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Support Feeling lonely in a lifestyle I did think I would

Rachelle West

Rachelle West

Member
Female
I am needing to feel that I have been expected in to this lifestyle by others in it and feel I have sisters in Christ to talk to and in Engage with. My experience as not been the best coming in to it. My sister wife and I don’t talk and at the moment dont life in the same house. The hole reason I was ok at the beginning coming in is because I thought I would be getting best friends and not feel so alone in it. That is not the case now. I have lost all of my friends that I did have before coming in because of the lifestyle. I don’t have a life out side of work and taking care of the home. I am really needing Conversation out side of all of the day to day care taking of the home. So please help me see the Beauty in this lifestyle and show me that I have been Excepted in to a lifestyle that I feel don’t want me in it.
 
I am sorry. I may not know what it feels from a perspective as a wife and I will admit, that is part of what I feel uneasy about.
 
If you get along with the other wives you will be fine. I did get along with my sister wife at the beginning or so I thought. She never really liked me and didn’t want me a part of the family but I learned that to late. It is possible to have that relationship with a sister wife. The funny thing is I get a long with a wife that left and wants nothing to do with the lifestyle more then I do with my sister wife. Her and I would have had a really good relationship as sister wives if she had stayed. I came in after that.
 
I’m so sorry you are feeling lonely. It is a challenging lifestyle with different dynamics and emotions. In a perfect world, everyone would handle everything correctly and there would be peace and harmony. Unfortunately, that’s not always the case and sometimes there are major issues that have to be resolved/healed, as well as heart changes need to happen.
I can relate, to some degree, to losing friendships over plural dynamics recently, though I am a first and only wife currently. I’m sorry you have lost friendships, as well.
There are lots of great ladies on here that I have developed friendships with. We do have the chat on Monday evenings and that helps fulfill some of my need for fellowship.
 
Rachelle West said:
If you get along with the other wives you will be fine. I did get along with my sister wife at the beginning or so I thought. She never really liked me and didn’t want me a part of the family but I learned that to late. It is possible to have that relationship with a sister wife. The funny thing is I get a long with a wife that left and wants nothing to do with the lifestyle more then I do with my sister wife. Her and I would have had a really good relationship as sister wives if she had stayed. I came in after that.
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I understand that. I had thought the friendship over last year with the wife in Missouri, thought we were getting close because we had so much in common, but once I visited and such... Apparently, she was too intimidated and got very jealous of how her husband and I were getting along. That is the reason it didn't work out and I felt like I lost family.
 
WifeOfHisYouth said:
I’m so sorry you are feeling lonely. It is a challenging lifestyle with different dynamics and emotions. In a perfect world, everyone would handle everything correctly and there would be peace and harmony. Unfortunately, that’s not always the case and sometimes there are major issues that have to be resolved/healed, as well as heart changes need to happen.
I can relate, to some degree, to losing friendships over plural dynamics recently, though I am a first and only wife currently. I’m sorry you have lost friendships, as well.
There are lots of great ladies on here that I have developed friendships with. We do have the chat on Monday evenings and that helps fulfill some of my need for fellowship.
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I went to one of the Monday night lady chats but my shift at work was changed and now I am not able to go to it.
 
USDutchkitty said:
I understand that. I had thought the friendship over last year with the wife in Missouri, thought we were getting close because we had so much in common, but once I visited and such... Apparently, she was too intimidated and got very jealous of how her husband and I were getting along. That is the reason it didn't work out and I felt like I lost family.
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My church/group is very big on doing visits before any kind of commitment happens and this is why it's a really good idea! My advice to everyone involved both couples and potentials is to visit first and see what people are really like before deciding on anything. In your case believe it or not I think it went well for you because you found out they were not a good fit before anything serious had happened. That's a blessing for you! ;)
 
MeganC said:
My church/group is very big on doing visits before any kind of commitment happens and this is why it's a really good idea! My advice to everyone involved both couples and potentials is to visit first and see what people are really like before deciding on anything. In your case believe it or not I think it went well for you because you found out they were not a good fit before anything serious had happened. That's a blessing for you! ;)
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Yes, we had talked over the lockdown and I think what hurt the most was I was feeling like family, not to just the couple, but their kids. When I finally met them and hung out, it pierced my heart so it makes it harder but I agree, it is a blessing in disguise.
 
Rachelle, do you have non-Christian friends? I ask because when I spoke to me friends about polygyny, all my non-Christian friends were totally cool with the idea. They said they could never do it themselves, but all good if I did what I wanted.
We lost a church family with our beliefs, but we gained a closer understanding of God and a closer relationship with those in our immediate neighbourhood.
 
All of the friends I lost because of the lifestyle were not Christian friends. They said that they care so much for me that I Deserve to have a husband that just loves me and no one else so that is why they said if I do it they will no longer talk to me. I have one friend that still talks to me but will not come to the house or hung out. She just texts to see how I am doing and that is about it.
 
Rachelle West said:
All of the friends I lost because of the lifestyle were not Christian friends. They said that they care so much for me that I Deserve to have a husband that just loves me and no one else so that is why they said if I do it they will no longer talk to me. I have one friend that still talks to me but will not come to the house or hung out. She just texts to see how I am doing and that is about it.
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Oh wow. I'm so sorry to hear that. That must be very difficult for you.
 
Rachelle West said:
Yes it is I am sure it will get better at some point. All I do right now is work full time and take care of the house no life out side of family and work. I love my husband and my kids very much but sometimes I just need a girls night out.
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I hate to say "I understand, I feel the same" because as a single woman, I do have more opportunities but even with the time I have, I feel lonely as well with having chances hanging out with friends. Mostly because they are married and have kids. I miss girls night out as well.
 
Sorry things are so hard right now. I encourage you to think of this time as a season in your life. It will end and good will be seen from it. That is if you keep your eyes on God thru it all! Ask Him, "What am I to learn in this lonely season?" It might be how to be a better friend to someone He is planning on introducing you to. It might be that he wants your full attention regarding something right now. It might be to mature your trust in Him and the plans that He has for you (which are always good). Hang in there!

@windblown is an awesome lady I would definitely connect with her but if you ever want to talk with me please feel free to PM me any time.
 
Rachelle West said:
I do look to God in times like this. I also know in times like this I need to find good people to Surround myself with to have good conversations and to help Encourage me and even them in things.
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Good for you! Maybe there is a volunteer job you can do that will let you help others and most likely be helped yourself? Praying you find the things and people you need during this season.
 
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