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A complicated romance

R

Romantic_Rebel

New Member
I don't know how to start this but here it goes. I have been set on wanting to have a big family and a family is polygamy. There is just one thing-one girl standing in my way and I'm in love with her. Secretly that is my secret. I haven't told her yet and I have been complementing her with comments like "beautifuls" and "gorgeous". Typical romantic gesture comments. I really like her and who she is and I just hope this works out with me asking her on a date in the near future. What should I do and say to her on my views on wanting a big family?
 
How well do you know her? There are a lot of things to consider that are specific to her views, disposition, temperament, and history. How she handles controversy is extremely important, so if you don't already know you may want to bring up a contriversial topic you agree on and she how thinks of her opponents. The fine details of what she believes, why she believes it, and how she came to those beliefs are also very important. A Christian who believes in Christ because of miracles because she has seen a miracle is very different that a Christian who belies in Christ because that is what her family believes and she just goes with tradition. Each of the what, why, and how of how she thinks is important to know how to approach her (and to assess weather approaching her is wise in the first place)
 
Romantic_Rebel said:
What should I do and say to her on my views on wanting a big family?
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If she brings up the topic, go ahead and simply mention you'd like to have a big family someday...but don't overwhelm her with too many details too soon. I think it would be wise for you to get to know her better first and see if she shares the same general beliefs as you do. If you find many areas of disagreement then perhaps she's not the right girl for you....so by all means, get to know her BEFORE you declare undying devotion to her. :)

Blessings,
Fairlight
 
Thanks for replying guys. I do know her somewhat from talking to her online. I know her through friends. Short story short I used to be interested in socialist politics and that is how I met that group of people. They are still great friends to me and I'm the same to them. I just like who she is and I'm attracted to her as well. I barley know her and I have never met her yet.
 
Socialist?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

You mean taking money away from some people against their will by use of force and giving it to other people under the name of "morality?"
 
DiscussingTheTopic said:
Socialist?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

You mean taking money away from some people against their will by use of force and giving it to other people under the name of "morality?"
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Yeah, good old lovely socialism!!

Now can we get back to the actual topic instead of making some silly political comment please or don't you have anything useful to add?

RR,

Please don't be offended but, to be honest, you don't know her, not really, you might feel you do, but on the net, the privilege of anonymity means we can bend ourselves into assuming to be something we are not, even if that is, more patient than in real life. To truly know whether you will have just as strong feelings in person and to find out if she will truly reciprocate, you will have to meet and meet soon before you get your hopes up regarding whether she is willing to accept this form of relationship or not. On the other hand, you can just bring it up before you get even more invested.
I don't mean to sound dismissive of your feelings and I know how strong infatuation is, I have seen one of my friends broken hearted over an internet romance that had gone south also. It does happen but please keep in mind that you really are going on trust that she is the person you feel she is, but on the whole your mind has filled in a lot of the blanks and made her into someone she really may not be.

Best of luck,
Bels
 
When you put it that way I can understand better now. Like I was missing the entire point. I do agree with your saying here. I'm taking to many steps and tripping over my untied shoe laces. I only know a little about her and if I'm really serious about wanting to know her I must make in effort in person instead of online. I think that is your point your coming across.
 
Romantic_Rebel,
I love that screen name. It says so much about what is in the heart of all of us. Good choice. Being an older guy (notice older, not old :lol: ), let me offer some valuable advice in this arena.
1. No matter how strong your feelings for this lady are, they are a very poor cement for a lasting relationship. Nothing can prepare one for what a spouse may look like first thing in the morning or sitting on the pot doing their business. Somehow, in these scenes the feelings just don't hold up as well. Keep the feelings in perspective, but not at the top of the list.

2. There may be in the course of your life, several ladies that will evoke these feelings in your heart. Thank God for that, that is where polygyny comes into the picture. Therefore do not put any lady on a pedestal that she cannot easily step off from comfortably, once in a while. The perfection, of the love of our life, is a terrible burden for any woman to bear.

3. The most significant of my advice is to focus, not on the wonder of the ladies, (and they are wonders, God's great gift), but rather on becoming the man God would have you to be. This is so important in may ways.
A. When you ask a woman to be your wife, you are asking her to put her life in your charge and protection. Be a man she can trust.
B. When you take a woman to be your wife/wives, you assume the responsibility of providing for them and any children that come into your family. Learn a trade and garner some measure of financial stability before asking a trusting woman to be your wife. She deserves this and it is your duty. Too many in poly world do not count the cost before moving on into matters of the heart. Love may keep you warm, but it will not feed your family.
C. Most important, be a man of God, walking close to Him, in His wisdom and light. Be a man of THE WORD. Know it and live it. This is the most important aspect of marriage. When a man becomes a husband, he literally becomes the priest of his household and stands before God for his family. It is imperative that you KNOW the Lord and follow Him or your family will have no one to show them the way.

Having said all this, I applaud you on your interest and thoughtfulness regarding marriage. Far too many people today, men and women, do not take it seriously.
God bless you in your adventure of life, Brother!
 
I was making the political comment because Christians are not allowed to steal. This is a religious comment.
So......

I was wondering if the word socialism has more than one meaning and I am just confused and was hoping that the real meaning of what was being said would be clarified to me.

The idea of separating politics from religion is like making cookies without flour, so I will make as many political comments as I please. Politics is a declaration of moral policy that is what would should and should not be done and what punishments should be given for those who disobey and therefor politics is inseparable from religion whenever there are at least three people other than God present.

Since this is Biblical families I figure it is ok to be Biblical or religious.

People criticize me for thinking it is ok to marry unbelievers but what is the difference between marrying a socialist and marrying an unbeliever. A Christian socialist is like a bank robbing preacher who occasionally talks about giving to poor people and makes sure he/she mentions that he/she is a Christian from time to time. If this woman is a socialist there is good reason to question if she is a believer at all. That being said it is possible to choose to be a Christian socialist out of ignorance but not out of truthfulness and informed knowledge (except under mitigating circumstances such as your entire town being put at gunpoint by socialists etc.)

Am I the only one who thinks religious and moral views matter in a marriage partner? There is a world of difference between marrying a Churchgoing anti-Christ and someone who has never seen a Bible or been to a Church in her lifetime but has no anti-Christ agenda yet spotted. Even though people will criticize I would like to repeat my belief that the Bible clearly teaches that it is worse to marry a "Christian" anti-christ than a Non-Christian who is simply brought up in an environment which does not have Bibles and Churches. That the KNOWINGLY doing the first without mitigating circumstances (such as shotgun marriages, etc) is definitely a sin and that the second might not always be a sin. There is also the possibility that these people are EX-socialists.

This all being said....... If RR means something different by socialist, and is using another definition this person could be a Christian. So I was simply trying to find out what he meant by socialist. If there is a different definition of socialist that I am unaware of which he is using there might be nothing wrong with it. But since I am not aware I am asking.
 
DTT,

Are you SO unable to see the wood for the trees that instead of apologising for going totally off topic on your own personal rant you justify it?
Listen, I know your real life relationship experience is non existent, so you might have missed the real crux of the problem. I am not slamming you, I understand this. I just think it would be prudent for you to read, instead of using peoples problems to educate yourself on what is essentially a matter of world view which might vary from person to person, let alone group to group. This thread is not about you and your difficulties in understanding.

It is not only irritating, it is actually disrespectful.

B
 
Take it easy guys. I know and understand where she comes from on politics and the economy. There might be different views on socialist thought but she's more into the socialist like Leninism. She is most likely not religious. Being religious myself we come from different worlds. She still sounds like a great person to me. I just need to take my steps one at a time and watch where I walk.
 
Romantic_Rebel said:
Take it easy guys. I know and understand where she comes from on politics and the economy. There might be different views on socialist thought but she's more into the socialist like Leninism. She is most likely not religious. Being religious myself we come from different worlds. She still sounds like a great person to me. I just need to take my steps one at a time and watch where I walk.
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Good idea there RR, best of luck to you.

Bels
x
 
DDT,
You mean taking money away from some people against their will by use of force and giving it to other people under the name of "morality?"
Click to expand...
I was wondering if the word socialism has more than one meaning and I am just confused and was hoping that the real meaning of what was being said would be clarified to me.
Click to expand...

Socialism requires taking money away from people against their will as much as Christianity required Charlamange to baptize people against their will at the point of a sword. Socialism means having common goods and property, it says nothing about how that is achieved.

The problem lies in that Marxism wants to create a socialist society via revolution (force) fueled by crisis (fear). That clearly is theft and manipulation and should be denounced as much as any inquisition or land-grab. I'm not familiar enough with Lennen to say how much it agrees with those tennents so I can't really say much about the woman Romantic is talking too.

Modern socialism comes indirectly from Christianity, the Munsterite Anabaptists set up a socialist city trying to emulate the early Church and spread the Kingdom of God. Marx knew about this and even gave Joseph Leaden, an Anabaptist leader, credit for many ideas, I believe leaden even made it onto some kind of socialist currency. The difference is essentially that Marx took God out of it, instead of the end goal being the Kingdom of Heaven and God's society his goal was the Glorious Revolution and a perfect humanist society.

Romantic Rebel,

I agree its a good plan and good luck. If you can, try to get your infatuation under control so you can get to know her in a little more of a disinterested fashion. If you can make things work a cooler head will help with that, and if they don't you'll be better prepared for the sting.
 
Thank you for clarifying Thaloc

Well I guess it is ok to do shared goods, but not a government enforced sharing of the goods. It might be ok to have people be voluntarily socialist together but NEVER ok to have an involuntary socialism enforced upon the public by the government that is called stealing. Generally that means those who vote democrat, socialist or communist are violating the command "thou shall not steal."
 
There is a difference between loving someone because they are beautiful and just loving them.

This is actually helpful advice, even though it is short. In this case saying less is actually teaching more.
 
No problem, glad I could help Discussing. I understand socialism\communism is always presented in the west in its Marxist form just like polygamy is always presented in its Mormon\Islamic form. It's hard to separate concepts from those who practice them.
 
Romantic_Rebel said:
Take it easy guys. I know and understand where she comes from on politics and the economy. There might be different views on socialist thought but she's more into the socialist like Leninism. She is most likely not religious. Being religious myself we come from different worlds. She still sounds like a great person to me. I just need to take my steps one at a time and watch where I walk.
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So she is not a Christian?

Other than you think she is pretty why do you like her? It sounds to me like complete 100% incompatibility on the items you mentioned so far. How you should spend and earn your money actually starts to involve around more than 33% of your time in American culture, if someone works 8 hours, sleep 8 hours and other 8 hours, 50% of their awake time is spent working. Now if you have a complete disagreement in how money is spent such as between capitalism and communism two totally opposite religious views, this can create rather serious incompatibility. Not to mention the very core of government enforced communism is that stealing is morally good.

I am not saying these things to get into a worldview debate for the sake of pride, but because this is a very serious issue and a very practical matter, because someone's political worldview will effect day to day decisions in life not just who they vote for

You might be allowed to marry a Non-Christian communist, but a proper interpretation of the Bible clearly tends towards forbidding marrying any communist who professes to be a Christian in 1 Corinthians 5:9-13. Why because stealing and swindling is forbidden in the Bible, but it is mandatory to steal from property owners in communism.

9 I wrote to you in my letter not to associate with sexually immoral people— 10 not at all meaning the people of this world who are immoral, or the greedy and swindlers, or idolaters. In that case you would have to leave this world. 11 But now I am writing to you that you must not associate with anyone who claims to be a brother or sister[c] but is sexually immoral or greedy, an idolater or slanderer, a drunkard or swindler. Do not even eat with such people.

12 What business is it of mine to judge those outside the church? Are you not to judge those inside? 13 God will judge those outside. “Expel the wicked person from among you.”[d]

[c] 1 Corinthians 5:11 The Greek word for brother or sister (adelphos) refers here to a believer, whether man or woman, as part of God’s family; also in 8:11, 13.
[d] 1 Corinthians 5:13 Deut. 13:5; 17:7; 19:19; 21:21; 22:21,24; 24:7

When I say communism I am talking about Leninist communism, Marxist communism, etc.
 
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