About the kids...

[Sonshine]

So, this question can be for anyone, really. But, I'm really curious to hear from those that live in the polygynous lifestyle and have somewhat older children. Pre-teens, teens, young adults... How did this lifestyle affect them? Do you see any negative impact from this? Whether from living a lifestyle outside the "norm" or other issues?

I'm asking, because, obviously, the impact our choices could have on my children is something to consider. Especially since I'm about 99% certain that, if/when it came out that we decide to go down this road (we're still not "technically" practicing polygamy), my children will more than likely lose the friends that they've had their entire lives because their friends' parents are OUR friends. And, I don't see this going over well.

Any thoughts would be appreciated!

 

[Mojo]

Why would they lose friends?
I don't practice this lifestyle, but pray I someday will, so take this for what it's worth.

My ideas on this lifestyle are to be as upfront or outback as we see necessary. This is not the gospel. We are not compelled to share it with others! There are MANY things good and bad that happen inside our four walls each day that our entire family just never talks about. A second wife might feel like she is a secret to others, but I'm sure some seconds wouldn't even care. As far as everyone else is concerned, she could be a tenant, nanny, close friend of the family...let them come to their own conclusions.

I saw a Dr. Luck video from a BF retreat and his admonition is that we are not bearing a false witness if we just learn to deflect speculation and redirect questions....and I agree.

Besides, how many details do you reveal about your current marriage bed? Do you discuss it at all with others??? I think not. I would view it the same way when entering polygyny.

Maybe I am naive, but the closer the relationship, the more you would reveal. If it's loving and close, they would still love you. The less close friends would never need to know...it's none of their bees wax.

 

[Sonshine]

I agree wholeheartedly, Mojo! Discretion! And my family has every intention of practicing it.

The only issue is that, without going into too much detail, the "close" friends we had, we were REALLY close. And that closeness has already faded just because of our FRIENDSHIP with this lady that we're getting to know. There's so much more to this, but I really can't get into it--there's that discretion.

Anyway, their children and my children are still friends, but really only see each other now at church and other church functions. I've tried to make an effort to have them do play dates, and whatnot, but it's just difficult.

I think you're on to something, though. Maybe, instead of trying to maintain play dates, I should just have the children come over. Try to foster their friendships as much as possible.

Maybe I am naive, but the closer the relationship, the more you would reveal. If it's loving and close, they would still love you. The less close friends would never need to know...it's none of their bees wax.

Trust me when I say, with these friends, that wouldn't go over well. At all. I doubt we'd even be able to attend the same church anymore.

Thank you for your perspective! I mean it! I think the key is just to keep my kids' friendships separate.

 

[Mojo]

I agree wholeheartedly, Mojo! Discretion! And my family has every intention of practicing it.

The only issue is that, without going into too much detail, the "close" friends we had, we were REALLY close. And that closeness has already faded just because of our FRIENDSHIP with this lady that we're getting to know. There's so much more to this, but I really can't get into it--there's that discretion.

Anyway, their children and my children are still friends, but really only see each other now at church and other church functions. I've tried to make an effort to have them do play dates, and whatnot, but it's just difficult.

I think you're on to something, though. Maybe, instead of trying to maintain play dates, I should just have the children come over. Try to foster their friendships as much as possible.


Trust me when I say, with these friends, that wouldn't go over well. At all. I doubt we'd even be able to attend the same church anymore.

Thank you for your perspective! I mean it! I think the key is just to keep my kids' friendships separate.

I thought of something after writing this, and reading your response.
What about future children...from wife #2? Now that's a whole other ball of bees wax! I guess that's when all the discretion begins to fade. Why didn't I think of that? How do you explain a "single" woman pregnancy that has your husband's nose? That's when it's real I guess.

 

[Sonshine]

I thought of something after writing this, and reading your response.
What about future children...from wife #2? Now that's a whole other ball of bees wax! I guess that's when all the discretion begins to fade. Why didn't I think of that? How do you explain a "single" woman pregnancy that has your husband's nose? That's when it's real I guess.

Yup! I've had that very same thought. I've brought it up to my husband. These are things I worry about. :/