remain some of our dearest friends), I've had AT LEAST one and probably more welcome me into fellowship.

There's lots of good stuff to say about home fellowships. But there's also lots of good stuff to be said about and experienced in churches.

They're kinda like families. Frustrating and even heart-rending at times. But worth it, and definitely better than isolation.
 
Guys, I'm not criticizing any honest, God-fearing, Bible believing Pastor or church. Please don't get me wrong. I'm also not saying that my solution is a permanent one. We have just moved from SE Idaho where the proportion of LDS is higher than even Utah. Their faith is NOT Christian and they have a real impact on just about everything up there. We lived there almost 16 years. In that time, we attended 3 different churches, the first we left for 2 reason - the pastor insisted that Allah was another name for the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, and he often had women 'Pastors' in when he was gone. The second we left because the elders fired the Pastor after his wife made allegations against him that she later acknowledged were false (no 2 witnesses involved here) and because the associate pastor had a habit of misquoting the Bible.. The third we left when the Pastor tried to cover up his son's misbehavior with a juvenile young lady under his protection as Youth Minister.

I'm not a Church shopper, always trying a new one on for size. Because they are teachers to the flock, I tend to hold Pastors and elders in a church to a higher standard. They MUST honest, they
MUST live a Godly life, and they Must be held accountable when they err. If the congregation doesn't, I do, by voting with my feet. In all of this, it has been my wife who has become so discouraged with organized churches that she says she'll never go to another. She been so hurt be so-called friends that she doesn't want to get close to anyone else. I see my job, as her head, to help her heal from her hurts, and get her back into fellowship - not to force her into a situation that might further harden her heart.

If any of you know a better way to do this, I am very open to suggestions - and prayer.

Dave
 
Kacy,
We were at the retreat, and I can't remember if we shared our church situation, or not, so here goes:

We told some close friends about PM who are also church members and they took it very badly. They asked us to talk to the pastor, so we did. The pastor took it quite well, I would say. He told us that as long as we were "willing to discuss the matter" we would be welcome at the church. He said that if we had never told any other members, there would have been no problem with all of us attending, as long as we weren't spreading our beliefs around the church. This would have meant keeping quiet about who this "other woman" was (Maria) that was attending with our family. Unfortunately, though, the pastor also asked that Robert's second wife not attend, since other members already knew she was recently married to Robert.

Well, that was a deal breaker. Since then, we have been visiting another church that we enjoy, but that has no idea about our beliefs. We occasionally vist the church mentioned above, but don't expect to ever be able to fellowship there, unless they decide to change their stance. It is rather discouraging, I agree. My own opinion is to try several churches and see if one meets all your other spiritual needs, THEN consider seeing how the whole PM concept goes over. I'll be praying for you, that the Lord gives you and your husband wisdom in this ares.

Katie
 
Kacy,

I totally understand the misgivings you have about being asked to leave a church when the "truth is let out". I too like to 'be myself" around people and I hate the feeling that I am having to watch what I say. But the desire of singing worship with other believers is very important to me and hearing HIs Word taught (whether I agree with what they are saying completely or not). I was going to tell you about my choices but it really doesn't matter what I chose for myself. It is also different in my opinion because I am living in a plural family and you are not as of yet. The point I would like to make is that you need to trust in God to show you the right place for you and Chris and to trust that no matter what comes from any relationships you will make that He is in control. Will it be a small church in which you can build relationship and then in the future you can tell the pastor your beliefs? Will it be a large church where you can blend in without much notice and just enjoy it for what it is? Telling your beliefs to those who don't have any say in your life just out of the "honesty" feeling is something I would like to encourage you to get over. People hide things about their lives all the time, even in church settings. Since you don't have a second wife to explain at this time don't worry about people knowing your complete belief system. Not to say, there won' be a time to share and push people to reexamine things as Cecil does at times but I am thinking that is not yet a priority for you guys. I think you just want a place to worship with other believers and work a bit along side them in the things of God.

You spoke of enjoying the worship and prayer times at BF's retreats. If you think about it, we are a majorly diverse group of people. Yet, during retreats we come together to worship and pray to the Almighty God we have in common. We don't even agree on what to call HIm, either in spoken word or written word, but it doesn't matter we are united because of His spirit in our hearts. I believe that God can show you a church where you can feel free to worship Him and not worry about sharing your belief in polygyny until directed by HIm. Once the baby come you will have sooo many other topics to talk about anyway. :D

Hope for the future,
Julieb
 
Thank you so much to everyone who responded to me here. I love how ylop described me as not being lost, but yearning for more in my faith. That is EXACTLY how I am feeling these days! I guess I do have to say also, I am currently 7 mos. pregnant with my first child so I think the desire to raise my own children with a love of God is driving a lot of these current feelings as well. While I don't plan to ever push my beliefs on my children, I do want them to know and love God as I did not have that chance growing up. I guess I still do have a lot of fears, mostly from the stories/experiences I have heard from others in this group having negative experiences with organized churches (and from someone who has never attended one, I am thinking, do I really want to open that can of worms at this point in my life?? LOL!) but I do think it is what I want to do at this time. Of course my husband is very reluctant to do this (and that comes from his own negative experience with organized religion - we will save that story for another day) but does agree he would like to be able to worship with others from time to time. I don't feel I owe anyone an explanation of my beliefs, nor do I feel the need to tell others..although if someone came right out and bluntly asked me I would never outright lie. Of course it does make it easier for us at this time since we are not living PM. I think I will look for a larger church as I do think it would be easier just to blend in there and not attract too much attention from anyone. Hopefully I can enjoy it and take it for what it is. Thanks so much again everyone for all your great responses to my need.
:) Kacy
 
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