This may be a bit long winded but it should give you some perspective about us and how I got started down this road and I'm not much of a writer but I'll do what I can.
It's been just over 15 years nice I came to the realization that polygyny is acceptable in the bible and always has been contrary to popular belief.
I don't remember the exact year it happened but I remember when it happened.
I was sitting in the hot tub visiting with my at the time neighbors. I don't remember exactly why, this isn't something I do often, maybe at the time we just got the hot tub and my neighbors wanted to use it and I had time. I'm not totally sure, but I do recall that my wife was in the house running around taking care of our daughter with disabilities. I remember having a thought that I wished she could come out and visit too and then it struck me! I want to say it was like lightning or a massive thought that rolled into my head but it was something along the lines of, "The men of old, the men of renowned, the men in the bible had multiple wives". This started the journey!
Prior to this and what I realized later is I have always been interested in having multiple wives.
In bible camp I had two girlfriends for that one week span during camp. I remember being so dad gum stressed trying to decide which one I had to pick, because as we know you can only have one, right?
Funny thing is they didn't mind me holding both their hands during church services, they didn't mind me hanging out with one or the other. They both were interested in me and I in them, but in the end I let one go because at the time I knew that was what I was supposed to do. Ultimately even that relationship ended.
Later I met my now wife though I was still a bit flirty with girls though still respectful. The flirtatiousness has since backed off quite a bit as people pointed out I was too friendly with other women.
So, back to the hot tub. After that I did a BUNCH of digging to determine if polygyny was a sin and I couldn't find anything to say specifically that it was so I called on a fellow believer and good friend to help me find the answer. I told him I had been doing some digging and I can't find anything that says it is a sin. He said, "No problem, I'll call you back when I find the answer". He called me the next day and said he couldn't find anything either, so at that point we agreed we needed to define the biblical definitions for adultery, lust, sexual immorality, marriage, anything that could give us some idea as to why it is a sin. Needless to say we came up short regarding it being a sin but we learned a LOT in the process.
At this point I was excited, I could add to my house and my wife would have help and some additional companionship!!!
I presented my finding to my wife but needless to say I was met with resistance!
She called our pastor at the time and told him what was going on. He said he would have a talk with me. Days, maybe a week or two went by and we didn't hear back, so we followed up. At this point his reply was, "Once someone has convinced themselves that polygyny is OK I can't change their minds. I have been down this road before with someone else and I couldn't change his mind, so there is nothing I can do for you", which of course for my wife was a major let down and for me too. I mean hey, he is a pastor, he's a leader of a congregation, he said it is a sin but he can't back up his claims and is leaving me out in the cold!!!! He either needs to back up his claims or he needs to tell my wife that I'm not wrong!!!
After that my wife and I were at odds on the subject periodically, I approached another pastor at one time and he simply said, "If you go down this road you will loose your wife". Yea, thanks for the help! We left that church too.
My buddy approached his pastor and he said it was a sin too but couldn't back up his claims, my buddy left that church as well.
Long story short my wife and I were at odds for a long time on the subject.
Her strongest argument has always been, polygyny is not God's original design because in the beginning it was Adam and Eve, not Adam, Eve and Sarah.
My reply has generally been, "And if we still lived that way we would all be running around naked, we wouldn't have needed a savior and everything would be perfect, but it isn't, we live in a fallen world".
Since then I hear things like, "This is not how I envisioned my life" or something to that extent.
Anyhow, back to the story. Years after that, likely about 6 or so years a friend at the time was living the plural life style but he was and is not a biblical man. He took a at the time 17year old girl as a second and at 18 got her pregnant. Both the women were at odds with each other. We tried to help him by bringing him to Christ, showing him that his house is at odds with each other. We tried to help them stay together but in the end the young lady ended up leaving him and came onboard with us as a care giver. She was not saved but was very interested and LOVED our family dynamics.
We gave her a couple trial runs mostly because she needed a place to stay and we were helping her out.
The last time we gave her a true trial run we called it off due to some life style differences and because her ex had a son with her which meant if I took him on as my own this guy had a foot hold in my home and would indeed put my home at legal risk and it is my job, my duty to protect this house and everyone in it! But we did and still do love her.
She has since moved on to a guy I like to call a "nice guy". He is nice but he is just that. He doesn't have much of a backbone, but he is good to her. They do however have more similar interests than we did, such as periodically smoking weed. In my house that is a no-no! And while he is a bible believer he's still immature, but that could change.
After she moved out she later came back to help my wife as a care taker for our daughter and this went on for years. We were all still friends.
Later I found out that about a year after moving out of our home into her apartment, someone broke into her apartment and raped her. This broke my heart! I felt I was in part responsible for allowing her to be in a situation in which she could be taken advantage of!
Her current boyfriend apparently knew about it before I did and did nothing to get her out of harm's way! While at the time of writing this she is currently in the process of moving (I had something to do with that) he let her stay there for another few years before working on trying to get her out of there.
I know I'm bouncing around a bit, but I write it as it comes to mind as fast as I can because we have gone through a lot.
After our last trial run with this young lady there were a lot of trials, we lost a lot of friends though some stuck around. I had to point out to my wife over the years, multiple times that our true friends stuck with us. Those that left were not true fiends. They wanted us to be like them, think like them and since we wouldn't they left. While I am great with that she struggles with it. She has pointed out many times that she feels like she doesn't have any friends left and I have pointed out that they were not true friends, I am your friend and I am still here and will continue to be and she acknowledges and knows that.
My wife and I have grown since, we've grown closer and do talk about it more but it is still a bit taboo. She accepts that it is not a sin, she sees the good but also sees the potential bad.
Normally she's a very optimistic person and I'm the pessimist. She sees the good and I see how things can go bad but in this she sees mostly the bad and I see the potential good.
I do know this, that if we find someone they can't just love me, they have to love us, though frankly anyone that doesn't love my wife would have some serious problems. She's a very wonderful, smiley, empathetic, very caring and a loving woman.
I've pointed out many times that I love her so much I'd love to have another just like her. Her reply is always, "There's only one of me!"
I know I didn't cover everything but I think that'll do for now.
It's been just over 15 years nice I came to the realization that polygyny is acceptable in the bible and always has been contrary to popular belief.
I don't remember the exact year it happened but I remember when it happened.
I was sitting in the hot tub visiting with my at the time neighbors. I don't remember exactly why, this isn't something I do often, maybe at the time we just got the hot tub and my neighbors wanted to use it and I had time. I'm not totally sure, but I do recall that my wife was in the house running around taking care of our daughter with disabilities. I remember having a thought that I wished she could come out and visit too and then it struck me! I want to say it was like lightning or a massive thought that rolled into my head but it was something along the lines of, "The men of old, the men of renowned, the men in the bible had multiple wives". This started the journey!
Prior to this and what I realized later is I have always been interested in having multiple wives.
In bible camp I had two girlfriends for that one week span during camp. I remember being so dad gum stressed trying to decide which one I had to pick, because as we know you can only have one, right?
Funny thing is they didn't mind me holding both their hands during church services, they didn't mind me hanging out with one or the other. They both were interested in me and I in them, but in the end I let one go because at the time I knew that was what I was supposed to do. Ultimately even that relationship ended.
Later I met my now wife though I was still a bit flirty with girls though still respectful. The flirtatiousness has since backed off quite a bit as people pointed out I was too friendly with other women.
So, back to the hot tub. After that I did a BUNCH of digging to determine if polygyny was a sin and I couldn't find anything to say specifically that it was so I called on a fellow believer and good friend to help me find the answer. I told him I had been doing some digging and I can't find anything that says it is a sin. He said, "No problem, I'll call you back when I find the answer". He called me the next day and said he couldn't find anything either, so at that point we agreed we needed to define the biblical definitions for adultery, lust, sexual immorality, marriage, anything that could give us some idea as to why it is a sin. Needless to say we came up short regarding it being a sin but we learned a LOT in the process.
At this point I was excited, I could add to my house and my wife would have help and some additional companionship!!!
I presented my finding to my wife but needless to say I was met with resistance!
She called our pastor at the time and told him what was going on. He said he would have a talk with me. Days, maybe a week or two went by and we didn't hear back, so we followed up. At this point his reply was, "Once someone has convinced themselves that polygyny is OK I can't change their minds. I have been down this road before with someone else and I couldn't change his mind, so there is nothing I can do for you", which of course for my wife was a major let down and for me too. I mean hey, he is a pastor, he's a leader of a congregation, he said it is a sin but he can't back up his claims and is leaving me out in the cold!!!! He either needs to back up his claims or he needs to tell my wife that I'm not wrong!!!
After that my wife and I were at odds on the subject periodically, I approached another pastor at one time and he simply said, "If you go down this road you will loose your wife". Yea, thanks for the help! We left that church too.
My buddy approached his pastor and he said it was a sin too but couldn't back up his claims, my buddy left that church as well.
Long story short my wife and I were at odds for a long time on the subject.
Her strongest argument has always been, polygyny is not God's original design because in the beginning it was Adam and Eve, not Adam, Eve and Sarah.
My reply has generally been, "And if we still lived that way we would all be running around naked, we wouldn't have needed a savior and everything would be perfect, but it isn't, we live in a fallen world".
Since then I hear things like, "This is not how I envisioned my life" or something to that extent.
Anyhow, back to the story. Years after that, likely about 6 or so years a friend at the time was living the plural life style but he was and is not a biblical man. He took a at the time 17year old girl as a second and at 18 got her pregnant. Both the women were at odds with each other. We tried to help him by bringing him to Christ, showing him that his house is at odds with each other. We tried to help them stay together but in the end the young lady ended up leaving him and came onboard with us as a care giver. She was not saved but was very interested and LOVED our family dynamics.
We gave her a couple trial runs mostly because she needed a place to stay and we were helping her out.
The last time we gave her a true trial run we called it off due to some life style differences and because her ex had a son with her which meant if I took him on as my own this guy had a foot hold in my home and would indeed put my home at legal risk and it is my job, my duty to protect this house and everyone in it! But we did and still do love her.
She has since moved on to a guy I like to call a "nice guy". He is nice but he is just that. He doesn't have much of a backbone, but he is good to her. They do however have more similar interests than we did, such as periodically smoking weed. In my house that is a no-no! And while he is a bible believer he's still immature, but that could change.
After she moved out she later came back to help my wife as a care taker for our daughter and this went on for years. We were all still friends.
Later I found out that about a year after moving out of our home into her apartment, someone broke into her apartment and raped her. This broke my heart! I felt I was in part responsible for allowing her to be in a situation in which she could be taken advantage of!
Her current boyfriend apparently knew about it before I did and did nothing to get her out of harm's way! While at the time of writing this she is currently in the process of moving (I had something to do with that) he let her stay there for another few years before working on trying to get her out of there.
I know I'm bouncing around a bit, but I write it as it comes to mind as fast as I can because we have gone through a lot.
After our last trial run with this young lady there were a lot of trials, we lost a lot of friends though some stuck around. I had to point out to my wife over the years, multiple times that our true friends stuck with us. Those that left were not true fiends. They wanted us to be like them, think like them and since we wouldn't they left. While I am great with that she struggles with it. She has pointed out many times that she feels like she doesn't have any friends left and I have pointed out that they were not true friends, I am your friend and I am still here and will continue to be and she acknowledges and knows that.
My wife and I have grown since, we've grown closer and do talk about it more but it is still a bit taboo. She accepts that it is not a sin, she sees the good but also sees the potential bad.
Normally she's a very optimistic person and I'm the pessimist. She sees the good and I see how things can go bad but in this she sees mostly the bad and I see the potential good.
I do know this, that if we find someone they can't just love me, they have to love us, though frankly anyone that doesn't love my wife would have some serious problems. She's a very wonderful, smiley, empathetic, very caring and a loving woman.
I've pointed out many times that I love her so much I'd love to have another just like her. Her reply is always, "There's only one of me!"
I know I didn't cover everything but I think that'll do for now.
