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Does God 'call' a husband AND first wife to plural marriage

Courting4Life

Member
Real Person
Re: Does God 'call' a husband AND first wife to plural marri

For all the what ifs and scenarios that could be comprehended, I maintain that the only "call" is to seek God. As a husband to a wife seeking God in unity, we have not had any differences regarding our hearts or thoughts towards having a plural family or any of the ladies we have met. It's a joyful testimony that we are united as we are through God.

I believe that after a second wife joins the family, any potential for more would require the same unity, but with more people. Therefore, it would not be a non-issue. All the more consideration should be given.

A wife is a help mate given by God. To refuse her assistance is to refuse that gift. As for your headship vs her emotions, I posit that both could be edifying and glorifying God, just as easily as both could be missing the mark. My wife was absolutely excited at the possibility the first time we spoke to one another about it. God had been working on each of us individually in preparation, just as the polygynous husband is expected to operate individually with each of his wives. While you may not have found a scripture detailing the mind of a woman about to become a first wife, you will find many other scriptures regarding the way we are to be in relationship with our wives and cherish them. From those, I understand how I am to treat her.

Changing another person's mind, heart, or belief is impossible for us. No man could change mine, and I can not change my wife's. We can seek God, and in doing so more opportunity is given to those around us to be reminded of His glory. They may then choose for themselves. God created us to not be forced to love or believe, to work against that is futile.

From my experience in other areas, I believe that proceeding despite an existing wife's wishes would be a vex to her. Therefore, I wouldn't. Also, consider that polygyny is not the model, but a possibility. For some, attempting to find the "true meaning" to plural marriage must be like me trying to find the "true meaning" of celibacy. It may be acknowledged and academically understood while remaining a mystery in regards to experience... and that's fine by me.
 
Re: Does God 'call' a husband AND first wife to plural marri

Briefly, the husband is the head so it is entirely his decision. However to decide to do something that would cause the first wife great distress would be a pretty stupid decision. So it's his call - but he must take his first wife's views into account when deciding whether to proceed or not.

I agree with C4L that the only true "call" is to follow God, however if it is God's will for a man to take a second wife then He may show this to everyone involved or just a few of them, even just one of them. I am sure every situation is different, there won't be a single answer to your question.
 
Re: Does God 'call' a husband AND first wife to plural marri

Well said C4L and Samuel, I would add that if a man feels a "calling" he is already forcing his wife. A wife can only feel pressure under the knowledge that her husband feels that YHWH is requiring it of them.
Please believe me when I say that coercion is not a safe starting point for a plural family.
 
Re: Does God 'call' a husband AND first wife to plural marri

I'm the first and only wife right now, but I think I have a calling for it. I've asked God that if this is an unholy and untrue thing to take it off my mind (because I feel like I've been obsessing over it), but He hasn't. I'm not sure that my DH has a calling for it. We've not been in discussion about it. I wanted to make sure of how I feel about it before I bring it to him. But it's no secret to him that I am interested in poly families and the lifestyle.
 
Re: Does God 'call' a husband AND first wife to plural marri

I can not offer an answer primarily based on either encouragement OR sacrifice. It takes both of those, and so much more. I posit another word with broader application, relationship. Relationship takes varying amounts of many attributes. I believe we were created in such a manner as to allow for aggravation, heartache, joy, love, disappointment, expectation, jealousy, friendship, free will, and all other attributes/emotions so that we may better know and be in relationship with God. Not to cause an uproar (feel free to start a new thread to attack the following) but I believe the fall was a blessing. God knew what would occur, yet created us. I wonder, despite the awesome opportunity to walk and talk with God, if Adam truly understood love and longing for companionship before being removed from the garden. God has not forsaken or abandoned us, but by being born into sin and knowing separation we are afforded a magnificent opportunity to cherish God by choice.

Were my wife to have strong objections it may be an opportunity for her growth. It also may be my helpmate who knows me better than any other person being led by God without the potential for lust to skew her view and placing herself courageously in the position to protect me.

I understand what you are asking and can empathize with such a situation. However, I don't see the wife's feelings as a problem but an opportunity to better understand the heart of God. So as to the better way to take lead as the priest of your home, the answer is in constant flux. Christ's teachings offered opportunity and emphasized the intent of ones heart over the outward appearance. Both encouragement and sacrifice was offered by Christ, and we are to love our wives as Christ loves the church. Knowing when to emphasize which attributes is attained by viewing her with that love. Proceeding from this viewpoint, we may minister to our wives.
 
Re: Does God 'call' a husband AND first wife to plural marri

Again well said C4L.

Many years ago, before we even knew that others had this understanding, I realized this truth. We were all alone and my wife was understandably in shock about it. It took her three years to come to grips with it and is forever grateful that I gave her 140 acres in which to turn her rig around. Today she is my strongest advocate and wonderful example of a first wife.

The first test of whether you have it in you to be successful in this lifestyle may very well be how you lead your present family forward into the future. Not that I have achieved, because I have not. I am still in the testing phase.

I still reject the word "calling" because I feel that it too easily miscommunicates. You may define and mean it in a perfectly reasonable way, but someone without your mindset may hear something other than what you are trying to convey.
We are all called into growth. Period. Exclamation point! :D
We all need to follow the leading of the Lord, especially in this lifestyle. Too high a percentage of the ones who have "felt" to live it have done it in their own wisdom and have left much damage to the kingdom in their rearview mirror.
 
Re: Does God 'call' a husband AND first wife to plural marri

Our calling as women is first to YHWH and then to our husband. When we enter into marriage our calling becomes helping our husband with all of his callings; if his "calling" doesn't go against YHWH's instructions to us. I don't mean our feelings about His instructions, or our questions about whether or not it is a wise choice, but simply if whatever our husband wants is allowed, we are called to support with all the enthusiasm we can muster, and show our love as much as ever. Our emotions are deceptive and I have had and will continue to have my many struggles with them, but that does not change our call as women to be our husbands helpmate in whatever HE is led to do.
 
Re: Does God 'call' a husband AND first wife to plural marri

Elisheba said:
Our calling as women is first to YHWH and then to our husband.
Gentlemen Only section Elisheba! The post can stay as it is excellent, just for future reference though only men should be posting in this section, women are free to read. Thanks.
 
Re: Does God 'call' a husband AND first wife to plural marri

I saw another wife post before I did...
that being said I didn't even notice the section of the forum this was from. I always just click on active topics. lol Glad no one got offended. :oops:
 
Re: Does God 'call' a husband AND first wife to plural marri

True, missed that. lg515, you are also notified that this is the gentlemen only section! :D
 
Re: Does God 'call' a husband AND first wife to plural marri

Man to Man
Gentlemen Only
BF Men's member forum

As long as it's a public access area, expect the ladies to respond now and them... we've certainly done so on "their" forum without realizing. Perhaps we could emphasize that Man to Man and Gentlemen Only are not without lady eyes perusing, and remind the gents that if you'd only like grunts and roars in response to post in the BF Men's Member Forum.
 
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