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A bit of humor ...

CecilW

CecilW

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The children were gathered on the front pew one Sunday morning for the Children's Sermon.

The minister asked, "Does anyone know what the resurrection is?"

One little boy blurted out, "I'm not quite sure but I do know that if you have a resurrection that lasts longer than four hours, you have to see a doctor."

It took about ten minutes for the congregation to settle down enough to continue with the worship service.
 
Seen on Facebook this morning ...

IF YOU MARRY AN IRISH GIRL

The first man married a woman from Italy. He told her that she was to do the dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple of days, but on the third day, he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away.

The second man married a woman from Poland. He gave his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking. The first day he didn't see any results, but the next day he saw it was better. By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done and there was a huge dinner on the table.

The third man married a girl from Ireland. He ordered her to keep the house clean, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed, and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything but by the third day, some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye, and his arm was healed enough that he could fix himself a sandwich and load the dishwasher. He still has some difficulty when he pees......;)
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Me blessed Grandmother was a Kennedy (alas not a rich one from Boston) and this gave me a good laugh today. Thanks! And I am blessed with a husband that knows the difference between being a leader and a boss. And it only takes a certain look in my eye to help him remember which is the most effective. :roll:
 
What's even funnier is that a colleague read that exact joke to me a few hours ago, word for word, except the three women were from Auckland, Wellington and Southland (places in NZ)! Glad I didn't marry a woman from either Ireland or Southland, since I don't draw a line between being a leader and a boss... :D

Interestingly, both Ireland and Southland have similar weather (cold and damp), while Italy and Auckland are similar too. Maybe women become rebellious if they don't see enough sun, and are obedient and dutiful if they do. Maybe husbands should all ensure we make time for our wives to sunbathe, to improve their temperament and give us a chance to watch them in skimpy clothing. ;)
 
So God approaches Adam in the Garden of Eden and makes an offer to Adam. (Now in these times God's grace had not come down and He was a "Jewish" God) God tells Adam that He noticed Adam was a bit lonely, and that He could "fix" something up for Him. He could make him a mate. She would cook, clean, never gain weight, be "ready and willing" all of the time. She would love Adam, obey him and darn near read his needs and wants without Adam Having to tell her.

Adam scratched his head, looking up at God and asked God what this would cost him.

God replied, "Well Adam the price is stiff, it will cost an arm and a leg."

Adam said, "What can I get for a spare rib?"

And we have been dealing with them ever since.............................. :o :o :o
 
I've decided that I need some respect around here, and that the way to get it is to put some official looking letters after my name.

You know, "Cecil Wiedemann, Esquire"...
"Cecil Wiedemann, A.S.S." (Associate in Social Services! Whaddidja think? :twisted: :lol: ) ...
"Cecil Wiedemann, DD" (Dead Duck, right? :roll: ) ...

Can't claim PhD. So thought I should come up with a new one. Henceforth, I shall be known as ... *Ta-DUM!*

"Cecil Wiedemann, PmY"

"What's PmY?" you say. Surely it is obvious ... Plural Marriage Yenta
 
Catching up and found several of the posts on this thread quite humorous.
Cecil, ha. (Humor author) :)
 
I learned today that one of our members is planning a poly themed BBQ as a means of getting to know more of us.

Anyone asking what to bring will be given the only logical answer -- spare ribs! :lol:
 
It was probably my brother-in-law. :lol:

That is pretty funny. I like looking up church marques online. There are some real gems out there.
Here are some of the good ones (IMO) on a quick Google search.

"I don't know why some people change churches. What difference does it make which one you stay home from?" :!:
"Santa Claus never died for anyone." :roll:
"Do not criticize your wife's judgment. See whom she married." (Very true :))
"Staying in bed shouting, 'Oh, God!' does not count as going to church." :shock:

Last one:
  • "Bring your sin to the alter and
    Drop it like it's hot
    Drop it like it's hot"
 
Hunh. Must be a pretty good church, NetWatchR. Most churches nowadays seems to say:

Bring your silver to the alter.
Drop it like it's hot.

:lol:
 
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CecilW said:
Hunh. Must be a pretty good church, NetWatchR. Most churches nowadays seems to say:

Bring your silver to the alter.
Drop it like it's hot.

:lol:
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Unfortunately you are correct. Especially the building campaigns which seem to be a religious high pressure sales pitch done in the name of God.
 
Found this on another website. I liked it.

There once was a rich man who was near death. He was very grieved because he had worked so hard for his money and wanted to be able to take it with him to heaven. So he began to pray that he might be able to take some of his wealth with him.

An angel heard his plea and appeared to him. "Sorry, but you can't take your wealth with you."

The man begged the angel to speak to God to see if He might bend the rules. The man continued to pray that his wealth could follow him.

The angel reappeared and informed the man that God had decided to allow him to take one suitcase with him. Overjoyed, the man gathered his largest suitcase and filled it with pure gold bars and placed it beside his bed.

Soon afterward, he died and showed up at the gates of heaven to greet St. Peter.

St. Peter, seeing the suitcase, said, "Hold on, you can't bring that in here!"

The man explained to St. Peter that he had permission and asked him to verify his story with the Lord.

Sure enough, St. Peter checked it out, came back and said, "You're right. You are allowed one carry-on bag, but I'm supposed to check its contents before letting it through."

St. Peter opened the suitcase to inspect the worldly items that the man found too precious to leave behind and exclaimed, "You brought pavement?"
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